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Does anyone ever use the works toilets?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK so i know this is a sex site but i have just gotten back from the bogs a short while ago. Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but earlier on i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky wet farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was VILE and fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo and probably a few stray particles still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit when i walked out but that twat has ruined it for me and i now have to try and hold it til i get home. Or i might leave at lunchtime and work from home rest of the day or something.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought it was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if others are free? I hope i don't see the guy again tomorrow otherwise i will gag again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OK so i know this is a sex site but i have just gotten back from the bogs a short while ago. Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but earlier on i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky wet farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was VILE and fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo and probably a few stray particles still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit when i walked out but that twat has ruined it for me and i now have to try and hold it til i get home. Or i might leave at lunchtime and work from home rest of the day or something.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought it was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if others are free? I hope i don't see the guy again tomorrow otherwise i will gag again "
"Smells" are actually microscopic airborne particles of whatever's creating the pong that go in through your nose and are tasted on the back of the tongue. Enjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK so i know this is a sex site but i have just gotten back from the bogs a short while ago. Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but earlier on i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky wet farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was VILE and fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo and probably a few stray particles still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit when i walked out but that twat has ruined it for me and i now have to try and hold it til i get home. Or i might leave at lunchtime and work from home rest of the day or something.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought it was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if others are free? I hope i don't see the guy again tomorrow otherwise i will gag again
"Smells" are actually microscopic airborne particles of whatever's creating the pong that go in through your nose and are tasted on the back of the tongue. Enjoy "
Fuck...you're joking right?? |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Dear Sir,
I thoroughly enjoyed your post. You reached heights of eloquence only ever seen in the rants of J0die. I salute you.
Tina Titz
Ps, I've always used work loos, but mostly just for sitting and reading for 10 minutes, but obviously never during a proper break.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OK so i know this is a sex site but i have just gotten back from the bogs a short while ago. Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but earlier on i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky wet farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was VILE and fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo and probably a few stray particles still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit when i walked out but that twat has ruined it for me and i now have to try and hold it til i get home. Or i might leave at lunchtime and work from home rest of the day or something.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought it was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if others are free? I hope i don't see the guy again tomorrow otherwise i will gag again
"Smells" are actually microscopic airborne particles of whatever's creating the pong that go in through your nose and are tasted on the back of the tongue. Enjoy
Fuck...you're joking right??"
omg I have w really sick sense of humour I'm laughing so hard I'm actually crying!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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brilliant post 
look at it practically though. an "on the clock poo" is a very economical way of relieving oneself. not only are you being paid its free toilet paper |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Worrying thing is i have never even seen him in our office so not sure if he is from another floor.
Have now come home anyway so i can dump without the worry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's 7:35am here in the states and I'm reading this at work! I literally laughed at loud and my clients are now staring at me like I'm mad as I have tears pouring out of my eyes!
Best morning laugh ever! Thank you sir!
That being said! I DO NOT use work/public restrooms unless its an absolute emergency! I'm a germaphob! The very thought of what you mentioned and him not washing his has sounds horrid makes me cringe and feel the need of a shower or disinfectant lol.
Happy Crapping |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"brilliant post
look at it practically though. an "on the clock poo" is a very economical way of relieving oneself. not only are you being paid its free toilet paper "
I get you. Once of my colleagues did a whole piece of work based on shitting at work. He clearly didn't have enough to do. It was based on his salary, time taken actually going for a shit, allowing time for the post crap sigh and afterthought and everything. Totted the total time up on average per year, then based on his salary and working hours came up with a figure he called 'crap salary'. Basically how much money our company pays him each year to do that most basic of human actions.....take a shit. And he wonders why his role is being offshored!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah thanks for this, I was a cleaner in 2005. I used to snort soap in the shower and scald myself clean for half an hour every day. I wasn't happy until I'd scoured those toilets from my memory.
I quit the office toilet cleaning job after 5 weeks, but on the day I left, I abandoned my post in the afternoon to deliver flyers to toilet paper vendors all over the building, which is about twenty floors high.
Those flyers had in-depth instructions on how to shit, how to wipe, how to blow your nose, where to put your used toilet paper, how to flush a toilet and then how to wash your hands!
There was a separate one for womens toilets too. How to discard of your used fucking tampons  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeah thanks for this, I was a cleaner in 2005. I used to snort soap in the shower and scald myself clean for half an hour every day. I wasn't happy until I'd scoured those toilets from my memory.
I quit the office toilet cleaning job after 5 weeks, but on the day I left, I abandoned my post in the afternoon to deliver flyers to toilet paper vendors all over the building, which is about twenty floors high.
Those flyers had in-depth instructions on how to shit, how to wipe, how to blow your nose, where to put your used toilet paper, how to flush a toilet and then how to wash your hands!
There was a separate one for womens toilets too. How to discard of your used fucking tampons "
We used to have a guy that cleaned the toilets. He used to take real pride in his work..not seen him for a while though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OK so i know this is a sex site but i have just gotten back from the bogs a short while ago. Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but earlier on i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky wet farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was VILE and fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo and probably a few stray particles still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit when i walked out but that twat has ruined it for me and i now have to try and hold it til i get home. Or i might leave at lunchtime and work from home rest of the day or something.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought it was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if others are free? I hope i don't see the guy again tomorrow otherwise i will gag again
"Smells" are actually microscopic airborne particles of whatever's creating the pong that go in through your nose and are tasted on the back of the tongue. Enjoy
Fuck...you're joking right?? omg I have w really sick sense of humour I'm laughing so hard I'm actually crying!! "
Me too sorry |
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We had a fella who logged the biggest fattest turd in the bogs at work. I didn't think it was possible to pass such a monster. It remained there, for weeks, even had a nickname, " Vinnie", because it was that determined to stay, despite our best efforts, every time we flushed it, it came back up for air, indeed, wouldn't go around the u bend...in the end, the culprit logger was asked to go break him up. We didn't miss him.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yeah thanks for this, I was a cleaner in 2005. I used to snort soap in the shower and scald myself clean for half an hour every day. I wasn't happy until I'd scoured those toilets from my memory.
I quit the office toilet cleaning job after 5 weeks, but on the day I left, I abandoned my post in the afternoon to deliver flyers to toilet paper vendors all over the building, which is about twenty floors high.
Those flyers had in-depth instructions on how to shit, how to wipe, how to blow your nose, where to put your used toilet paper, how to flush a toilet and then how to wash your hands!
There was a separate one for womens toilets too. How to discard of your used fucking tampons
We used to have a guy that cleaned the toilets. He used to take real pride in his work..not seen him for a while though"
Me too, I try to take pride in all my work, no matter how shitty lol he was probably fired for working too hard. That was Tesco's reason for dropping me, the next job over! |
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That made me cry with laughter, but I know how you feel. We only have one staff toilet. I work with all men if any of them go to the lav I say if your going for a dump use the service users toilet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I make a point of dumping at work for six reasons:
1. They buy the bog roll. More money for me to spend on beer.
2. They get to keep the smell. My house remains a sweet smelling paradise.
3. If the smokers are getting paid to have a fag in works time, then im getting paid to have a shit in works time.
4. The most accurate and up to date info regarding colleagues can be found written on the walls of the toilet cubicles. If you want the latest gossip....go for a crap.
5. Work are forever dumping on me. I think its important I return the favour on a regular basis.
6. If I took my copy of the daily sport home, my kids would know they have a perverted retard for a father. What gets read in the bog, stays in the bog |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is WHY we don't let the general public use our toilets, unless they have a medical condition.
And thanks for posting this, even though its distracted me from me studies! lol I've had tears in my eyes from laughing out loud reading all the posts.
Tips on avoiding the germs in a public loo (or trying too!):
1. Use only one hand to open the door upon entering.
2. Use the same hand to reach for the toilet paper, wipe, flush and open the door of the cubicle, leaving the other hand to hold bags, etc.
3. Use the same hand to turn the tap on to wash your hands and if possible, use the back of your hand to turn them off (easy on the taps that a 'levered').
4. When leaving the toilets after drying your hands (some people don't, causing the handles to be wet!), unfortunately most public toilets you have to pull the door open to leave, I use my little finger and grab the bottom of the handle to open.
Gawd: sounds like a military operation!
Trouble with using the work's or public's bog paper, it isn't usually good quality and can be like sandpaper on your bum! 
P |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bloody hilarious. I also like the fact that you've taken a good half an hour out of your time to share it with us; a very (un)productive day for you.
Thanks for making me smile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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wonders if hes sat on home loo as he typed - im a community support worker and rarely use patients toilets - i tend to nip into sainsburys if i really need to - |
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