FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > When is it cheating?
When is it cheating?
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
A thread yesterday made me think about the nature of cheating.
Is the cheating when you think about something out of bounds, put measures in place to enable it to happen and let others know you are up for it?
Or, when you actually carry out an act of cheating?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends.
If the USPGA decide it's not cheating then it's not cheating, even when the golfer in question stated precisely why he cheated.
So, it depends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think when you put measures in place to allow it to happen,thats proactive action along the slippery slope to trouble
So you did cheat last night.  "
No..I stopped thinking about it as soon as I left the thread,I didn't reach the end of the slippery slope  |
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I'm single and so many guys lie to me that their single but their becoming easier to spot. One slipped through my radar the other week and it really annoyed me. I would hate to be cheated on and be the reason to cause someone else heartbreak. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two answers to this one...
Firstly cheating is whatever you feel it is i.e. if you feel that you cheated by going off and having a coffee with someone sexy then that shame kinda qualifies it as cheating.
However...in reality that clearly isn't cheating. So sometimes people's ideas of cheating are a bit warped and they need to relax a little sexually.
Actual cheating, for us, is about the act not the discussion...nor the idea. Where this blurs, however, is when you start spending too much time flirting with someone else rather than your partner...and that can veer towards cheating...or rather 'falling for someone else'.
On Fab each couple probably has a different definition of cheating though. For example, some people on here like getting fucked but consider kissing off limits. Our rules allow for a range of erotic activities to take place without needing our partners knowledge at the time...just as long as we tell each other about it afterwards. This is not the case for any kind of sex, however, where we would need to expressly ask the others permission before it happened. Others are likely to have other rules, either more relaxed or more strict than ours...so it can vary to some extent...on Fab that is  |
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I discovered my partner on a sex site trying to chat, flirt, exchange "sexts", and "maybe meet". He hadn't met anyone before I discovered what he was up to but he had betrayed my trust and that is really what cheating is all about to me. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I discovered my partner on a sex site trying to chat, flirt, exchange "sexts", and "maybe meet". He hadn't met anyone before I discovered what he was up to but he had betrayed my trust and that is really what cheating is all about to me."
I understand this.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Two answers to this one...
Firstly cheating is whatever you feel it is i.e. if you feel that you cheated by going off and having a coffee with someone sexy then that shame kinda qualifies it as cheating.
However...in reality that clearly isn't cheating. So sometimes people's ideas of cheating are a bit warped and they need to relax a little sexually.
Actual cheating, for us, is about the act not the discussion...nor the idea. Where this blurs, however, is when you start spending too much time flirting with someone else rather than your partner...and that can veer towards cheating...or rather 'falling for someone else'.
On Fab each couple probably has a different definition of cheating though. For example, some people on here like getting fucked but consider kissing off limits. Our rules allow for a range of erotic activities to take place without needing our partners knowledge at the time...just as long as we tell each other about it afterwards. This is not the case for any kind of sex, however, where we would need to expressly ask the others permission before it happened. Others are likely to have other rules, either more relaxed or more strict than ours...so it can vary to some extent...on Fab that is "
Preserving the trust, the agreement and keeping up the communication.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Preserving the trust, the agreement and keeping up the communication.
"
I think you nailed it there Lickety. Cheating is basically the opposite of that i.e. destroying the trust, breaking the agreement, and not communicating it. You can fuck someone else without doing these things and that's not cheating...or, as Highland Rose just explained, you can just be chatting to someone...but if you do these 3 things...you're attacking the relationship...you're devaluing your lover...you're cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating"
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can anyone remember that segment around 11am on a Radio show, Simon Bates i think it was, saddish music and an emotional story. I used to call it the sick hour. One such tale made me laugh though.
Long story short, this woman had rung in and told how her husband had got really pissed off with her for having an affair.
This was only AFTER he had gone off and had an affair with another bloke. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me, cheating is doing anything I know will hurt my partner..
)
This  "
Doh! How come others manage to sum up so succintly what takes me a fucking essay to try and say |
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p"
This is my current relationship problem...i hate that bitch of a bike! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p
This is my current relationship problem...i hate that bitch of a bike!"
Assuming your the missus take out the balance shaft from the engine you'll love it then 
Well at least until it shakes the seat completely off the frame  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p
This is my current relationship problem...i hate that bitch of a bike!"
Wonder what that Scottish guy that got sent down (for shagging his bike) now thinks about his bike. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Everyone has talked about cheating on a partner except 2 people "
It's interesting, isn't it? I kept it vague as I'm just as interested in cheating on a test or diddling the tax man as the relationship cheating. |
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p
This is my current relationship problem...i hate that bitch of a bike!
Assuming your the missus take out the balance shaft from the engine you'll love it then
Well at least until it shakes the seat completely off the frame "
I'd like it better with the wheels removed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think anything that takes your attention from a relationship whether you go through with it or not is cheating
Hmm this would mean I've been having a series of protracted affairs with my motorcycles :p
....I think my ex's would actually agree with that :p
This is my current relationship problem...i hate that bitch of a bike!
Assuming your the missus take out the balance shaft from the engine you'll love it then
Well at least until it shakes the seat completely off the frame
I'd like it better with the wheels removed!"
They are sexy with their heels off :p
Gotta make sure you strap em up good to the rafters though:p
Don't want to damage her under side |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone has talked about cheating on a partner except 2 people
you and ??????????
might be us "
could well be.
mind you, if thoughts alone are cheating, then maybe i shouldn't have pereved yer pics. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As soon as you do something you wouldn't be happy them doing. If you don't want them texting someone then don't do it yourself, if you don't want them fucking their neighbour then don't do it yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheating would likely involve,lies and deception.
It would be fairly harsh,to include an unspoken fantasy
 "
It's kinda about attitude really isn't it. That's why for me it's all about the hiding, the breaking of an agreement and a trust, rather than the act. You could be phoning up hookers....but if you're really only looking for a stripogram for your wife's birthday then it's perfectly innocent. On the other hand you could be going round your neighbors to help fix their fridge...but if you're really trying to find a way to get into her pants...well...even though the act is so much more innocent...it's an attempt to cheat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it."
.........nail on the head
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"Cheating would likely involve,lies and deception.
It would be fairly harsh,to include an unspoken fantasy
It's kinda about attitude really isn't it. That's why for me it's all about the hiding, the breaking of an agreement and a trust, rather than the act. You could be phoning up hookers....but if you're really only looking for a stripogram for your wife's birthday then it's perfectly innocent. On the other hand you could be going round your neighbors to help fix their fridge...but if you're really trying to find a way to get into her pants...well...even though the act is so much more innocent...it's an attempt to cheat."
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If you plan something and follow through, or allow yourself to continue with something that another has initiated, then it is likely cheating. Subject to a partners expectation that you wont be doing anything with another, unless it is agreed. It will likely be sexual, but could include other forms of intimacy or connection and elimination or exclusion of the partner. |
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"A thread yesterday made me think about the nature of cheating.
Is the cheating when you think about something out of bounds, put measures in place to enable it to happen and let others know you are up for it?
Or, when you actually carry out an act of cheating?
"
It's when the intention is formed in my opinion. You may think about it and wrestle with it, but as soon as you decide to go ahead a betrayal has occured.
 |
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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago
London / Herts |
Difficult to define. Even thinking about another person, even someone like a celebrity, may upset some people's partners, though most people would not consider this cheating.
Most people associate physical acts of lust/love with someone who is not your partner as cheating. Humans are in a funny situation. Our society champions monogamy, and our egos yearn for one stable, profound relationship with another person, our "soulmate". Yet as soon as an attractive person walks by, our animalistic side sits up and takes notice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult to define. Even thinking about another person, even someone like a celebrity, may upset some people's partners, though most people would not consider this cheating.
Most people associate physical acts of lust/love with someone who is not your partner as cheating. Humans are in a funny situation. Our society champions monogamy, and our egos yearn for one stable, profound relationship with another person, our "soulmate". Yet as soon as an attractive person walks by, our animalistic side sits up and takes notice."
Agree with this... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say it's as soon as you think about it. You're betraying a trust and if something is out of bounds then you know it's wrong and you shouldn't be doing it.
My ex didn't actually cheat on me with another woman but the thought was there and the trust was then gone. |
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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"I discovered my partner on a sex site trying to chat, flirt, exchange "sexts", and "maybe meet". He hadn't met anyone before I discovered what he was up to but he had betrayed my trust and that is really what cheating is all about to me."
Agreed. A betrayal of trust is the end. Flesh is just flesh. But an emotional betrayal of trust is just the worst because from there comes the inevitable lies and deceit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Different people have different boundaries. I enjoy being with Danny with another woman. He would never envisage being with another woman, without my presence. How do I know? I just do. He loves me... If I was ever to be with another guy.. I think he would die a little inside... People say thats not fair... its ok for him to be with a woman but not you a guy??? ... i have no need for a guy.. i have him!! and its me that seeks lush ladies ...Sure I'm a massive flirt, hell it's the nature of the site. It's good to feel desirable, It's fun. And great fun.. He doesn't use the site but is as flirty as me, in a social situation. so for us... Cheating.. Would be anything we hadn't agreed to, something either of us hadn't sanctioned... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it."
So true! Right on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it."
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me |
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By *qua vitaeWoman
over a year ago
Shropshire/Midlands |
"A thread yesterday made me think about the nature of cheating.
Is the cheating when you think about something out of bounds, put measures in place to enable it to happen and let others know you are up for it?
Or, when you actually carry out an act of cheating?
"
I think the former is cheating and the latter is adultery. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me "
Why don't you talk to each other? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"A thread yesterday made me think about the nature of cheating.
Is the cheating when you think about something out of bounds, put measures in place to enable it to happen and let others know you are up for it?
Or, when you actually carry out an act of cheating?
I think the former is cheating and the latter is adultery. "
Interesting and very specific. |
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me "
What you have written is deeply sad.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
What you have written is deeply sad. "
Yes it is sad but true and thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
Why don't you talk to each other?"
Our family life is stressful this last few years and has got a bit worse. Things regarding us are on the back burner and we only seem to discuss problems. Or we have words. Did argue a bit earlier. Im on here more and more as a escape from the real world. Hope this makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
Why don't you talk to each other?
Our family life is stressful this last few years and has got a bit worse. Things regarding us are on the back burner and we only seem to discuss problems. Or we have words. Did argue a bit earlier. Im on here more and more as a escape from the real world. Hope this makes sense "
If you have enough money to go away on holiday together...for some quality time alone together....perhaps deposit any kids with family or friends...I think it could really help. Sometimes people fall out of love because the daily grind and grime of their lives gets the better of them...it just takes a bit of a break and a moment in a beautiful setting to remind themselves of the romance they once had...and that old fire kindles right back up again.
Either that or it'll become clearer that you need to move on. You deserve love...and I'm not just saying that because your avatar is as sexy as hell |
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
What you have written is deeply sad.
Yes it is sad but true and thank you "
I hope you can find a resolution that's good for you both. x |
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"It's when the intention is formed in my opinion. You may think about it and wrestle with it, but as soon as you decide to go ahead a betrayal has occured.
"
This. I would feel just as betrayed if I found out Vince was just looking for it behind my back (even if he hadn't met anyone) as I would be if he had actually physically cheated.
To me, it's as soon as the intention is there.
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's been interesting reading the variety of responses here. Some people seem to have made some pretty harsh judgements about people who even think outside the box of their relationship....whilst others seem comfortable with a certain amount of 'playing away', as long as it's within their rules.
I guess the only sense I can make of it is that you're cheating when you're cheating. i.e. if you explicitly think about cheating, rather than simply sleeping with someone else which might be swinging or a threesome or some other kind of scenario...if, instead, you are explicitly thinking about cheating...then the thought alone is cheating and you aren't really in love with your partner otherwise you wouldn't be thinking this way. If that's what previous posters meant then I completely agree. If, however, they were actually saying that entertaining any form of extra-curricular sexual activity outside of your relationship means you're cheating...well I think that's a bit harsh...especially on a swinging site lol |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It's been interesting reading the variety of responses here. Some people seem to have made some pretty harsh judgements about people who even think outside the box of their relationship....whilst others seem comfortable with a certain amount of 'playing away', as long as it's within their rules.
I guess the only sense I can make of it is that you're cheating when you're cheating. i.e. if you explicitly think about cheating, rather than simply sleeping with someone else which might be swinging or a threesome or some other kind of scenario...if, instead, you are explicitly thinking about cheating...then the thought alone is cheating and you aren't really in love with your partner otherwise you wouldn't be thinking this way. If that's what previous posters meant then I completely agree. If, however, they were actually saying that entertaining any form of extra-curricular sexual activity outside of your relationship means you're cheating...well I think that's a bit harsh...especially on a swinging site lol "
It goes back to the trust, the agreement and the hurt - potential or actual.
I have found this interesting too, especially as the other aspects of cheating (tests etc.) have not been covered.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I discovered my partner on a sex site trying to chat, flirt, exchange "sexts", and "maybe meet". He hadn't met anyone before I discovered what he was up to but he had betrayed my trust and that is really what cheating is all about to me."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
Why don't you talk to each other?
Our family life is stressful this last few years and has got a bit worse. Things regarding us are on the back burner and we only seem to discuss problems. Or we have words. Did argue a bit earlier. Im on here more and more as a escape from the real world. Hope this makes sense
If you have enough money to go away on holiday together...for some quality time alone together....perhaps deposit any kids with family or friends...I think it could really help. Sometimes people fall out of love because the daily grind and grime of their lives gets the better of them...it just takes a bit of a break and a moment in a beautiful setting to remind themselves of the romance they once had...and that old fire kindles right back up again.
Either that or it'll become clearer that you need to move on. You deserve love...and I'm not just saying that because your avatar is as sexy as hell "
We had a holiday last year for my birthday at a beautiful spa hotel near portland. I was spoilt with a spa massage. anyway I ordered some wine and food for the room in a effort to see what happened. sorry to say this and it's not a sympathy post but it was a disaster, enough said and thank you again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheating is when you do something in secret that you know will hurt someone who loves you. Not someone you love because if you did you wouldn't be doing it.
Maybe what I do could hurt him, I have no idea but then I don't love him and don't think he loves me
What you have written is deeply sad.
Yes it is sad but true and thank you
I hope you can find a resolution that's good for you both. x"
Thank you but I don't think so |
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