FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > dont know how to feel about this
dont know how to feel about this
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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no names.
today we went somewhere for first time ever, stupidly we posted on our status where we were going to be.
( yes we realise our mistake wont do it again)
anyway. a member who we have been chatting to for sometime saw our status and promptly showed up at said location asking us openly are we jools etc..
now we have been chatting to member for sometime and had planned to meet anyway.
but we really unsure how to feel.
flattering ? creepy ? pushy ? willing to make the effort ? jools felt flattered that someone was willing to make the effort.
the member in question seemed very nice but before we plan a def meet we wanted to get general feeling of what people thought of said situation ?
not dissing the member as seemed nice.
yes we stupid putting up where we were on status, lesson learnt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was not a swinging environment such as a club and the member had just turned up to a "normal" event we would be dropping them quicker than a hot potatoe. |
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It would put me off meeting them. If they were willing to question my name from a swingers in a public place, then what else would they blab about? And what if I'd been with family or friends that weren't aware of this side of my life.
No, I'd not meet them if they did that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im guessing that because u put the location in a status part of you wanted someone else to see it and make the effort to join you both..
personally id have found it a tad strange, but then id never have done that unless i was hinting for others to join. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I'd find that a bit creepy and asking who you were openly was disrespectful of you privacy. I'm sure many will disagree with my opinion but if that happened to me I wouldn't be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im guessing that because u put the location in a status part of you wanted someone else to see it and make the effort to join you both..
personally id have found it a tad strange, but then id never have done that unless i was hinting for others to join."
while our status was not an open invite it was a stupid thing to do. |
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Difficult one to say, really. In the world of FAB where quite a few people think with their genitals, they may wonder why you would post your location for all to see on a swinging site if you weren't happy to be approached.
It would depend on their mannerisms, I guess. If they were following you, were creepy, seedy, ect. or pushing for a meet there and then, it would put us off but if you managed to have a nice friendly chat and the guy was respectful... We might be ok with it. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Invasion if privacy and a little creepy also. He had no right to just turn up like that "
lol how can u say that? 
if its a public place anyone ca go surely? maybe this person was going there anyways and by chance bumped into someone they recognized
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im guessing that because u put the location in a status part of you wanted someone else to see it and make the effort to join you both..
personally id have found it a tad strange, but then id never have done that unless i was hinting for others to join."
I think I'm inclined to agree. If you put your location up what other reason could there be other than wanting others to see you there? what were you hoping from it just out of interest? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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we did not give exact location just a general area. they then proceeded to walk up and down till they assumed it was us and asked.
lesson learnt, re status.
wont happen again. take 100% responsibility for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we did not give exact location just a general area. they then proceeded to walk up and down till they assumed it was us and asked.
lesson learnt, re status.
wont happen again. take 100% responsibility for that."
Looks a tad desperate and stalkerish to us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regardless of a bad decision to identify where you are, you shouldn't have to feel responsible. The other party crossed a line I believe. I would refrain from further contact |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we did not give exact location just a general area. they then proceeded to walk up and down till they assumed it was us and asked.
lesson learnt, re status.
wont happen again. take 100% responsibility for that."
That's way out of order in my opinion! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think this thread is bad taste
you described a senario admitted it was your fault for being careless.. already told us it was about a user of this site (even though no names were mentioned) in the OP saying they were nice and now your trying to make out it was creepy..
it cant be nice if this couple are reading this.
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Although not exactly the same something similar happened to us. we where chatting to a guy and we where getting along great and having a laugh, then we where thinking of meeeting but organising a time was a little difficult but then it came.
An email saying ah not at work today, then another oh i see you where home for lunch, and a couple of others this freaked J out a bit and we did not meet him. ok he must have lived pretty close to us but it seemed like he was spying on our every move,
Soe people just do not think at times |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although not exactly the same something similar happened to us. we where chatting to a guy and we where getting along great and having a laugh, then we where thinking of meeeting but organising a time was a little difficult but then it came.
An email saying ah not at work today, then another oh i see you where home for lunch, and a couple of others this freaked J out a bit and we did not meet him. ok he must have lived pretty close to us but it seemed like he was spying on our every move,
Soe people just do not think at times"
That is scary shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone is assuming it's a single male.
in a post just above, the OP says 'they' twice.. so im guessing its a couple "
I've no idea but it's a situation I'd be uncomfortable with whoever they are, male , female or couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Still not sure what you were hoping to achieve from posting your location? I'm just curious really.
 "
I agree with this and also think this thread is as indiscreet as announcing your location. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you were foolish to advertise where you were going on here and not expect someone to turn up...but I think he was even more foolish to turn up...smacks of desperation...and that's just so unsexy...it might not creep us out...but it'd probably put us off. Just our thoughts  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was it a specific location or a general one ? If it was specific then I could see why someone might have thought it was a open invite , putting it on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Still not sure what you were hoping to achieve from posting your location? I'm just curious really. "
Naivety and stupidity. And the whole social media mentality these day's I guess.
It won't happen again. |
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"no names.
today we went somewhere for first time ever, stupidly we posted on our status where we were going to be.
( yes we realise our mistake wont do it again)
anyway. a member who we have been chatting to for sometime saw our status and promptly showed up at said location asking us openly are we jools etc..
now we have been chatting to member for sometime and had planned to meet anyway.
but we really unsure how to feel.
flattering ? creepy ? pushy ? willing to make the effort ? jools felt flattered that someone was willing to make the effort.
the member in question seemed very nice but before we plan a def meet we wanted to get general feeling of what people thought of said situation ?
not dissing the member as seemed nice.
yes we stupid putting up where we were on status, lesson learnt."
we find that a bit creepy, we find it creepy when someone emails us, then an hour later emails again demanding to know why we haven't replied  so we would definitely find it creepy someone 'following' us
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Was it a specific location or a general one ? If it was specific then I could see why someone might have thought it was a open invite , putting it on here."
Not specific just a general area where there was a good hundred or so others doing same thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Opps just read it was a general that's alittle off , not something we would do , but remember this isn't Facebook , unless your looking for something g to happen don't post where or what your doing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well thanks everyone for your input.
And don't really want to go any further, the member is very probably decent and normal just maybe did not think it through.
We appreciate all your advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well thanks everyone for your input.
And don't really want to go any further, the member is very probably decent and normal just maybe did not think it through.
We appreciate all your advice. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I seem to be going against the grain here, and i'd just like to say it's not something i'd do, but if he has been speaking to you and broken the ice a little (for chatting with) when he saw the location update, he maybe mistook it as an open invite, and thought he'd chance his arm. Maybe a bit more keen than desperate. If you had said you were going to local woods say, there might only be one carpark that is quite secluded, so saying you gave just a general location can be misleading. (if he'd been around every car park five times that counts as creepy though) he walked up and introduced himself so he probably thought he wasn't doing anything wrong (he could have hidden behind a tree and hoped you were going to put on a show)
I think you might find he is mortified by your reaction and deeply embarassed that he misunderstood your intentions.
Or, he is creepy and desperate and thinks you wasted his time.
Hmm, this was meant to be a post defending the poor guy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would imagine that the member who saw the status update assumed it was an invitation to meet up. Its an easy assumption to make as people who write where they are going obviously want others to know.
If I put a status saying 'at Chams tonight' and someone approached me in Chams then I wouldn't think it strange particularly. Id say hello and obviously my location update would not be an invitation to play. Some people take things very literally, just be mindful of that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would imagine that the member who saw the status update assumed it was an invitation to meet up. Its an easy assumption to make as people who write where they are going obviously want others to know.
If I put a status saying 'at Chams tonight' and someone approached me in Chams then I wouldn't think it strange particularly. Id say hello and obviously my location update would not be an invitation to play. Some people take things very literally, just be mindful of that "
What if you put " I'm of to the antiques fair at walsingham house" would you expect an approach then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What if you put " I'm of to the antiques fair at walsingham house" would you expect an approach then. "
wouldnt expect it but would only have myself to blame if i was approached. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What if you put " I'm of to the antiques fair at walsingham house" would you expect an approach then.
wouldnt expect it but would only have myself to blame if i was approached. "
I think the OP accepts it was a little silly to put up such a status. |
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"no names.
today we went somewhere for first time ever, stupidly we posted on our status where we were going to be.
( yes we realise our mistake wont do it again)
anyway. a member who we have been chatting to for sometime saw our status and promptly showed up at said location asking us openly are we jools etc..
now we have been chatting to member for sometime and had planned to meet anyway.
but we really unsure how to feel.
flattering ? creepy ? pushy ? willing to make the effort ? jools felt flattered that someone was willing to make the effort.
the member in question seemed very nice but before we plan a def meet we wanted to get general feeling of what people thought of said situation ?
not dissing the member as seemed nice.
yes we stupid putting up where we were on status, lesson learnt."
Unless specifically invited - no one should turn up 'on spec'.
My course of action would be to block. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you had 'dogging' as an interest, and put up where you were going, and it was a secluded area, i think he's put 2+2 togther and got 4.
Unfortunately, you were only counting up to 3.
I've no idea if you have that on your interests, just seems to all be about slagging of whoever turned up.
You might find he's blocked you as he realises it was a mix up and feels like a fanny. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok just to clarify a couple of things
One we have and are not slagging off the member, we just asked opinions on what people thought of the situation.
Also we did not post our location on forum, it was a status saying we were doing something
And actually we did not say where we were just doing something.
It was not a swinging activity.
If we said
Off to pub, does this mean we have invited all to seek us out and approach us?
This was not the thing btw
It was a generic status saying what we were doing not where!
And not an open invitation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok just to clarify a couple of things
One we have and are not slagging off the member, we just asked opinions on what people thought of the situation.
Also we did not post our location on forum, it was a status saying we were doing something
And actually we did not say where we were just doing something.
It was not a swinging activity.
If we said
Off to pub, does this mean we have invited all to seek us out and approach us?
This was not the thing btw
It was a generic status saying what we were doing not where!
And not an open invitation. "
Depends on what you were doing and where it was. You said earlier there were 100 or so other people there. Sounds like a public place.
If say I put on my status "off to Meadowhall" and someone spotted me I don't think I'd be too bothered as I had announced where I was going.
If you'd sent face pics to the person and chatted a lot, they may have thought it was an opportunity to meet you for a social. If they had mailed and said they were going to the place too and did you want a quick chat, that would be ok I think. To turn up and ask in public is out of order.
Depending on how they asked- "Are you Jools" would be ok, "Are you off the Fab swinger site" wouldn't be ok.
Hope you feel better soon. |
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Hmmmm....I think I told everyone in the forum where I was going today. No one said anything. I was sad enough to stroll past a load of caravans and camper vans too, looking for fab swinger signs and stickers lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok just to clarify a couple of things
One we have and are not slagging off the member, we just asked opinions on what people thought of the situation.
Also we did not post our location on forum, it was a status saying we were doing something
And actually we did not say where we were just doing something.
It was not a swinging activity.
If we said
Off to pub, does this mean we have invited all to seek us out and approach us?
This was not the thing btw
It was a generic status saying what we were doing not where!
And not an open invitation. "
Well then they stumbled across you by accident then? How could they know where you were going? I'm not following this anymore as your story is changing now. They were wrong you were wrong. If you feel uncomfortable about meeting them now, don't do it. simple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would imagine that the member who saw the status update assumed it was an invitation to meet up. Its an easy assumption to make as people who write where they are going obviously want others to know.
If I put a status saying 'at Chams tonight' and someone approached me in Chams then I wouldn't think it strange particularly. Id say hello and obviously my location update would not be an invitation to play. Some people take things very literally, just be mindful of that
What if you put " I'm of to the antiques fair at walsingham house" would you expect an approach then. "
Similar to what Cute responded, if I put a status up with details of my location on an internet forum, I wouldn't be completely taken aback if someone approached me. I would never put details of anything specific on, and despite what the OP now claims, it must have been fairly specific as this fab member wouldn't have been able to find them so easily. |
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