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Why do we concern ourselves
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.  |
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"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question. "
I'd like to think that my friends thought highly of me - they shouldn't be my friend otherwise! I couldn't give a toss about what some people think of me! Z |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"everyone likes to be liked"
I get that... but why is it that important?
I am happy to have some friends but I do honestly not care what the majority of people I work or socialise with really think about me because I do not want to worry about what I say and how I am. I want to be myself and then hopefully people will accept it but if not... it is not a problem?
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Personally, it's because I believe I am at least part how people see me as how I see myself. The responses I evoke in people, how they treat me, the things that I do that annoy etc. all tell me something about me.
Obviously it's a continuum or onion layers principle. Those on the outer edges have less influence on whether I care what they say.
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Some people on here like me, some like me so much they want sex with Me or have had, some think I'm a tosser, some despise me for being bi, some are ambivalent. And here I am still after what everyone thinks. Sort of implies I don't much care what people think although I guess acceptance in some form is always nice. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Personally, it's because I believe I am at least part how people see me as how I see myself. The responses I evoke in people, how they treat me, the things that I do that annoy etc. all tell me something about me.
Obviously it's a continuum or onion layers principle. Those on the outer edges have less influence on whether I care what they say.
"
Good point about what other people see being a reflection of what you see yourself - Johari window? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Some people on here like me, some like me so much they want sex with Me or have had, some think I'm a tosser, some despise me for being bi, some are ambivalent. And here I am still after what everyone thinks. Sort of implies I don't much care what people think although I guess acceptance in some form is always nice. "
Do you think that each of us needs to have a minmum number of people around us who like us?
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"everyone likes to be likedI get that... but why is it that important?
I am happy to have some friends but I do honestly not care what the majority of people I work or socialise with really think about me because I do not want to worry about what I say and how I am. I want to be myself and then hopefully people will accept it but if not... it is not a problem?
"
Its all to do with social programming on what is acceptable or not.
There is a lot of media influence on how things are percieved.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Think its deffinaly something thats gets better with age! Am too old in the tooth ta give a flying fuck what others think of me these days. Love being this age for so many reasons   "
I agree, I think as we get older we seem to grow in confidence about ourselves and our identiy and we become more accepting of what and who we are. And I guess that means we worry less about other people's opinion? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Personally, it's because I believe I am at least part how people see me as how I see myself. The responses I evoke in people, how they treat me, the things that I do that annoy etc. all tell me something about me.
Obviously it's a continuum or onion layers principle. Those on the outer edges have less influence on whether I care what they say.
Good point about what other people see being a reflection of what you see yourself - Johari window? "
Sort of. I did this intuitively long before I knew about Johari Window.
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I couldn't give a flying fuck what 99% of people on here think about me....I would like to think I'm a nice person.. It's the opinion of family and friends that matter "
Good point. I was not thinking specifically about people on here just in general. I agree that family and friends are far more important in how they see (and accept) us! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? |
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"A lot has to do with your ego, get rid of some of that and you'll be laughing.
Mmm how do you get rid of some of your ego? "
By becoming truer to yourself.
by choosing love instead of fear.
and a special brew by shamans |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? "
I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder.. |
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"everyone likes to be likedI get that... but why is it that important?
I am happy to have some friends but I do honestly not care what the majority of people I work or socialise with really think about me because I do not want to worry about what I say and how I am. I want to be myself and then hopefully people will accept it but if not... it is not a problem?
Its all to do with social programming on what is acceptable or not.
There is a lot of media influence on how things are percieved.
"
yeap, add that to peer pressure when younger (which if detrimental can stay with many for years! ) spose I always been lucky, as i always been happy being unique and me! & not a sheep! Deff helps with all that growing up stuff and how you portray yourself in the rat race of life! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder.."
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder..
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it. "
Ok, next question I guess would be... have you always had that (in my voew healthy!) confidence or did this grow as you became older? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot has to do with your ego, get rid of some of that and you'll be laughing.
Mmm how do you get rid of some of your ego?
By becoming truer to yourself.
by choosing love instead of fear.
and a special brew by shamans "
I get the idea of transcending your ego and healing it through love. I'm still working on the special brew. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 07/06/14 20:59:03]Oy, you can stop that nonsense of removing something I want to comment on, you know!!! "
haha Affro....
I just feel sometimes people who seek approval and acceptance limit their own potential... 
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"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder..
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Ok, next question I guess would be... have you always had that (in my voew healthy!) confidence or did this grow as you became older? "
I don't think age has anything to do with it. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder..
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Ok, next question I guess would be... have you always had that (in my voew healthy!) confidence or did this grow as you became older?
I don't think age has anything to do with it."
I think I disagree with you there. Talking to (a lot of) teeangers and looking at their almost desparate seeking of their mates' approval, the need to fit in... be liked... be part of the herd... That does seem to lessen as people get older. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this can be a subective subject, dependending on your lifestyle.
If you work in and with a conservative mindset, possibly with strong religious beliefs, they would judge you one way, if you work in a bohemian new-age type shop with free-spirits, they will certainly react differently.
Different people have different margins between how they truly are, and how they like to be seen by different types of people.
Obviously Im tgirl so I have possibly overthought this a little.
The key is if you can surround yourself with people you never have to 'edit' your behaviour for, its no longer an issue, sometimes that can take a lifetime. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
The key is if you can surround yourself with people you never have to 'edit' your behaviour for, its no longer an issue, sometimes that can take a lifetime."
I think you have got it spot on! And that is, in my own experience, something that I grew to learn, differentiate and choose over the years, having made friendships that then disintegrated and having kept some where the editing was not an issue.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Had a beer now so sorry but here goes 
I couldn't give a flying fuck what people think about me.
You either like me or you don't. If you do I'm loyal to that fact and you've a friend.
If not, well it don't affect me in any way.
Sure I fuck up every now and then. And I'm sorry for those. But all in all I don't care. I'm just me. |
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"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder..
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Ok, next question I guess would be... have you always had that (in my voew healthy!) confidence or did this grow as you became older?
I don't think age has anything to do with it.
I think I disagree with you there. Talking to (a lot of) teeangers and looking at their almost desparate seeking of their mates' approval, the need to fit in... be liked... be part of the herd... That does seem to lessen as people get older."
at the same time maybe not caring how their parents, teachers, peers think of them.
Everything changes through time so age is relevant but its not agist
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we can develop the emotional competence required to accept and love who we are at different rates. Age may bring that kind of wisdom or we may accelerate its development or our development may get arrested and not progress. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I care very deeply about what everyone thinks and I strongly believe everyone should think I am wonderful and fabulous*.
Why?
It annoys me when people are wrong.
(*this may not be true)"
It's just the violence  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I came on the forums about 4 weeks ago thinking "hey maybe I can make some friends here" ...lol  ...ever since I've been chasing round trying to make sure I haven't made any enemies lol 
In life I'm a smiley friendly kinda guy so I'm used to having people like me. So for a while it troubled me that some people on here were saying some pretty nasty stuff about me. Now I'm getting my head round the fact that it's really their problem
I'd say it's pretty impossible to judge someone's character based upon how they are on Fab...that is unless they really do threaten you or send abusive messages...then it's just not worth finding out if they're actually nice under that or not...it's not worth the effort. Others, however, seem to feel happy coming to sharp conclusions about someone's character just because they've stood up and defended this or that in principle. I tend to think of those people as simply being too judgmental and need to lighten up
We're just on here to say interesting or fun stuff and let each other know that we're not alone and maybe, just maybe, make some friends along the way |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I came on the forums about 4 weeks ago thinking "hey maybe I can make some friends here" ...lol ...ever since I've been chasing round trying to make sure I haven't made any enemies lol
In life I'm a smiley friendly kinda guy so I'm used to having people like me. So for a while it troubled me that some people on here were saying some pretty nasty stuff about me. Now I'm getting my head round the fact that it's really their problem
I'd say it's pretty impossible to judge someone's character based upon how they are on Fab...that is unless they really do threaten you or send abusive messages...then it's just not worth finding out if they're actually nice under that or not...it's not worth the effort. Others, however, seem to feel happy coming to sharp conclusions about someone's character just because they've stood up and defended this or that in principle. I tend to think of those people as simply being too judgmental and need to lighten up
We're just on here to say interesting or fun stuff and let each other know that we're not alone and maybe, just maybe, make some friends along the way "
I agree with some of what you are saying.. just want to add that I was not referring to fabs and whether we care abot being liked on here. I was really thinking about it in general terms, work, family, friends, clubs etc.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I came on the forums about 4 weeks ago thinking "hey maybe I can make some friends here" ...lol ...ever since I've been chasing round trying to make sure I haven't made any enemies lol
In life I'm a smiley friendly kinda guy so I'm used to having people like me. So for a while it troubled me that some people on here were saying some pretty nasty stuff about me. Now I'm getting my head round the fact that it's really their problem
I'd say it's pretty impossible to judge someone's character based upon how they are on Fab...that is unless they really do threaten you or send abusive messages...then it's just not worth finding out if they're actually nice under that or not...it's not worth the effort. Others, however, seem to feel happy coming to sharp conclusions about someone's character just because they've stood up and defended this or that in principle. I tend to think of those people as simply being too judgmental and need to lighten up
We're just on here to say interesting or fun stuff and let each other know that we're not alone and maybe, just maybe, make some friends along the way "
It takes a while to work out which friendships are truly worthwhile on here |
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"I don't give a flying hoot as to what others may and not think of me to be honest!!
So none of my time gets wasted on that!
Perhaps those that do concern themselves with this issue have low self esteem or just like their ego stoked from time to time? I think you are right about an over concern with what others think is somehow connected with possible insecurities. But then as somebody said earlier, perhaps we all have an innate drive to be liked? I wonder..
This may sound harsh...but here goes!
I have a handful of friends that I know like me for who I am, do I go out of my way to be liked? No I don't!
If people don't like me for who I am the that's their concern not mine, and I certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Ok, next question I guess would be... have you always had that (in my voew healthy!) confidence or did this grow as you became older?
I don't think age has anything to do with it.
I think I disagree with you there. Talking to (a lot of) teeangers and looking at their almost desparate seeking of their mates' approval, the need to fit in... be liked... be part of the herd... That does seem to lessen as people get older."
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"everyone likes to be likedI get that... but why is it that important?
I am happy to have some friends but I do honestly not care what the majority of people I work or socialise with really think about me because I do not want to worry about what I say and how I am. I want to be myself and then hopefully people will accept it but if not... it is not a problem?
"
I think that is a form of confidence and self-acceptance that grows with age too. Sometimes I like to be different just to say 'I have no need to conform!!' and actually people usually admire me for it.
When you're very young and discovering who you are you want to be accepted by your peers. Then for years it is often all about status and ego - being seen to be doing well and being successful etc. But as you get older you realise it just doesn't matter that much!
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We are social animals that have innate, probably biological, drives towards social cohesion in some fashion. We may also have experiences that drive some insecurities in us, and can fuel yearnings for being accepted somehow. If our self esteem is reasonably high then we can manage with limited social approval and being liked. If Im working with others then I like to be an insider not an outsider, though it can be hard work, as people can be the strangest creatures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think this can be a subective subject, dependending on your lifestyle.
If you work in and with a conservative mindset, possibly with strong religious beliefs, they would judge you one way, if you work in a bohemian new-age type shop with free-spirits, they will certainly react differently.
Different people have different margins between how they truly are, and how they like to be seen by different types of people.
Obviously Im tgirl so I have possibly overthought this a little.
The key is if you can surround yourself with people you never have to 'edit' your behaviour for, its no longer an issue, sometimes that can take a lifetime."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question. "
You can't please all the people all the time so why would you care for any other reason than how it makes you feel. People will like you for who you are and if they don't then theres not much you can do about it.
Live your life without concern...is what I aim for |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.
You can't please all the people all the time so why would you care for any other reason than how it makes you feel. People will like you for who you are and if they don't then theres not much you can do about it.
Live your life without concern...is what I aim for "
That can be interpreted in a few ways. One is to behave boorish and rudely.
We adjust our behaviour to situations all the time. Is that not being concerned what others think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question. "
Honestly?
I couldn't give a flying fart what people think of me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.
You can't please all the people all the time so why would you care for any other reason than how it makes you feel. People will like you for who you are and if they don't then theres not much you can do about it.
Live your life without concern...is what I aim for
That can be interpreted in a few ways. One is to behave boorish and rudely.
We adjust our behaviour to situations all the time. Is that not being concerned what others think?"
My point was to not really care... 
Love the way it can be interpreted in a few ways yet you only found negative ones.
Gotta love these forums! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.
You can't please all the people all the time so why would you care for any other reason than how it makes you feel. People will like you for who you are and if they don't then theres not much you can do about it.
Live your life without concern...is what I aim for
That can be interpreted in a few ways. One is to behave boorish and rudely.
We adjust our behaviour to situations all the time. Is that not being concerned what others think?"
Good point. I care if I upset someone and always try to make it right. If they misunderstand me in any other way it doesn't really matter. |
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"I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this "
Bingo |
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Haven't read the whole thread but I think it goes back to our inner primate. We are social animals and so look for acceptance from those we choose to socialise with. As we have evolved to not live in such strong social groups we look for that acceptance from everyone |
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some will 'like' you and some wont and its the same with yourself..
think for myself when I was a boy I was probably aware of it and probably was 'friends' with some people I now would be polite to but that's it..
why one would actually waste a minutes thought about whether total strangers 'like them' is a bit beyond me tbh but hey ho.. |
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I don't. I genuinely do not care what other people think of me. I am at times happy with myself and at times not so happy but that is MY OWN judgement of me - I am the one one whose opinion counts in my world. x |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question. "
at the beginning when i was young and nieve... sure!!! you want to fit in...
now I am older and wiser... well just older!!!....I really couldn't give a stuff!!!!!
those who like me like me and will get all my attention....
those who don't... next!!! |
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"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.
at the beginning when i was young and nieve... sure!!! you want to fit in...
now I am older and wiser... well just older!!!....I really couldn't give a stuff!!!!!
those who like me like me and will get all my attention....
those who don't... next!!!"
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question.
You can't please all the people all the time so why would you care for any other reason than how it makes you feel. People will like you for who you are and if they don't then theres not much you can do about it.
Live your life without concern...is what I aim for
That can be interpreted in a few ways. One is to behave boorish and rudely.
We adjust our behaviour to situations all the time. Is that not being concerned what others think?
My point was to not really care...
Love the way it can be interpreted in a few ways yet you only found negative ones.
Gotta love these forums! "
I found others but I needed a negative one to illustrate my point.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this "
This is what I was trying to convey in my first post on this thread.
I have had some other thoughts about being concerned about others from a professional perspective too. I had a week of incredibly good feedback on my thoughts, ideas, contributions and leadership. Had that feedback all been negative I am sure it would have concerned me.
It's all part of those circles of influence and I find it surprising that so many say that they don't give a toss what others think.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this
This is what I was trying to convey in my first post on this thread.
I have had some other thoughts about being concerned about others from a professional perspective too. I had a week of incredibly good feedback on my thoughts, ideas, contributions and leadership. Had that feedback all been negative I am sure it would have concerned me.
It's all part of those circles of influence and I find it surprising that so many say that they don't give a toss what others think.
"
From a developmental perspective frames of reference that don't care what others think are no surprise. At different stages in an individual's development we may express a belief of not caring what other's think. Albeit the mindset of those individuals may be developmentally different. Later stages of development would not necessarily see things in that way and may concur with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your dead a long time.....just enjoy your health, family and life.
Your true friends will always be with you through all lifes up and downs...
If all else fails just go skiing! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this
This is what I was trying to convey in my first post on this thread.
I have had some other thoughts about being concerned about others from a professional perspective too. I had a week of incredibly good feedback on my thoughts, ideas, contributions and leadership. Had that feedback all been negative I am sure it would have concerned me.
It's all part of those circles of influence and I find it surprising that so many say that they don't give a toss what others think.
From a developmental perspective frames of reference that don't care what others think are no surprise. At different stages in an individual's development we may express a belief of not caring what other's think. Albeit the mindset of those individuals may be developmentally different. Later stages of development would not necessarily see things in that way and may concur with you "
Am I precocious or retarded? |
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By *essiCouple
over a year ago
suffolk |
"with what other people think about us?
How much does it matter whether everybody we know has a high opinion of us?
What is it that we fear most that other people might say/ thnik about us?
Genuine question. "
quite simply it is the ability to 'fit in' with whom you are with..not to stand out in anyway shape or form, not so much that people like me, but that I'm there but not noticed....as for family I don't give a jot, friends who know me well know me for who I am.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am interested in what other people think and feel and how they see me. My perspective is not the only valid perspective on anything so I inquire into their _iews to learn. On the whole it doesn't affect how I feel about myself unless I have unintentionally hurt their feelings or lost my temper and said something I regret.
I think that as we all live in relationship to one another our behaviour affects each other and learning from feedback is important in creating a healthy social community etc. I recognise that often that feedback tells me as much about the other person as it does about me.
Recognising, owning, accepting and transforming the darker side of my nature is a key part of where I am in life at the moment. Others provide a mirror that really helps in doing that.
Safety, security , love, belonging, being esteemed and feeling self esteem, actualising and ultimately transcending ourselves are human needs. All of which are achieved as humans in relation to each other (apologies to Maslow)
How I interact with others is therefore very important to me....even on a site like this
This is what I was trying to convey in my first post on this thread.
I have had some other thoughts about being concerned about others from a professional perspective too. I had a week of incredibly good feedback on my thoughts, ideas, contributions and leadership. Had that feedback all been negative I am sure it would have concerned me.
It's all part of those circles of influence and I find it surprising that so many say that they don't give a toss what others think.
From a developmental perspective frames of reference that don't care what others think are no surprise. At different stages in an individual's development we may express a belief of not caring what other's think. Albeit the mindset of those individuals may be developmentally different. Later stages of development would not necessarily see things in that way and may concur with you
Am I precocious or retarded? "
Probably precocious but basing my theory on limited data |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people on here like me, some like me so much they want sex with Me or have had, some think I'm a tosser, some despise me for being bi, some are ambivalent. And here I am still after what everyone thinks. Sort of implies I don't much care what people think although I guess acceptance in some form is always nice. "
Well said |
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