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worst joke ever?
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By *smCouple
over a year ago
Liskeard |
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. |
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"What do u call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea..!!  "
what do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and its havin a shag??
still no fucking idea |
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By *smCouple
over a year ago
Liskeard |
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. .
.
.
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
My wife said " she wanted a night to remember,!"
.
.
.
So I bought her a memory foam mattress,,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman and a duck walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Where'd you get the pig."
The woman says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck."
He says, "I was talking to the duck." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Horse walks into a bar , trots up to the bar ... Barman looks at him and asks " why the long face" ?  "
A bear walks it the bar and says " Could I have a pint of .................................... beer
The barman says ." Why the big pause ( paws ) see what I did there  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Whats black and white and red?
A nun rolling down some concrete steps.
What's black, white, red and can't turn round in corridors?
A nun with a javelin through her"
Whats black white and read ? A newspaper |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”. So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna fuck her when I get her pyjamas off” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Three strings walk into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here!"
They go outside and one of the strings messes up his hair and ties himself up. He walks back inside and the barman says, "Aren't you one of those strings I just got rid of?"
The string says, "I'm a frayed knot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A young man walks into a bar and asks for 5 shots of tequila.
The barman says 5, are you celebrating something?
Young man replies with yes, I've just had my first blowjob.
Barman says congratulations, have one on me aswell
Young man says no its ok mate, if 5 don't get rid of the taste, nothing will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The lady next door is seeing james bond every niht i hear her screeming roger moore
You got a day job right???  lol"
Wel this is the worst joke hisnt it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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White horse walks into a bar. The barman says "hey, we have a whiskey named after you!"
The horse scratches his head and replies "you have a whiskey named Eric?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Did you see the AA man?
Standing next to his little yellow AA van?
He was looking down to the ground, shaking his head from side to side.....
Rubbing his forehead....
he really didn't look happy at all....
As I drove past him, I thought to myself -
"Now there's a man heading for a breakdown"............... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not read all the jokes so if this is on already my apologies.
Right here we go..............
What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison??
You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole at Easter?
A hot cross bunny.
Jesus goes in to a hotel on good Friday, puts 3 nails down on the counter and says "can you put me up for the night?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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V LOVES telling this one.
2 ols playing pool.
one pots the white
stands up and says 'twohitstoyouuuu'
the other turns round from the bar and says 'twohitstowhooooo?'
you have to tell the punchline like an owl hooting lol.
she finds it extremely entertaining lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I recently went to a funeral of a friend who had drowned at sea after falling off his boat.
I picked a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt; it is what he would have wanted.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him. .
.
.
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stopped overnight in an hotel and for tea had a bowl of the best soup we had ever tasted.
So impressed were we that we arranged to have a swinger party there and invited 20 of our cuckold friends.
For tea we all ordered this fantastic soup but upon tasting it was horrid and nothing like before.
Just goes to show...too many cucks spoil the broth  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jonathan Ross has just been arrested for taking a food mixer out of argos without paying .He was quoted as saying . " It was a whisk I willing to take . |
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