FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Honesty
Honesty
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It seems being too honest doesn't help.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In what way? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell us about it!
What's up? |
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Answer every question honestly,hide nothing.I know there are lots of liars here but they still do better LOL. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm honest and I don't have any problems |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hoe do you know other people are liars? Do you know them personally? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you mind being a bit more descriptive? What have you been honest about that has scared people away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hoe do you know other people are liars? Do you know them personally?"
*How* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm guessing he's married/attached and has admitted it to a potential meet and now been turned down |
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"Answer every question honestly,hide nothing.I know there are lots of liars here but they still do better LOL."
Do better at what ?
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Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems being too honest doesn't help. "
i agree . Always be honest though its the only way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Answer every question honestly,hide nothing.I know there are lots of liars here but they still do better LOL.
Do better at what ?
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shaggin wimmin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone."
It's simple .. Some will meet married , others won't. It's all about personal choice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm guessing he's married/attached and has admitted it to a potential meet and now been turned down"
Well done!!
OP.... Some people don't like or don't want to meet married/attached people,
There are some on here that do though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone."
Try being honest to your wife about the situation then |
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The only interest seems to be gay guys...not my cuppa I'm afraid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm honest and I don't have any problems "
But then again you do have a fanny : the golden chalice of Fab  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only interest seems to be gay guys...not my cuppa I'm afraid."
Why ever not ?
We'd even plump up your cushions before we left  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like you're doing an Anakin!!
Jedi all the way here bud!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm honest and I don't have any problems
But then again you do have a fanny : the golden chalice of Fab "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only interest seems to be gay guys...not my cuppa I'm afraid.
Why ever not ?
We'd even plump up your cushions before we left "
Hahaha  |
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Lol I always love different peoples version of being honest.
Sadly OP, just because you are up front with people on here that you are married, doesn't mean you are being honest.
When your wife knows you are on here and what you are doing without her, then your being honest
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I'm amazed I got replies,and not judgemental either....I thank Ye kindly.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only interest seems to be gay guys...not my cuppa I'm afraid.
Why ever not ?
We'd even plump up your cushions before we left "
Ha ha brilliant!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thats how single guys on here get lost in the sheer weight of numbers. Im single trying to find something regular but not only do I have to compete with lots of single guys but thousands of married. Whished more martied guys would be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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how can you class yourself as honest when the no.1 woman in your life doesn't know what you are up to?
And if you don't see her as no.1 do something about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Answer every question honestly,hide nothing.I know there are lots of liars here but they still do better LOL."
Do better? . . . Since when did fab become a competition? |
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Fair quote but why kill a marriage that is just sexless? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thats life it is a competition x ask mr Darwin |
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Fab is a kind of competition surely......a hundred men at least to every woman! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair quote but why kill a marriage that is just sexless?"
Why risk killing a marriage by playing away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 21/04/14 10:12:47] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair quote but why kill a marriage that is just sexless?
Why risk killing a marriage by playing away?"
if sex is that important why not just talk to her about it.. when she finds out your secrets im sure she'll end it |
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Could you go without any kind of sex for years?
Children and financial commitments play a massive part I'm afraid.Its not straight forward.I class myelf as a decent hard working man who just has one ( hugely important thing) missing in my life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you go without any kind of sex for years?
Children and financial commitments play a massive part I'm afraid.Its not straight forward.I class myelf as a decent hard working man who just has one ( hugely important thing) missing in my life."
never a decent excuse for cheating in my eyes.. dont expect others to pity you either |
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Not expecting any form of pity. Wouldn't life be wonderful if we were all happy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes 'being too honest' on here can backfire when it comes to arranging meets & that applies to a range of things, being married one of them.
at least by telling someone upfront you are giving them the choice as to whether to meet you or not. |
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I certainly know that feeling,and nsa seems to mean nothing here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair quote but why kill a marriage that is just sexless?"
If lack of sex was a good reason to quit an otherwise happy marriage I would've walked years ago. I have everything BUT sex at home and really do love my old man. However, my sexual appetite did not die with his and after years of several different approaches to put it back into our marriage, I realised it wasn't going to happen. So, the choice is there. Leave a partnership where we are good friends, have a laugh, keep each other company and support each other when we're down .. for a "shag" ? No thank you. I have broached the subject of playing outside of the home but although he has no desire, he is not happy with the idea of me going elsewhere. Yes, looking on here is dishonest to him, but better than hurting him and certainly better than leaving. I understand the dilemma as I am in it. Don't judge. Some marriages, even sexless ones, are worth keeping. To the OP .. remain "honest" with other Fabbers .. you will find what you are looking for.. be patient.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I see no point in being anything other than honest. If someone doesn't want to meet you on the strength of it then so be it, my conscience is clear. Its clear on my profile I don't meet married men so appreciate honesty from the start. I recently chatted to and arranged a meet with a guy who then said, the day before the meet, he was married. Total waste of both our time so honesty will always get my respect. |
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Well written Fae.....couldn't have put it better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stay honest. I have similar situation.
Partner however knows I am on here and just asked not to have her face rubbed in it. Our relationship is sexless, but fine otherwise, children are young. I took her to Relate but it just had us talking about sex, ... So we are where we are.
Of course, for many on here I am too old ... Attached .. Etc. But I would rather be honest.
Also, its a swinging site not a cheap brothel, its not all about fuck and forget. The single males on here seem to think its a sex site.
I would chat abit, assume nothing, just socialise. Perhaps go to some socials, even some clubs with a friend (or alone) but don't expect sex. It will find you, stay true to the honesty and I would try and talk to your partner about your needs ... Or take her to Relate..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone.
Try being honest to your wife about the situation then "
This! |
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It's better to be honest...it allows the other person to decide if they want to meet you....without the lies of being "single" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well written Fae.....couldn't have put it better."
Thank you .. and honesty on here will always get my respect too |
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Lol it seems the people you think you know....you don't really know them... |
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WOW...I'm amazed I'm not getting a verbal beating. I'm glad most people can understand. I never expected pity etc.just wondered what people thought. Tuck one and all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You will spit in time anyway mate.. I went 20 years with next to no sex. there will always be a breaking point. Its better just to deal with it. Theres nothing worse than being in a long term unhappy relationship. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"WOW...I'm amazed I'm not getting a verbal beating. I'm glad most people can understand. I never expected pity etc.just wondered what people thought. Tuck one and all. "
let me get this right....
so you are being "honest" enough to get your leg over with strangers.... but not "honest" with the person you profess to love more than any other in the world....
okay.... real world question now... be straight with us.....
what would happen if she found out you were here? Honestly! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
Does being honest with someone entitle you to something? Do you think you should be rewarded for it? There's a good chap for telling me the truth, here, have a fuck by way of thanks?
Quite simply, meeting married/attached people for sex (when their partner doesn't know) can be a major hassle and always includes the risk of grief if the partner finds out.
I don't want those types of complications. I don't come with that sort of hassle attached so why should I tolerate someone bringing it to me? |
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Married thirty years,sexless for many.I'm a good husband in every way.She has said go elsewhere but I'm not getting my leg over here and there mate,to be totally truthful I'm not sure of her reaction.I just know I wouldn't want to damage an already poor situation anymore.
Kids,home,eighty hour weeks and a very large mortgage tends to tie some people. |
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I'm Soooo pleased I haven't asked you then.lol |
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Very suprised that some people with 40+ and a hundred+ verifications can be so patronizing. Please look at my verification. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm Soooo pleased I haven't asked you then.lol"
From what you've said, an awful lot of people feel the same way. Are you really surprised people don't want the grief? Can you blame them?
Is it the being honest that is the problem, as you suggest in your OP? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its your life, you only have one and if you're not happy, only you can do something about it. If having sex with strangers is going to make you happy and you can go home to your wife and family without feeling guilty then good for you. |
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"Very suprised that some people with 40+ and a hundred+ verifications can be so patronizing. Please look at my verification. "
Stop getting defensive and stop nick picking people and getting personal...you asked for honest answers and that is what you are getting...honest feedback...people will always have an opinion about married folk on here playing away... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very suprised that some people with 40+ and a hundred+ verifications can be so patronizing. Please look at my verification. "
are you just bitter because an honest single person is getting some and your not? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Married thirty years,sexless for many.I'm a good husband in every way.She has said go elsewhere but I'm not getting my leg over here and there mate,to be totally truthful I'm not sure of her reaction.I just know I wouldn't want to damage an already poor situation anymore.
Kids,home,eighty hour weeks and a very large mortgage tends to tie some people."
so then you have to ask yourself....in a really cold and rational way "is the risk really worth the reward?"
if the answer is yes... to be honest it doesn't say the best thing with regards to the relationship!
and if the relationship is that bad.... better being happy and single, than being unhappy and married...
the thing about kids is that are a lot smarter that some people give them credit for... being from a family where dad cheated, they pick up things and are a lot more resiliant then you think!!
if something is up... they know! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fair quote but why kill a marriage that is just sexless?
If lack of sex was a good reason to quit an otherwise happy marriage I would've walked years ago. I have everything BUT sex at home and really do love my old man. However, my sexual appetite did not die with his and after years of several different approaches to put it back into our marriage, I realised it wasn't going to happen. So, the choice is there. Leave a partnership where we are good friends, have a laugh, keep each other company and support each other when we're down .. for a "shag" ? No thank you. I have broached the subject of playing outside of the home but although he has no desire, he is not happy with the idea of me going elsewhere. Yes, looking on here is dishonest to him, but better than hurting him and certainly better than leaving. I understand the dilemma as I am in it. Don't judge. Some marriages, even sexless ones, are worth keeping. To the OP .. remain "honest" with other Fabbers .. you will find what you are looking for.. be patient. "
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm Soooo pleased I haven't asked you then.lol"
I missed this.
So am I. Especially since you're getting arsey about a perfectly reasonable post explaining why people may be declining to meet you. And since you're out of my age range and not my type.
Being petulant won't help your success rate but it's no skin off my nose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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honesty is important to be
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
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more likely to lie about a situation..
i met a guy 3 times and recently found out he had a long term girlfriend.. i lost all respect for him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe some will take pity on you now and want to have sex with you. |
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I've not said I'm bitter or proffessed to be madly in love. If I can provide a stable home for my family in every way I can.....should I be celibate for the rest of my life? Not being arsey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
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I don't think it will alter anyone's opinion as to whether to lie or not, the response to the OP was fairly mixed.
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
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if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting the truth?  |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I've not said I'm bitter or proffessed to be madly in love. If I can provide a stable home for my family in every way I can.....should I be celibate for the rest of my life? Not being arsey"
You made a promise to your wife. There's no guarantee of sex in marriage vows and it is possible to live without it, (and yes, I've gone years without before).
You have to make a choice.
Stick to your promise. End the marriage so as not to break the promise. Cheat and risk hurting the woman you are supposed to love, fucking up the marriage anyway and ending things badly or talk to your wife and try to reach a compromise.
Why do you think you are entitled to sex to such an extent it negates your marriage vows and justifies you looking elsewhere? Is sticking to your vows only as long as you are getting what you want reasonable?
It's your life but you should carry on being honest so people can make an informed decision, and don't be surprised if many don't want the hassle. This is supposed to be no strings fun so most don't want grief.
Some will meet married men but you're probably going to have to try harder, make more effort and be more patient than single guys. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting the truth? "
So Fabio you tell only the absolute truth ? What, ALWAYS ? No there is no santa, YES your bum looks MASSIVE in that ? This thread tells me more about the people who are getting arsy than the chap who first posted.  |
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone.
Try being honest to your wife about the situation then "
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I'm glad I asked the question,some people have very blinkered _iews tho. I hope they don't end up in the same situation. It must be lovely not living in the real world....I hope you ALL have a great time with fab. |
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Assuming..... Is not the way to think your way through life.I bet there are many people..men and women who are here for other reasons than pure sex. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting the truth?
So Fabio you tell only the absolute truth ? What, ALWAYS ? No there is no santa, YES your bum looks MASSIVE in that ? This thread tells me more about the people who are getting arsy than the chap who first posted. "
yeh... I was expecting the "well a lie is a lie... and all lies are the same" arguement... so thanks for fulfilling that....
I don't know what happens in your world... but in the real world there is a slight difference between "I've only had one chocolate biscuit" when you had two......... and "I am having sex behind the back I profess to love more than any other"...... 
and by comparing those maybe says a lot more about you.... than it does about me.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm Soooo pleased I haven't asked you then.lol"
Asked who...you need to use the 'reply+quote' button when you are responding to a post so we know who you are responding to. Makes it easier to follow.
And as for your situation...I don't want to meet married/attached men (without her consent) as I don't need the hassle that could come with it if she found out. Not only that I wouldn't want it done to me so I don't want to be part of doing it to someone else...especially if there are kids involved. If you feel your selective honesty is the best way forward for your marriage then so be it, but don't expect others to agree. All we get to hear on here are the stories/excuses of the cheaters, never the stories of the person being cheated on so whatever the reason, I don't want to be involved. Plus, there are always 3 sides to every cheating story anyway...his, hers and the truth as both people will have a tainted _iewpoint. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Assuming..... Is not the way to think your way through life.I bet there are many people..men and women who are here for other reasons than pure sex."
what other reasons are those then?
oh are you implying to meet like minded adults who they can enter a relationship with? thats not an issue if they are single..
if sex was high on my priorities as a tick box for relationship compatibility then a swingers site would be ideal..
some are here for NSA and to experience a lot of partners, but some do want more. If your HONEST in profile or early on in conversations about what you both want then there is no harm.
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"Assuming..... Is not the way to think your way through life.I bet there are many people..men and women who are here for other reasons than pure sex.
what other reasons are those then?
oh are you implying to meet like minded adults who they can enter a relationship with? thats not an issue if they are single..
Well I got you wrong then with your replies,for that I apologize.
if sex was high on my priorities as a tick box for relationship compatibility then a swingers site would be ideal..
some are here for NSA and to experience a lot of partners, but some do want more. If your HONEST in profile or early on in conversations about what you both want then there is no harm.
"
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting the truth?"
So Fabio you tell only the absolute truth ? What, ALWAYS ? No there is no santa, YES your bum looks MASSIVE in that ? This thread tells me more about the people who are getting arsy than the chap who first posted.
This. |
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting.
You love the word profess mate. It seems you're fucking your way thru.fab and good luck to you...I've tried to be faithful and honest,gone for years without any form of contact try going a week or two and see if you have the same self righteous _iews then...well over a hundred verifications. Talk about patronizing.please look at my varification.
So Fabio you tell only the absolute truth ? What, ALWAYS ? No there is no santa, YES your bum looks MASSIVE in that ? This thread tells me more about the people who are getting arsy than the chap who first posted.
yeh... I was expecting the "well a lie is a lie... and all lies are the same" arguement... so thanks for fulfilling that....
I don't know what happens in your world... but in the real world there is a slight difference between "I've only had one chocolate biscuit" when you had two......... and "I am having sex behind the back I profess to love more than any other"......
and by comparing those maybe says a lot more about you.... than it does about me...."
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm glad I asked the question,some people have very blinkered _iews tho. I hope they don't end up in the same situation. It must be lovely not living in the real world....I hope you ALL have a great time with fab. "
What's blinkered about believing promises, and marriage vows, should mean something? You don't make those vows with an "as long as I'm getting what I want" tacked on the end.
I note you've not answered any of my questions.
Where is it written that you, or anyone else, is entitled to sex? It's not essential to life.
I live in the real world and as I said I went several years rather than cheat.
I understand what you are saying but you seem to think everyone who doesn't agree with you is blinkered and not living in the real world.
Sorry, I just don't agree with you. You did ask. |
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I've replied twice but they don't seem to have posted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im a good husband in every way."
????!! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I certainly know that feeling,and nsa seems to mean nothing here."
NSA means a hell of a lot.
Many, including me, don't want the hassle and risk of repercussions of seeing attached people for sex.
Those factors are strings. Major strings! |
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My personal situation is far more complicated than just a lack of sex....if only it was that simple. |
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Some of you think I'm playing away from home.....I'm not. It was a question I asked at first. Assumption!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you think I'm playing away from home.....I'm not. It was a question I asked at first. Assumption!!!!"
I'm a little confused now. Are you not on here to meet people for sex as you're not getting it at home? Isn't that playing away? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
You're the only one with a complicated life?
How is a complicated life a good reason to crap on your marriage vows and break the trust of the person you made a life commitment to and are supposed to love?
And over something you can live without. I know you don't want to live without it but nobody said we can have everything we want in life.
Why are you more entitled to sex than your wife is to expect you to respect her and stick to the vows you made?
Serious question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you think I'm playing away from home.....I'm not. It was a question I asked at first. Assumption!!!!
I'm a little confused now. Are you not on here to meet people for sex as you're not getting it at home? Isn't that playing away?"
This |
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It would be I suppose...if I was.
But if there's no game on at home! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Some of you think I'm playing away from home.....I'm not. It was a question I asked at first. Assumption!!!!"
You said liars do better. How can they do better if you aren't trying to meet people for sex.
Everything you've said sounds like you are trying to meet people and are annoyed because they are rejecting you because you are married and being honest about it.
That's pretty much what you've said! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"It would be I suppose...if I was.
But if there's no game on at home!"
Er what? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Removed by poster at 21/04/14 13:08:14] |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone."
But is she aware of your fab life?
I don't have sex at home either but my oh knows what goes on x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder...based on the overall responses in this thread, do you think that someone would now be more or less likely to lie about their situation?
if they are prepared to lie to the person they profess to love more than any other.. why should you be nieve enough to be expecting.
You love the word profess mate. It seems you're fucking your way thru.fab and good luck to you...I've tried to be faithful and honest,gone for years without any form of contact try going a week or two and see if you have the same self righteous _iews then...well over a hundred verifications. Talk about patronizing.please look at my varification.
So Fabio you tell only the absolute truth ? What, ALWAYS ? No there is no santa, YES your bum looks MASSIVE in that ? This thread tells me more about the people who are getting arsy than the chap who first posted.
yeh... I was expecting the "well a lie is a lie... and all lies are the same" arguement... so thanks for fulfilling that....
I don't know what happens in your world... but in the real world there is a slight difference between "I've only had one chocolate biscuit" when you had two......... and "I am having sex behind the back I profess to love more than any other"......
and by comparing those maybe says a lot more about you.... than it does about me...."
Then you are probably anticipating my response and I need not bother posting it. I am not a nun. I choose not to be celibate outside of my marriage because I have to be WITHIN it. That is MY choice. I can't believe there are such self righteous and prissy people on here. Each to their own. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
You love the word profess mate. It seems you're fucking your way thru.fab and good luck to you...I've tried to be faithful and honest,gone for years without any form of contact try going a week or two and see if you have the same self righteous _iews then...well over a hundred verifications. Talk about patronizing.please look at my varification.
"
took out the bit you actually posted....
see... thats is where looking at verifications can be misleading for a few reasons...
a) most of my verifications at not play meets at all... most of mine are social from people I have met thru the Countless Socials up and down the country, and Clubs I have been to
b) just because I go to a Club it doesn't mean I play....
c) I have been here on Fab for best part of 6ish years.. and other sites before that.... I would hope to have met a lot of people socially along the way!!!
so as for "fucking my way thru FAB" as you try to suggest..... not even close!!!
you call people patronising for not argeeing with you.... what you like... because "there, there, there... awwwww" isn't coming from me!!!
you want to know the effect... the real world effect people can have on lives... I'll tell you a story of the stark reality....
Did I use to play with married people playing away without other persons consent... yep
Do I now.... nope!!
what changed me and my impression....
about 6 years ago I was at a party with a "single guy"... well liked and respected... on his way home from party he had a crash, apparently fell asleep at the wheel....
he died.....
and thats when I get panicked phone calls asking me if he had been drinking... nope, coffee all night!
he wasn't "single" after all.... he had wife and kids...
and she then found out about his secret double life....
she came on the site, and vented all her anger and fury, and to be honest it stuck with me!! I would never want to see a person in as much pain again....
you think about you...but there are many other people your decision affects.... he just wasnt around to see the consequences of his.....
whenever I tell this story, the mood of a thread changes... so it is not something I do much anymore.... It isn't something that people in your position tend to comment on and is glossed over....
"oh but i am different because......"
"it would never happen to me......."
newsflash....you are that person! it could happen to you
your turn... I'm out of this thread....
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"Some of you think I'm playing away from home.....I'm not. It was a question I asked at first. Assumption!!!!
You said liars do better. How can they do better if you aren't trying to meet people for sex.
Everything you've said sounds like you are trying to meet people and are annoyed because they are rejecting you because you are married and being honest about it.I'm not angry about it at all,I never once said anything about liars. I'm just amazed that people who are on a swingers site can be so self righteous and patronizing. Only a few people that is.
That's pretty much what you've said!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ive been married and divorced 3 times and I sympathise with you OP - nothing is ever as it seems - its not black and white and its not as easy as its made out to tackle the root problem.
I dont meet attached fellas - because its hassle, meetings are difficult and to protect the sisterhood. I respect guys that are honest upfront - but I can always tell those that are attached eventually - not accommodating, not swapping numbers, only meeting in day, cant stay over - it becomes really obvious and I dont meet them either ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP : now you see the responses you got to private messages weren't too bad after all
As others have said, always best to be honest with potential play partners and, no life isn't always fair or easy, but stick with it.
You will never get blanket understanding here, let alone approval. What you will get is a cross section of _iews on your position. Some you will like, others you won't.
Do what you feel is best is right for you, your family and those you seek to meet. It may not be right, but if you feel it is then when it comes down to it only you can take accountability.
Just a couple of questions though.
Would you be here if your wife was more sexually active ?
Is sex all you are missing ?
Or is that the tip of the iceberg ?
Is your marriage over in all but name, but neither one wants to be the first to say goodbye ?
You don't have to answer those questions publically of course but if you ask yourself, really honestly, would it actually be easier emotionally to end it ?
Finances can be sorted. Kids are resiliant. Happiness is rarely forever so you have to try and grab it whilst you can and behind every storm there are usually blue skies.
Whatever you decide, I hope you work it out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty is always. All cards on the table so we all know where we stand...
Swinging wise - 'you want to fuck me or not?'.
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
There's nothing self-righteous about respecting marriage vows and believing they mean something.
Are people supposed to have no morals just because they are on a swingers' site? Is sex supposed to be the be all and end all and the pursuit of it more important than anything else?
I think you might have the wrong idea about what swinging is.
As Fabio has said you seem to think anyone who doesn't agree with you is being patronising.
You asked. Not everyone agrees with you. People have explained why. |
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"My personal situation is far more complicated than just a lack of sex....if only it was that simple."
Many have complicated lives, myself included. The choice of full, truthful, honesty is there for everyone, regardless of situation.
How your life is, is based on choices you have and are making. Truth is, most of us don't want to deal with consequences of our choices, so make the choice of not being honest.
The first person any of us has to be honest with is ourselves. It's not always easy being completely honest with yourself and with your partners, it can painful. But it's always less painful than being dishonest |
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JNSP
Brilliant reply....if things were different I wouldn't be here and it is the tip of a rather large iceberg. I do have a family orientated _iew and finances will only sort themselves out if I was in a box or living under an archway mate. |
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"Honesty is always. All cards on the table so we all know where we stand...
Swinging wise - 'you want to fuck me or not?'.
"
very kind offer but I'm a prude lol |
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Must be fantastic being perfect. I didn't realise fab was associated to the church. |
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This has been an interesting thread to read.
Of course life is complex and people shouldn't judge. I know some people would judge the fact we sleep/play with others, visit clubs, enjoy BDSM... it is each to their own.
However, it's our personal choice not to play with a man/woman who's married and not telling the other half.
Sex is incredibly important to me, I don't know that I could live without that intimacy but then i like to think I'd make a judgement call that if it mattered that much and wasn't happening then the relationship wasn't for me.
Yes we can all use circumstances, kids/mortgages etc but you make a call as to what you want. If that's more important then live with self pleasure imho.
Lying and cheating just brings hurt and having been on the receiving end of that I'd never wish it on anyone.
We all make our own decisions but you must understand that lots of people won't agree with your situation.
ps. Don't attack people who've replied to you. I look forward to our 100th verification |
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"Must be fantastic being perfect. I didn't realise fab was associated to the church."
As an atheist, Fab has no association with any church or faith for me
And perfection doesn't exist.
Moaning about being too honest, when you're not actually being honest, with yourself or your wife, is just moaning because you're not getting something you want.
And I'm not judging you in any way. My belief is you can only judge yourself, but if you're not honest with yourself, your own judgement won't be accurate |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
Honesty is the most important aspect to successful swinging in our opinion. Total and complete honesty with full disclosure is the best way to develop trust, which is often the most crucial component of sexual exploration and adventure. So to answer your question: regardless of your success rate, there is never such a thing as too honest, only not honest enough.
On a side note, we do not sleep with cheaters,but it is important to understand this is not a moral judgement. It is not our place to judge people we dont know, or whose circumstances are unfamiliar to us. It is the potential for needless and ridiculous drama, which is definitely higher in such situations, that makes this a simple choice for us. The fact is that one never knows when the other person is going to discover they are being cheated on, or even more importantly, how they will react to said situation or where they will assign the blame. Too much potential for bullshit for something that is supposed to be about pleasure.
Yes, I realize there is always potential for bs in anything we do, but clearly it is more definably higher in these situations. |
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Hmmmm a thought.
I wonder how many of the people with the high moral _iews have friends and family who know they're on here?
Again,not being arsey but where do you draw the line? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Must be fantastic being perfect. I didn't realise fab was associated to the church."
There's really no need for this sort of attitude....
Just because your not getting the answers that you want!
To us as a swinging couple honesty and trust play a big part to us... It has nothing to do with going or not going to church |
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Also,how many people/couples can HONESTLY say they've never slept with an attached other. Knowingly or not?
Hence my original question. |
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Oh dear god,read the previous posts. Its a discussion not a bleedin sermon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also,how many people/couples can HONESTLY say they've never slept with an attached other. Knowingly or not?
Hence my original question."
I never have and never will. Have spoken to and socially met men who have not been upfront about it but it all comes out in the end and its generally easy to tell if someone is married and not being honest. |
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I've not had an attitude its the self righteous and narrow visioned people who answered earlier. Some people's pedestals need a clean. |
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The majority seem to understand the original question....I've never said I've lied it cheated once. |
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone.
Try being honest to your wife about the situation then "
ouch, did you all feel that burn lol |
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"Hmmmm a thought.
I wonder how many of the people with the high moral _iews have friends and family who know they're on here?
Again,not being arsey but where do you draw the line?"
We have a friend each who is aware that we like things kinky. However, I don't think your point stands. When i was in 'vanilla/normal' relationships it's not like I told my family the details. Was hardly "pass the butter, oh and Matt tried a new position on me yesterday, felt really good"... a private life is just that.
Very very different to keeping secrets from someone who's supposed to be your significant other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone."
I ohhhhh... I had same situation. And I decided divorced my husband. Even when we had mortgage and a child. And join years. We are both still young.and can try find new life and keep friendship. It was better than hurt him and family and made more trouble.
But it was me. I think most mans are very comfortable. Better old comfy shoes than new one 
Dont be upset. Its a your choice what you doing and also choice ladies who don't want to play with married guy. In both way just respect choices.
I know..no sex at home its fustrating.. but good luck . |
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why no ask you wife for a swatch o her fanny . .its been a while ?, she might like?. . . |
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I see the TARD bus has arrived. |
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That's the first time I've seen someone text with a Scottish accent lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It seems being too honest doesn't help. "
Help or not many people couldn't be comfortable with themselves if they constantly lie. You do what you feel is right but people appreciate honestly more than lies. |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
"Also,how many people/couples can HONESTLY say they've never slept with an attached other. Knowingly or not?
Hence my original question."
If you sleep with an attached person unknowingly, I dont think that counts as dishonesty even slightly. An odd question. You seem to be trying to make what you are doing ok to a bunch of strangers. It only needs to be ok with you. The rest is a matter of personal choice and preference. |
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I never lie...that's my point. Thank you. |
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Omfg....I'm NOT doing anything,please,please,please read up before commenting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, this thread is a little hard to follow when you don't quote who you're replying to. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Hmmmm a thought.
I wonder how many of the people with the high moral _iews have friends and family who know they're on here?
Again,not being arsey but where do you draw the line?"
If I wasn't on fab (and, indeed, before I was on fab) I wouldn't/didn't share the private details of my sex life with my family and friends. Why would I? My friends and family don't share theirs with me and I wouldn't want them to.
What have moral values got to do with keeping private life private?
Not sharing one's sex life with family and friends is a bit different from having sex behind the back of one's partner or spouse!
Being honest with people does not mean broadcasting every detail of one's life to anybody and everybody. But the people who need to know should be told the truth.
I'll never get my head around the argument that you can't have an opinion on lying and cheating unless you broadcast every detail of your private life. |
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My apologies for not keeping with the thread,its new to me. |
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As usual some people aren't reading previous threads before commenting.I'm not advocating telling your friends and family,it was a rhetorical question. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I've not had an attitude its the self righteous and narrow visioned people who answered earlier. Some people's pedestals need a clean."
Just because people think you are wrong does not make them self-righteous or narrow-visioned.
Insulting people who don't agree with you will do nothing to change their minds. It just proves you realise your position is indefensible. It's up to you what you do though. I just hope your poor wife doesn't get hurt.
If anything it's you that's being self-righteous arguing it's ok to cheat if you're honest (to everyone but your partner).
As for not having lied or cheated, your earlier posts suggest intent even if you've not done so yet. In fact the OP is complaining about not having had the opportunity! |
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I don't understand why some people think I'm lying or cheating.I'm not and haven't.
Its the comments by some people who are jumping in without reading first that's annoying. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"As usual some people aren't reading previous threads before commenting.I'm not advocating telling your friends and family,it was a rhetorical question."
Why is it relevant? You implied people can't have morals if they haven't told their family and friends the details of their sex life. That's ridiculous. |
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Ooooh please pass me a rope someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if someone doesnt want to meet you for being honest, then thats fine.
whats the point in lying then getting found out later when you dont have, or do, what they are expecting?
be judged and rejected for who you are, not for who you pretend to be. |
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I never implied anything of the sort...read the posts.......aaaaaaargh! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I don't understand why some people think I'm lying or cheating.I'm not and haven't.
Its the comments by some people who are jumping in without reading first that's annoying."
As I said, that's only because you haven't had the opportunity. That's what you are moaning about!
You wouldn't know that being honest about being married puts people off if you hadn't tried to get meets. |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
"Omfg....I'm NOT doing anything,please,please,please read up before commenting "
You're not doing anything? Then what is it that your honesty is holding you back from? Your original post asks if you are too honest. Too honest for what? Your very presence on the site would suggest you are trying to do something.....
Did I miss something here? Perhaps that reply was not directed at my comment? Hard to tell for certain. My apologies if it wasn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ooooh please pass me a rope someone."
Welcome to the forums!! |
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"if someone doesnt want to meet you for being honest, then thats fine.
whats the point in lying then getting found out later when you dont have, or do, what they are expecting?
be judged and rejected for who you are, not for who you pretend to be."
I totally agree with you but I think its out of sheer luck that you get what I'm saying unlike some others. No offence intended. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I never implied anything of the sort...read the posts.......aaaaaaargh!"
I've read them. Maybe you need to read them!
You wondered how many of the people with morals have told their family and friends about their sex life.
The implication is pretty clear even if the relevance isn't.
If you meant something else feel free to clarify. You're claiming you didn't mean what you said in every post now.
Telling people to read the posts won't change what you wrote! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i just didnt read the whole thread.
it aint difficult.
if you didnt mean that, it means you OP was shite lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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oh, and it aint luck, its what i believe.
not for your benefit, just generally |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Omfg....I'm NOT doing anything,please,please,please read up before commenting
You're not doing anything? Then what is it that your honesty is holding you back from? Your original post asks if you are too honest. Too honest for what? Your very presence on the site would suggest you are trying to do something.....
Did I miss something here? Perhaps that reply was not directed at my comment? Hard to tell for certain. My apologies if it wasn't. "
Can we say defensive back-pedalling? lol |
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Honesty is the best policy. That's been my point all along.
As usual. Someone can sneeze at the beginning of a thread and by the end of it everyone thinks its the plague. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"i just didnt read the whole thread.
it aint difficult.
if you didnt mean that, it means you OP was shite lol"
It's easy. Anyone who agrees with him understands. Anyone who doesn't agree doesn't understand and is self-righteous, narrow-minded and on a dirty pedestal.
We're supposed to say it's ok to cheat as long as you're honest with meets and if anyone won't meet after you've been honest about being married then they are nasty meany-pants.
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Nothing to do with back peddling or defence.
I think we've lost this thread. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Honesty is the best policy. That's been my point all along.
As usual. Someone can sneeze at the beginning of a thread and by the end of it everyone thinks its the plague."
No, you were complaining that because you are being honest you are being turned down and aren't getting meets. |
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"Could you go without any kind of sex for years?
Children and financial commitments play a massive part I'm afraid.Its not straight forward.I class myelf as a decent hard working man who just has one ( hugely important thing) missing in my life."
This is a fairly strong indicator... that and that fact you are on here...
Again your choice but i don't think people have misunderstood you.... |
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Nooooo it was a few comments earlier by a couple of people but you've just proved what I'm saying about people commenting on points raised earlier and getting it out of context. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the thing with honesty, is you cant choose which bits of being honest you want.
if you say your honest, then you are, but be honest with everyone, not just a select few.
if the thread is about someone cheating on their partner, yet being honest with potential meets, then that person is still a liar, imo.
being honest with strangers is piss easy.
being honest with loved ones is altogether more difficult, but without it, whats the point in being around them? |
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"Honesty is the best policy. That's been my point all along.
As usual. Someone can sneeze at the beginning of a thread and by the end of it everyone thinks its the plague.
No, you were complaining that because you are being honest you are being turned down and aren't getting meets."
I never said anything of the sort. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Nothing to do with back peddling or defence.
I think we've lost this thread."
You're not even being honest about the point of the thread now!
Your first few posts are clearly saying how unfair it is that by being honest you aren't getting meets because people are judging you.
It's unfair, you suggest, that those who lie are more successful. |
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I've been turned down by nobody,because I haven't asked....I'm afraid some of you have me totally wrong. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Nooooo it was a few comments earlier by a couple of people but you've just proved what I'm saying about people commenting on points raised earlier and getting it out of context."
Frankly that's rubbish. We've understood what you've been saying. Because we haven't agreed you're now trying to make out that wasn't what you've said and we've misunderstood.
Your meaning has been clear and you dug your own hole.
Accept that some of us don't agree with you and don't want to meet attached people. For some that's a judgement thing but for most it's just practical. There's no point trying to justify it because it can't be justified.
It's your life though and you have to make your own decision. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I have cast my eye down the thread....
I have nothing to add
all the best |
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then perhaps you'd like to clarify your situation/why you started this thread? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I've been turned down by nobody,because I haven't asked....I'm afraid some of you have me totally wrong."
Then how do you know being honest doesn't help? Help with what? |
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"I have cast my eye down the thread....
I have nothing to add
all the best "
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. .im perfectly capable to text in English if i wish. . . but im no fucking English and if you call me a tard again you Wont have a problem with bein in a fuckin sexless marriage . .cheesecake x X X.. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Well,I'm married but not a serial cheat/Shaffer. Some married people just don't have a sex life....I'm always upfront about my situation.I know many people judge on that basis alone."
With whom are you being upfront and why are you discussing your situation if you aren't trying to get meets? |
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We are all entitled to agree or disagree with each other,I was frustrated at some of the earlier comments saying I was lying and cheating when I've not done either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are all entitled to agree or disagree with each other,I was frustrated at some of the earlier comments saying I was lying and cheating when I've not done either."
not for the want of trying though, surely?
you joined a site where people organise illicit liaisons.
if you wanted chat, thats what facebook is for, so there is a suggestion you are looking for extra marital affairs.
if you say you have been turned down for being honest, then you must have either approached, or been approached, for a meet for sex, and had the trail go cold once your being married was mentioned.
tell me which part of this is incorrect and i will amend my opinion |
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It was a question,and I was looking for a discussion,it may have not been worded well but I should've known it would be turned on me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are all entitled to agree or disagree with each other,I was frustrated at some of the earlier comments saying I was lying and cheating when I've not done either."
You are a married man looking for sex on an adult site (apologies if that's not the case) and people will rightly or wrongly make judgements, its human nature. |
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Please show me where I've said I've been turned down. |
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I've never said I wouldn't.....just never had. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why some people think I'm lying or cheating.I'm not and haven't.
Its the comments by some people who are jumping in without reading first that's annoying."
But your plan is to meet people from here right? In fact you have already, and according to the veri shown the only reason you didn't is because you haven't got a partner to play with. Did you mention to them you were married? |
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But surely must remember to have a lie detector and a list of questions to tick off if I ever do decide too.....sorry I'm a Lil wound up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never said I wouldn't.....just never had."
erm....it seems being too honest doesnt help.
its your opening gambit.
how can you say you are being too honest if you havent been turned down for anything?
seriously, do you even know what you meant by this thread?
you are doing so much turning, we could use you to dig for oil |
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Yes I did betty......that's my whole point...HONESTY. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shabba |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I get post 175....
I knew my last post would be so glossed over by the people it was addressed to... its probably too close to home to them!!!
oh well.... some things never change |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I did betty......that's my whole point...HONESTY."
so my post is correct ehn.
jesus, just accept it lol |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Please show me where I've said I've been turned down."
"Being honest doesn't help"
If that doesn't mean "telling people I am married means they don't want to meet me" then please explain what it does mean. What does being honest not help with if you didn't mean getting meets?
And to know that people have declined to meet you because you are married means you have to have been declined. |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
"I've been turned down by nobody,because I haven't asked....I'm afraid some of you have me totally wrong."
Couldn't disagree more. That was very clearly what your original post was referencing. That fact that you havent done it yet is irrelevant to the conversation. Otherwise, your original post is complete nonsense and a waste of everyone's time. What are you doing on this site? What was the point of your original post? You are speaking in tight little circles and it makes you appear foolish. |
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