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Two minds about a couple
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A couple off here were going to a club tonight and wanted to meet me. I said yes as was thinking of going back to the club anyways. I said to them I was on about to my fb about us going anyway so should be fun. They replied with thst they didn't want my fb there and how they wanted to meet in a pub first to get to know me. Started asking what pubs we could go in that were close to the club. I repeatedly said i didn't know but they still keep asking me for ideas. Now starting to wonder whether this was such a good idea to meet. Would you go ahead with it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you've made clear the terms (which sound very reasonable to be fair) that you're comfortable with - and they still aren't happy with them...move on.
There's too much fun to be had with people who are actually prepared to consider your thoughts too x |
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"They do sound a bit pushy....but at the same time, if a guy mailed me then said he would meet with his FB I'd not be too impressed either."
I agree with this and also think it good they suggested meeting for a drink first too. If you don't know pubs in the area just make that clear as that is what they seem to want an answer for. They may want to make sure you are not wasting their time just like you do not want them to waste yours.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you been honest from the beginning that you are going with your f b then that's ok
If they want to meet you that much they will go to the club
If you suddenly popped it out of the blue that you are taking him and had not mentioned it before I personally would be peed off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No way , this is so typical of the couples who seek the elusive single bi female .
How dare you suggest bringing your fb !!!! 
If you don't feel comfortable tell them you will say hi and maybe have a drink at the club . But don't feel pressured meeting them first , least of all on your own . Stick to your guns and please bear in mind we are not all like them  |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"They do sound a bit pushy....but at the same time, if a guy mailed me then said he would meet with his FB I'd not be too impressed either.
I agree with this and also think it good they suggested meeting for a drink first too. If you don't know pubs in the area just make that clear as that is what they seem to want an answer for. They may want to make sure you are not wasting their time just like you do not want them to waste yours.
"
If they are going to the club anyway and the OP was thinking about also going anyway then wasted time doesn't seem like it would be much of an issue.
Is the OPs FB not supposed to go to the club with her because a couple want to meet her alone? I didn't see her say anywhere that she was expecting him to be included in play, just that they had been considering going to the club.
Clubs I've been to usually have somewhere you can sit and get to know people. I can't see the issue with meeting at the club myself.
Just my view though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, we're only hearing one side of the story but it does sound like the couple is being pushy and that would put us off immediately. On the other hand, they probably assumed you were a single woman who likes to meet couples, because that's what your profile shows (with no mention of a fb), so they contacted you expecting just that.
That said, the 'surprise' fb is common on swinging sites, so you're not alone  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I wasn't expecting him to play or anything with us. It was going to be his first time so he just wanted to hang around a bit and get a feel for the place. They'd asked to meet me and I'd noticed on their profile they were going to the club today so I suggested there. Then after they agreed I said I was on about to my fb about going anyway. I don't think I mislead them but maybe thats the wrong way to do it on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You've gotta be up front straight from the off. If we thought we were just meeting you, then you drop the FB into the equation, we'd be taken aback a little.
Perhaps you should have explained about him being there for safety sake at the start......... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I thought I was pretty straight from the start, as I'd only mentioned it like two messages in. But oh well i'm only newish I suppose there's a whole ettiquite *spelt wrong sorry* I need to learn when chatting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I was pretty straight from the start, as I'd only mentioned it like two messages in. But oh well i'm only newish I suppose there's a whole ettiquite *spelt wrong sorry* I need to learn when chatting. "
Possibly next time say at first mention that you are going club with your f b  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a learning process, don't let if get to you. There's plenty of other couples out there, maybe alter the profile to show that you'd like your FB there for a first meet for your safety etc? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every couple I've been invited to meet or have contacted has turned out to be a man who has a profile partner who only exists virtually...
Or there are so many demands and tantrums when I can't meet with 14 mind notice.
Listen to that inner voice...  |
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"I wasn't expecting him to play or anything with us. It was going to be his first time so he just wanted to hang around a bit and get a feel for the place. They'd asked to meet me and I'd noticed on their profile they were going to the club today so I suggested there. Then after they agreed I said I was on about to my fb about going anyway. I don't think I mislead them but maybe thats the wrong way to do it on here? "
You need to then put on your profile that you do have a regular fb and if you know from first message he may be involved it needs to be mentioned then as that can piss people off. Probably why they want to meet in pu first so they get a feel for him. Things need to be viewed from others points of view too.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Oh right sorry I didn't realise you had to put on whether you have fb's or not on your profile. I just figured since he wanted to attend the club at some point then it would just make sense for us go at same time. Then I could have the meet and he could go do whatever whilst knowing there is someone about in case of emergency. Jus thought because its a club where anyone can attend it wouldn't make a difference if he was in a the same building. I'll message them now and apologise for being horrid and overthinking like this. Hope I can make it up to them tonight and make them happy xx |
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By *ADcplCouple
over a year ago
Fareham (near Portsmouth) |
"I wasn't expecting him to play or anything with us. It was going to be his first time so he just wanted to hang around a bit and get a feel for the place. They'd asked to meet me and I'd noticed on their profile they were going to the club today so I suggested there. Then after they agreed I said I was on about to my fb about going anyway. I don't think I mislead them but maybe thats the wrong way to do it on here? "
Sometimes we have to stop and think from the other side of things. As innocent as your thoughts were and as well stated as your intentions may have been there is always room for misunderstanding between people. Especially when dealing with a couple whereby there are two people who may both take one thing or the other in a way that you didn't intend it to come across.
There are no doubt other couples out there who have come across the "single lady" profiles, or couple profile for that matter where it is actually a single guy trying it on. We have one in particular who contacts us on a regular basis. It's always along the lines of "hi, really like your profile and would love to meet". Followed by "oh, I was thinking of looking for another guy to join us". Then it's usually "I found this really nice guy. He's a doctor!". At which point we usually stop chatting. The only reason we haven't blocked them is because they have never been rude and, to be honest, it always makes us laugh.
So remember, there are the non genuine folk out there who create an environment where trust is guarded closely and suspicion is almost a must. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh right sorry I didn't realise you had to put on whether you have fb's or not on your profile. I just figured since he wanted to attend the club at some point then it would just make sense for us go at same time. Then I could have the meet and he could go do whatever whilst knowing there is someone about in case of emergency. Jus thought because its a club where anyone can attend it wouldn't make a difference if he was in a the same building. I'll message them now and apologise for being horrid and overthinking like this. Hope I can make it up to them tonight and make them happy xx"
The only time you should mention a fb on your profile is if you meet with him for safety reasons. If you only meet with him (and not on your own) you should really have a couples profile.
I always have a social meet first. If it was me, I'd say well I'm off to the club tonight and we could have a drink there. And then decide about taking it further after that.
If they seem unhappy I'd just decline the meet. As everyone else has said, trust your gut feeling. If they are pushy now, imagine what they'd be like on a meet...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They do sound a bit pushy....but at the same time, if a guy mailed me then said he would meet with his FB I'd not be too impressed either.
I agree with this and also think it good they suggested meeting for a drink first too. If you don't know pubs in the area just make that clear as that is what they seem to want an answer for. They may want to make sure you are not wasting their time just like you do not want them to waste yours.
If they are going to the club anyway and the OP was thinking about also going anyway then wasted time doesn't seem like it would be much of an issue.
Is the OPs FB not supposed to go to the club with her because a couple want to meet her alone? I didn't see her say anywhere that she was expecting him to be included in play, just that they had been considering going to the club.
Clubs I've been to usually have somewhere you can sit and get to know people. I can't see the issue with meeting at the club myself.
Just my view though."
exactly this.
why can they not sit and have a drink in the club? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they're making you uncomfortable from the outset. I wouldn't consider meeting them. You're meant to be out their enjoying yourself and relaxing in their company. If they can't do that from their messages alone - they won't be worth meeting i'd say.
...you have to think about how they are making you feel first before you consider anything else.
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