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So what would you do??
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So in the vanilla world I start seeing this fella. He's lovely ticks all the boxes - attentive, funny, kind, gets on with your friends - you see where I'm going. Few lovely dates and take it to the next level - back to his for a few drinks. And that's when the problem hits me - he lives in a dump! I'm not talking just untidy here - Kim and Aggie would have had a dicky fit! He had an old dog and the place stank (I'm dry retching thinking about it!) Two days on - several baths and hair washes later I swear I can still smell it.So my question- what would you do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never ever return.
Sounds rancid...i'd maybe even find a way to gently break it to him that it's not him, it's the hovel he chooses to live in.
Bit of mess is ok...grime and stench?! No thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i would run lol not because he/she may not be a nice enough person but if they could not notice the the smell i would wonder to much what else could be wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You either tell him he lives in a shithole or you walk away.
I think you already know the answer."
Or both?! Poor bloke will never pull if he doesn't know why he's failing at the last hurdle. Unless he wants Waynetta Slob on his arm. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't think me helping him tidy up would work. The place needs fumigating!! I even had to throw my cardigan away cos couldn't get rid of the smell and dog hairs. It was as tho he didn't know his place was rank. I do have OCD but I also have kids so know the difference between dirty and untidy. Shame - such a nice fella apart from this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd walk away. Mess and being untidy is one thing but living in a smelly dump is another.
My house needs a lot of work done to it but I can still keep it clean and reasonably tidy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Take him to yours instead?
You say "he had an old dog", do you mean he used to or still has?
Old dogs can really stink up the place.  "
Yeh no problem with him coming to mine. Sorry he has an old dog. It's huge and smelly (I actually love dogs but not them slobbering all over me - oh god I feel sick now)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aw I feel for you. Tough one but I've been in homes a bit like you're describing. One is a friend which is okay as I meet them at other places. But for partner material I think I'd have to walk away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd sit on it a bit if you are happy to accomodate at yours and see how things progress. He might cotton on after a while or even ask why you always go back to yours and you can just tell him that his place is a bit of a state. If by then you've worked your womanly magic, he'll sort it out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing is that if you are used to the smell you don't actually realise how revolting it is to anyone else, with a old dog too it doesn't help I guess. Either way I think you should point it out, he will either be so embarrassed as he didn't realise and do something about it or he'll get right pissed off with you and wont, either way its addressed and then you will know exactly what your next steps should be. Had similar with my dad albeit he's a bit slow after his stroke. |
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Is it a problem that has got out of hand? A problem that to him has become the norm, or something that he doesn't know how to begin to tackle. Maybe ask him to get some cleaners in to help him clean up. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP could you not smell it on him before you went to his home? "
No hun I couldn't. Came as a right shock! I think my face must of been a picture. I've worked in the community for 25 years and have seen the conditions some people live in. I know each to their own and all that. Just would never have thought this fella lived like that. (He's very clean and presentable).But I am thinking never the twain .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it a problem that has got out of hand? A problem that to him has become the norm, or something that he doesn't know how to begin to tackle. Maybe ask him to get some cleaners in to help him clean up."
Sometimes it can get overwhelming. Maybe he doesn't know where to start. I saw a similar scenario on "Secret Hoarders" and his gf was seriously shocked when went to his house for first time. He did start addressing it though. Guess it all depends on how you feel about him. I'd say something to him, but in a sensitive way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say that as lovely as he,is his place is a dump and im not going back in there until its been cleaned and tidied up,he must be an intelligent and solvent man? Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction? What I wouldn't do is offer to help with the clean up mission yourself
If he is offended by your honesty then hes not really worth pursuing |
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"I would say that as lovely as he,is his place is a dump and im not going back in there until its been cleaned and tidied up,he must be an intelligent and solvent man? Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction? What I wouldn't do is offer to help with the clean up mission yourself
If he is offended by your honesty then hes not really worth pursuing"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys. Think I've got to say something but diplomatically. If he wasn't so nice I wouldn't hestitate, similarly if it was in a professional capacity I would address it.
Well that's put me off vanilla for a bit lol |
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 there has to be something wrong here, I have known people who live in houses that are so untidy there is literally nowhere to sit down, where poultry chicks are being raised on the dining room table and elderly and incontinent cars have free rein but they are always aware of it and realise that it isn't acceptable to everyone. They usually attempt to clean and tidy for visitors too. Has this guy recently been ill with depression or something that made it difficult for him to do things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ohhh chels only you lol... Depends how much you like him I suppose, and how much you are prepared to put up with. Now you know me! I'd say what the hell dear god this place is a shit hole... You can tell him to clean up, but unfortunately this is obviously the way he's inclined to live, so I wouldn't imagine it would be long before the place slipped back, to its original state. It's a shame but I think you already know the answer... Remind me not to invite you to ours  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The thing is that if you are used to the smell you don't actually realise how revolting it is to anyone else, with a old dog too it doesn't help I guess. Either way I think you should point it out, he will either be so embarrassed as he didn't realise and do something about it or he'll get right pissed off with you and wont, either way its addressed and then you will know exactly what your next steps should be. Had similar with my dad albeit he's a bit slow after his stroke. "
Tell him, it's probably been a gradual slide and he hasn't noticed. if he could get some cleaners in and get a fresh start you may be on to something, if not at least he has been told and his life may improve in the future because of your help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i t would probably matter to me if i had to go there- if i liked the person enough to want to see them more i would have to say something ( or turn up in a pinny and with a bucket of cleaning products)- in my job i visit folks homes all day and how some choose to live is beyond me - they are however lovely people and sometimes the ones living in their mess nicer than the showy ones |
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