FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Platonic friendships!!
Platonic friendships!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife  I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just say it was a shit shag and you didn't get anything out of it.
At least they can't accuse you of doing it for pleasure so won't be as bad.
/I believe you..really.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
"
Break the friendship...too much hassle if you ask me.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just say it was a shit shag and you didn't get anything out of it.
At least they can't accuse you of doing it for pleasure so won't be as bad.
/I believe you..really. "
Haha he's really not my type  |
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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago
Carmarthenshire |
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
"
His wife questions him. Shows there's no trust and you can't have a relationship without trust. Nevermind a marriage  . Secondly why should you or anyone lose a mate because someone doesn't trust them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just say it was a shit shag and you didn't get anything out of it.
At least they can't accuse you of doing it for pleasure so won't be as bad.
/I believe you..really.
Haha he's really not my type "
I hear that a lot too. |
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That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"TBH it is her (and his) hurdle to get over, not yours.
Done nowt wrong ? Don't feel the need to justify yourself x"
That's the problem, I've felt like I have had to justify myself, I've been where she thinks she is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Leave them to get on with it unless you like the drama in which case stay friends. "
But then I wouldn't be friends with people like that in the first place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"TBH it is her (and his) hurdle to get over, not yours.
Done nowt wrong ? Don't feel the need to justify yourself x
That's the problem, I've felt like I have had to justify myself, I've been where she thinks she is "
Rochdale ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A dilemma indeed, one that you need to give some time and space to. Hopefully they'll get themselves sorted eventually, and then the friendship can resume (assuming she's got over her jealousy). |
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"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
"
I think the decision is his to make. If she hasn't acted this way before it's possible she's getting signals from him that you aren't aware of. Could it be that you are missing something? Could he have more than platonic feelings for you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried! "
I have apologised that I made her think that |
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Just one more idea could be to throw a wide ball off the wall comment with alittle interpretation dance or movement in there too if you want?
For example on passing or meeting said lady you could hop and say " get your hands up get your hands up! Everyday im shufflin! Yeah every day im shufflin!" . . .Thats just an example or walk up and say"im sexy and i know it girl look at my body wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah" . . .then walk away. X x X  |
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Another problem is that if you walk away from the friendship his wife will jump to the conclusion that there was something going on
Talk to them and try and be objective and helpful but stand your ground you have done nothing wrong x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"TBH it is her (and his) hurdle to get over, not yours.
Done nowt wrong ? Don't feel the need to justify yourself x
That's the problem, I've felt like I have had to justify myself, I've been where she thinks she is
Rochdale ? "
Haha |
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"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried!
I have apologised that I made her think that "
Oops that was *friend not fried! lol, anyway understandably your upset & rightly so.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just one more idea could be to throw a wide ball off the wall comment with alittle interpretation dance or movement in there too if you want?
For example on passing or meeting said lady you could hop and say " get your hands up get your hands up! Everyday im shufflin! Yeah every day im shufflin!" . . .Thats just an example or walk up and say"im sexy and i know it girl look at my body wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah" . . .then walk away. X x X "
Don't tempt me!!  |
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"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried!
I have apologised that I made her think that "
Why do you think it was you who made her think it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Another problem is that if you walk away from the friendship his wife will jump to the conclusion that there was something going on
Talk to them and try and be objective and helpful but stand your ground you have done nothing wrong x"
 exactly this. |
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.I've got it you go over there calm and collective knock on door. Say can i come in and on reaching the lounge with their attention on you pull a out a bottle and sing "shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Everybody!!" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried!
I have apologised that I made her think that
Why do you think it was you who made her think it?"
Don't we all blame the "other" woman |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Another problem is that if you walk away from the friendship his wife will jump to the conclusion that there was something going on
Talk to them and try and be objective and helpful but stand your ground you have done nothing wrong x
exactly this. "
Yes this is my thinking... But then she started messaging me via FB on his account.., the stuff she was saying was off the wall so I knew it wasn't him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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".I've got it you go over there calm and collective knock on door. Say can i come in and on reaching the lounge with their attention on you pull a out a bottle and sing "shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Everybody!!" "
Shots!!!! Maybe vodka  |
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"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried!
I have apologised that I made her think that
Why do you think it was you who made her think it?
Don't we all blame the "other" woman"
I don't know, I just think that by apologising for making her feel that way you're implying that you are at fault, that you have done something to warrant her fears.
I also think that no matter how well you know your friend you will never know the dynamic of their relationship and there could well be things going on that you're unaware of. I would say leave it to him to sort out. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if the marriage did break down due to her insecurities how would you feel knowing you were part of the reason (even though wrongly accused)
would your friend/the husband stay friends or resent you a little?
either way its messy, but i think i would back off and leave them too it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's a hard one. Its depends how important the friendship is with your male friend? But to be honest if you cant talk to them both and try and sort something out, it maybe best to apologise to her for thinking that an affair was happening & let them sort it out for themselves..
Hope all gets sorted out, its a horrible feeling when your accused of something that you haven't done even harder from a fried!
I have apologised that I made her think that
Why do you think it was you who made her think it?
Don't we all blame the "other" woman
I don't know, I just think that by apologising for making her feel that way you're implying that you are at fault, that you have done something to warrant her fears.
I also think that no matter how well you know your friend you will never know the dynamic of their relationship and there could well be things going on that you're unaware of. I would say leave it to him to sort out."
Yes I understand what you're saying, I do feel at fault though, as my friendship with her husband has made her question him. That's why I've apologised . Yes I agree, thank you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
"
I did but it's not enough |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough "
it's her issue... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"if the marriage did break down due to her insecurities how would you feel knowing you were part of the reason (even though wrongly accused)
would your friend/the husband stay friends or resent you a little?
either way its messy, but i think i would back off and leave them too it "
This is what I've thought about all afternoon... Yes that's my intention now |
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough "
Then you need to walk away. What more can you say, or do? You can't and shouldn't involve yourself in their marriage any further and to be honest your friend shouldn't be allowing you to be subject to this. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
Then you need to walk away. What more can you say, or do? You can't and shouldn't involve yourself in their marriage any further and to be honest your friend shouldn't be allowing you to be subject to this."
So very true |
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough "
Then theres more to it, You are between a rock & a hard place I'm afraid.. Keep your chin up & don't let it get to you too much.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
it's her issue..."
Yes but if she can't accept it then I need to give up my friendship , for myself also cause I don't want to bring doubt upon my friend |
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
it's her issue...
Yes but if she can't accept it then I need to give up my friendship , for myself also cause I don't want to bring doubt upon my friend "
It's horrible when something like this happens but you're doing right. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
"
Well here's the thing , and call me old fashioned but what do you expect ?
I know it sounds strange , but having platonic relationships with other women's husbands and partners is inevitably gonna cause strife .
Whenever she feels vulnerable , or they have a row , you are gonna be in their mind .
Your choice to have these relationships , and the guys choice too . Perhaps some of the women are cool with it , and some not , but everyone has the choice , and the consequences , however inevitable are for you all to deal with .
In answer to your question - leave him and her to deal with this situation and stay out of it . |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
it's her issue...
Yes but if she can't accept it then I need to give up my friendship , for myself also cause I don't want to bring doubt upon my friend "
of course, but you walk away with your head held high, your dignity intact.
time may be a healer, if it isn't : you have warm memories. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
Well here's the thing , and call me old fashioned but what do you expect ?
I know it sounds strange , but having platonic relationships with other women's husbands and partners is inevitably gonna cause strife .
Whenever she feels vulnerable , or they have a row , you are gonna be in their mind .
Your choice to have these relationships , and the guys choice too . Perhaps some of the women are cool with it , and some not , but everyone has the choice , and the consequences , however inevitable are for you all to deal with .
In answer to your question - leave him and her to deal with this situation and stay out of it ."
Yes, and with respect that is my intention |
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"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
"
Do you need the drama? I'd walk away and leave them to sort out their issues, after all, it's just a platonic relationship...right?!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
it's her issue...
Yes but if she can't accept it then I need to give up my friendship , for myself also cause I don't want to bring doubt upon my friend
of course, but you walk away with your head held high, your dignity intact.
time may be a healer, if it isn't : you have warm memories. "
Oh I will but I'm gutted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm probably not going to make myself popular here but why should you both lose a good friendship? That's of course assuming he is a close friend and not just an acquaintance. I personally would ask him if he wanted me to back off whilst they figured things out, but I'd never just wash my hands of a true friend... whether male or female. I'm not saying shove your friendship in her face, but they clearly have issues and he may need a friend to lean on.
I would however try to get to the bottom of why she feels that I was up to something with her man and make it very clear that there is nothing but friendship there. Were you friends with her too? Maybe the problem is she sees the friendship you have with other wives and is suspicious because you aren't as friendly with her?
Ask him what he wants... off he wants you to back off then fair enough, but give him the option rather than making the decision for him |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
Do you need the drama? I'd walk away and leave them to sort out their issues, after all, it's just a platonic relationship...right?!! "
No I really don't need the drama, but losing a good friend in the process |
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
Then you need to walk away. What more can you say, or do? You can't and shouldn't involve yourself in their marriage any further and to be honest your friend shouldn't be allowing you to be subject to this."
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm probably not going to make myself popular here but why should you both lose a good friendship? That's of course assuming he is a close friend and not just an acquaintance. I personally would ask him if he wanted me to back off whilst they figured things out, but I'd never just wash my hands of a true friend... whether male or female. I'm not saying shove your friendship in her face, but they clearly have issues and he may need a friend to lean on.
I would however try to get to the bottom of why she feels that I was up to something with her man and make it very clear that there is nothing but friendship there. Were you friends with her too? Maybe the problem is she sees the friendship you have with other wives and is suspicious because you aren't as friendly with her?
Ask him what he wants... off he wants you to back off then fair enough, but give him the option rather than making the decision for him"
I'm not friends with her no, I've not actually given him the choice now, I've made my decision because the last thing I want is to come between them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was in the same situation a few years ago. I walked away from the friendship as it wasn't fair on either my friend or me constantly being accused. Yes I miss the friendship but it was a price I had to pay for a hassle free life |
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"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
Break the friendship...too much hassle if you ask me.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
His wife questions him. Shows there's no trust and you can't have a relationship without trust. Nevermind a marriage . Secondly why should you or anyone lose a mate because someone doesn't trust them "
I trusted my husband,he didn't trust me. He had an affair,I didn't. Trust means fuck all |
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had this happen to me once before ..first i knew was the guy rang me tosay the marriage was over and i was the reason ...been having an affair with him ! ..i thought it would all blow over and ceased contact with both parties as i actually knew who he was having an affair with ...but what a mess ...i would stay well clear ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
His wife questions him. Shows there's no trust and you can't have a relationship without trust. Nevermind a marriage . Secondly why should you or anyone lose a mate because someone doesn't trust them
I trusted my husband,he didn't trust me. He had an affair,I didn't. Trust means fuck all"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
Then you need to walk away. What more can you say, or do? You can't and shouldn't involve yourself in their marriage any further and to be honest your friend shouldn't be allowing you to be subject to this."
This is what I think |
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"I wouldn't apologise, there is something in their dynamic that is causing her concern.
She needs to settle it with him, you just need to say 'you are friends, end of'
I did but it's not enough
Then you need to walk away. What more can you say, or do? You can't and shouldn't involve yourself in their marriage any further and to be honest your friend shouldn't be allowing you to be subject to this.
This is what I think "
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By *r-UniqueMan
over a year ago
Carmarthenshire |
"I have many male friends.
I've had some for a number of years.
Some have wife's some don't, I'm also friends with some of their wife's.
But today ive been accused of having an affair with one by his wife I haven't , I just wouldn't go there.
So my turmoil is ... Where do we go from here?
Stay friends but have his wife doubt him or break that friendship
His wife questions him. Shows there's no trust and you can't have a relationship without trust. Nevermind a marriage . Secondly why should you or anyone lose a mate because someone doesn't trust them
I trusted my husband,he didn't trust me. He had an affair,I didn't. Trust means fuck all"
You get back with him? He probably cheated because he thought you were and acted out. |
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If here is something wrong with the marriage its always easier to blame it on others than it is to look at ourselves and our own faults and shortcomings, so all of the problems if there are only are being projected onto you because its the easy thing to do. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Affairs aren't always sexual. The most hurtful thing is thinking that your partner is sharing more and confiding with someone else.
If that is what she is feeling nothing you or he can say will help.
You have to step away from both of them and let them find their way back to each other or away from each other without you as a distraction.
I hate losing friends like that but sometimes there is no other way to be a true friend.
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The ball is somewhat in their court, and they have the major problem. Not that it is easy losing a friend. Very early days, as it is just today. Try to speak with him, let him know you can be a friend still, but give them some space. You are innocent, so need do nothing and dont need to fix their problem - it is for them to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kick them both to the kerb sweetheart... I'm sorry but it's never going to be the same... You will feel uncomfortable in his company.. I think there's more to this than meets the eye... I think licks.. Up there is probably right.. Insecurities, coupled with him laughing and discussing daft things with you,rather than with her.. perhaps chatting at home about you, how much he enjoys your company, can talk to you etc etc..maybe she doesn't actually think you are having an affair, and shes a little jealous its a pretty good way of making him to feel awkward about seeing you in the future. I also suggest this guys feelings for you aren't purely platonic.. And she knows it. |
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"Kick them both to the kerb sweetheart... I'm sorry but it's never going to be the same... You will feel uncomfortable in his company.. I think there's more to this than meets the eye... I think licks.. Up there is probably right.. Insecurities, coupled with him laughing and discussing daft things with you,rather than with her.. perhaps chatting at home about you, how much he enjoys your company, can talk to you etc etc..maybe she doesn't actually think you are having an affair, and shes a little jealous its a pretty good way of making him to feel awkward about seeing you in the future. I also suggest this guys feelings for you aren't purely platonic.. And she knows it. "
Kills me to admit it but I recon the scaly up there is bang on the nail. Fuck em both off before you get dragged into there silly games x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose what lead up to the situation where the wife questioned the affair? If you have been friends for a long time then you shouldn't drop the friend.
Are they on the swinger site? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't feel the need to apologise , if you are a close friend she should know you well enough to trust you. Sounds like it's her husband she doesn't trust but is picking it out on you in fear of losing him.
A very weak thing to do.
Hold your head up and walk away lovely . You've did nothing wrong  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I suppose what lead up to the situation where the wife questioned the affair? If you have been friends for a long time then you shouldn't drop the friend.
Are they on the swinger site?"
Nope |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't feel the need to apologise , if you are a close friend she should know you well enough to trust you. Sounds like it's her husband she doesn't trust but is picking it out on you in fear of losing him.
A very weak thing to do.
Hold your head up and walk away lovely . You've did nothing wrong "
She doesn't know me, we never actually met.
I've walked away |
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