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Imaginary bad meets
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"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet. He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers. Ok - you get the idea. Write a description of the worse meet you could have. No true stories please just use your imagination. " Can't remember meeting you Was that the time I caught crabs? | |||
"*moth - holed" Well we can rule out Tosh if its anything to do with moths 
Sorry Tosh sweet  | |||
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"*moth - holed Well we can rule out Tosh if its anything to do with moths
Sorry Tosh sweet "I thought it was me. Till the moth bit | |||
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"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet. He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers. Ok - you get the idea. Write a description of the worse meet you could have. No true stories please just use your imagination. Can't remember meeting you Was that the time I caught crabs?" I'm too classy to have crabs. I have lobsters. | |||
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"So, this guy turned up looking like he saw personal hygiene as something optional. He tramped dog dirt into the carpet and rubbed it in with the heel of his filthy, moth-hoked trainers saying it was good for the carpet. He stank of Special Brew and asked if I had any whiskey as he groped my arse with nicotine-stained fingers. Ok - you get the idea. Write a description of the worse meet you could have. No true stories please just use your imagination. Can't remember meeting you Was that the time I caught crabs? I'm too classy to have crabs. I have lobsters. "Tosh's quick cure for crabs 2lb of sugar . Pour down your knickers It does not kill them but rots there teeth and stops them nipping . Hope this helps | |||
Walking downstairs she announced that the place was clean enough for her son and she would sit and do her knitting while I sorted out taking her sons verginity | |||
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"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !! "My car resembled that remark | |||
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"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing. And now he's proposed! "You still haven't given me an answer?  | |||
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"You know that MysteriousGuy.... "Yeah I've seen him lol | |||
"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing. And now he's proposed!
You still haven't given me an answer? "And I never will. | |||
"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!
My car resembled that remark "Don't know what you mean  | |||
"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!
My car resembled that remark Don't know what you mean "At least it was easy to spot | |||
"She turned up in a dented old car . Oh wait you said imaginary meet !!
My car resembled that remark Don't know what you mean
At least it was easy to spot "Yeah not difficult like my bright red one | |||
"He turned up smelling delicious and looking gorgeous, but his idea of sensual kissing was pushing his tongue as far down my throat as he could, and his idea of fingering was jamming them up to my tonsils. he twisted my nipples like he was searching for Radio 4, and his package was limp and disappointing. And now he's proposed!
You still haven't given me an answer?
And I never will. "result! | |||
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"met a lady who proceeded to tell us she'd had the shits all afternoon before coming to meet us - needless to say we didn't dabble! Z" It's meant to be imaginary rather than a true story. | |||
"met a lady who proceeded to tell us she'd had the shits all afternoon before coming to meet us - needless to say we didn't dabble! Z It's meant to be imaginary rather than a true story. " sorry! Z | |||
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"They were both a stunning couple, we'd seen them on webcam. We drove through the housing association discarded high rise estate, and they phoned down. They were on the 34th floor, and we could get in if we broke a window, around the back - we'd have to use the stairs. If we had any credit for their meters it would help, as it was 11pm. We traipsed up the stairs, past a few junkies who were passed out. We pushed the door open, smelling something that hubby, a cop, said was meths and crack, and possibly something else. She's in the back room, bent over ready for you both, the bloke said - 'rim her arse'. The water must have been cut off as well, as we could smell her arse, or something, from the hallway, but as it was our introduction to swinging, we went through. Being open minded, we'd put bi curious, so when someone came behind hubby, as he stooped to find her arse, in the dark, he assumed it would be some gentle play, perhaps a back massage. His legs were kicked apart, and, probably a woman's hand or object was slid between them. I felt a little queasy with the stench, and said we'd better go and get something for my stomach, but he forced my head down towards his crotch, but the vile acrid smell of stale urine, and skin infested with severe fungal infection, made me puke. We made our excuses, hoping we'd not disappointed them, or would be labeled as time wasters." Gordon's alive! I think you've won fabswingers. | |||
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"He turned up and was a nice guy. 2 minutes in the bedroom and he had to pull out as he was cuming. After pulling himself together he got sucked to hardness again and promptly came after 30 seconds from a semi. Made an excuse and left. Used and frustrated come to mind. "Hey! I met him too!!!  | |||
"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head? As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off" As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder. Blurgh!!! Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then " | |||
"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head? As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off" As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder. Blurgh!!! Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then "would it help if I told you it was blue cheese? | |||
 and he said his son lives at no 5, which is actually the 7th house and his partner has red hair. Would I like to try there and could I be quick about it, as my being on his doorstep was having a detrimental effect on his house price.
I tootled off next door, gave it a rat-a-tat-tat and this sheepish looking guy quickly opened it and said, 'get in sharpish, babe - it's like a goldfish bowl here! Now you understand why we insist on discretion.'
Just to keep my end of the conversation up, I told him I thought his father was a lovely old boy. How we laughed as I explained how I'd gone to his dad's house by accident and how I'd told him about the sky remote business. How he laughed as he threw me out on my arse....
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"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head? As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off" As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder. Blurgh!!! Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?"Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!! | |||
"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head? As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off" As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder. Blurgh!!! Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?
Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!!"it has lovely veins | |||
"Is it the one who turned up in his hi-viz vest, crusty blue spit at the corners of his mouth and only one brown tooth left in his head? As he unzipped his crusty old cordroys and said "get ya marf rand this and suck the cheese off" As soon as I read the cheese bit it made me shudder. Blurgh!!! Sorry I cant type anymore, I actually made myself vom then would it help if I told you it was blue cheese?
Oh jeez even worse..get me a bucket. Huey time!!!it has lovely veins "Can you bring a packet of Crackerwheat and some butter | |||
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"as I licked her ringpeice a tape worm slithered out into my mouth!" oh my! Lol | |||
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