FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > 'Babe' 'hunni' ' darlin' .....in first messages?
'Babe' 'hunni' ' darlin' .....in first messages?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no not alone but its not only single guys that do it i do it all the time
i never mean to offend anyone its just my way
i have been asked by some friends not to use particular ones and i try incredibly hard not to but its a very bad habit of over familiarity i guess but its who i am and thankfully most take it that way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?"
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?"
Most people don't use their real name on here. Is it that big a deal for someone to use one made up name other than another? Sometimes I think people just like to moan about something. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"no not alone but its not only single guys that do it i do it all the time
i never mean to offend anyone its just my way
i have been asked by some friends not to use particular ones and i try incredibly hard not to but its a very bad habit of over familiarity i guess but its who i am and thankfully most take it that way "
I do know what you mean...as I have a tendency to do it in everyday but thats with people I know and they are the same with me. But thats different as I know them!!
Its more with men coming up to me who I have never met in my life but using such over familiar terms. So with online messaging in a first message...??? No....dont like it.
Somehow, when its from guys a lot younger than me...it feels ridiculous but from a much older man (or woman) I am more tolerant to be fair. Also I appreciate its a generational thing sometimes as my 73 year old mum calls everyone 'dear'. But somehow it isnt offensive in the way that the 25 year old lad calls me 'alright darlin'!!!!!
With people I know...its different and in a relationship I am the opposite!
I think its when its done in a really patronising and quite disrespectful way....as if they think calling me 'hunni' will get my knickers off....
I was called a derogatory name when I responded politely to someone's message (about 20 years younger than me!), that I preferred he didn't use those terms when he doesn't know me. Obviously I blocked him but it did show up his character! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"no not alone but its not only single guys that do it i do it all the time
i never mean to offend anyone its just my way
i have been asked by some friends not to use particular ones and i try incredibly hard not to but its a very bad habit of over familiarity i guess but its who i am and thankfully most take it that way
I do know what you mean...as I have a tendency to do it in everyday but thats with people I know and they are the same with me. But thats different as I know them!!
Its more with men coming up to me who I have never met in my life but using such over familiar terms. So with online messaging in a first message...??? No....dont like it.
Somehow, when its from guys a lot younger than me...it feels ridiculous but from a much older man (or woman) I am more tolerant to be fair. Also I appreciate its a generational thing sometimes as my 73 year old mum calls everyone 'dear'. But somehow it isnt offensive in the way that the 25 year old lad calls me 'alright darlin'!!!!!
With people I know...its different and in a relationship I am the opposite!
I think its when its done in a really patronising and quite disrespectful way....as if they think calling me 'hunni' will get my knickers off....
I was called a derogatory name when I responded politely to someone's message (about 20 years younger than me!), that I preferred he didn't use those terms when he doesn't know me. Obviously I blocked him but it did show up his character! "
ah yes now from an older person calling me dear i would accept that i can't lie but then i guess thats a respect thing i would see that as a generational thing too |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you have it on your profile you don't like being called these names?
"
Noooooo....I am not going to such lengths! Lol! I trust that MOST people know how to conduct themselves. 95% of the time it doesnt happen! It was only when it happened recently and I got a really abusive response. To be fair...his message was 'hunni' this and 'babe' that so it was OTT! It was a first message! Hence the reason I responded politely and said I preferred he didnt use those terms as he didnt know me. I recieved an abusive response so I blocked him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
Most people don't use their real name on here. Is it that big a deal for someone to use one made up name other than another? Sometimes I think people just like to moan about something. "
Oh right! Lol! Ok! Not sure you get what I am saying but ok! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though. "
I understand where your are coming from because. ...he was no gentleman!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though.
I understand where your are coming from because. ...he was no gentleman! "
i realised that, once you mentioned the abusive message, but you do communicate a lot in the 'my rules' part of your profile, and a few words on this topic night be well placed there, as well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyway...it isnt going to ruin my day! Lol! But I just wondered how others felt. Language is an interesting thing that some of us are more sensitive about than others....
But I am not going to the lengths of putting it on my profile as most dont do it...it was only that he was so abusive (and full of text speak which I dont like) when I politely asked he didnt use those terms.... so just wondered.
In real life with those I have met and know....I am very warm and use terms of endearment all the time! But thats my point...a total stranger on the internet isnt that person! X
Even if I did put it on my profile. ..I doubt most read it...
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though.
I understand where your are coming from because. ...he was no gentleman!
i realised that, once you mentioned the abusive message, but you do communicate a lot in the 'my rules' part of your profile, and a few words on this topic night be well placed there, as well. "
Yes I probably say more than I need to in my profile I guess. Fair point. But I have since realised that most men dont read it so I probably wasted my time writing it! Lol! Oh well! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The challenges life throws up"
Lol....yes I know. ...its not one of my major dilemmas in life. Just started it as a little thought for the day..I have many far more interesting thoughts lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though.
I understand where your are coming from because. ...he was no gentleman!
i realised that, once you mentioned the abusive message, but you do communicate a lot in the 'my rules' part of your profile, and a few words on this topic night be well placed there, as well.
Yes I probably say more than I need to in my profile I guess. Fair point. But I have since realised that most men dont read it so I probably wasted my time writing it! Lol! Oh well!"
i don't think the effort is wasted. though i agree that many don't bother to read a profile. if a guy messages me and can demonstrate that he had read my profile i take an interest. ones that obviously haven't i don't bother to respond to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I really don't give 2 hoots what someone on here wants to call me...."
Really????? They can call you anything?? Lol...now theres an invitation for some!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?
maybe just add that to your rules in your profile? that way you would at least know who took the time to read it, as well.
personally, i don't mind being called those names, but that may be a cultural thing as i am from the south in the u.s. and it's largely the way we talk to each other there. i think you'll find many on here who agree with you. communicating that in your profile is really the only way that the gentleman is going to know, though.
I understand where your are coming from because. ...he was no gentleman!
i realised that, once you mentioned the abusive message, but you do communicate a lot in the 'my rules' part of your profile, and a few words on this topic night be well placed there, as well.
Yes I probably say more than I need to in my profile I guess. Fair point. But I have since realised that most men dont read it so I probably wasted my time writing it! Lol! Oh well!
i don't think the effort is wasted. though i agree that many don't bother to read a profile. if a guy messages me and can demonstrate that he had read my profile i take an interest. ones that obviously haven't i don't bother to respond to. "
Agreed!  Tends to my general approach too. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't stand total strangers walking up to me and referring to me as 'babe' or 'hunni' or 'hunny' or ' darlin' !!! I just find it patronising. Especially from young guys!
So when I get messages saying the same. ..it is always a total turn off!
I prefer to just be called by my user name...or nothing at all. Just talk to me normally!
In a relationship or with someone I know and have met ..totally different story!
Am I alone in this?"
Yep I agree, it is patronising and over familiar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I really don't give 2 hoots what someone on here wants to call me....
Really????? They can call you anything?? Lol...now theres an invitation for some! "
Yep really. If it's something offensive they will get blocked...no biggie.
Anything else really doesn't bother me at all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I really don't give 2 hoots what someone on here wants to call me....
Really????? They can call you anything?? Lol...now theres an invitation for some!
Yep really. If it's something offensive they will get blocked...no biggie.
Anything else really doesn't bother me at all."
Fair enough! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Note to self: Greet all on Fab as 'Random internet strange person' to avoid over familiarity and being patronising.
we just take it in the spirit its meant, i would not expect anyone that has ever met me to come out with a formal greeting on a site like this, and inf act i would most likely ignore a message from someone that opened with 'Dear Sir/Madam' as i would if they just said 'Hi, hows u?' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the East End everyone is 'love'or 'darling'as up north people are 'pet'or 'flower' and lots of regional varieties. Doesn't bother me at all, it's a nice term.
I call most people hunni, if you don't like it, let me know, i won't talk to you
(Mrs) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The only name i don't like being called is love....anything else don't bother me to be fair...  "
Oops I call women love, thanks love, morning love etc etc, I didn't know it was bad  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Note to self: Greet all on Fab as 'Random internet strange person' to avoid over familiarity and being patronising.
we just take it in the spirit its meant, i would not expect anyone that has ever met me to come out with a formal greeting on a site like this, and inf act i would most likely ignore a message from someone that opened with 'Dear Sir/Madam' as i would if they just said 'Hi, hows u?' "
Oh come on! Talk about exaggeration! !!! Where did I say someone should greet me like a job inter_iew??????? Most don't have any difficulty at all in sending me a nice normal message without being over familiar. ..patronising. Its not that difficult! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In the East End everyone is 'love'or 'darling'as up north people are 'pet'or 'flower' and lots of regional varieties. Doesn't bother me at all, it's a nice term.
I call most people hunni, if you don't like it, let me know, i won't talk to you
(Mrs)"
For me...its about context and motivation. Generally speaking....from a woman I couldn't care less and once I have met someone? Same thing.
But a message from a random stranger that is littered with over familiar terms like we have known eachother for years and had his babies??? just feels strange to me!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In the East End everyone is 'love'or 'darling'as up north people are 'pet'or 'flower' and lots of regional varieties. Doesn't bother me at all, it's a nice term.
I call most people hunni, if you don't like it, let me know, i won't talk to you
(Mrs)
For me...its about context and motivation. Generally speaking....from a woman I couldn't care less and once I have met someone? Same thing.
But a message from a random stranger that is littered with over familiar terms like we have known eachother for years and had his babies??? just feels strange to me!!! "
Yep this is exactly how I feel about it, funny how defensive people seem to be over it, I don't see the problem with someone who I have never spoken to in my life before refraining from callin me babe, hunni, darling or hun , it sounds disingenuous and fake, however if ive been speaking to someone for a while I don't mind it at all, but in a first message, absolutely not! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In the East End everyone is 'love'or 'darling'as up north people are 'pet'or 'flower' and lots of regional varieties. Doesn't bother me at all, it's a nice term.
I call most people hunni, if you don't like it, let me know, i won't talk to you
(Mrs)
For me...its about context and motivation. Generally speaking....from a woman I couldn't care less and once I have met someone? Same thing.
But a message from a random stranger that is littered with over familiar terms like we have known eachother for years and had his babies??? just feels strange to me!!!
Yep this is exactly how I feel about it, funny how defensive people seem to be over it, I don't see the problem with someone who I have never spoken to in my life before refraining from callin me babe, hunni, darling or hun , it sounds disingenuous and fake, however if ive been speaking to someone for a while I don't mind it at all, but in a first message, absolutely not!"
You actually explained it better than me...it is all about being genuine! Even in a real life social situation. .. there is a world of difference the between someone just being friendly and someone being over familiar and fake. |
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