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Stigma of Swingers,,
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Got chatting with a mate today about swingers and couples...
I said the couples must be really strong and committed to each and more than likely a lot more happier than others..
He rekon's most of the couples are trying to save a relationship and they cant be madly in love..
Just a question(s) really, when did you start swinging? Who initiated it and what are your _iews on it?!
PS - Tell me to mind my own business, just interested really! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We started after about ten years. We started to nod off during our monthly sex nights and thought enlisting some help might help us rediscover some spark. But it turned me gay. |
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We've only been swinging since January. For us, it was a way to try and live out some of our fantasies and try new things... I think I (mr) first suggested it but we did a lot of research and Anita actually booked the first trip to a club.
Our sex life has always been good, swinging is a small part of it.  |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
I've always fantasised about watching the person I'm seeing with another woman from quite a young age, luckily after a d*unken open conversation with my (then new) boyfriend he had also fantasised the same so here we are a good few years later after, enjoying dipping in and out of it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We're not swinging yet so you might wanna overlook this post (most people do anyway lol) but...
I would contest your idea that swinging couples are happier...and also that they're strongly committed. It seems to us that there's an awful lot of relationship carnage on Fab...but in amongst that there are couples strong enough to withstand the tests of swinging.
From what we've seen on Fab, it seems to us that most people pursue swinging in a way which we would consider demeaning and unspiritual for ourselves. The vast majority are just looking for NSA fun...and, in our minds, that kind of way of going about things would only last so long before our own sense of self worth started unraveling. So I think we'd say that swinging, as featured on this site, could be quite a corrosive activity....for us...not making any judgment on others who are more suited to the lifestyle...just talking about us
This goes a long way towards explaining why we've only got our toes in it at the mo. We want to open our relationship up and experience the beauty of others...but we want to do that in a less flippant and more emotionally and spiritually engaged way. So we're on here looking for that needle in the haystack... others like us
If no such people exist then we'll be happy having flippant fun...but we'll probably only do it once or twice just for the buzz of doing something new and taboo. So we're not complete fun killers lol But I can't imagine NSA sex being a major positive force in our relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're not swinging yet so you might wanna overlook this post (most people do anyway lol) but...
I would contest your idea that swinging couples are happier...and also that they're strongly committed. It seems to us that there's an awful lot of relationship carnage on Fab...but in amongst that there are couples strong enough to withstand the tests of swinging.
From what we've seen on Fab, it seems to us that most people pursue swinging in a way which we would consider demeaning and unspiritual for ourselves. The vast majority are just looking for NSA fun...and, in our minds, that kind of way of going about things would only last so long before our own sense of self worth started unraveling. So I think we'd say that swinging, as featured on this site, could be quite a corrosive activity....for us...not making any judgment on others who are more suited to the lifestyle...just talking about us
This goes a long way towards explaining why we've only got our toes in it at the mo. We want to open our relationship up and experience the beauty of others...but we want to do that in a less flippant and more emotionally and spiritually engaged way. So we're on here looking for that needle in the haystack... others like us
If no such people exist then we'll be happy having flippant fun...but we'll probably only do it once or twice just for the buzz of doing something new and taboo. So we're not complete fun killers lol But I can't imagine NSA sex being a major positive force in our relationship."
It's easier if you just look for a good fuck - kidding 
The people on here only make up a part of the broader swinging world. This site has become more orientated towards being a sex site - lots of singles and lots of singles doubling up as 'fuck buddies' etc. and it does come across sometimes that there are a hefty amount that hate the idea of relationships.
But there are plenty of 'real couples' that enjoy a more traditional kind of swinging activity. Some can be found hidden away on here and obviously there are clubs, parties & events to try too.
For us we're a bit selfish in that we've never sought friends, we're just having fun for our own gratification and we've never wanted lasting relationships with others. But inevitably you make friends and meet the same people from time to time.
But if you ever do just want a quick fuck - Fab excels at attracting the single man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Omg!!! There's a stigma to swinging??? Puts on me nike's an makes for the door lol. On a serious note some people do have a misconception about swinging an think we all dance round a fire naked sacrificing goats n drinking virgins urine .... Which is laughable because I always wear my thong  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met via this site & are now a happy swinging couple who are totally in love. I guess that is a lot different though to couples who started swinging after they had been together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Omg!!! There's a stigma to swinging??? Puts on me nike's an makes for the door lol. On a serious note some people do have a misconception about swinging an think we all dance round a fire naked sacrificing goats n drinking virgins urine .... Which is laughable because I always wear my thong "
Goats ...damn it always used lambs. Oh well pass the virgins urine please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got chatting with a mate today about swingers and couples...
I said the couples must be really strong and committed to each and more than likely a lot more happier than others..
He rekon's most of the couples are trying to save a relationship and they cant be madly in love..
Just a question(s) really, when did you start swinging? Who initiated it and what are your _iews on it?!
PS - Tell me to mind my own business, just interested really!"
I think both are true
I have been doing this for many years and met many couples, some are really strong couples, who obviously have a good relationship but want some extra fun two people cant bring
While others think swinging will help fix a failing marriage
in my experience it never does |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We started after about ten years. We started to nod off during our monthly sex nights and thought enlisting some help might help us rediscover some spark. But it turned me gay.
Omg this was a funny post. I'm watching a program about d day and just popping in and just laughed out loud. "turned me gay" oh so funny "
It's a weeny bit true too |
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We had always fantasised about different things during sex,and soon found certain things turned us both on.
We experimented with various things together,but soon realised that we wanted to push things further.
As the hottest fantasies involved us inviting others into our bed, we discussed swinging,and Jayne took the lead, as she wanted another fem to play with.
We signed up to a couple of sites, and discussed what we wanted, and didnt want. Soon we had an opportunity to try it for real, and we jumped at it. We havent looked back since! |
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I dont think you can determine much from people who arent swingers other than whether it is for them or not. They likely dont have the insight into why we do this. We pursued things as a way of exploring, and became closer but were not in trouble. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Omg!!! There's a stigma to swinging??? Puts on me nike's an makes for the door lol. On a serious note some people do have a misconception about swinging an think we all dance round a fire naked sacrificing goats n drinking virgins urine .... Which is laughable because I always wear my thong
Goats ...damn it always used lambs. Oh well pass the virgins urine please"
. Goat is definitely the new lamb hun lol passes the urine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We met on here as singles 3 years ago.
Realised we had a deeper connection away from swinging thus formed a relationship, took a break from it and came back realising it was something we both didn't want to give up.
Silk. |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
I think most probably there are couples on here who use swinging to try to save a dying sexual relationship, there are also couples on here who have no need to save their sexual relationship, only add extra to it that they would be doing quite nicely without, but, it's fun, what I see the issue with is people assuming its they 'need' the extra. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As already mentioned, people swing for all the reasons in the OP.
In our case, we started swinging because we have such an honest and strong relationship. If we did it to save our marriage then swinging would probably be the final nail in the coffin!
We have met many couples who clearly are swinging because they are bored with each other or trying to reignite spark. We're all different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met my lady on here. We both joined as we got no sex at home.
Every human has an absolute right to have sex.
Society however tries to make sex important for social and religious control purposes. Consequently those that recognise it for what it is, a very pleasant bodily function, and engage in NSA sex, will be stigmatised by others still suffering under the yoke of social control. At the end of the day it is only yourself you need to answer too.
Oh, and I find people talking about wanting "feelings" (not lust but emotional connection) about the sexual playmate before they play very scary. Feelings and emotion kills relationships far faster than any putting of a penis in vagina. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my lady on here. We both joined as we got no sex at home.
Every human has an absolute right to have sex. "
Err yeah...it's called wanking lol
"Society however tries to make sex important for social and religious control purposes. Consequently those that recognise it for what it is, a very pleasant bodily function, and engage in NSA sex, will be stigmatised by others still suffering under the yoke of social control. At the end of the day it is only yourself you need to answer too."
Ahhhh I see...so you are talking about wanking
"Oh, and I find people talking about wanting "feelings" (not lust but emotional connection) about the sexual playmate before they play very scary. Feelings and emotion kills relationships far faster than any putting of a penis in vagina. "
I think it's problematical either way. Either you treat people like human beings who deserve love and respect and you run the risk of getting emotionally involved and having to manage that in a mature way....or you try your best to ignore the soul of each person you hook up with and risk slipping into a form of psychopathic behaviour that seeps out into the rest of your relationships. I think there is danger in both directions
I don't mean to be argumentative. I enjoyed your post. But it just sounded so 'politically' motivated I couldn't help but bat back with something from the opposite camp. I hope you're cool with that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my lady on here. We both joined as we got no sex at home.
Every human has an absolute right to have sex.
Err yeah...it's called wanking lol
Society however tries to make sex important for social and religious control purposes. Consequently those that recognise it for what it is, a very pleasant bodily function, and engage in NSA sex, will be stigmatised by others still suffering under the yoke of social control. At the end of the day it is only yourself you need to answer too.
Ahhhh I see...so you are talking about wanking
Oh, and I find people talking about wanting "feelings" (not lust but emotional connection) about the sexual playmate before they play very scary. Feelings and emotion kills relationships far faster than any putting of a penis in vagina.
I think it's problematical either way. Either you treat people like human beings who deserve love and respect and you run the risk of getting emotionally involved and having to manage that in a mature way....or you try your best to ignore the soul of each person you hook up with and risk slipping into a form of psychopathic behaviour that seeps out into the rest of your relationships. I think there is danger in both directions
I don't mean to be argumentative. I enjoyed your post. But it just sounded so 'politically' motivated I couldn't help but bat back with something from the opposite camp. I hope you're cool with that "
I am happy to debate the point in here so thanks for your thoughts.
Wanking is not sex for me. I almost never wank any more but each to their own.
I treat all people with respect as human beings. I have found good friends on here, male and female, who I still see regularly and we enjoy sex together as a pleasant pass time. They are the same as the "vanilla" society only have an enlightened _iew on sex.
When I enjoy having sex with a new lady at a meet I do not think I must fall in love with this woman to legitimise the sex but I always respect them. I will like them more or less in the same way as someone you meet out of bed.
My attitude is I think we both want sex and I will do what I can to help her to enjoy it. When she goes she may come back another time, or move on, but in the time we have sex we are two humans enjoying the mutual pleasure our bodies can give us. Hopefully both will retain good memories about the meet.
Not sure what the "political" point is except in its true sense "political" is related to the people and we are conditioned by society to think of sex as something special. For me the jury us out on the "soul" issue. I await scientific proof. |
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We held a dinner party and a F friend was too d*unk to go home, she crashed in our bed and started fumbling with J and I joined in! His first threesome and lots if 'bed chat' after, we sound this site and discovery xtasia and the test is history! We'd been together 10 years at this point!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me the jury us out on the "soul" issue. I await scientific proof. "
Thx for the reply. You sound like a good respectful guy so my hat off to you. As for scientific proof of the soul....that might be a long wait...seeing as they haven't even proven the existence of consciousness yet...and we all know that exists |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm not read much of this thread..but I would say some of the couples I've known for 10 years or so are still couples..whether swinging or not.So...kinda blows the theory right out of the jacuzzi. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really dont know a lot about swinging as I have never been involved in it. However, and this is only my personal observation, I think there is usually one person more keen than the other, and the lesser keen one goes along with it, to either keep their partner, or keep their partner happy. |
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"I really dont know a lot about swinging as I have never been involved in it. However, and this is only my personal observation, I think there is usually one person more keen than the other, and the lesser keen one goes along with it, to either keep their partner, or keep their partner happy."
Couldn't be further from the truth for us. We both love meeting people equally and have never done anything to just keep the other happy. So I don't think that's as you suggest the usual at all. Many of our friends would agree too.
Two very happy swingers here.. not just one
T xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really dont know a lot about swinging as I have never been involved in it. However, and this is only my personal observation, I think there is usually one person more keen than the other, and the lesser keen one goes along with it, to either keep their partner, or keep their partner happy."
Your first sentence was accurate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really dont know a lot about swinging as I have never been involved in it. However, and this is only my personal observation, I think there is usually one person more keen than the other, and the lesser keen one goes along with it, to either keep their partner, or keep their partner happy.
Your first sentence was accurate."
Actually...based on the very few swingers I have actually met...I'd say her observation is valid, although not universally applicable of course...it's just the conclusions which I'd disagree with. I think in most relationships partners take turns to lead in all sorts of things... cookery... gardening... child care... etc. I was certainly the one who suggested to my wife that we relocate to the US. She followed me out there but, when we got there, she found she loved it.
So the point is that it is possible for a partner to be lead into doing something that they then discover they really like too. Not saying all swingers are whiter than white...just that it's not always doom and gloom |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But again you speak as somebody that by your own admission hasn't met any/many swingers.
Meet some. The discussions on these forums are not at all representative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But again you speak as somebody that by your own admission hasn't met any/many swingers.
Meet some. The discussions on these forums are not at all representative."
Miaow! I have met a few (in the flesh I hasten to add) and each of them we're led in by one partner. I agree it's not universal...but, based upon my limited experience, it is an observation with some limited merit. I made a point of saying you couldn't universalise it.
I wasn't attacking you...I was defending her. I think your previous posts on this thread have been great. I just thought she didn't deserve that slap in the face because, in my experience, her observation at least had some merit...even if her conclusions didn't. I doubt there are many things couples do or don't do hand in hand...there's almost always someone leading...even in love...that's just the way it goes...swings and roundabouts
Will you be a cuddly soft pussy with me now? Or should I get ready to have one of my eyes gouged out lol Shit I think I already know the answer...I never was that good with cats   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got chatting with a mate today about swingers and couples...
I said the couples must be really strong and committed to each and more than likely a lot more happier than others..
He rekon's most of the couples are trying to save a relationship and they cant be madly in love..
Just a question(s) really, when did you start swinging? Who initiated it and what are your _iews on it?!
PS - Tell me to mind my own business, just interested really!
I think both are true
I have been doing this for many years and met many couples, some are really strong couples, who obviously have a good relationship but want some extra fun two people cant bring
While others think swinging will help fix a failing marriage
in my experience it never does "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But again you speak as somebody that by your own admission hasn't met any/many swingers.
Meet some. The discussions on these forums are not at all representative."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But again you speak as somebody that by your own admission hasn't met any/many swingers.
Meet some. The discussions on these forums are not at all representative.
"
I see you accidentally thumbs upped the comment that I haven't met any swingers so I must be talking out of my arse after the fact that I answered it by saying that I have actually met some swingers and that I was talking specifically about only the swingers I've met...which isn't talking out of my arse at all.
I'm sure you must be absolutely mortified to have carried forward this slur on my good name and must be keen to rectify it as soon as is feasibly possible.
Yeahhhhhhhh right. Lets just say I'm not holding my breath on that one lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No need to take it as an attack, it was meant only as a straight forward observation. Swingers in a traditional sense are very probably a minority on this site and certainly in the discussions. I don't think it's best to judge them based on what can be read on here.
I agree absolutely about the observations you have of this site. The biggest users are single men. There is a large number of single women, and a large number of single people that have doubled up - all for casual sex.
Dotted about there are couples like yourself seeking like minded couples, but pinning them down on here isn't easy, which is why we don't bother any more and just stick to clubs/parties/holidays. |
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By *bandAbCouple
over a year ago
lanarkshire. |
Me and ash been going out 11 yrs and married the last 5. We have a good sex life plenty of naughty things push each other to try new things. Ash has always been bisexual and i ask her last year if she would like to explore that idea. Then she fell prego again with our 2nd. But after he was born we looked into it again. Weve had plenty of roleplay fantasys and even had a meet with a nice cpl who we had fun with, swinging isnt our life its an added part of our sex life when we have time to indulge it. Id say we have both enjoyed the stimulation we get from it so far and look forward to more. Now we just need more ppl to chat to and we good haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I, he, suggested we should find another guy or two to join us as my lady was often sucking fingers and thumbs as we had sex. She clearly wanted to carry on with giving head.
I admitted I wanted to see her with a couple of guys and it was just pillow talk for years.
I decided to open up and tell her of my bi fantasies a couple of years ago & she suggested we find a club to explore them.
Now we can enjoy all three of those fantasies and enjoy we do!
Fab hasn't provided much action. More of a way of keeping in touch with playmates and chatting in the forums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's interesting how different perspectives are between people in many very different circumstances.
There's a great deal of prejudice and stereotyping from all corners. Some of it with foundation, but lots of it baseless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a great deal of prejudice and stereotyping from all corners. Some of it with foundation, but lots of it baseless.[/I am not prejudice or I wouldnt attend swingers parties. Not sure |I stereotype either as I didnt say this is my observation of all swingers. It is just my perception of quite a few, my perception may be incorrect in your opinion, but your opinion is just that, your opinion, not mine. I am not saying my perception is accurate or inaccurate, wrong or correct, but it is just my take which is different from yours, that is life! quote] |
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In our experience and opinion there are as many reasons for swinging as there are couples. We have met our share of couples where one partner is clearly reluctant and the other either can't or won't see it but the majority are most definitely on the same page.
We never explain or justify our reasons although we often discuss how we like to conduct ourselves with people we meet to ensure that all of us know where we stand. |
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By *FlackoxCouple
over a year ago
London |
The phrase most of the couples start swinging just to save their relationships sounds quite patethic. For us we were just plain honest the more time we spent together the more truth we unveiled about ourselves, which we furthered by finally exploring and so far its been fun, regardless of who we meet or fuck our Love is much bigger than that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The phrase most of the couples start swinging just to save their relationships sounds quite patethic. For us we were just plain honest the more time we spent together the more truth we unveiled about ourselves, which we furthered by finally exploring and so far its been fun, regardless of who we meet or fuck our Love is much bigger than that."
Exactly my experience |
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