FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > It's just sex
It's just sex
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"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " I totally agree and use the site in that way. Post card in the post. lol  | |||
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" Totally aggree with you! There has to be a mental and physical attraction! I don't want to sleep my way through the site, but at the same time I don't want a relationship! More a frieds with benefits that way I get quality not quantity! If that makes sense "It makes total sense | |||
"I have to say you are stunning and any man would be very lucky to have you and a date, wine and dine social to get to know one another is not too much to ask for I think there is SEX then real hot sex and for that we need chemistry for the big bang x" I wouldn't expect to be wined and dined though, that's not the reason I'm here.... I am however here for the big bang! Oh and thanks for the compliment, I'm very flattered  | |||
" Totally aggree with you! There has to be a mental and physical attraction! I don't want to sleep my way through the site, but at the same time I don't want a relationship! More a frieds with benefits that way I get quality not quantity! If that makes sense
It makes total sense "Phew! I'm glad it made sense even with the mis spelling of friends lol | |||
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"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " I concur | |||
"I whole heartedly agree with your view OP. The "this isn't a dating site" or "it's just sex" both really grate with me. I don't have "just sex" with "just anyone", if I don't want to merit them for a drink or coffee I'm certainly not going to want to get naked with them. Some seem to think that to have more the "just sex" you are looking for a relationship, which in my case isn't the case. I am however looking for someone that I can have a conversation with out side the bedroom, before I see the inside of it. " | |||
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"One on one there has to be attraction. In a club scenario it's different for me. It's just sex. " Ah, yes, agreed that it's different in clubs. | |||
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"This thread had just made me feel a whole lot better!! I totally agree with you all...what is wrong with needing to be attracted to someone before wanting to have mind blowing sex with them?? Now I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way I'm sticking to my guns instead of filling the application out for the nunnery!! "Even if you were different to everyone else in terms of how you like meets to be, so what? Do what suits you. Don't apologise and don't explain  | |||
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"This thread had just made me feel a whole lot better!! I totally agree with you all...what is wrong with needing to be attracted to someone before wanting to have mind blowing sex with them?? Now I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way I'm sticking to my guns instead of filling the application out for the nunnery!!
Even if you were different to everyone else in terms of how you like meets to be, so what? Do what suits you. Don't apologise and don't explain "Thank you hunny | |||
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"This thread had just made me feel a whole lot better!! I totally agree with you all...what is wrong with needing to be attracted to someone before wanting to have mind blowing sex with them?? Now I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way I'm sticking to my guns instead of filling the application out for the nunnery!! "there has to be a connection, or you may as well buy a blowup doll | |||
"As a cyborg, if I had emotions I might just agree with you. " equally if you were a cyborg, you wouldn't have an opinion. | |||
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"As a cyborg, if I had emotions I might just agree with you. equally if you were a cyborg, you wouldn't have an opinion. "Part of my programming is to try and blend in with the human populace, and being an opinionated douchebag was deemed an key trait to give me. So you're wrong.  | |||
"It is just sex for me but I like sex with people who are fun, interesting and that I can talk to and have a laugh and want to meet again. There has to be a 'spark' of sexual excitement, but at the end of the day, it's just sex. " | |||
"As a cyborg, if I had emotions I might just agree with you. equally if you were a cyborg, you wouldn't have an opinion.
Part of my programming is to try and blend in with the human populace, and being an opinionated douchebag was deemed an key trait to give me.
So you're wrong. "
So is this your opinion or the opinion of the person that made you? See you aren't being a hundred percent clear. Can you get back to me. I need this cleared up ASAP | |||
" Even if you were different to everyone else in terms of how you like meets to be, so what? Do what suits you. Don't apologise and don't explain "Very well put . I totally agree. | |||
"So is this your opinion or the opinion of the person that made you? See you aren't being a hundred percent clear. Can you get back to me. I need this cleared up ASAP " Mine - I am still part organic. | |||
"So is this your opinion or the opinion of the person that made you? See you aren't being a hundred percent clear. Can you get back to me. I need this cleared up ASAP Mine - I am still part organic." That's good. I was worried you weren't being yourself for a bit.. Phew  | |||
Sometimes you kiss the right frog almost immediately, but most times you have fun with lots of frogs first
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"In total agreement with you. There has to be that spark. That connection for me to jump into bed with whoever. I'm not after notches on the bedpost. I want friends with benefits." This just about sums it up. If I can't imagine or would want to spend a lazy afternoon in a pub with someone I can actually chat with then I probably wouldn't want to sleep with them either. That doesn't mean that it's all about the social aspect but for me it's the litmus test scenario. I've never had sex with anyone I didn't like as a friend before I slept with them; I'm not built that way and I'm old and wise enough to know that this doesn't suit everyone. | |||
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"In total agreement with you. There has to be that spark. That connection for me to jump into bed with whoever. I'm not after notches on the bedpost. I want friends with benefits Err did any of that make sense? I've taken my painkillers and a bit far out maan yeah. Peace lol x" I fully agree it's about the chemistry, sex is such an intimate personal act and there's a lot of trust involved! So I can't understand people who can just disconnect during the act! | |||
"In total agreement with you. There has to be that spark. That connection for me to jump into bed with whoever. I'm not after notches on the bedpost. I want friends with benefits. This just about sums it up. If I can't imagine or would want to spend a lazy afternoon in a pub with someone I can actually chat with then I probably wouldn't want to sleep with them either. That doesn't mean that it's all about the social aspect but for me it's the litmus test scenario. I've never had sex with anyone I didn't like as a friend before I slept with them; I'm not built that way and I'm old and wise enough to know that this doesn't suit everyone." Yes very well said, if I could not have a good natter and laugh, it would be goodbye and home alone | |||
"This thread had just made me feel a whole lot better!! I totally agree with you all...what is wrong with needing to be attracted to someone before wanting to have mind blowing sex with them?? Now I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way I'm sticking to my guns instead of filling the application out for the nunnery!!
there has to be a connection, or you may as well buy a blowup doll "Do they do blow up dolls for women???  | |||
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"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial." Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys.. | |||
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"Just sex eh? Some do just see it as a mechanical act indeed and each to their own. I would prefer to have GREAT sex with someone where the attraction is mutual. If you don't fancy someone how can you get the juices flowing so to speak. Bad sex to me is way worse than no sex. " | |||
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" I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial." Would have been an idea if I had read the whole thread first eh? This is what some could mean indeed. However some do just mean that you should not be too fussy. I remember talking to a guy in a hot tub once. He was reminiscing about the times he had been there, when some women would turn up and let everyone have a go. His words not mine. No talk of attraction either way. | |||
"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys.."
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences | |||
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"OP I can't believe no one else has picked up on this but can we hear more about the "I'm a bit of a deviant" please. Thank you "Ha ha if I told you I really would have to kill you muhahahaha | |||
"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys..
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences "Exactly....that doesn't mean your criteria are any less relevant to couples, but it is a totally different dynamic | |||
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"I total over generalisation here, but I think when it comes to fwb - woman go for the friends part first, where as men go for the benefits. If you see someone for a while, that sort of evens out." I dont necessarily agree. I prefer to build a bit of a friendship first. I find it impossible to completely separate sex and emotion the two are both sides of the same coin. Take away the emotional connection and you are basically masturbating using someone else. The moment you make someone smile emotion is involved. It's what makes the difference. Because I have feelings for someone on an emotional as well as physical or sexual level doesn't mean I have to feel possessive over or committed to them but I do feel a connection above that of purely animalistic lust and it takes the sex to a different level. | |||
"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys..
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences "Was just explaining (not to cause offence, you sound a bit pissed off for some reason) what the differences may be to how you perceive what people mean, they don't necessarily mean they want robotic emotionless encounters but im sure that suits some. You said you take umbrance (umbridge) because people see it differently to you, I say what anyone wants is fine. Ignore the people who say you shouldn't be here, nobody owns it and your decisions are none of their business frankly. You do want more as in emotional attachment, others don't (singles and couples) I come at this from an interested stand-point as I met my husband of 14 years on a sex site. Good luck finding your pervy bed mate and more | |||
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"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys..
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences
Was just explaining (not to cause offence, you sound a bit pissed off for some reason) what the differences may be to how you perceive what people mean, they don't necessarily mean they want robotic emotionless encounters but im sure that suits some. You said you take umbrance (umbridge) because people see it differently to you, I say what anyone wants is fine. Ignore the people who say you shouldn't be here, nobody owns it and your decisions are none of their business frankly. You do want more as in emotional attachment, others don't (singles and couples) I come at this from an interested stand-point as I met my husband of 14 years on a sex site.
Good luck finding your pervy bed mate and more "If I sounded pissed off I wasn't supposed to at all was just answering the post that's all? | |||
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"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys..
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences
Was just explaining (not to cause offence, you sound a bit pissed off for some reason) what the differences may be to how you perceive what people mean, they don't necessarily mean they want robotic emotionless encounters but im sure that suits some. You said you take umbrance (umbridge) because people see it differently to you, I say what anyone wants is fine. Ignore the people who say you shouldn't be here, nobody owns it and your decisions are none of their business frankly. You do want more as in emotional attachment, others don't (singles and couples) I come at this from an interested stand-point as I met my husband of 14 years on a sex site.
Good luck finding your pervy bed mate and more
If I sounded pissed off I wasn't supposed to at all was just answering the post that's all? "Just to add I said I take *umbridge*to people telling me how I should use the site not differing opinions. | |||
"It is just sex for me but I like sex with people who are fun, interesting and that I can talk to and have a laugh and want to meet again. There has to be a 'spark' of sexual excitement, but at the end of the day, it's just sex. " I agree with this, apart from the "want to meet again" bit
For us it is "just sex" although we have to like them and want to play with them but we are not looking for dates or friendship or any emotional ties, we have that with each other, here its simply sex | |||
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If that is 'just sex' then fine....but for me it's all encompassing for as long as it lasts. Thats why it can be so hard to keep emotion out....as I have spent so much time in my partner's head. | |||
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"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate. This overlaps into an area I've been giving a lot of thought to; that there is too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now. " Trust comes with time. First time sex with someone you barely know is risky.You can know someone for years and they do something you wouldn't expect them to. I trust all my men not to hurt me or do anything I don't want to. I'd like to think there aren't many men in the world who couldn't be trusted like that | |||
"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial. Spot on..think it's significant that the majority of posts on this topic are from single women and guys..
Well it would be for me as that's what I'm looking to meet. I'm sure it is different if you are part of a swinging couple but I can't really comment because I'm not. Just drawing on my own experiences
Was just explaining (not to cause offence, you sound a bit pissed off for some reason) what the differences may be to how you perceive what people mean, they don't necessarily mean they want robotic emotionless encounters but im sure that suits some. You said you take umbrance (umbridge) because people see it differently to you, I say what anyone wants is fine. Ignore the people who say you shouldn't be here, nobody owns it and your decisions are none of their business frankly. You do want more as in emotional attachment, others don't (singles and couples) I come at this from an interested stand-point as I met my husband of 14 years on a sex site.
Good luck finding your pervy bed mate and more
If I sounded pissed off I wasn't supposed to at all was just answering the post that's all?
Just to addd I said I take *umbridge*to people telling me how I should use the site not differing opinions. "That's alright, Soz if there's been a misunderstanding. And as I stated, screw em,none of their business why you're here. I've read it too, all I would say is - not to you but to people who like to divide everyone up -just accept the reasons swingers are here (it is a swingers site so you will get peeps out for very non-committed sex) and accept that it's also a great place for single deviants who want more. | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " You are not alone, I really don't get 'just sex' never done it, never will. Like you I am far from vanilla, and I sometimes wonder if I'm addicted to sex, however, I have absolutely no desire to just shove my cock in a piece of meats hole ! would rather wank, lot less hassle. If you are on the wrong site, so are a very large percentage of the rest, including me. Yes I want to meet sexy new people, but I want to be passionate, intimate, tactile, for us both to say 'WOW' at the end of a meet, not to 'do the business then split'. One of my friends summed it up a while back, there are some people who want to 'cum and go' and if that satisfies them both, all well and good, but it would never satisfy me. Ignore the critics, swinging is what you want it to be, and I suspect we may be in the majority  | |||
"Just because we say its "just sex" for us doesnt mean we meet just anyone. We have high standards and only meet men who meet the criteria we look for, theres no point in meeting people that arnt what we look for. We dont look for emotional stuff or friendship though, thats way to much hassle for us " | |||
" Others will have joined, looking for what I avoid. " I think that's the point exactly. People rave in veris about men I would not meet a second time, they wanted something different to me obviously. We all want to meet with people we are attracted to, that's a given, but the 'Its only sex' line is usually used by someone who wants less of a mental/emotional thing trying to belittle someone who wants more of one, and I would suggest often due to their own angst/frustration too! | |||
"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate. This overlaps into an area I've been giving a lot of thought to; that there is too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now. " Actually trust for me is a given hence I never thought to mention it, I call it the feeling to Mr D. I've ceased comms immediately when I feel there could be a trust issue. And that could manifest itself in many ways. I trust the people we see as much as is possible to in this sphere, in the case of longer term people, I trust them implicitly. | |||
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"Just sex eh? Some do just see it as a mechanical act indeed and each to their own. I would prefer to have GREAT sex with someone where the attraction is mutual. If you don't fancy someone how can you get the juices flowing so to speak. Bad sex to me is way worse than no sex. " Exactly this. I need to have a connection with the man I intend getting jiggy with. Physical attraction and chemistry all adds to a great sexual experience | |||
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"Answer this: do you cuddle everyone you have sex with afterwards? " Yes - because the comedown after a session can result in them becoming emotional and feeling vulnerable; being held is absolutely the best way to regain emotional balance. | |||
"Answer this: do you cuddle everyone you have sex with afterwards? " No. I don't have time for that (or the desire) | |||
"The op and the vast majority who agree are all single , so there is an inevitable difference of opinion to those who swing as a married couple . The last thing on our mind is finding someone we would date , or even want to enjoy in our vanilla life . So , to buck the trend , we don't agree with the op at all . We happily swing with those we find attractive and who push our buttons sexually , and generally apply the one meet only rule . " | |||
"Answer this: do you cuddle everyone you have sex with afterwards? " I'm usually asleep before I have time to think about that. | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " For me it is 'just sex' I have no interest in going on 'dates' etc and sex doesn't have to be intimate at all | |||
No we dont cuddle them afterwards, if i saw hubby cuddling another guy it would turn me off and make me laugh lol | |||
Oh and if i learn some new tricks, even better! | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. You are not alone, I really don't get 'just sex' never done it, never will. Like you I am far from vanilla, and I sometimes wonder if I'm addicted to sex, however, I have absolutely no desire to just shove my cock in a piece of meats hole ! would rather wank, lot less hassle. If you are on the wrong site, so are a very large percentage of the rest, including me. Yes I want to meet sexy new people, but I want to be passionate, intimate, tactile, for us both to say 'WOW' at the end of a meet, not to 'do the business then split'. One of my friends summed it up a while back, there are some people who want to 'cum andand go' and if that satisfies them both, all well and good, but it would never satisfy me. Ignore the critics, swinging is what you want it to be, andand I suspect we may be in the majority "But just to be an awkward bugger, if you should avoid criticising people who are looking for more then surely it's also pretty wrong to assess those who don't want more as wanting to 'stick their meat in a hole' Aren't you being just like those you criticise? Yes there are undoubtedly as many singles as swinging couples and singles but the site is still called a swinging site, possibly best then to just try to rub along and accept it as what it is. | |||
"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate. This overlaps into an area I've been giving a lot of thought to; that there is too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now. " 'too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now' Is that an opinion formed from your experience using this site, and if so how have you come to such a damming generalisation ? | |||
"Answer this: do you cuddle everyone you have sex with afterwards? Yes - because the comedown after a session can result in them becoming emotional and feeling vulnerable; being held is absolutely the best way to regain emotional balance. " I don't particularly like being cuddled. I won't pull away and sometimes it is ok but I don't like the intimacy it brings. It can even make me tearful | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " Yep totally agree, attraction, connection and pleasure set us apart from the animals | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. You are not alone, I really don't get 'just sex' never done it, never will. Like you I am far from vanilla, and I sometimes wonder if I'm addicted to sex, however, I have absolutely no desire to just shove my cock in a piece of meats hole ! would rather wank, lot less hassle. If you are on the wrong site, so are a very large percentage of the rest, including me. Yes I want to meet sexy new people, but I want to be passionate, intimate, tactile, for us both to say 'WOW' at the end of a meet, not to 'do the business then split'. One of my friends summed it up a while back, there are some people who want to 'cum andand go' and if that satisfies them both, all well and good, but it would never satisfy me. Ignore the critics, swinging is what you want it to be, andand I suspect we may be in the majority
But just to be an awkward bugger, if you should avoid criticising people who are looking for more then surely it's also pretty wrong to assess those who don't want more as wanting to 'stick their meat in a hole'
Aren't you being just like those you criticise?
Yes there are undoubtedly as many singles as swinging couples and singles but the site is still called a swinging site, possibly best then to just try to rub along and accept it as what it is."That's why I said and 'if that satisfies them both, all well and good' I'm most definitely not looking for anything beyond erotic, intimate sex and I guess friendship, to me, swinging is about having multiple friends, all of whom accept that you've got multiple friends and vice versa. As I say, its whatever you want it to be. | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. Yep totally agree, attraction, connection and pleasure set us apart from the animals "My cat definitely loves me, but I spurn his advances. | |||
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"Totally agree, if you don't feel any connection why go through the motions. " For sex | |||
"We have to be able to get on with a person before we meet them....but it is still "just sex" if we do meet. There is no emotional attachment so I can't see how it can be anything else. " After reading the rest of the thread I am smiling at the "no I need a connection" from the men ( sorry men )
Looking at the answers on the thread there seems to be two camps, the single camp being the ones who say I don't want just sex.
You can have just sex and still have a conversation/ get on with someone. | |||
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"We have to be able to get on with a person before we meet them....but it is still "just sex" if we do meet. There is no emotional attachment so I can't see how it can be anything else. After reading the rest of the thread I am smiling at the "no I need a connection" from the men ( sorry men )
Looking at the answers on the thread there seems to be two camps, the single camp being the ones who say I don't want just sex.
You can have just sex and still have a conversation/ get on with someone. "that's how I see it. I have friends for a social life, men for a sex life. I don't say yes to everyone who asks,even if I haven't had sex for months | |||
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" that's how I see it. I have friends for a social life, men for a sex life. I don't say yes to everyone who asks,even if I haven't had sex for months " You don't often hear that on here from a single. Some people think anyone who doesn't want to spend weeks mailing/ talking on the phone/ socialising before meeting for sex another time are opening their legs to anyone who asks when it isn't the case for most of us at all.
We have been meeting a man for the last 7 years, sometimes there is a gap of 6 months before either if us get in touch with each other, we don't know too much personal stuff about each other but we all get on enough to keep the conversations going inbetween the play....but it is still just sex. | |||
"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate. This overlaps into an area I've been giving a lot of thought to; that there is too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now. " As always, a thought provoking point of view from you Prof. Thank you. I have said for many years, if it was 'just sex' I'd charge for it but my bank balance clearly shows I don't! | |||
" After reading the rest of the thread I am smiling at the "no I need a connection" from the men ( sorry men )
"A cock in a pussy is a connection | |||
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" that's how I see it. I have friends for a social life, men for a sex life. I don't say yes to everyone who asks,even if I haven't had sex for months You don't often hear that on here from a single. Some people think anyone who doesn't want to spend weeks mailing/ talking on the phone/ socialising before meeting for sex another time are opening their legs to anyone who asks when it isn't the case for most of us at all.
We have been meeting a man for the last 7 years, sometimes there is a gap of 6 months before either if us get in touch with each other, we don't know too much personal stuff about each other but we all get on enough to keep the conversations going inbetween the play....but it is still just sex. "Us to, 14 years so longer than many people will have sustained relationships for! We get on, we laugh, he's kinky and intelligent but we don't go to deep. It's still going strong! | |||
"We have to be able to get on with a person before we meet them....but it is still "just sex" if we do meet. There is no emotional attachment so I can't see how it can be anything else. " | |||
"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate." Trust mostly matters on a second / subsequent meet, first meeting here or in vanilla life is more faith than trust. | |||
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"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women." not for me. A connection for me is physical,psychological and sexual. The only emotion I feel is euphoria | |||
Not as if that would ever happen in a million years 
What I do want is to have sex, of course , but also enjoy the person in having sex with  
If that makes any sense  | |||
"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women." No, I think people are confusing it. (maybe confused is the wrong word) Connection is what makes an interaction desirable for me. Funny, engaging, etc. But I don't want the connection to mean more, ever. It just makes an encounter far more pleasurable. I say I'm here for the connections on my single profile, that doesn't mean relationships or even emotional attachments, it means I want the connection to make me want the sex. | |||
" that's how I see it. I have friends for a social life, men for a sex life. I don't say yes to everyone who asks,even if I haven't had sex for months You don't often hear that on here from a single. Some people think anyone who doesn't want to spend weeks mailing/ talking on the phone/ socialising before meeting for sex another time are opening their legs to anyone who asks when it isn't the case for most of us at all.
We have been meeting a man for the last 7 years, sometimes there is a gap of 6 months before either if us get in touch with each other, we don't know too much personal stuff about each other but we all get on enough to keep the conversations going inbetween the play....but it is still just sex. "I chatted to a man online for about 40 minutes before he came over to have sex with me. That was 4 years ago and we still meet. Apart from his age,name,occupation and a few minor details I know nothing about him | |||
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"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women." My post certainly never meant that. I mean a connection, not marriage. I have a man I see from time to time that when we do meet it is a complete connection. Mentally and physically. He gets in my head, which is why the sex is so mind blowing. If I don't have that massive connection, the sex is frankly shite... And it's not just him. There are two or three men over the years that I have met on and off that get me and I trust them implicitly. I have an emotional connection to them because we are also friends now and I care about them so I suppose you'd class that as emotion but that comes with meeting people for me on a regular basis. Only one of those has ever crossed the boundary into a relationship the rest will always be just good friends. So you are terrified now that every single woman you speak to will want a relationship or will use the word emotion? | |||
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"Saying , 'it's just sex.' ISN'T saying 'i fuck anything, even people I don't find attractive.' I can make my mind up in a few seconds / minutes - mind you I generally only meet if the phone conversation is good - it doesn't take much more than that. I don't think it's necessary to know , someone's politics, job , starsign, favourite film etc and near pass out if we like the same flavour ice cream and both have fluffy pink slippers! I really doubt some people on here - mostly women - when they say they see sex as recreational. I do believe that they need to feel sexually and emotionally attractive acceptable to males and that they can only validate themselves through male approval. This site somehow substitutes the lack of that in their lives. It is for me, 'just sex' although the 'just sex' is only with people I find attractive on the outside AND the inside. More so on the inside. " It's a bloody good job this site exists then | |||
"To the O.P. You are not on the wrong site. In explaining that you need some kind of connection...... the 'it's just sex' jibe is aimed at you to ridicule you OR ingore your needs and persuade you to their needs ..... same as being called a lesbian , old , a witch , bitch yada yada and all the other things that disappointed little boys say." Not just men may I add. Women have said it too. It's not gender specific | |||
" that's how I see it. I have friends for a social life, men for a sex life. I don't say yes to everyone who asks,even if I haven't had sex for months You don't often hear that on here from a single. Some people think anyone who doesn't want to spend weeks mailing/ talking on the phone/ socialising before meeting for sex another time are opening their legs to anyone who asks when it isn't the case for most of us at all.
We have been meeting a man for the last 7 years, sometimes there is a gap of 6 months before either if us get in touch with each other, we don't know too much personal stuff about each other but we all get on enough to keep the conversations going inbetween the play....but it is still just sex.
I chatted to a man online for about 40 minutes before he came over to have sex with me. That was 4 years ago and we still meet. Apart from his age,name,occupation and a few minor details I know nothing about him "Not quite the forty minute job but Ive been meeting someone from here for about six years on and off. We had one drink in a pub ... He has a false name which I still use as that is who he will always be to me. We know little of each other and it's fantastic. No pre conceptions just good sex. | |||
"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women. My post certainly never meant that. I mean a connection, not marriage. I have a man I see from time to time that when we do meet it is a complete connection. Mentally and physically. He gets in my head, which is why the sex is so mind blowing. If I don't have that massive connection, the sex is frankly shite... And it's not just him. There are two or three men over the years that I have met on and off that get me and I trust them implicitly. I have an emotional connection to them because we are also friends now and I care about them so I suppose you'd class that as emotion but that comes with meeting people for me on a regular basis. Only one of those has ever crossed the boundary into a relationship the rest will always be just good friends. So you are terrified now that every single woman you speak to will want a relationship or will use the word emotion? "Has the sex ever turned out utterly shite even with a massive connection cos you turn out to be incompatible in bed? I've had mediocre sex but never shite sex, if the sex is shite I'm 50% to blame. And yes I've been mediocre on one occasion definitely cos we turned out to be great as pals but didn't translate in the bedroom. I was gutted because everything else seemed there. | |||
"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women. My post certainly never meant that. I mean a connection, not marriage. I have a man I see from time to time that when we do meet it is a complete connection. Mentally and physically. He gets in my head, which is why the sex is so mind blowing. If I don't have that massive connection, the sex is frankly shite... And it's not just him. There are two or three men over the years that I have met on and off that get me and I trust them implicitly. I have an emotional connection to them because we are also friends now and I care about them so I suppose you'd class that as emotion but that comes with meeting people for me on a regular basis. Only one of those has ever crossed the boundary into a relationship the rest will always be just good friends. So you are terrified now that every single woman you speak to will want a relationship or will use the word emotion?
Has the sex ever turned out utterly shite even with a massive connection cos you turn out to be incompatible in bed?
I've had mediocre sex but never shite sex, if the sex is shite I'm 50% to blame. And yes I've been mediocre on one occasion definitely cos we turned out to be great as pals but didn't translate in
the bedroom. I was gutted because
everything else seemed there."Not saying the sex was rubbish because of him at all. It was me didn't massively fancy him as a person although he had amazing verifications from others. It was me totally I wasn't into it. Not | |||
"So you are terrified now that every single woman you speak to will want a relationship or will use the word emotion? "Of course not.
Kudos for dropping the M-bomb though!
I was just saying that wires may have crossed through the threads duration concerning emotion and connection, and judging by some of the posts I see people get a little too attached. | |||
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"So you are terrified now that every single woman you speak to will want a relationship or will use the word emotion?
Of course not.
Kudos for dropping the M-bomb though!
I was just saying that wires may have crossed through the threads duration concerning emotion and connection, and judging by some of the posts I see
people get a little too attached."I think they have and I also think people interpret things how they want to. You put the post up and see where it ends up! | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " I think generally it's rather UN-asthetically pleasing men who say "well it's just sex" and that's what we're all here for | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. I think generally it's rather UN-asthetically pleasing men who say "well it's just sex" and that's what we're all here for "See in my experience it's not. Alot of the time it's the lookers. | |||
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"Has this gone on a bit of a tangent or does connection = emotion? I'd like to be able to interact and have fun with the person I am sleeping with but I wouldn't want much/any emotion. If someone ticked all my boxes I'd probably get attached and want to date them, and I'm not really here for that (not sure why I am here sometimes!). I may have to rethink my stance on married women." Fun is an emotional experience! | |||
"She came right up to me and said how do you do, she said you on your own. I said what do you think. So we went to the bar I brought her a drink. My girl was away so I took her home I drew up the blinds and hung up the telephone. Next morning I watched her as she got dressed because I knew the night was a big success. Harmless piece of fun I didn't mean to hurt no one but oh god what have I done. Morale here is fatal attraction. Sex between consenting adults can be as complicated how YOU make it..... "Who sang that?? | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " Its not for all but for most couples it is. | |||
"I need to have the necessary boxes ticked to want to have sex with them such as making me laugh, common interest and being a good conversationalist and of course physically attractive but when we have sex, it's definitely just sex. The other bits just help make it happen. I think maybe when some people say just sex they're separating out feelings (real emotion) from the act, which is generally a good idea if you're either married or definitely not looking for anything substantial." I agree with this. I can meet someone at a party or club and instantly hit it off with them. If I can chat like I've known them years, flirt with them, giggle like a kid, then I know I can have sex with them. Similarly I know instantly if I don't like someone, my conversation is stilted and I wouldn't care if he looked like George Clooney, I would not go near him. So whilst other factors do come into force, the minute the party's over then that's it, the magic of that night is over and I don't think of them again | |||
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"Your buddy here thinks the same and I like the fact that finally someone has said what a lot of us have been thinking for ages but have been afraid to seeing as we'd be classed as not real swingers. " Thing is, I can't hold my water. If I feel it I say it. Many won't agree but many will and many won't give a monkeys all of which is good stuff but glad you agree xx | |||
"Ok so whilst having too much time on my hands today I have been perusing the forum rather a lot. One sentence that I find crops up lots is "its just sex". Now I'm aware we all tick differently but to me, in looking for a meet on here, if I wouldn't date them I wouldn't have sex with them. I do get told alot because of this that I'm on the wrong site, which I kinda take umbrance to for the simple reason that if, for example I used pof, how would I go about approaching the awkward I'm a bit if a deviant conversation. We all use the site how we want but this particular sentence does stick with me because having sex with someone is one of the most intimate things you can do with another human being, and I just wonder if that has been lost slightly along the way? Answers on a post card...... No not really, here would be fine. " Totally agree | |||
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"I am going to throw a spanner in the works here and say . Yes of course there needs to be a physical attraction . But on a dating site I would be looking for someone I want to spend my life with .On here I am looking for someone I have a physical attraction to to have sex with "I agree if I am going to meet people I have to find them attractive and connect with them. But I am not looking any deeper than that. | |||
" It is for me, 'just sex' although the 'just sex' is only with people I find attractive on the outside AND the inside. More so on the inside. " | |||
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"We all want to be loved at the end of the day. " No we don't! ! | |||
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"We all want to be loved at the end of the day. No we don't! !" You seem quite sure about that. | |||
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"Ahhh OP. You used to have a different username! Knew I recognised your face! Is it any different from when you have been on before?" I've been on and off here for 7 years now yes. Everything evolves! | |||
"It is just sex for me but I like sex with people who are fun, interesting and that I can talk to and have a laugh and want to meet again. There has to be a 'spark' of sexual excitement, but at the end of the day, it's just sex. " Sometimes it is, sometimes it is not. | |||
"Ahhh OP. You used to have a different username! Knew I recognised your face! Is it any different from when you have been on before? I've been on and off here for 7 years now yes. Everything evolves! "It certainly does. I think there are lots of people that expect different things from the site. For me NSA sex is exactly that. But maybe different as I am part of a couple....I do however think people that say its just sex...maybe of the once bitten twice shy brigade. As long as we all get what we want from the site,who really gives a damn. Be boring if we were all the same. | |||
"We all want to be loved at the end of the day. No we don't! ! You seem quite sure about that. "Absolutely. | |||
"Ahhh OP. You used to have a different username! Knew I recognised your face! Is it any different from when you have been on before? I've been on and off here for 7 years now yes. Everything evolves! It certainly does. I think there are lots of people that expect different things from the site. For me NSA sex is exactly that. But maybe different as I am part of a couple....I do however think people that say its just sex...maybe of the once bitten twice shy brigade. As long as we all get what we want from the site,who really gives a damn. Be boring if we were all the same. "Yep it would be indeed. I think everyone should be able to use the site as they wish. | |||
"She came right up to me and said how do you do, she said you on your own. I said what do you think. So we went to the bar I brought her a drink. My girl was away so I took her home I drew up the blinds and hung up the telephone. Next morning I watched her as she got dressed because I knew the night was a big success. Harmless piece of fun I didn't mean to hurt no one but oh god what have I done. Morale here is fatal attraction. Sex between consenting adults can be as complicated how YOU make it.....
Who sang that??"I was waiting for that lol... Taxman fatal attraction tune from my childhood google it | |||
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"No comment on the OP. Cant believe she's started a thread...she who never posts! "Yep... My first and last mate. | |||
"No comment on the OP. Cant believe she's started a thread...she who never posts!
Yep... My first and last mate. "haha ...Yeah, I see this thread was ..er...eventful!  | |||
"No comment on the OP. Cant believe she's started a thread...she who never posts!
Yep... My first and last mate.
haha ...Yeah, I see this thread was ..er...eventful! "I'm a big brave girl me lol | |||
"58 replies, only one person has mentioned 'trust' in a response. I find this interesting and troubling - so few would view 'trust' as an important factor for a playmate. This overlaps into an area I've been giving a lot of thought to; that there is too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now. 'too much objectification and loss of individuality in the scene now' Is that an opinion formed from your experience using this site, and if so how have you come to such a damming generalisation ? " Because of my experience over the years and watching the scene change and evolve. It's possibly worthy of a longer post, but I really can't be bothered. My 'damming generalisation' is my own opinion, I doubt many people would want to share in it. | |||
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"So anyway, let's get naked." Well, your asked nicely... | |||
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