 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Ok, so when I'm bored, I write random crap. When I read it back I realise how awful it is! But incomplete stuff drives me up the wall.
I just need a line and a word in here. Help? and PLEASE don't laugh, I know its awful! I wouldn't be asking for help if I were able to find the right words 
I feel your breath on the back of my neck,
As you reach round I become a wreck.
Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,
They lock with mine and my knees go weak.
I feel your heart as you pull me close,
[Something something something something].
I'm ready to give myself to you,
I know that I can have you too.
You wrap your arms around my waist,
And lift me [something something something].
Place me down upon the bed,
I'm so [something] I feel like lead.
Again, I know its awful! But its incomplete and I'm getting agitated! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Instead of: I feel your heart as you pull me close
How about:
I feel your heart as you pull me near
My body shakes, my feelings clear"
YES! Thank you   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Ok, so when I'm bored, I write random crap. When I read it back I realise how awful it is! But incomplete stuff drives me up the wall.
I just need a line and a word in here. Help? and PLEASE don't laugh, I know its awful! I wouldn't be asking for help if I were able to find the right words
I feel your breath on the back of my neck,
As you reach round I become a wreck.
Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,
They lock with mine and my knees go weak.
I feel your heart as you pull me close,
Our heartbeats match in beating tones,
I'm ready to give myself to you,
I know that I can have you too.
You wrap your arms around my waist,
And lift me; you can't wait to taste,
Place me down upon the bed,
I'm so deep I feel like lead.
Again, I know its awful! But its incomplete and I'm getting agitated! "
The 'close' is the really tricky one. Still can't think of anything to fit and I refuse to cheat by googling rhymes! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Thank you all!
Now all I need is the last 2 lines fixed/changed. I'm not wanting to go into the sexy part lol! I just need the:
Place me down upon the bed,
I'm so [something] I feel like lead.
Changes welcome! I just need to wrap it up! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I feel your heart as you pull me in,
My guilty pleasure, my ultimate sin."
Ooh I like that too!!
Maybe I could put that in after the:
I feel your heart as you pull me near,
My body shakes, my feelings clear
But I can't use 'I feel your heart...' twice.. what else could I use? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Place me down upon the bed,
I'm so done I feel like lead
or
place me down upon the bed
all our emotion now to be shed "
Second one!! xD
How's this?
I feel your breath on the back of my neck,
As you reach round I become a wreck.
Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,
They lock with mine and my knees go weak.
I feel your heart as you pull me near,
My body shakes, my feelings clear.
Your body like rock as you pull me in,
My guilty pleasure, my ultimate sin.
I'm ready to give myself to you,
I know that I can have you too [still sketchy on this line]
You wrap your arms around my waist,
And lift me with indecent haste.
Place me down upon the bed,
All our emotion now to be shed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thank you all!
Now all I need is the last 2 lines fixed/changed. I'm not wanting to go into the sexy part lol! I just need the:
Place me down upon the bed,
I'm so [something] I feel like lead.
Changes welcome! I just need to wrap it up!"
So "depressed" etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"the sweat on your body as you pull me in
the anticipation of whats next, my ultimate sin "
Even better!
I feel your breath on the back of my neck,
As you reach round I become a wreck.
Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,
They lock with mine and my knees go weak.
I feel your heart as you pull me near,
My body shakes, my feelings clear.
Sweat on your body as you pull me in,
The anticipation of whats next, my ultimate sin.
I'm ready to give myself to you,
I know that I can have you too [still sketchy on this line]
You wrap your arms around my waist,
And lift me with indecent haste.
Place me down upon the bed,
All our emotion now to be shed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Instead of: I'm ready to give myself to you,
I know that I can have you too.
Which sounds really cheesy and doesn't really fit with the rest..
Can someone think of something along these lines?
To you I give myself completely,
[something something something something]
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Here we go!
I feel your breath on the back of my neck,
As you reach round, I become a wreck.
Your lips brush past my ear and my cheek,
They lock with mine and my knees go weak.
I feel your heart as you bring me near,
My body shakes, my feelings clear.
Sweat on your body as you pull me in,
The anticipation of what's next, my ultimate sin.
I'm ready to give myself to you,
The moments we share are too few.
You wrap your arms around my waist,
And lift me with indecent hasts.
To you I'm ready to submit,
For that flame inside me, you have lit.
Place me down upon the bed,
All our emotions now to be shed.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hey Talkative Girl...loving the poetry So nice to read something here with a romantic fire lit within it. I don't really have anything to add but wanted to have a little play around with your words just for fun...I hope you don't mind  It's a bit more surreal but might spark new ideas
I feel your breath, a waking light,
You reach my skin, you fill my sight.
Your lips brush past my memories,
They take what's mine and leave the keys.
I feel your beat as falling near,
My body shakes, my limbs are clear.
There, on you, you pull me in,
The anticipation, the wet within.
I'm ready to leave myself for you,
To open up and let you through.
You wrap your arms around my world,
And lift me up forlorn; uncurled.
To you my body is a fire unlit.
For there, inside, your eyes submit.
You place me down on oceans of kisses,
And shed those shadows in return for blisses. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hey Talkative Girl...loving the poetry So nice to read something here with a romantic fire lit within it. I don't really have anything to add but wanted to have a little play around with your words just for fun...I hope you don't mind It's a bit more surreal but might spark new ideas
I feel your breath, a waking light,
You reach my skin, you fill my sight.
Your lips brush past my memories,
They take what's mine and leave the keys.
I feel your beat as falling near,
My body shakes, my limbs are clear.
There, on you, you pull me in,
The anticipation, the wet within.
I'm ready to leave myself for you,
To open up and let you through.
You wrap your arms around my world,
And lift me up forlorn; uncurled.
To you my body is a fire unlit.
For there, inside, your eyes submit.
You place me down on oceans of kisses,
And shed those shadows in return for blisses."
You have just put my poetry to shame xD That's great! Do you mind if I write it in my notebook? I'll make sure I stick your name under it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
Joke! Before you lynch me.
X
I love what you wrote...it's more direct...I just fancied putting it in the blender to see what came out lol. I'm a musician so I love rambling off with weird lyrics and I just couldn't resist 
