As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know?  |
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Crikey. Such a difficult question as it includes so many different facets.
Trust
Love
Betrayal
Pride
If she was excited then she presumably would want to have the child which you would have to bring up as your own.
It would take a very strong man (or, indeed, a very weak one) to be able to shoulder that knowledge.
Gut feeling, I'd tell her the truth about my inability to be a father. I'd reassure her that I loved her and would love the child as much as her. No recriminations. She'd then know just what a difficult choice I'd had to make and would hopefully see that I'd put her feelings above my own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would think if they were a swinging couple, then there is equal responsibility.
There is no such thing as safe sex, as we all know, so you enter it, as a couple, with the knowledge it could happen so should deal with it as a couple.
surely, the question should also be, would you let the potential father know? |
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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
the short term dilemma here to me is two fundamental facets of a relationship have been totally walked over, HONESTY and TRUST which in turn throws open the element of RESPECT, he in the first place hasn't been HONEST with his partner, has shown no TRUST in his partner, and i would think he will loose all her RESPECT for the other two |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"the short term dilemma here to me is two fundamental facets of a relationship have been totally walked over, HONESTY and TRUST which in turn throws open the element of RESPECT, he in the first place hasn't been HONEST with his partner, has shown no TRUST in his partner, and i would think he will loose all her RESPECT for the other two "
i almost know what your saying. |
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Yes and yes.
No lies have been told so far (I assume based on what has been said so far) and no trust hase been broken so far.
Coming clean about not being able to be the father is not only about being honest, it's about allowing informed decisions to be made about what happens next. |
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"Yes and yes.
No lies have been told so far (I assume based on what has been said so far) and no trust hase been broken so far.
Coming clean about not being able to be the father is not only about being honest, it's about allowing informed decisions to be made about what happens next."
yes and yes i agree (nice knickers btw) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't lie to my family about it. I'd be asking my parents to accept another grandchild as a blood relative and I'd be asking my brothers and sisters to accept another niece or nephew. And I'd be asking my existing children to accept another half-sibling. I just couldn't lie to them.
For me, it would be the end of the relationship if she kept the child - which is her decision of course, but her decision to keep it would cause me to decide to move on. That's as honest as I can be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I couldn't lie to my family about it. I'd be asking my parents to accept another grandchild as a blood relative and I'd be asking my brothers and sisters to accept another niece or nephew. And I'd be asking my existing children to accept another half-sibling. I just couldn't lie to them.
For me, it would be the end of the relationship if she kept the child - which is her decision of course, but her decision to keep it would cause me to decide to move on. That's as honest as I can be."
But if the guy couldn't father children, there would be no half-siblings. And if the guy hadn't the ability to beget children but hadn't told the woman, who is the most at fault? As the woman clearly wants the potential child, it would be cruel to have not told her that was not to be her future if she shared it with the guy!
It must take bottle to discuss those things, esp for a guy as his whole masculinity is at question.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The OP didn't say if he was infertile or had undegone a vasectomy - it just said he couldn't father children. It also said, "What would you do?" My situation is that I CAN father children so if I was in this hypothetical situation it would mean I'd either had something wrong with my testes like testicular cancer or I'd had a vasectomy.
I would have been up front about it in the first place. |
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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago
Bridgend |
"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know? "
Firstly I question why he hasn't told his "soulmate" something as fundamental as his inability to procreate.
Secondly, each time we have sex we run the risk of pregnancy even whilst using protection (those sperm are tenacious little buggers).
I think honesty in this scenario would be best as secrets like that can eat away at you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know? "
Erroneous Q ! If you loved her dearly AND if she was my soulmate. I'd have told her ages ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know?
Firstly I question why he hasn't told his "soulmate" something as fundamental as his inability to procreate.
Secondly, each time we have sex we run the risk of pregnancy even whilst using protection (those sperm are tenacious little buggers).
I think honesty in this scenario would be best as secrets like that can eat away at you."
Do you mind Juicy! I was just saying that .... pfffft  |
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By *exeteraWoman
over a year ago
Bridgend |
"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know?
Firstly I question why he hasn't told his "soulmate" something as fundamental as his inability to procreate.
Secondly, each time we have sex we run the risk of pregnancy even whilst using protection (those sperm are tenacious little buggers).
I think honesty in this scenario would be best as secrets like that can eat away at you.
Do you mind Juicy! I was just saying that .... pfffft "
pmsl you snooze you lose |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know? "
this one is easy peasy!!!!
4 word answer....
JEREMY KLYE......DNA TEST..... 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As usual a fictitious scenario
You are a swinging male and very happy with your partner who you love and is your soulmate you met on a site.
Your partner excitedly announces that despite precautions she is pregnant,you however can not father children but have not yet told her?
would you tell her? if you were the woman would you want to know?
this one is easy peasy!!!!
4 word answer....
JEREMY KLYE......DNA TEST.....
"
DNA = Did not attend? |
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Well for me if i was in a relationship and my other half got preggers and it could not be mine for whatever reason i would stand by that girl no matter what.
Be a man and deal with the trouble you had a hand in making as you both decided to swing together.
Steve |
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If the male being able to get the woman up the duff was a fundamental part of her selection of her real life partner …. you’d think she would have brought the subject up before committing to a relationship.
If she thinks it's a breach of trust because he didn’t bring the subject up and wants to pin the blame of this situation on him, may be she should have a think about what right has she to assume he could or in fact would want to?.... or doesn’t a guy have a say in whether he wants a family or not? |
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