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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...... from a realtionship ending, is there a wrong or right way to do it?
Personally I'm a dust yourself off n get back out there straight away, not to rebound into a new relationship, just for a bit of fun n the rush of flirting etc. I do realise how this can be insensitive to the other person, especially in the instance that your the one that's ended it and then your are straight back out there "rubbing it in their face" so to speak, that's never my intention by it, just my way of doing things, if its over way sit and dwell on it, think its the better approach but that's just me love to know what others think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a hard one .
When I split from my wife , I gave her space . She hounded me !!
Only way to get the message across to her was to get back out there. The fact she's the mother of my children , I couldn't do it . Didn't want to see her hurt anymore then she already was. Had 7 months of pestering and phone calls before she understood it was over.
Maybe I was just being a chicken and not being harsh enough . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a hard one .
When I split from my wife , I gave her space . She hounded me !!
Only way to get the message across to her was to get back out there. The fact she's the mother of my children , I couldn't do it . Didn't want to see her hurt anymore then she already was. Had 7 months of pestering and phone calls before she understood it was over.
Maybe I was just being a chicken and not being harsh enough . "
I know exactly what u mean, your consideration of her feelings was very noble but that noble caring side of you was probably giving her false hope that you could reconcile |
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It's important to have cast iron fixed boundaries, after you split. Avoid anything that could hint at a potential opening for it to rekindle. It's being cruel to be kind, sometimes, as it may be soothing for all parties to spend some time together. But that can just draw out the pain and increase false hopes.
You've got to rebuild and establish yourself again, as a single person, not just half of a couple. How you do it is what works for you. We're sexual beasts, so sex and passion can help to divert us.
If you're going out on the pull, it's wise to do it as sensitively as possible, to your ex's feelings. You keep their hopes diminished not by rubbing noses in it, but by communicating things very explicitly, that there is no future for you both.
Your emotions need to settle down - even as the partner ending something, you've perhaps been in love, and falling out of love takes some energy, as you reverse what happened when you got into it. So I make sure there's also plenty of rest time for me, in addition to the exciting stuff. You may have a type of grieving to do, over lost dreams of what may have been etc. You'd not try to force the hand of grief, after someone's death, so it's fair to also ensure you get to move at the right pace for you, whenever you've left something or someone behind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found it hard after a so called fwb from here. Think it's funny now in a way he's not fussy fucking everything that moves!. Way I see it glad I had him first as sloppy seconds ain't my style hahaha |
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haha my motto exactly 
