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Any need to worry?
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This is one that arose from a discussion I had with someone I met on Fab who voiced concerns I have been harbouring (and ignoring!) for a while now.
I think it is difficult to express but I'll do my best. As a single guy I got into swinging following a bad LTR - at the time I was adamant that I didn't want a relationship - and this website proved a great way to meet people who weren't going to be looking for one either - yet I still wanted sex, and lots of it. I have had some amazing sexual experiences via Fab that I would otherwise never have had, and have met people I genuinely like and have a lot of time for. So far so good.
But now that some time has passed and I'm not getting any younger, and with family and friends nagging away at me, I have begun thinking about the possibility of entering another relationship. The worry is, of course, that I would have difficulty going back to that scene - essentially, I would have difficulty being the person I was before I started finding sex on the internet, and part of me wants to be.
At the same time, I love the thrill of meeting new people and I still get a tremendous buzz from the sex. It has been suggested that it would be nigh on impossible to return to an everyday monogamous relationship unless the lady in question was willing to become involved in the scene as well - but that's a Hell of a difficult 'desirable quality' to find in a potential partner and, if I'm honest, I'm not at all convinced I actually want that to be a necessary quality in someone I wish to commit to.
I think the prospect of 'normal' dating scares me now, as if I've almost lost my grip on the concept of it. I know if I stopped playing on Fab I'd really miss it, but a little nagging voice tells me that if I want a 'normal' life like the majority of my friends (who I feel very different from as a result of this) who are slowly but surely pairing off and getting married then it would need to stop, that it isn't 'good for the soul' so to speak. It's almost like a crisis of faith!
So have I been forever changed by it all? Is this something addictive like drinking or gambling? If so, am I a sex addict or a swinging addict and is there a difference? Can/should it be dealt with?
I kind of think I haven't quite communicated my confused thoughts very clearly, but I'd love to know if anyone else, M F or CPL has any views on this, similar thoughts or experience.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i must admit i have had similar thoughts myself..i got out of a long marriage and have only been swinging for about 8 months as a single woman. i have had many great experiences without the pressure to find a permanent partner and although i have enjoyed it all, i am starting to think that a regular partner might be what i want now.I also have the dilemma that would i be able to give up swinging completely or could i introduce a potential partner to the swinging scene and join me. so you arent the only one who is conflicted about this...xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. I think it's fear to commit.
I had a loooong time commited to one guy and regret that the way it ended left me feeling that I had wasted all that time on one person.
whilst i haven't fully commited to wha the site fofers, it does leave me questioning if icould ever go back to monogomy.
I don't blame the site for tat though, blame my old relationship, it made me question what I had done and led me to this place.
I do believe if you found 'the one' they would encompass all yor needs and you would find that perhaps this site didn't satisfy you in the same way it does now.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is one that arose from a discussion I had with someone I met on Fab who voiced concerns I have been harbouring (and ignoring!) for a while now.
I think it is difficult to express but I'll do my best. As a single guy I got into swinging following a bad LTR - at the time I was adamant that I didn't want a relationship - and this website proved a great way to meet people who weren't going to be looking for one either - yet I still wanted sex, and lots of it. I have had some amazing sexual experiences via Fab that I would otherwise never have had, and have met people I genuinely like and have a lot of time for. So far so good.
But now that some time has passed and I'm not getting any younger, and with family and friends nagging away at me, I have begun thinking about the possibility of entering another relationship. The worry is, of course, that I would have difficulty going back to that scene - essentially, I would have difficulty being the person I was before I started finding sex on the internet, and part of me wants to be.
At the same time, I love the thrill of meeting new people and I still get a tremendous buzz from the sex. It has been suggested that it would be nigh on impossible to return to an everyday monogamous relationship unless the lady in question was willing to become involved in the scene as well - but that's a Hell of a difficult 'desirable quality' to find in a potential partner and, if I'm honest, I'm not at all convinced I actually want that to be a necessary quality in someone I wish to commit to.
I think the prospect of 'normal' dating scares me now, as if I've almost lost my grip on the concept of it. I know if I stopped playing on Fab I'd really miss it, but a little nagging voice tells me that if I want a 'normal' life like the majority of my friends (who I feel very different from as a result of this) who are slowly but surely pairing off and getting married then it would need to stop, that it isn't 'good for the soul' so to speak. It's almost like a crisis of faith!
So have I been forever changed by it all? Is this something addictive like drinking or gambling? If so, am I a sex addict or a swinging addict and is there a difference? Can/should it be dealt with?
I kind of think I haven't quite communicated my confused thoughts very clearly, but I'd love to know if anyone else, M F or CPL has any views on this, similar thoughts or experience.
"
What a great reflection - I can so understand where you are coming from.
I cannot see how I could ever... EVER .. go back to the relative monotony and predictability of a monogamous relationship. Given the choice between that and being on my own I would rather stay on my own. Once one has experienced the diversity, thrill and adrenaline producing experience of swinging - well, there is no going back I feel, not for me anyway. Feel lucky to be with somebody who shares the passion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was simple for me to switch because my recent ex satisfied my needs and we had a fantastic sex life together.
After we split i rejoined here.
If and when i have another relationship i will delete my account.
I do hope i meet someone soon. |
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Bringit - thanks for your input. I think my fear is that I'll miss out on 'The One' as a result of swinging. I run a mile when I see the possibility of a relationship outwith here on the horizon which leads me on to what Grecian said - I think you are lucky that you can 'switch' on and off. Kind of like the person who only has a cigarette when they are out at the weekend and don't go near them during the week. Alas, not everyone can do that! I think I'm in this latter category.
But thanks guys for the responses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bringit - thanks for your input. I think my fear is that I'll miss out on 'The One' as a result of swinging. I run a mile when I see the possibility of a relationship outwith here on the horizon which leads me on to what Grecian said - I think you are lucky that you can 'switch' on and off. Kind of like the person who only has a cigarette when they are out at the weekend and don't go near them during the week. Alas, not everyone can do that! I think I'm in this latter category.
But thanks guys for the responses."
I agree that Bringit has hit the nail on the head - there is an element of commitment phobia for some people and perhaps for those meeting the "right" person might mean the deletion of their profile on the site. Then again for some people, and I include myself, there is the social side of things.. the meeting of like minded unrepressed folks means a lot? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bringit - thanks for your input. I think my fear is that I'll miss out on 'The One' as a result of swinging. I run a mile when I see the possibility of a relationship outwith here on the horizon which leads me on to what Grecian said - I think you are lucky that you can 'switch' on and off. Kind of like the person who only has a cigarette when they are out at the weekend and don't go near them during the week. Alas, not everyone can do that! I think I'm in this latter category.
But thanks guys for the responses."
LOL.....as an ex smoker who smoked 20 a day i now only have a couple when i'm out socialising. During the week its easy to switch off and i don't even think of a cigarette.
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LOL.....as an ex smoker who smoked 20 a day i now only have a couple when i'm out socialising. During the week its easy to switch off and i don't even think of a cigarette.
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Ha ha - I rest my case! Interestingly, a girl I used to meet occasionally for fun (one I knew from 'normal' life) suggested that she'd like to meet a girl to play with. When I suggested the internet she said it was "a world too full of possibilities" that she didn't want to get involved in. I think this wise lady foresaw this dilemma. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i consider myself lucky as i'm a girl who hasn't had to make that choice yet, i was introduced to the site and the scene by an ex partner and continued after the relationship ended. i wasn't particularly looking for a relationship but was introduced to a lovely guy on a meet by a mutual friend and things kinda developed! obviously due to the way we met we have no illussions about what makes the other tick and niether of us is ready to give up playing and untill one of us says otherwise we don't intend too!
my point being ur more likely to meet the right person when ur not stressing trying to search them out and it doesn't always have to be a choice between the 2...u might get lucky and find someone who share ur nawty tastes that makes u feel confident that u can share that side of urself with them!
after all what is a relationship without honesty? if u can't be honest with ur loved one about something as basic as what turns u on then any relationship is doomed to fail!
does that make sense or am i just babbling? lol!
either way i truely hope u'll find someone who can make u happy and keep u smiling sweety! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the end of the day its difficult but as with everything in life it depends how much effort you put in as to what you gain back
Good luck whatever you decide xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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only you can decide the answer! the dating scene, like the swingin scene is a minefield! findng someone who is the complete package to what you are looking for is a difficult task but in every relationship there has to be some compromise apparently, so its finding that balance that is the key.
having met you, im sure there is someone out there for you as you are a lovely guy even if i couldnt make out a word you were sayin lol!
just dont settle for miss will do just now and someone who doesnt want the same things you do and also dont settle down because everyone thinks you should do what suits you! x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It was simple for me to switch because my recent ex satisfied my needs and we had a fantastic sex life together.
After we split i rejoined here.
If and when i have another relationship i will delete my account.
I do hope i meet someone soon."
A man after my own heart.
I was married for 24 years, didn't even think of being with or sharing with anyone else!
I prefer being with one person even though it scares me.
I've been seeing someone for two years and he talks about commitment. We met via another swinging site and I know I'm the only person he's met swinging and doesn't meet anyone else, even though I do.
He's everything I want, kind, attentive, loving, loyal, sexy as feck and so calm and laid back, my mood swings don't register with him. Hard to stay angry when sparkling green eyes are smiling at you! 
I worry I'll always want to swing, but the reality is I'm finding excuses not to meet new people just play with my close circle. Even then I find myself "busy".
Being honest with myself I know it's only a matter of time before I commit to this wonderful man and delete my account here and elsewhere!
I wish the OP the best of luck x. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It was simple for me to switch because my recent ex satisfied my needs and we had a fantastic sex life together.
After we split i rejoined here.
If and when i have another relationship i will delete my account.
I do hope i meet someone soon.
A man after my own heart.
I was married for 24 years, didn't even think of being with or sharing with anyone else!
I prefer being with one person even though it scares me.
I've been seeing someone for two years and he talks about commitment. We met via another swinging site and I know I'm the only person he's met swinging and doesn't meet anyone else, even though I do.
He's everything I want, kind, attentive, loving, loyal, sexy as feck and so calm and laid back, my mood swings don't register with him. Hard to stay angry when sparkling green eyes are smiling at you!
I worry I'll always want to swing, but the reality is I'm finding excuses not to meet new people just play with my close circle. Even then I find myself "busy".
Being honest with myself I know it's only a matter of time before I commit to this wonderful man and delete my account here and elsewhere!
I wish the OP the best of luck x. "
aww sassy that sounds lovely!! but i will miss your posts!! x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It was simple for me to switch because my recent ex satisfied my needs and we had a fantastic sex life together.
After we split i rejoined here.
If and when i have another relationship i will delete my account.
I do hope i meet someone soon.
A man after my own heart.
I was married for 24 years, didn't even think of being with or sharing with anyone else!
I prefer being with one person even though it scares me.
I've been seeing someone for two years and he talks about commitment. We met via another swinging site and I know I'm the only person he's met swinging and doesn't meet anyone else, even though I do.
He's everything I want, kind, attentive, loving, loyal, sexy as feck and so calm and laid back, my mood swings don't register with him. Hard to stay angry when sparkling green eyes are smiling at you!
I worry I'll always want to swing, but the reality is I'm finding excuses not to meet new people just play with my close circle. Even then I find myself "busy".
Being honest with myself I know it's only a matter of time before I commit to this wonderful man and delete my account here and elsewhere!
I wish the OP the best of luck x.
aww sassy that sounds lovely!! but i will miss your posts!! x "
I haven't gone yet, but thank you!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For once, the thread didn't break down into jokes - impressed by the concern to a genuine and very well articulated problem.
To the OP
Just a thought, but have you considered saying on your profile what you are looking for longer term? Given the nature of some of the responses, I suspect that there may be a number of ladies out there who feel the same, but perhaps don't want to show it on THIS site for fear of scaring away the majority who are NOT looking for an overly emotional relationship.
Just a thought, but good luck with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At this moment in time, my needs are met occasionally (doing 2 jobs so my time is precious and limited)and its a great way to get out and about meeting people, i may find the one here or i may not, outside of here, ive met no-one that would make me want to leave, nor to have a more permanent relationship with though i do worry about, like you said, not getting any younger and wanting to settle down |
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