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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The heartbreak of falling for someone... and then knowing they either don't want you or you can't have them. Is it really so bad?
For me, as an artist/musician/poet, heartbreak and the melancholia that surrounds it is one of the most profound and rich states of being I've ever experienced. It is, of course, harrowing to endure...but it makes you feel so wonderfully alive imo.
I'd far rather fall in love over and over again and have my heart broken again and again than live a dull and steady life without ever feeling those highs or lows.
It strikes me that the whole premise of NSA sex and perhaps even swinging is to evade the evils of heartbreak. For me, however, I'm quite happy to assume there might be some heartache along the way if it means there might also be some romance...some more profound connecting...some more profound intimacy. You could say there's a part of me which quite looks forward to a few tears.
So am I a sadomasochist? lol Or are you also unafraid of heartbreak and happy to approach your activities on Fab in the knowledge that it may well come your way?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What does your partner think?  "
She thinks it's pretty much an inevitable part of swinging for her i.e. that she's highly likely to fall for some guys. Neither of us really believe in the whole "you can only love one person in your life" thing. We have some strong friendships which verge on love and so swinging is likely to be something of an extension of that...just as long as we remain faithful to each other and endure the heartaches along the way together we're both fine with that...at least in theory lol  |
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Only really been in love a couple of times, had my heart broken proper once. Not something I ever shyed away from I'm just not one of these that fall in love at the drop of a hat. However, now I am madly in love and I wouldn't change it.
If your the sort to fall in love with everyone how do you know when it properly comes along.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The heartbreak of falling for someone... and then knowing they either don't want you or you can't have them. Is it really so bad?
It strikes me that the whole premise of NSA sex and perhaps even swinging is to evade the evils of heartbreak. "
I had my heart broken 18 months ago and because he won't leave me alone, it still hurts  so to answer your first question, yes it is really bad for me but getting better.
However, I agree with your comment that swinging is to evade the evils of heartbreak - for me anyway. The heartbreak gets worse the older I get and joining Fab has done wonders for my confidence, even if I do question myself now and again, leave and come back  lol
I don't think I'm afraid of heartbreak again but I'm certainly not ready to put myself in that position for a very very long time. I also believe that if love comes my way again it will be totally unexpected and away from this site. I may be wrong of course but that's how I approach my 'swinging' life and I'm happy with that  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If your the sort to fall in love with everyone how do you know when it properly comes along.
"
Love has so many depths, as I've discovered over the years with my wife. My love for my wife and my child is profound. I don't really think I can sum it up in words. Any kind of romantic affections I might feel for a Fab lover would simply be some kind of infatuation or puppy love...nothing like the rich and deep love my wife and I share. I'm happy to endure a bit of light puppy love and the light heartache that ensues if it means I can revisit the romance of falling in love over and over again...even if it's only a little taster
Just to get this straight...neither of us are out looking for love lol We might as well join a dating site if that's what we we're doing. It's just that our approach to swinging is more open to some romance along the way, some wining and dining, some late night walks on the beach, some holidays abroad together. I guess I'd define us as being interested in role play...the role play of falling in love...of truly desiring someone else. Does that make sense? or does it sound absolutely moonshine crazy? 
p.s. had a couple of beers here so maybe I'm talking crap lol  |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
I like a good creative wallow but I am extremely pragmatic when not being musical. I allow myself feelings whilst understanding them, which mitigates heartbreak somewhat since I tend to have a word with myself. |
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"If your the sort to fall in love with everyone how do you know when it properly comes along.
Love has so many depths, as I've discovered over the years with my wife. My love for my wife and my child is profound. I don't really think I can sum it up in words. Any kind of romantic affections I might feel for a Fab lover would simply be some kind of infatuation or puppy love...nothing like the rich and deep love my wife and I share. I'm happy to endure a bit of light puppy love and the light heartache that ensues if it means I can revisit the romance of falling in love over and over again...even if it's only a little taster
Just to get this straight...neither of us are out looking for love lol We might as well join a dating site if that's what we we're doing. It's just that our approach to swinging is more open to some romance along the way, some wining and dining, some late night walks on the beach, some holidays abroad together. I guess I'd define us as being interested in role play...the role play of falling in love...of truly desiring someone else. Does that make sense? or does it sound absolutely moonshine crazy?
p.s. had a couple of beers here so maybe I'm talking crap lol "
Very diverse way of thinking there....tbf never heard a couple speak that way...but it's up to you I guess |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah looking back at this post now...I think neither of us are looking to fall in love via swinging. So we've basically got these various rules which would prevent such things from happening...like not meeting the same person more than a few times over a certain period, etc etc.
What I think we are looking for, however, is a more romantic form of swinging, one that includes wining and dining and seducing our chosen playmates rather than just getting naked and running at each other lol
I think I was getting this mixed up in my head with the whole issue of heartache...and whether heartache was really such a bad thing as everyone makes it out to be...and whether swingers should really be so emotionally detached all the time just in the name of evading a little flutter of the heart strings. I guess, in this sense, it was just a philosophical question rather than a declaration of intent lol |
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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago
London / Herts |
" but it makes you feel so wonderfully alive imo.
"
I would only agree with you to an extent on this issue. True, going to and from love and heartbreak at least makes for a richer experience of life, but there's only so much a human being can tolerate.
We also need some consistency in our lives, otherwise we learn to fear the lows and do what we can to avoid getting hurt altogether - which often means cutting ourselves off from the highs.
Speaking as someone who ended a 7 year relationship last Autumn, I have to say the wounds still haven't quite healed. And it didn't make me feel alive at all. Most of the time, I felt cold and numb inside, like I was incapable of even expressing my pain, unable to muster the willpower to get on with things. Even if that thing was stringing together a basic sentence...
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
We are looking for no heartache, love, romancing or tears from here, we are more than happy to share fun times and great sex with others but if I thought for one moment he was falling for someone my world would crash down, possibly that's just me though x |
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"We are looking for no heartache, love, romancing or tears from here, we are more than happy to share fun times and great sex with others but if I thought for one moment he was falling for someone my world would crash down, possibly that's just me though x"
And vice versa no doubt! |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"We are looking for no heartache, love, romancing or tears from here, we are more than happy to share fun times and great sex with others but if I thought for one moment he was falling for someone my world would crash down, possibly that's just me though x
And vice versa no doubt!"
As far as I'm aware x |
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"We are looking for no heartache, love, romancing or tears from here, we are more than happy to share fun times and great sex with others but if I thought for one moment he was falling for someone my world would crash down, possibly that's just me though x
And vice versa no doubt!
As far as I'm aware x"
He would be a fool not to x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We are looking for no heartache, love, romancing or tears from here, we are more than happy to share fun times and great sex with others but if I thought for one moment he was falling for someone my world would crash down, possibly that's just me though x"
I appreciate these are your rules and they work for you But...for us...I think that's just too black and white. When it was just the two of us we worried about getting a dog because we thought it would eat into the reserve of love we have for each other. Instead we discovered a bunch MORE love we didn't know was there. Now we've had our first kid we're discovering there's EVEN MORE love and our little reservoir is fast becoming an ocean
It seems the more we love... the bigger the love gets...not the less portion of it we're individually left with. We've given a lot of love to our friends, although obviously not sexual, and perhaps it's our hippy side but we're definitely "group hug" types of people lol
I just think the whole purpose of being alive is to fall in love with life...and maybe that means loving more than one person? I'm not advocating polygamy...I'm just talking generally...about loving a wider cast of people...perhaps unsexually or perhaps not. Anyway lol that's enough flower power for one day from me Peace |
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