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Fellow fabsters
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things...  Confused person here  |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"The what are you looking for is a confusing question. Did you mean are you just after sex or was you indicating you may want something a bit more ? "
In general it's like asking someone on here what they looking for...I like to be on the same page with things  |
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If he's getting frisky after one (not brilliant) date but isn't happy to discuss what he's ultimately looking for (if you met him on a dating site he should know what he's looking for) then he's after a hook up but thinks you're unlikely to put out unless there's a chance it could lead to something.
He's a numpty, move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The what are you looking for is a confusing question. Did you mean are you just after sex or was you indicating you may want something a bit more ? "
yeah its a bit confusing,, personally id have asked the question even before the first date..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a perfectly reasonable question for you to ask. Maybe he just read into it wrong and thinks your asking about a future that's way down the road. "
Just what I was going to say x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things... Confused person here "
using my little used man brain..... maybe he thought you were proceeding straight to the point where you put a ring through his nose.....have you or did you explain to him what your looking for IE fun with friends or fun leading to the church isle or anything in between. maybe he thinks its just fucking fun you want... you have to remember men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Asking that sounds a bit heavy after one date (although you are entitled to want to know his intentions, you should work it out for yourself).
Him replying that you want different things means that he wants sex (the question you asked makes you sound like you are looking to the future).
That's how I read it anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What would you like with him?
Are you wanting another date, or are you interested in getting frisky?
Well before this saga another date was arranged for Thursday..."
has he cancelled the date then? |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"What would you like with him?
Are you wanting another date, or are you interested in getting frisky?
Well before this saga another date was arranged for Thursday...
has he cancelled the date then?"
Not yet but we are different people wanting different things is quite a big indication to me he doesn't want it to go any further....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking that sounds a bit heavy after one date (although you are entitled to want to know his intentions, you should work it out for yourself).
Him replying that you want different things means that he wants sex (the question you asked makes you sound like you are looking to the future).
That's how I read it anyway."
I sort of agree with this. Instead of asking what he was after could you have worded it to say what you was after ? |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Asking that sounds a bit heavy after one date (although you are entitled to want to know his intentions, you should work it out for yourself).
Him replying that you want different things means that he wants sex (the question you asked makes you sound like you are looking to the future).
That's how I read it anyway.
I sort of agree with this. Instead of asking what he was after could you have worded it to say what you was after ? "
Possibly.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you knew the guy before the date I'd say it was a valid question.
If he was a stranger or blind date (sort of thing) then it might be a little weird.
If the second date does happen then it's a good sign that it wasn't too weird. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies - "
No. Drop it.
Go to that stuff after you have caught them in your womanly magic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies -
He has not responded to my last message 2 hours ago... I'm not about to chase no man....I did things backwards  "
think you might be free thursday then xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had my idiot hat on I think... Oh well is all learning isn't it... "
Don't be harsh on yourself. As pointed out earlier messages are hard to decipher. I wouldn't go down the "let's talk about it Thursday" route either.
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I had my idiot hat on I think... Oh well is all learning isn't it... "
Leave it and see what happens.
If it wasn't to be then it just wasn't.
It does sound like he's looking for bedpost notches more than anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i know its been 2 hours but he might not of been able to answer you yet. the trouble with modern life and mobile phones everyone thinks they can get an instant answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious. "
But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies - "
Definitely not! Don't overly chase him, play him at his own game. If you want to recover the job then agree with him in z way that he's not expecting you to. |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious. "
You know what I think you are right...I should go with the flow with life a little more...hindsight is a bitch lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet "
Do you not think people aren't beneath lying to get what they want? This is why you need to work it out for yourself and just have fun along the way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Asking that sounds a bit heavy after one date (although you are entitled to want to know his intentions, you should work it out for yourself).
Him replying that you want different things means that he wants sex (the question you asked makes you sound like you are looking to the future).
That's how I read it anyway."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies -
No. Drop it.
Go to that stuff after you have caught them in your womanly magic."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Do you not think people aren't beneath lying to get what they want? This is why you need to work it out for yourself and just have fun along the way. "
I understand some guys might try and pull a fast one. But some guys from the off will say when asked 'yeah i want casual fun'..
i just have faith in people being honest. |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies -
Definitely not! Don't overly chase him, play him at his own game. If you want to recover the job then agree with him in z way that he's not expecting you to. "
I've deleted his number so I don't text him and left it to him to respond if he wishes too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious.
But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet "
I agree there is nothing wrong with seeking a serious relationship.
I disagree with your suggestion of how to go about securing one though. Just because someone says they want commitment does not mean they want it with you. If someone says they just want fun, it doesn't mean they don't also potentially want commitment with you.
The key is you. They should be given the opportunity to find out enough about you and their feelings for you to decide which path they want to go down whether that takes one date or four dates. Women who are too impatient to allow that to happen come across as being heavy.
That's just my opinion. |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"i know its been 2 hours but he might not of been able to answer you yet. the trouble with modern life and mobile phones everyone thinks they can get an instant answer"
To be fair he used to reply within minutes of getting the text...I've obviously scared him off lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair he used to reply within minutes of getting the text...I've obviously scared him off lol "
All is not lost, just let him stew for a bit. He might come back after he's regrouped from that question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey, try not to worry or over analyse things, you've asked a perfectly reasonable question and you can't take it back now so whatever happens, happens. I believe what's meant to be will be and what doesn't work out doesn't for a reason, something better is around the corner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i dont think it was a commitment question - i think you asked the question because of the way the text chat was going and prompted your thoughts that way - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know its been 2 hours but he might not of been able to answer you yet. the trouble with modern life and mobile phones everyone thinks they can get an instant answer
To be fair he used to reply within minutes of getting the text...I've obviously scared him off lol "
Aww let's hope not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious.
But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet
I agree there is nothing wrong with seeking a serious relationship.
I disagree with your suggestion of how to go about securing one though. Just because someone says they want commitment does not mean they want it with you. If someone says they just want fun, it doesn't mean they don't also potentially want commitment with you.
The key is you. They should be given the opportunity to find out enough about you and their feelings for you to decide which path they want to go down whether that takes one date or four dates. Women who are too impatient to allow that to happen come across as being heavy.
That's just my opinion. "
yup i agree with what you say too.. of course people are allowed to change minds and opinions of each other
there was clearly some initial spark via messaging and meeting else date 2 wouldn't have been planned.
clearly though this guy had a different set of goal posts though to miss cheeky otherwise the reaction she received might not have happened |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This has to be the last site I would ever ask what a man wants out of it, it's pretty damned obvious.
Yes you can be sort of friends, and I have heard that occasionally there are hook ups, but generally , it's like being in a sweet shop, and we all know who the children are !
The amount of guys that I know have girlfriends and regularly tell me they're taking them out but they want a bit on the side , makes me sad for the girl.
If it was my bloke, you might find his balls dangling from a lamppost!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"could say ' we can talk about this on Thursday' - see what he replies -
Definitely not! Don't overly chase him, play him at his own game. If you want to recover the job then agree with him in z way that he's not expecting you to.
I've deleted his number so I don't text him and left it to him to respond if he wishes too. "
If he does respond and you choose to rekindle things, just make sure you're ready to turn his assumption around on him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
yup i agree with what you say too.. of course people are allowed to change minds and opinions of each other
there was clearly some initial spark via messaging and meeting else date 2 wouldn't have been planned.
clearly though this guy had a different set of goal posts though to miss cheeky otherwise the reaction she received might not have happened "
Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch? |
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"I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things... Confused person here "
Seems a fair and reasonable question to ask.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
The good news is that both of you enjoyed the first date.
The learning (not just for you, Cheeky, but all of us) is take one day at a time until you have enough days to make more than a handful.
Enjoying a first date doesn't mean that you would enjoy the second (even if he did).
I hope it all works out for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?"
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question "
But do you not think it's too early to tell? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question "
The question is fine.
The jury's still out on the timing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to avoid conversations by text wherever possible. The lack of intonation alone can cause confusion and misinterpretation.
Sex chat, or imparting simple information such as "buy wine on the way" are fine. Anything meaningful is best said over the phone or face to face.
His loss, mind you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question "
I kinda see where your coming from cute... Maybe they may know what the overall outlook is... But may not know what they want with that individual person.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question "
Let's make it a Fab situation and turn it around a little.
You know why you're here but you still want a social before meeting for sex. The social goes well and then he calls asking for another meeting immediately but you want to wait a little, stuff going on/time constraints/whatever. You start to see him differently as he's now become pushy.
What you want is to get to the sex meeting by mutual agreement and for you both to enjoy it. Not be forced to make the decision on the spot.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Turn it around a bit am guessing its a meet from fab if so personally think the question is is over the top to ask straight away to be frank.
if after first meet and a bloke asked you would you not think hang he comes across bit needy after all only met once.
Thats my view from male and personal viewpoint. |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"see i read the question to be a general one.. not specifically 'whats going on between us two'
"
See that is where I am coming from...I never asked what was happening with us two it was more of a what are you looking for? I certainly was not about to ask for commitment I just wanted to make sure I was on the same page and go from there.. |
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"Asking that sounds a bit heavy after one date (although you are entitled to want to know his intentions, you should work it out for yourself).
Him replying that you want different things means that he wants sex (the question you asked makes you sound like you are looking to the future).
That's how I read it anyway."
That's how I read it too. |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Turn it around a bit am guessing its a meet from fab if so personally think the question is is over the top to ask straight away to be frank.
if after first meet and a bloke asked you would you not think hang he comes across bit needy after all only met once.
Thats my view from male and personal viewpoint."
No it was a date date....I don't expect anything from anyone on here and certainly would never ask the question if it was a fab meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"see i read the question to be a general one.. not specifically 'whats going on between us two'
"
Exactly, I've asked it a few times and been asked it a lot on here and on dating sites. Best you know where you stand from the start or you may be wasting your time and theirs. Seems perfectly reasonable to ask. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would go a bit cold too if a woman asked that after one date to be fair. You need to just go with the flow, relax, have fun, get to know one another."
would you,after one date,start sending texts with a sexual tone to them? |
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"You said what you said because its what you wanted to know. No harm in wanting to know where you stand IMO "
Matter of interpretation though. If, after one date I felt the person was already planning a winter wedding whilst I was at the let's see how it goes stage, I'd back off PDQ!!! |
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"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious. "
|
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"You're fully entitled to ask that question, but I completely understand why he has acted the way he has.
Only one date that's gone great, flirty frisky texts, another date diarised in a couple days...maybe you could have gone with the flow a little more?
I think the question was a bit heavy too. It suggests you're looking for something serious.
But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet
I agree there is nothing wrong with seeking a serious relationship.
I disagree with your suggestion of how to go about securing one though. Just because someone says they want commitment does not mean they want it with you. If someone says they just want fun, it doesn't mean they don't also potentially want commitment with you.
The key is you. They should be given the opportunity to find out enough about you and their feelings for you to decide which path they want to go down whether that takes one date or four dates. Women who are too impatient to allow that to happen come across as being heavy.
That's just my opinion. "
You're saving me typing! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"But theres nothing wrong with wanting to look for something more serious,, ok so it was one date but surely its best to set the goal lines early on then have 4 dates etc to find he's not after commitment.
If they met on a dating site my brain suggests that you do sign up with intentions to develop things further,, if not join FAB if u just want casual sex.
From past experience though ive come across gents on dating sites just seeking fun, so to be honest id have asked that kinda question even before the first date to make sure we are singing from the same hymn sheet
Do you not think people aren't beneath lying to get what they want? This is why you need to work it out for yourself and just have fun along the way. "
People lie? 
Say it ain't so! My illusions are shattered |
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"
yup i agree with what you say too.. of course people are allowed to change minds and opinions of each other
there was clearly some initial spark via messaging and meeting else date 2 wouldn't have been planned.
clearly though this guy had a different set of goal posts though to miss cheeky otherwise the reaction she received might not have happened
Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If he's getting frisky after one (not brilliant) date but isn't happy to discuss what he's ultimately looking for (if you met him on a dating site he should know what he's looking for) then he's after a hook up but thinks you're unlikely to put out unless there's a chance it could lead to something.
He's a numpty, move on. "
. Men seem to think women can't have sex without being emotionally attached..!! |
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"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question
Let's make it a Fab situation and turn it around a little.
You know why you're here but you still want a social before meeting for sex. The social goes well and then he calls asking for another meeting immediately but you want to wait a little, stuff going on/time constraints/whatever. You start to see him differently as he's now become pushy.
What you want is to get to the sex meeting by mutual agreement and for you both to enjoy it. Not be forced to make the decision on the spot.
"
Nicely put! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I personally give up with dating. I'm one of the lassies who have fell for it all, fell for the guy when he only ever wanted to get me in bed.
Even fell for a guy on here who told me he wanted more from me.
It's hard work and it's so full of up and downs. I can't do it anymore.
Pah!
 |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Look at it like this Miss C, if he freaked about being asked what he's after, the discussion about an evening at Chams was never going to go well  "
To be fair the way he was going on about my bum and tits and how he is naughty and has a tattoo with here comes trouble might suggest that it would be his dream date lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure how asking what someone is looking for is a bit heavy, especially if the person has no idea what you're looking for. "
I guess it's a matter of context. The question if asked on Fab may be interpreted with a different meaning to how it might be in vanilla dating.
The question is often associated with deeper meaning like in "I still haven't found what I'm looking for'.
The context of the question in a text message is even more subject to misinterpretation as it is not often accompanied with an explanation of the frame if mind of the person asking the question. And in Cheeky's particular conversation, we don't know what the preceding conversation was.
I've fucked up royally a few times, misinterpreting things or saying something in a short message or post that I didn't think of how the words may be received or interpreted.
I can see how the question may have been interpreted and seen as heavy after a first date.
The interesting thing is he didn't wish to explore the question or seek clarification as to why Cheeky was asking it. But instead reacted somwhat defensively and dismissively.
It's hard work trying to develop relationships and friendships with the written word
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Cheeky,
Did you know the bloke before the date ?
How long ?
How did the date come about ?
"
Yes I knew the bloke before the date...he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal..I've known him a while...we were just talking etc |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Okies xxx
Did he foot the bill etc or was it dutch?
If he footed the bill was it a mates treat or was it a bloke paying for a girl thing ?
"
He footed for the whole night and not sure it was a mates thing as he was trying to snog my face off and hold my hand lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He got frisky by text...
If he wants sex, us it any different to anything here?
As.long as you both do ... Can't see a problem?
Dig yourself out of the naughty texts by saying something about it being unexpected while you're at work....
Hope it works out x |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"He got frisky by text...
If he wants sex, us it any different to anything here?
As.long as you both do ... Can't see a problem?
Dig yourself out of the naughty texts by saying something about it being unexpected while you're at work....
Hope it works out x"
I don't plan on texting him... The ball is in his court....I've deleted his number so couldn't text him if I wanted to |
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Thanks for being so frank and open.
I'm NOT talking FAB meets here.
He asked you out and talked about your tits and arse and snogged you.
He followed it up with some frisky texting.
He's made it pretty clear that he was interested in you sexually.
You haven't said that you objected to his come ons in any way at all.
So I'd say he's tested the water very early ( possibly even through chat pre date ) and he's found the water very warm and probably thinks it's going to be a few degrees higher on Thursday.
I don't see as he's done anything wrong at all. Nor have you.
If you like him I hope it all goes well for you both Loads of relationships grow from rocky beginnings.
Personally I know what I want from meeting either from here or NOT from here and I make it pretty damn clear to anyone before we meet.
If I don't want a vanilla bloke to think I'll put out I don't laugh at his smut and don't let him move in on me.
I take charge as an adult in other words.
I know what time I'll meet. Where I'll go. What time I'll be home and also whether he knows that 'coffee' means COFFEE.....
No mixed messages here.
It's called steering your own soul.
It's good to know that when I meet with them again it's because we get on and laugh and not because they think i'll crumble for his company.
Here's a different matter.
I only want their bodies for a liccle lend.
xx There are more frogs to kiss xx |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"Seriously you did the right thing deleting his number - don't waste your time there are soooo many hot men out there!!!"
Thank you...yes there are I'm just a little more mindful how to approach things...I guess being single 4 years has left me out of touch and where an innocent question could be misconstrued |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know what time I'll meet. Where I'll go. What time I'll be home and also whether he knows that 'coffee' means COFFEE....."
Wow Granny, you sound like a right hoot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a bloke I am a relationship type person, 20 years (from school days) with first wife, then a 10 year gap so far 6 years years and continuing with current wife.
even during that gap I had one relationship that lasted a year, so commitment is not a problem... However during that gap there were quite a few dates that went well, then some little thing made me feel pressured, a few words a text just something that made me feel I had to make a promise to some unknown future if I had another date with this woman... and I was off like a rocket.
My guess is that like me he was over-sensitive for the commitment question and miss-interpreted an ambiguous remark. If you get the second date keep it light, and you never know where it will lead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things... Confused person here "
Probably playing his cards close to his chest if he said long term, you may have run, if he said casual fun the same its a loaded question to ask after one date better not to answer than put your foot in it. What it did say was he was interested enough to not answer in a way to scare you off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe his goalposts weren't up yet because he was still walking out towards the pitch?
Would you really honestly sign up to a dating website with no idea of what you want?
Even if the answer was 'casual fun to start possibly leading to more'.. least thats an indication.
I still think cheeky was right to ask the question "
I don't see this as a matter of being right or wrong. I'm certainly not saying that Miss C has done something wrong, I do think though in hindsight that she may now choose to do it differently.
As for dating sites, having never signed up to one I don't really know what I'd expect. One thing I am certain of though is that falling in love is not like ordering a pizza. It doesn't arrive on time, you don't necessarily end up with what you wanted, hoped for or expected.....it's usually much better than that.
Sometimes you've just got to 'roll the dice', let things unfold and enjoy the ride! |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
I just wanted to say once again...thanks for the advice and feedback...it's meant a lot and put a lot in perspective about myself...I guess for me I have been single for 4 years and feel slightly on the shelf....I know where I committed the cardinal sin of dating lol... |
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"I know what time I'll meet. Where I'll go. What time I'll be home and also whether he knows that 'coffee' means COFFEE.....
Wow Granny, you sound like a right hoot!"
If 'hoot' means I don't wait for men to call the shots then i'm a hoot.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I know what time I'll meet. Where I'll go. What time I'll be home and also whether he knows that 'coffee' means COFFEE.....
Wow Granny, you sound like a right hoot!
If 'hoot' means I don't wait for men to call the shots then i'm a hoot.
"
I thought it meant that you are a wise old owl.
|
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"I know what time I'll meet. Where I'll go. What time I'll be home and also whether he knows that 'coffee' means COFFEE.....
Wow Granny, you sound like a right hoot!
If 'hoot' means I don't wait for men to call the shots then i'm a hoot.
I thought it meant that you are a wise old owl.
"
Yup ......but keep it under your Buzby :P |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"When I used to date, I just took each date as it come, it kind of built up into other things naturally.
Her"
Wise words I'll admit I acted a bit of a dick...like I said I thought it was an innocent question....opps |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I used to date, I just took each date as it come, it kind of built up into other things naturally.
Her
Wise words I'll admit I acted a bit of a dick...like I said I thought it was an innocent question....opps "
I think what you said can be classed as a bit of small talk people do, you will get there with the right one |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"When I used to date, I just took each date as it come, it kind of built up into other things naturally.
Her
Wise words I'll admit I acted a bit of a dick...like I said I thought it was an innocent question....opps I think what you said can be classed as a bit of small talk people do, you will get there with the right one "
Cheers lovely |
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By *aceytopWoman
over a year ago
from a town near you |
if you met him through POF,check his profile under relationship wants
if he put wants to date but nothing serious= just wants a shag
if he put wants to date=just wants a shag
if he put wants a relationship=wants to shag first and see where it goes
if he put wants to get married,head for the hills |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things... Confused person here
using my little used man brain..... maybe he thought you were proceeding straight to the point where you put a ring through his nose.....have you or did you explain to him what your looking for IE fun with friends or fun leading to the church isle or anything in between. maybe he thinks its just fucking fun you want... you have to remember men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures lol"
That is a really important distinction between men & women: "men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures". It's probably too late with that guy, and to be honest he doesn't sound worth bothering with.
Maybe next time be totally clear and upfront about exactly what you're looking for, before you even agree to meet him. Yes it may put him off if he's just looking fir a hookup and you're not, but at least you won't be wasting your time. |
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"Look at it like this Miss C, if he freaked about being asked what he's after, the discussion about an evening at Chams was never going to go well "
That has to be the quote of the year. Had me giggling!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need to some of your insight....so I had a date on Saturday....which went great...!!! So this morning I asked a question following on from a few text messages where he was getting a bit frisky....I asked the question what are you looking for?? The response I got was that is a bit deep after a first date...Am I missing something here did I ask an unreasonable question...?? I replied saying it was just a question and got a response back saying we are different people who want different things... Confused person here "
Texts are often read wrong. I'm forever having people going off in a huff because they've read my text wrong. Perhaps a phone call next time will sort it out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
using my little used man brain..... maybe he thought you were proceeding straight to the point where you put a ring through his nose.....have you or did you explain to him what your looking for IE fun with friends or fun leading to the church isle or anything in between. maybe he thinks its just fucking fun you want... you have to remember men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures lol
That is a really important distinction between men & women: "men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures". It's probably too late with that guy, and to be honest he doesn't sound worth bothering with.
Maybe next time be totally clear and upfront about exactly what you're looking for, before you even agree to meet him. Yes it may put him off if he's just looking fir a hookup and you're not, but at least you won't be wasting your time."
I don't agree. Lots of men not only read the lines but they also correctly interpret and understand what's between the lines.The 'lines' just lay out the same rules to a game most of us already know how to play. It's an old game.
I'm of the view that the rules of the game have evolved. Just because a guy chooses to play the game in a different way doesn't mean he doesn't have the same goals. Some people maybe could adapt a little more to a newer way of playing so that everyone has a chance of winning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I used to date, I just took each date as it come, it kind of built up into other things naturally.
Her
Wise words I'll admit I acted a bit of a dick...like I said I thought it was an innocent question....opps I think what you said can be classed as a bit of small talk people do, you will get there with the right one
Cheers lovely "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
using my little used man brain..... maybe he thought you were proceeding straight to the point where you put a ring through his nose.....have you or did you explain to him what your looking for IE fun with friends or fun leading to the church isle or anything in between. maybe he thinks its just fucking fun you want... you have to remember men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures lol
That is a really important distinction between men & women: "men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures". It's probably too late with that guy, and to be honest he doesn't sound worth bothering with.
Maybe next time be totally clear and upfront about exactly what you're looking for, before you even agree to meet him. Yes it may put him off if he's just looking fir a hookup and you're not, but at least you won't be wasting your time.
I don't agree. Lots of men not only read the lines but they also correctly interpret and understand what's between the lines.The 'lines' just lay out the same rules to a game most of us already know how to play. It's an old game.
I'm of the view that the rules of the game have evolved. Just because a guy chooses to play the game in a different way doesn't mean he doesn't have the same goals. Some people maybe could adapt a little more to a newer way of playing so that everyone has a chance of winning. "
eh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lines,goal posts I want to date not play football yet it is a tactical sport so maybe I need learn a few things "
Just remember at the end of a date you need to swap shirts. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Lines,goal posts I want to date not play football yet it is a tactical sport so maybe I need learn a few things
Just remember at the end of a date you need to swap shirts. "
Don't do all that spitting though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He is either a guy who knows exactly what he is looking for and have a clear set path on how to reach it. In which case your question made bim make the conclusion that you're not for him.
Or he enjoyed your company and agreed for a second date on that basis but he wasn't that much into you physically to think of you as a potential romance but you were attractive enough (in his eyes) to have sex with. You're question made him conclude that you wont settle for less than a romantic relationship and therefore he decided to find an excuse to end it the sooner the better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
using my little used man brain..... maybe he thought you were proceeding straight to the point where you put a ring through his nose.....have you or did you explain to him what your looking for IE fun with friends or fun leading to the church isle or anything in between. maybe he thinks its just fucking fun you want... you have to remember men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures lol
That is a really important distinction between men & women: "men don't read between the lines we just look at the pictures". It's probably too late with that guy, and to be honest he doesn't sound worth bothering with.
Maybe next time be totally clear and upfront about exactly what you're looking for, before you even agree to meet him. Yes it may put him off if he's just looking fir a hookup and you're not, but at least you won't be wasting your time.
I don't agree. Lots of men not only read the lines but they also correctly interpret and understand what's between the lines.The 'lines' just lay out the same rules to a game most of us already know how to play. It's an old game.
I'm of the view that the rules of the game have evolved. Just because a guy chooses to play the game in a different way doesn't mean he doesn't have the same goals. Some people maybe could adapt a little more to a newer way of playing so that everyone has a chance of winning. "
That sounds interesting, but I don't quite understand what you're saying? Could you elaborate? |
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By *isscheekychops OP Woman
over a year ago
The land of grey peas and bacon |
"so have you heard from him yet about the supposed forth coming date?
or has it all been blown out"
Nope never heard from him again....I'm annoyed but not overly bothered by it. I don't chase men so it was unlikely that I would contact him |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"so have you heard from him yet about the supposed forth coming date?
or has it all been blown out
Nope never heard from him again....I'm annoyed but not overly bothered by it. I don't chase men so it was unlikely that I would contact him "
I'm sorry
More frogs to kiss and one will turn into a prince.
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