FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Upgrading to Platinum Membership
Upgrading to Platinum Membership
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Platinum Membership
Requirements – trading of one kidney and selling into slavery of a family member. Any will do and most people have one who is less than popular. Also unicorn horns and fairy dust also acceptable mediums of exchange as are Mk1 Escorts in mint condition, who are here to enjoy sex and not tout for business.
Benefits – You get to see everyone's friends pictures, hidden pictures, tasteless rejected pictures and also a picture of their living room in its' natural state so you too can see if they are actually the Clampetts. You can also see who people are friends with, have met socially and sexually and those who have rejected meeting them and also why.
You can learn who was rejected for a meet because they looked like not just one of the Proclaimers, but BOTH of the Proclaimers, who was blocked for wanting someone to trim their nostril hairs whilst verbally abusing them in the style of Yoda and which forumite was told to take her titz elsewhere, because she was obviously unhinged.
With Platinum Membership you can look at old threads, future threads, locked threads, deleted posts and once per week surreptitiously edit someone's post to make them look like a nincompoop (this explains a lot of my posts, btw, it's not me, it's those platinum wallahs). You also gain the ability to dip into other people's inboxes.
Regarding socials – you can scan the guest list, veto 2 people – this used to be 4 people until one social was reduced to 7 people in a fit of vetoing – choose the theme and have your very own photo-bitch taking your pictures all night.
In this age of austerity, you do get additional bonuses from Platinum Membership.
You get a 0.0005% reduction in your premiums for FORUM INSURANCE
Detective Hottie Bottie will investigate any dubious profile you like and will also make a personal appearance at your birthday party, bursting out of a cake singing the Burmese national anthem.
And if that wasn't enough, you get an extra egg with your breakfast at Toshn's Cafe.
What else should be added to this stunning package?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Platinum Membership
Requirements – trading of one kidney and selling into slavery of a family member. Any will do and most people have one who is less than popular. Also unicorn horns and fairy dust also acceptable mediums of exchange as are Mk1 Escorts in mint condition, who are here to enjoy sex and not tout for business.
Benefits – You get to see everyone's friends pictures, hidden pictures, tasteless rejected pictures and also a picture of their living room in its' natural state so you too can see if they are actually the Clampetts. You can also see who people are friends with, have met socially and sexually and those who have rejected meeting them and also why.
You can learn who was rejected for a meet because they looked like not just one of the Proclaimers, but BOTH of the Proclaimers, who was blocked for wanting someone to trim their nostril hairs whilst verbally abusing them in the style of Yoda and which forumite was told to take her titz elsewhere, because she was obviously unhinged.
With Platinum Membership you can look at old threads, future threads, locked threads, deleted posts and once per week surreptitiously edit someone's post to make them look like a nincompoop (this explains a lot of my posts, btw, it's not me, it's those platinum wallahs). You also gain the ability to dip into other people's inboxes.
Regarding socials – you can scan the guest list, veto 2 people – this used to be 4 people until one social was reduced to 7 people in a fit of vetoing – choose the theme and have your very own photo-bitch taking your pictures all night.
In this age of austerity, you do get additional bonuses from Platinum Membership.
You get a 0.0005% reduction in your premiums for FORUM INSURANCE
Detective Hottie Bottie will investigate any dubious profile you like and will also make a personal appearance at your birthday party, bursting out of a cake singing the Burmese national anthem.
And if that wasn't enough, you get an extra egg with your breakfast at Toshn's Cafe.
What else should be added to this stunning package? "
Maybe add into it am extra large condom and a wine bottle to stick up ya fanny |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Platinum Membership
Requirements – trading of one kidney and selling into slavery of a family member. Any will do and most people have one who is less than popular. Also unicorn horns and fairy dust also acceptable mediums of exchange as are Mk1 Escorts in mint condition, who are here to enjoy sex and not tout for business.
Benefits – You get to see everyone's friends pictures, hidden pictures, tasteless rejected pictures and also a picture of their living room in its' natural state so you too can see if they are actually the Clampetts. You can also see who people are friends with, have met socially and sexually and those who have rejected meeting them and also why.
You can learn who was rejected for a meet because they looked like not just one of the Proclaimers, but BOTH of the Proclaimers, who was blocked for wanting someone to trim their nostril hairs whilst verbally abusing them in the style of Yoda and which forumite was told to take her titz elsewhere, because she was obviously unhinged.
With Platinum Membership you can look at old threads, future threads, locked threads, deleted posts and once per week surreptitiously edit someone's post to make them look like a nincompoop (this explains a lot of my posts, btw, it's not me, it's those platinum wallahs). You also gain the ability to dip into other people's inboxes.
Regarding socials – you can scan the guest list, veto 2 people – this used to be 4 people until one social was reduced to 7 people in a fit of vetoing – choose the theme and have your very own photo-bitch taking your pictures all night.
In this age of austerity, you do get additional bonuses from Platinum Membership.
You get a 0.0005% reduction in your premiums for FORUM INSURANCE
Detective Hottie Bottie will investigate any dubious profile you like and will also make a personal appearance at your birthday party, bursting out of a cake singing the Burmese national anthem.
And if that wasn't enough, you get an extra egg with your breakfast at Toshn's Cafe.
What else should be added to this stunning package? "
I love your humour.
  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You could always offer an automated reply service with such gems as:
'I'd fancy a fuck if you spell it right'
' Not tonight hun I'm shaggin your mum/dad/brother'* delete as appropriate
'Yes I'm great thanks'
'Sorry but I don't put anything in my mouth that I haven't sniffed'
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You should get one free profile check which will replace your original boring text with the magic text that gets you loads of mail and laid almost immediately.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Your pictures are automatically fabbed to the top of the hot pictures,  "
Yes, 2,000 free fabs without having to go to the trouble of adding everyone or putting up a spannerish update, like 'fab pics for a meet'  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Notifications when you're popped on someone's hotlist.
Phone numbers of people you like who may go UNLOS (I have a few of those already mind you).
Stealth mode override so you can see who's perving.
A special sarcasm emoticon for forum use.
Free lingerie for life when a photo of you wearing a specific brand gets to 1,000 Fabs.
Finally a d*unk filter to ask if you're sure about going onto the forums, messaging or venturing into the chatrooms whilst inebriated
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Add automatic activation of any desired users mobile or computer cameras, allowing unlimited tracking. Plus real time identity checks, outlining convictions, marriages etc. Platinum plus membership deletes competing profiles in the meets postings for your area, especially anyone who has made snarky comments about you ever, or if you dont like their look or tone of voice, they upstaged you at a social or have poor home decor cushion or throw choices. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A free cookery course entitled "Cookery and Sex, why you should never confuse the two", and a free family day pass to the little known swinger theme park Humpington House: The jizz is fake but the fun is real!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
With platinum plus, users who turn you down are subject to unlimited unwanted 'fancy a fuck' messages from some rather gross faked profiles. Straight men only get males messaging them - a bit like now? - but several hundred a day.
Your profile is returned by user search results, with the others either missing, or have their photos replaced by automatically photoshopped pics that put them either into the over 60 stones, or under 4 stones body shapes. There would also be lashings of scat inserted, as well as blood baths.
Every forum post you make is replied to with dozens of  , and anyone decrying your obvious wisdom gets a forum ban for a month.
Competitors in your area with similar profiles have fake verifications inserted to their pages, all of them along the lines 'I made my excuses and left' 'Genuine, but we couldn't get near to the house, due to the vomit inducing stench', 'Reliable if you're looking for 2 second satisfaction' etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You could add a verification translation service
You know.....has magic fingers and tongue......couldn't find his cock..
Gushed for England.....incontinent
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
