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What profiles say. What profiles really mean.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I've a great personality / I'm ugly.

I love laughing / I'm a nutter

I don't have a type / I'll fuck anything

I'm intelligent / I read a book once

I can't upload photos because of my work / if you saw me you'd run

Pitch in

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

Polite single male......married and will send you abuse if you turn me down

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 25/04/14 08:10:15]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Polite single male......married and will send you abuse if you turn me down"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Discreet.....i need to be or my wife will find out????????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I love a good conversation / let's have cyber sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Straight guy, well actually I'm bi but didn't want to put that as it puts people off. Yes, the very people you want to meet are put off as you're lying about your sexuality lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No pics because of my job/Im unemployed

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I work and travel a lot / I'm a bus driver

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Attractive - either deluded or arrogant, likely to be entitled and likely to be nasty and bitter if turned down.

Athletic - see above.

There are a few exceptions, of course.

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

"I work and travel a lot / I'm a bus driver

Lol.....or come fuck me in the cab of my lorry

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Attractive - either deluded or arrogant, likely to be entitled and likely to be nasty and bitter if turned down. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Professional = I/we have a job

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well endowed/hung - bigger than your little finger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can be dom if that's what you like/iv read 50 shades of shit.

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By *aveandkate35Couple over a year ago

telford

All said with tongue firmly in cheek....

How do I get my wife into swinging - there's a chance she'll discover my profile soon and if I can get her into it I can say I was just researching.

I have a sexless marriage - I'm actually shit and at least I won't get it in the neck from a 1 night stand.

Professionals only - hopefully you'll pay for a hotel or have your own place as I'm broke.

To Sydney University - I understand nothing about computers, the law and haven't read the FAQ.

I can't provide pics/email/phone number - I'm a guy pretending to be a woman.

Rarely meet - people rarely want to meet me.

And so it guess on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can be dom if that's what you like/iv read 50 shades of shit.

"
great minds, was just typing that out

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

5' 10": 5' 8"

50: 60

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

VWE.....with the right camera angle!!

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By *londeCazWoman over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Not pushy = 73 messages within 5 minutes of seeing that you've opened their initial message

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't accommodate due to being a single dad --married (99% of the time, anyway)

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By *aveandkate35Couple over a year ago

telford

I'm a single male - I have a very optimistic outlook on life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't have a particular type = if you've a pulse and a hole...................I want in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I won't send a cock pic like most do/ my cock is actually only 2 inches

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Please read the profile all the way to the end - This is a test of both stamina and eyesight.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are a genuine couple but she won't speak on phone or go on cam/do you fancy meeting a male and having some gay/bi fun?

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By *oveSlutForUseCouple over a year ago

Brighton

Filthy but fussy. Need a bit of chemistry and conversation before we take our clothes off.

I say this to make myself appear selective, but the fact is, I'll do anyone if given a chance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm close to my family / I live with my mum

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Filthy but fussy. Need a bit of chemistry and conversation before we take our clothes off.

I say this to make myself appear selective, but the fact is, I'll do anyone if given a chance."

Boxing gloves on!!

Touché

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm in a couple but really I'm a bloke on my own..but never mind I'm sure you will get sucked in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed."

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By *nne CallanWoman over a year ago

Nothing to see here. Please move along.

I love bbws...... i believe bbws will fuck anything as they are desperate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Willing to travel any distance = desperate for a shag plus you can't come here cos the wife/husband will find out!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm fussy and looking for someone specific and special / I'll mail every woman, young and old, in the hope one feels pitiful and replies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed."

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I won't send a cock pic like most do/ my cock is actually only 2 inches "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice. "

I think this thread is supposed to be a humorous take on some of the more common tropes found on profiles on this site - the responses given are not to be taken seriously (well, mine wasn't a serious one anyway).

...but thanks for playing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice.

...but thanks for playing.

That was my intention!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Athletic = Average

Average = overweight.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can be dom if that's what you like/iv read 50 shades of shit.

great minds, was just typing that out

So was i, love catching out a wannabe dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Once you've met me you'll remember me / I'll stalk you for the rest of your life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice.

...but thanks for playing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Our time is precious - we only get released from the nut house for two hours a week.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Can lick pussy for hours - I'd have to lick for hours as I'm rubbish at it and there's no chance I'll make anyone cum.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Start your message with "stewed prunes" so I know you read my profile - you may as well get used to jumping through hoops now because this is just the beginning.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Smoker, but when you tell me you don't meet smokers I'll tell you I gave up last week!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice.

...but thanks for playing.

No no. Thank you for correcting me. Just trying to join in.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm not meeting at the moment / the last guy I met on fab scared me so much I might not leave the house again let alone meet again

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

Vwe = I held the end of the tape at my arsehole when I measured it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He's a really nice guy = You were a shit fuck!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Dont play at short notice" - Need a week to tidy the swirling vortex of entropy that is our house so there is a clear path to the bed.

I disagree with this. I'm a single parent. I can't meet /play at short notice. "

Best sex life I ever had was when I was a single parent I get every weekend kid free .

As soon as women see that you are actually a genuine single parent they do make allowances

Jason

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hahaha!

Loving these comments

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By *irtyAndCh33kyCouple over a year ago

North Wales

I love licking pussy......if it gets me a bj

I can breathe through my ears.....I have to as I need a map and directions to find your clit!

Bi curious fem.....my bloke wants to see 2 women together

Mrs Dirty

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've a great personality / I'm ugly.

I love laughing / I'm a nutter

I don't have a type / I'll fuck anything

I'm intelligent / I read a book once

I can't upload photos because of my work / if you saw me you'd run

Pitch in

. So many things I could add but don't wish to come across as (too) mean

, so will stick to commenting on existing replies

Well, for now at least

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im a nice normal guy not like the other freaks on here / Ive joined - deleted and joined again loads of times to avoid the blocks as Im a crazy nightmare freak that will drive you nuts

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

All photos are recent = the most recent holiday that I could afford or did not turn lobster red and look off putting, before I became bankrupt. Any hint of retro clothing is because Im hip.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Looking for quality not quantity / fuck it. Quantity works too.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

'looking for an escort to take me to XXX club'

wants a free night out

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By *irtyAndCh33kyCouple over a year ago

North Wales

I can be Dom if that's what you're into...,.I've read 50 shades of shite and i'm now an expert on BDSM!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Looking for local / I'll find where out where you live and go through your bins. For ever.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I use the g word on my profile. I'm a bounder, charlatan and a cad.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

breaks things - is the safest person to know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not a smoker nor will I meet smokers, but I'll send you a photo of me with a fag in my hand...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Safe sex only...unless I can get away with slipping it in/climbing on it uncovered without you realising

Can accommodate...in the back of my car

Proffessionnal...Want to sound good, but haven't a clue how to spell or use a simple spell checker!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Can give oral for hours = I want to appear an unselfish lover but dont give a damn about you - anyway, Ive cum in 2 seconds once I start fucking

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