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Any Queries?
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I've recently taken possession of a possessed crystal set that can answer all your queries.
Ask anything you like and I shall commune across the ether with this crystal set and let you know the answer to the imponderables of life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
and
how many more frogs do i have to kiss to find my prince?
pretty please, miss tina. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
and
how many more frogs do i have to kiss to find my prince?
pretty please, miss tina. "
If a wood chuck could get wood, he would be on here with a sky remote next to his wood.
You are mistaken in kissing frogs, unless it is Baron Silas Greenback, in which case you get a hot date with Stiletto |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why can't I get a meet
You need to wear something suggestive to visit the butchers counter, this will aid you in jumping the queue "
Knew I was going wrong somewhere thanks Tina  |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Tina
Here's our queries 
Why can't we get a meet?
When can we give up work?
When will we win the big euro millions jackpot?
Regard
Lucy x "
You need to change the wallpaper in your lounge.
You shan't need to give up work, you will set up your own trapeze troop long before it becomes a question. However, this will result in your incarceration in Haiti following a bizarre twist in a diamond heist.
You may never win the Euro Millions, but will be occasionally successful in pulling Christmas Crackers, but not too successful.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What will go wrong next with my Range Rover after having the current problem of the universal joints on the propshaft replaced
Disgruntled Range Rover owner |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"What will go wrong next with my Range Rover after having the current problem of the universal joints on the propshaft replaced
Disgruntled Range Rover owner "
You will leave it parked next to a Grand Piano show room. There will be an unlikely accident featuring the YTS lad, a hoist, a 4 ton lorry, a banana skin and a girl with nice boobies walking by.
You will be most put out when you make your insurance claim and the chap on the end of the phone won't believe he isn't on local radio. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"How come every time I have gone out today it has rained and turned my hair frizzy and when I come back in the sun comes out?"
You have gone too long without indulging in a Thursday rant. This is the cosmos restoring balance. Avoid upturned plugs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tina
Here's our queries
Why can't we get a meet?
When can we give up work?
When will we win the big euro millions jackpot?
Regard
Lucy x
You need to change the wallpaper in your lounge.
We don't have any wallpaper in our lounge 
You shan't need to give up work, you will set up your own trapeze troop long before it becomes a question. However, this will result in your incarceration in Haiti following a bizarre twist in a diamond heist.
So I'm going to live in the Caribbean and have lots of diamonds?
You may never win the Euro Millions, but will be occasionally successful in pulling Christmas Crackers, but not too successful.
The jokes are always terrible in Christmas crackers
"
Thanks Tina |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Do people who abuse their partners have a hard time in the afterlife? "
They do not reach the afterlife. They are stuck in purgatory. They are in Meadowhall, looking for a leopard print dress with a stretchy front and only have 20 minutes before the shops close. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What will go wrong next with my Range Rover after having the current problem of the universal joints on the propshaft replaced
Disgruntled Range Rover owner
You will leave it parked next to a Grand Piano show room. There will be an unlikely accident featuring the YTS lad, a hoist, a 4 ton lorry, a banana skin and a girl with nice boobies walking by.
You will be most put out when you make your insurance claim and the chap on the end of the phone won't believe he isn't on local radio. "
Thanks mystic Tina, I look forward to the event and make sure my insurance is protected no claims  |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Is their eny reel peeps ere an doo they reelly meat or r they orl timewaisters???"
Thy true personages within this abode be on thy Platinum Membership and only meet those who know the secret code. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Do people who abuse their partners have a hard time in the afterlife?
They do not reach the afterlife. They are stuck in purgatory. They are in Meadowhall, looking for a leopard print dress with a stretchy front and only have 20 minutes before the shops close. "
 |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control... on my right side. What do I do Tina?
"
Turn off the mains and plug everything into yourself. You can save a fortune on electricity.
Also you can have a lot of fun touching railings and watching people get a shock |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control... on my right side. What do I do Tina?
Turn off the mains and plug everything into yourself. You can save a fortune on electricity.
Also you can have a lot of fun touching railings and watching people get a shock "
Dynamo - Lickety Impossible.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"how much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
and
how many more frogs do i have to kiss to find my prince?
pretty please, miss tina.
If a wood chuck could get wood, he would be on here with a sky remote next to his wood.
You are mistaken in kissing frogs, unless it is Baron Silas Greenback, in which case you get a hot date with Stiletto "
off to search the site for woodchucks with sky remotes
and thank you, Tina, i knew i was going wrong somewhere  |
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"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control... on my right side. What do I do Tina?
Turn off the mains and plug everything into yourself. You can save a fortune on electricity.
Also you can have a lot of fun touching railings and watching people get a shock
Dynamo - Lickety Impossible.
"
That's jolt I'd be willing to try! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control... on my right side. What do I do Tina?
Turn off the mains and plug everything into yourself. You can save a fortune on electricity.
Also you can have a lot of fun touching railings and watching people get a shock
Dynamo - Lickety Impossible.
That's jolt I'd be willing to try! "
When the tour takes me to the seaside with no sea.
|
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"I've got chills, they're multiplying and I'm losing control... on my right side. What do I do Tina?
Turn off the mains and plug everything into yourself. You can save a fortune on electricity.
Also you can have a lot of fun touching railings and watching people get a shock
Dynamo - Lickety Impossible.
That's jolt I'd be willing to try!
When the tour takes me to the seaside with no sea.
"
|
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"When will I see him again?
When will we share precious moments?
Will I have to wait forever?
Will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through?
"
It's a bit of a gamble, but by altering your thermostat by Three Degrees you will bring this moment closer and also more rodents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When will I see him again?
When will we share precious moments?
Will I have to wait forever?
Will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through?
It's a bit of a gamble, but by altering your thermostat by Three Degrees you will bring this moment closer and also more rodents. "
But when will our hearts beat together?
Are we in love or just friends?
Is this our beginning or is this the end?
And when will the rodents move out?
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"what hurts more ...giving birth or being kicked in the balls ? x"
Being kicked in the balls obviously, as whilst giving birth is painful, after a couple of years a lady may wish to have another one, whereas only masochists decide its been a while and they would like another kick in the nuts. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"will Tina ever come to the San Francisco Bay Area? and if so when"
It is unclear, but if I do I shall wear flowers in my hair. Unless I've upset a baker, when I shall just wear flour. |
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"will Tina ever come to the San Francisco Bay Area? and if so when
It is unclear, but if I do I shall wear flowers in my hair. Unless I've upset a baker, when I shall just wear flour. "
You ought to visit Nob Hill |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode. "
Can we all watch while you do?? He's not around tonight as he's 'entertaining' so we can say what we like.......mwahaha!!!! |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode.
Can we all watch while you do?? He's not around tonight as he's 'entertaining' so we can say what we like.......mwahaha!!!! "
We can take a wall out and erect some tiered seating |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Dear Tina,
My fella has had a vasectomy this week. When will I get a shag?
From frustrated fem "
Within 2 hours of going on meet today.
In the meantime, the voice across the ether recommends using his face as a comfy seat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode.
Can we all watch while you do?? He's not around tonight as he's 'entertaining' so we can say what we like.......mwahaha!!!! "
I have to go out....hold fire on the 'gang up on Toshn' thread I don't want to miss it  |
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"Dear Tina,
My fella has had a vasectomy this week. When will I get a shag?
From frustrated fem
Within 2 hours of going on meet today.
In the meantime, the voice across the ether recommends using his face as a comfy seat "
Thanks Tina! Watch this space..
Or I might get him to take me down't club.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode.
Can we all watch while you do?? He's not around tonight as he's 'entertaining' so we can say what we like.......mwahaha!!!!
I have to go out....hold fire on the 'gang up on Toshn' thread I don't want to miss it "
Ok.... Will save it so we can all 'moth' him together!! XxX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode.
Can we all watch while you do?? He's not around tonight as he's 'entertaining' so we can say what we like.......mwahaha!!!!
I have to go out....hold fire on the 'gang up on Toshn' thread I don't want to miss it
Ok.... Will save it so we can all 'moth' him together!! XxX "
Be back in an hour |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Oh Tina of the Titz please ask the enchanted crystal set where my leather gloves with fur cuffs are. Last seen on Bexhill seafront."
Belgium, after being swept out to see. However, the Belgian who found them is very grateful, if that is any consolation |
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"Oh Tina of the Titz please ask the enchanted crystal set where my leather gloves with fur cuffs are. Last seen on Bexhill seafront.
Belgium, after being swept out to see. However, the Belgian who found them is very grateful, if that is any consolation "
Frankly Tina it is not, a grateful Belgian won't keep my hands warm in a stylish manner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Tina Titz
Please ask the magic crystals why I was stupid enough to poke myself in the eye, making it red and swollen, just as I got my nomination for a no makeup selfie
And for those wishing to begin the Toshn bashing....I'm back  |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Dear Tina Titz
Please ask the magic crystals why I was stupid enough to poke myself in the eye, making it red and swollen, just as I got my nomination for a no makeup selfie
And for those wishing to begin the Toshn bashing....I'm back "
It is karma giving you a poke for the Toshn bashing, even though that is a laudable pursuit. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Is this the only set of crystal balls? If not where can I acquire some. X"
It is and they were sent to me by clerical error. Derek Accorah is now wondering what he is going to do with a leopard print handbag that he didn't see coming. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If Pringles were flat would you get more in the tub ???? 
Yes, but the more blessed of men would then struggle to use them as a prop when taking photos for this site. "
Can you tell me a) what is wrong with my spine and b) when will it be better
I'm on a promise and I don't want him to get bored waiting and enjoy the Moet without me!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If Pringles were flat would you get more in the tub ????
Yes, but the more blessed of men would then struggle to use them as a prop when taking photos for this site.
Can you tell me a) what is wrong with my spine and b) when will it be better
I'm on a promise and I don't want him to get bored waiting and enjoy the Moet without me!! "
See how poorly I am, I didn't mean to quote the previous post! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sitting at a family wedding... Chuckling out loud at all of these and loving Tina to bits. How do I explain these rand giggles to my family....?????? xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sitting at a family wedding... Chuckling out loud at all of these and loving Tina to bits. How do I explain these rand giggles to my family....?????? xxx"
Make that random giggles....!!!!! |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"If Pringles were flat would you get more in the tub ????
Yes, but the more blessed of men would then struggle to use them as a prop when taking photos for this site.
Can you tell me a) what is wrong with my spine and b) when will it be better
I'm on a promise and I don't want him to get bored waiting and enjoy the Moet without me!! "
Your spine is fine, it is just protesting at not being able to view your boobs, as it is on the wrong side. Arrange a few mirrors and all shall be well. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Sitting at a family wedding... Chuckling out loud at all of these and loving Tina to bits. How do I explain these rand giggles to my family....?????? xxx
Make that random giggles....!!!!! "
You cover your embarrassment by just explaining that you have a remote love egg inserted and that the groom is having a good night. No one will query your laughter again |
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It's currently a fine, blowy day. Am I safe to excavate the laundry hamper and wash the lot or will it start to rain as soon as I have got the last load in the washer?
And why the flip am I wide awake and doing chores after only two hours sleep?! |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Why do we spell it four and fourteen but spell forty as forty?"
In one of the unpublished later verses of the celebrated nursery rhyme, a blackbird makes off with the U from 40 |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"It's currently a fine, blowy day. Am I safe to excavate the laundry hamper and wash the lot or will it start to rain as soon as I have got the last load in the washer?
And why the flip am I wide awake and doing chores after only two hours sleep?! "
It is only safe if you possess a snow shovel and grit. You are wide awake now simply so you can nod on the sofa this afternoon, missing the blizzard covering your laundry. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Who was the wanker that decided to call marathon bars snickers?
That was Esrel Sunburst of California.
What would be suitable retribution?"
His name be changed by deed poll. To Esrel Wanker. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode. "
Bring it on . I slayed the king of moths . Any others will suffer
The same fate  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode. Bring it on . I slayed the king of moths . Any others will suffer
The same fate "
It lives....!!
It lives....!!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is the meaning of life?
To set free more moths in Toshn's abode. Bring it on . I slayed the king of moths . Any others will suffer
The same fate
It lives....!!
It lives....!!
"
its dead as a dead thing thats dead |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Why is tumble dryer fluff always blue? ? "
The colour washes off of the tiny smurfs who live in the back of the washer and do all of the hard work. The gubbins at the front is just for show. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Is this the way to Amarillo?"
No, there is a rather rum one way system ahead, but I'd recommend you get your skates on as Sweet Marie is waiting for you.
Unfortunately she looks like Quasimodo, but does get her name from the toffee shop she runs. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from "
A d*unken night in Kenya with a group of Rhinos who were on a stag weekend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from
A d*unken night in Kenya with a group of Rhinos who were on a stag weekend "
lol Explains my constant 'horn' x |
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"Is this the only set of crystal balls? If not where can I acquire some. X
It is and they were sent to me by clerical error. Derek Accorah is now wondering what he is going to do with a leopard print handbag that he didn't see coming. "
I wonder if I tell him where the crystals are he will let me have the bag? |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Is this the only set of crystal balls? If not where can I acquire some. X
It is and they were sent to me by clerical error. Derek Accorah is now wondering what he is going to do with a leopard print handbag that he didn't see coming.
I wonder if I tell him where the crystals are he will let me have the bag?"
You are too late, he has lost the bag, but this is not uncommon, as he often has a lot of trouble finding things. |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"How long can a man live off his reputation has a moth slayer  "
This is the type of epic event of which heroes are made. The answer is thousands of years. The Iliad originally just involved some Greek chap popping out for the paper one Sunday morning and look what happened there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What time will dinner be ??
You will next be fed properly when you are on a meet and the gent feeds you pudding "
Really ?? Got to wait till the 7 may ? Good job I have some fat in reserve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Dear Tina,
I've recently started feeling I need a man in my life. Not just a plaything I have my fun with and discard like a Bazooka Joe wrapper, but someone I can give all this up for. What's wrong with me??
yours petrified
Badnanna |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How long can a man live off his reputation has a moth slayer
This is the type of epic event of which heroes are made. The answer is thousands of years. The Iliad originally just involved some Greek chap popping out for the paper one Sunday morning and look what happened there "
Oh good |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Dear Tina,
I've recently started feeling I need a man in my life. Not just a plaything I have my fun with and discard like a Bazooka Joe wrapper, but someone I can give all this up for. What's wrong with me??
yours petrified
Badnanna "
Do not worry, this is just a phase you are going through. It affects most teenagers. As you grow older and develop in wisdom you will grow out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from
We're aliens "
lol there is actually a whole conspiracy theory about that out there! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from
We're aliens
lol there is actually a whole conspiracy theory about that out there!"
lol I know. I car across it when I was looking to see if I could give blood. The things people believe astounds me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from
We're aliens
lol there is actually a whole conspiracy theory about that out there!
lol I know. I car across it when I was looking to see if I could give blood. The things people believe astounds me! "
but bizarrely enough I do have an extra vertebrae |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Hi Tina.
Why does buttered toast always land butter side down when you drop it? Xx"
Many people think it is to do with balance and aerodynamics. It is not. It is to do with life being a bastard first thing in the morning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If the rhesus factor in human blood proves we evolved from apes...where did the people who are rhesus negative (like me) come from
We're aliens
lol there is actually a whole conspiracy theory about that out there!
lol I know. I car across it when I was looking to see if I could give blood. The things people believe astounds me!
but bizarrely enough I do have an extra vertebrae "
really? That is strange. How can I count mine ?? |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Are you the fallen Madonna with the big boobies? "
No, I believe she lives in Kent. However, I don't mind spending 5 minutes of my time with my head sticking out of a piano doing a bit of exposition at the start of every episode of Fab |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"on the tv advert for the fizzy cola drink they say " is it" .... is this true?"
Only for the chorus line, following some prankster substituting their talcum powder for an entirely different substance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi Tina.
Why does buttered toast always land butter side down when you drop it? Xx
Many people think it is to do with balance and aerodynamics. It is not. It is to do with life being a bastard first thing in the morning.
"
Thank you. Pmsl. Xx |
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"on the tv advert for the fizzy cola drink they say " is it" .... is this true?
Only for the chorus line, following some prankster substituting their talcum powder for an entirely different substance "
so it's not actually the real thing?  |
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By *inaTitz OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"on the tv advert for the fizzy cola drink they say " is it" .... is this true?
Only for the chorus line, following some prankster substituting their talcum powder for an entirely different substance
so it's not actually the real thing? "
Not for them it wasn't. |
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