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Will you be using Clare's Law?

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

So, it's official, people find out from police if their partner has a history of domestic violence.

Is it something you'll be using?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you have a good reason to suspect them then surely that is the moment to run for the hills?

If I felt the need to use it I wouldn't want to be in that relationship at all.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?"
I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

That I understand but then surely more support and guidance should be given to those requesting the info. Especially those with children.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

A lot of women don't know his past relationships and are unaware that he hits women. I know I certainly didn't. Often violence does not begin until about 6 months into a relationship, the signs are there from the beginning but often confused with the person thinking that they just want to spend lots of time with them etc. Often woman and men don't leave the violent relationship either out of fear or they think it was a "one off" incident...It never usually this, I left my ex after he hit me with the butt of a hammer then proceeded to pull out a gun...I hope that Claire law is used and if used correctly it will protect women and men..You can't just request information there has to be just cause for the information to be requested

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you have a good reason to suspect them then surely that is the moment to run for the hills?

If I felt the need to use it I wouldn't want to be in that relationship at all."

Very good point. Also they may never have been charged... yet.

Brilliant news though.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-26488011

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

[Removed by poster at 08/03/14 17:01:24]

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

There is useful information from greater Manchester police regarding it as they were one of the forces to pilot the scheme....I'm currently doing a lot of work around DV....it's not going away but it's about educating people it can happen to anybody....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this to be very one sided, i was in an abusive relationship for many years but felt i couldn't leave cos of the children! Everything i rang the police i got told that it was only a domestic and to sleep on it and report it in the morning. Then one night i had a pan over the head i pushed her and the police were there in seconds to arrest me and hate me with DV. So the true story isn't always kept on file.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally if I was in a situation where I felt I needed to check my instincts should be telling me to get the fuck out and I don't think that finding out whether there is a history of violence or not would matter to me at that stage,I should be gone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In principal I can see the benefits of it, but the reality is never going to be clean cut. As has been said, if you felt there was a reason to check then should you really be in the relationship anyway? And even if someone comes back with a clean record, that doesn't mean they are not or will not be abusive...or someone with a history of domestic violence may have learnt from their mistakes and never be able to put the past behind them if they have genuinely changed their ways.

Also, is there something where a family member can check on someone too? How many will listen to reason about someone they love if they don't want to...I've lost a friend in the past because she chose to believe her bf over me, similar things could happen leaving those who need support alone?

To be fair though I don't know the full ins and outs of it and I guess it could be a positive tool for some if used in the right way?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A lot of women don't know his past relationships and are unaware that he hits women. I know I certainly didn't. Often violence does not begin until about 6 months into a relationship, the signs are there from the beginning but often confused with the person thinking that they just want to spend lots of time with them etc. Often woman and men don't leave the violent relationship either out of fear or they think it was a "one off" incident...It never usually this, I left my ex after he hit me with the butt of a hammer then proceeded to pull out a gun...I hope that Claire law is used and if used correctly it will protect women and men..You can't just request information there has to be just cause for the information to be requested "

But surely by the time the signs and cause to request is there its too late. I think if you are having to check then your instincts telling you it isn't right. The support needs to be there from the moment its requested to give people the strength to walk away.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

The support starts from the time it's requested...referral to women's aid and then there is a multi agency meeting to discuss the disclosures etc...while at a time you are not in a violent relationship common sense tells you, you would run a mile....it's commentary different when you are actually in the relationship to know what to do....often the victim is controlled financially so often feel they can't leave.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Completely not commentary

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

http://www.gmp.police.uk/content/WebAttachments/88A190F67550078780257A71002E5DC8/$File/claire's%20law%20other%20people%20booklet.pdf

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had read about it but what I had read there was no mention of support.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I had read about it but what I had read there was no mention of support. "

They get the support of the police who then often refer to supporting agencies like women's aid

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By *U1966Man over a year ago

Devon

Would make sense to use it if available not water tight but might just be worth it especially if you have kids

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I think this could be a very good thing if implemented and used correctly.

That said, I don't care if the partner has a history of violence or not. If they are abusive or violent towards me, my family or my friends, they are gone.

I'm fortunate I don't have children to consider.

I'm quite sensitive to attempts to control or manipulate me, and I take them badly, so I think I'd notice issues early on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If it's a law that saves even just one person from death & hopefully countless more & their families from an abusive relationship then it's well worth it.

Women will leave an abusive relationship on average, 7 times, before they leave for good.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

as long as its equal, ie, women that are charged with it are on file and can be outed, as it were, then its all good.

there is an increase in domestic violence against men these days, with a prevalence of a drinking culture where women are becoming more 'blokey' by the year.

so as long as i am able t ofind out my next missus is a gobshite as much as she is if i am, then its all good.

that all said, the womens charity that deal with DV ('escape' or 'refuge' is it?) said that almost half of all DV cases are never reported to, or dealt with by, the police, so a lot of assaulters are never going to be known.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A friend of ours married a guy who we all thought was lovely. Months later he started hitting her, she kept it hidden as she felt ashamed. If only this was available them, may have saved an awful lot of heartache for her (and her kids). He fooled a lot of people into thinking he was a great guy, even those who can normally spot an idiot.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"as long as its equal, ie, women that are charged with it are on file and can be outed, as it were, then its all good.

there is an increase in domestic violence against men these days, with a prevalence of a drinking culture where women are becoming more 'blokey' by the year.

so as long as i am able t ofind out my next missus is a gobshite as much as she is if i am, then its all good.

I'd say it's a LOT more than half that don't involve the police.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"as long as its equal, ie, women that are charged with it are on file and can be outed, as it were, then its all good.

there is an increase in domestic violence against men these days, with a prevalence of a drinking culture where women are becoming more 'blokey' by the year.

so as long as i am able t ofind out my next missus is a gobshite as much as she is if i am, then its all good.

I'd say it's a LOT more than half that don't involve the police."

It's more like 80%

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By *punkyhelmet5Man over a year ago

Weston-super-mare

Hi guys does this work with a woman as well?? It happened to me Didnt find find out until bout 6 months how violent and abusive she was and had been in past

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Years ago, the victim had to press charges before the please could do anything.

Now if a neighbour or someone calls the police or the victim that changes their mind the police will now prosicute anyway.

Although not perfect we have come on a long way in the last 30 years

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Hi guys does this work with a woman as well?? It happened to me Didnt find find out until bout 6 months how violent and abusive she was and had been in past"

Both sexes can use Claire's law...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whether its a male or female you have the right to know about a potential partners past whether that previous behaviour was not the norm as in an abusive way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Funny how people assume its the man who is violent, women are too and have history!!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Whether its a male or female you have the right to know about a potential partners past whether that previous behaviour was not the norm as in an abusive way."

You can't request information willy nilly it only relates to violent incidents they won't disclose other offences

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Same sex DV is on the rise, woman on man DV is on the rise....it's not just man on woman any more...it's the stark reality of life...and it's scary any of us can be victims

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

Was listening to a female Manchester Police officer on the news this morning...

She was saying that, under the law disclosure was a judgment decision to be made by police, so even if a male has convictions for DV they may decide to give a negative DV report. Further that if they have 'intelligence' that a man has been involved in DV but there have been no incidents involving police that they may decide to make a positive DV report!

Seems to me to be an ill-conceived piece of legislation if this is true.

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By *aucy3Couple over a year ago

glasgow

"So, it's official, people find out from police if their partner has a history of domestic violence.

Is it something you'll be using?"

Hopefully it will be used by many.

People with a history domestic violence,don't advertise their past misdemeanors.

In the beginning,they can be plausible,and charming, fooling all around them.

With never a hint of their past behaviors,

not showing any inclination of what has yet to come.

It's a step in the right direction.

For the worst offenders,I would go one step further,and proactively inform any future partners of their past,

allowing the New partner make an informed opinion,and choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

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By *wo4moreCouple over a year ago

around walsall, wolves, cannock

I hope there is a bit of equality in this law. It's quite sexist and inappropriate to assume that only men can be abusers in abusive relationships. Women can be abusers too, and it could and probably is difficult for men to get people to believe they are being abused.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway "

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years... "

Yup single since him

Can't go thru that ever ever ever ever again

Much stronger now

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years...

Yup single since him

Can't go thru that ever ever ever ever again

Much stronger now

You pick up the signs early on.....one bit of advice don't let the past dictate your future x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years...

Yup single since him

Can't go thru that ever ever ever ever again

Much stronger now

You pick up the signs early on.....one bit of advice don't let the past dictate your future x"

To be honest without going too much into it , he is still doing it to me

But I am learning to ignore the remarks and comments and not allowing him near me except to collect children etc

So I don't know if a relationship is wise for me anyway with him still not giving in three years down the line

At least I know he is arrested next time anything too bad happens

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN4sMISyYgk

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was listening to a female Manchester Police officer on the news this morning...

Seems to me to be an ill-conceived piece of legislation if this is true."
Well we all know the police are totally impartial and never corrupt don't we!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years...

Yup single since him

Can't go thru that ever ever ever ever again

Much stronger now

You pick up the signs early on.....one bit of advice don't let the past dictate your future x

To be honest without going too much into it , he is still doing it to me

But I am learning to ignore the remarks and comments and not allowing him near me except to collect children etc

So I don't know if a relationship is wise for me anyway with him still not giving in three years down the line

At least I know he is arrested next time anything too bad happens "
I feel for you. He deserves a good..........wel you know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would I use it ? ...yes

I have a daughter and my sanity to consider

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By *ampWithABrainWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

The difficulties are as has been mentioned,

not all violent people have convictions,

society is still skewed to believe...

It doesn't happen to men, it doesn't happen in same sex esp lesbian relationships, it only happens in the working classes, it only happens to 'weak' people etc etc

I've known a policeman be a victim, a lesbian friend, been there myself.

It doesn't usually start with a slap, it's mind/financial/emotional control n builds from there usually. I thought I had it sorted in my relationship but even though I got him to stop the violence, the control was still there, I didn't fully see it till after we split.

DV is a complicated issue

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Been a victim myself and was advised I will pick the same type again due to whatever reason

But I would hope that it would not happen but these people are clever and you often don't even realise you are in the position !

With having children I would possibly wanna know everything if there was any suspicion but if there was then I doubt I would even be with the guy anyway

It's called the "bad boy" syndrome I had cognitive therapy after my last violent relationship and it all clicked into place....I don't pick men wisely hence why I've been single 4 years...

Yup single since him

Can't go thru that ever ever ever ever again

Much stronger now

You pick up the signs early on.....one bit of advice don't let the past dictate your future x

To be honest without going too much into it , he is still doing it to me

But I am learning to ignore the remarks and comments and not allowing him near me except to collect children etc

So I don't know if a relationship is wise for me anyway with him still not giving in three years down the line

At least I know he is arrested next time anything too bad happens I feel for you. He deserves a good..........wel you know "

I agree

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As much as i agree with the concept i cannot see how it will work, Will a section of every police force be given specialist training, will extra funding be allocated to set up "Clares law" departments when we are already seeing redundancies and cutbacks or will the decision be left to civilian support staff.

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

Fact is there should be a database open to all where you can check the unspent criminal record or civil judgments against anyone. After all such records are a matter of public record and should be available.

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"As much as i agree with the concept i cannot see how it will work, Will a section of every police force be given specialist training, will extra funding be allocated to set up "Clares law" departments when we are already seeing redundancies and cutbacks or will the decision be left to civilian support staff."

It will be used within the PPU (public protection unit) within the police which is already set up..the decision had to be made by a police officer regarding disclosures and other agencies as part of the multi agency approach.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Fact is there should be a database open to all where you can check the unspent criminal record or civil judgments against anyone. After all such records are a matter of public record and should be available.

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

There will be checks and they decide...what disclosures to make..the records are not in public domain and they can't just search random people that is an offence under the data protection act...it will be monitored and used accordly...this will hopefully safe many lives...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

But if there is a previous offence on record and they decide not to tell....?

(I don't know any details about the system, just going off what has been said here.)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As others have already said, if their with someone who they feel needs to be checked out then why are they still with them.

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By *all-Eddies QosCouple over a year ago

wirral

I have no need to......wish that my ex's new wife would......just to prove a point.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

But if there is a previous offence on record and they decide not to tell....?

(I don't know any details about the system, just going off what has been said here.)"

They will decide if it's a pressing need to disclose or if a crime is likely to take place etc...they weigh up a lot of factors

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"As others have already said, if their with someone who they feel needs to be checked out then why are they still with them.

Because it's not that simple to walk away....many men and women don't. It's all very well saying leave but the most dangerous time of a victim in an abusive relationship is the time that they go and leave...most of the murders take place at point of leaving...

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By *orthyorkypairCouple over a year ago

North Yorkshire

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?"

our thoughts exactly lol

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

Another thing people don't realise is that DV is on the increase in 16-24 year old females. That's why a lot of the adverts you see around at the minute are featuring young actors, such as the current Hollyoaks story line.

And after a week of following the victim support unit around at work, no people don't leave. You can sit and scream at them as much as you like, but ultimately they love that person, and it takes a lot of courage to walk away from that.

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By *ScotsmanMan over a year ago

ayrshire

i dont know about clares law but im fed up standing outside her accessory shop while my daughter spends a fortune on shite.!!.

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

Right...

That would be like the police checks and balances that have been show to work so well in the original Stephen Lawrence investigation, Hillsborough, pleb-gate, the Lawrence Inquiry, the Leverson Inquiry, The Taylor Inquiry, Stewart-Smith re_iew, Hillsborough Independent Panel... All lied to by police...

As for your comment about criminal records not being in the public domain, except for the names of children and cases that are heard 'in camera' for reasons of national security all court cases must be held in public and anyone can attend. Further local papers report on all cases and if you know where to look the information is available in news archives.

It should be available in a single open home office database!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

Right...

It should be available in a single open home office database!

You have your opinion I'll have mine....Claire's law is out there to protect victims...

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By *ScotsmanMan over a year ago

ayrshire

Claires accessorys is there to break men...who needs a strawberry favoured hair brush.

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

Right...

It should be available in a single open home office database!

You have your opinion I'll have mine....Claire's law is out there to protect victims..."

Actually you have opinion, I have just quoted facts...

guess you believe that your opinion is as valid as fact...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How does it work in practice...

Hello Police, I have meet a nice bloke, called Dave Sharer. Can you tell me if he has any history of DV?

Is it free, does the relationship have to be at the moving in stage or just started, how many times can one woman ask for a check?

What do they need, DoB, Name and address, assuming they are correct...

How does it fit in with Sophie Law?

Violence of any sort against another living creature is unacceptable as is any harming of children.

Tongue in cheek...

Maybe they should just tattoo on the cock, Violent or pedophile, the cock is kept pretty private and only people really close would see it, lol

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

Right...

It should be available in a single open home office database!

You have your opinion I'll have mine....Claire's law is out there to protect victims...

Actually you have opinion, I have just quoted facts...

guess you believe that your opinion is as valid as fact...

Ok you pointed out facts of course I don't believe my opinions to be facts but I do know a fair bit about Claire's law and the aim it is supposed to have...don't forget a woman had to die for this law to be brought in and the campaigning by the family of the deceased for this law to be brought in...

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?"

No he doesn't

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?

No he doesn't "

I can't see that surviving a court challenge.

I guess, in order to ensure the subject of the enquiry doesn't find out about it, the recipients of the info are 'sworn' to secrecy

I can't see that working either.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?

No he doesn't

I can't see that surviving a court challenge.

I guess, in order to ensure the subject of the enquiry doesn't find out about it, the recipients of the info are 'sworn' to secrecy

I can't see that working either."

The best thing is to read up on it....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?

No he doesn't

I can't see that surviving a court challenge.

I guess, in order to ensure the subject of the enquiry doesn't find out about it, the recipients of the info are 'sworn' to secrecy

I can't see that working either."

It's not a normal situtation. It's a violent, controlling man. It's a woman whose safety is likely to be compromised if he knew.

Any victim of dv should have total anonymity for their safety- until for example it goes to court.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And what if a malicious woman makes up that she has run up a check, and proceeds to spread/gossip this to members of the local community....the guy has no recourse to deny this..

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Does anyone know? If a worried woman (or perhaps her Mum etc) asks cops to look into the background of a new man in her/ her daughter's life, does the guy get formally informed?

No he doesn't

I can't see that surviving a court challenge.

I guess, in order to ensure the subject of the enquiry doesn't find out about it, the recipients of the info are 'sworn' to secrecy

I can't see that working either.

The best thing is to read up on it....

It's been reading what Refuge (ok, I know they have a financial interest in this) has to say which prompts my questions and concern.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

[Removed by poster at 09/03/14 13:17:53]

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

I find the idea that any police officer gets to make a 'judgement call' about my (or anyone else's) behavior that may effect my well-being very disturbing. Where are the checks and balances?

Right...

It should be available in a single open home office database!

You have your opinion I'll have mine....Claire's law is out there to protect victims...

Actually you have opinion, I have just quoted facts...

guess you believe that your opinion is as valid as fact...

Thanks, glad you see where I am coming from as regards facts. I am also on your side as far as protecting people from abusive relationships (and I have been in one so know how they work). Fact is we do not need extra laws to further confuse issues, what we need is for the police and courts to to their respective jobs and access to proven facts based on legal judgments made by courts, not by police officers making judgment calls.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And what if a malicious woman makes up that she has run up a check, and proceeds to spread/gossip this to members of the local community....the guy has no recourse to deny this.."

People can make up malicious gossip about anything. And they do.

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By *awkeye and HotlipsCouple over a year ago

Takeley

wish it was there when I met my ex wife as it would have saved a lot of upset for me. Noone has the right to be violent to another human being, male or female.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN4sMISyYgk

This shows what it's like....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 10/03/14 11:16:14]

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Unfortunately you are correct, further should the police decide that they have 'intelligence' to suggest you are a danger to others and that that information needs to be disclosed, you have no right to even know about their decision let alone challenge it.

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

i thought as much. Like we dont have enough bull shit laws already. I wonder how many times it will get abused before we have enquiries. Not to mention that it flys completely in the face of a main principle in uk law. It may be legal but its completely unlawful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

Yeah let's just worry about how it can be abused. Sod the women/ men who's lives would be saved. It's only other people that matter. No false accusations occur for anything else in life...

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

Yeah let's just worry about how it can be abused. Sod the women/ men who's lives would be saved. It's only other people that matter. No false accusations occur for anything else in life... "

getting all emotional about the matter seems to be clouding your _iew. When laws are brought in where people for what ever reason can make baseless accusations without that accusation being tested in a court of law then you are on a very very slippery slope.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I find this to be very one sided,"

this i agree on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have not looked into this does it only apply to DV? If someone has a history of drug dealing or arson will they say nothing?

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"I have not looked into this does it only apply to DV? If someone has a history of drug dealing or arson will they say nothing?"

So it would seem.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Claire law was brought in after Claire wood was stabbed to death then burned by her ex partner in 2009. There was a history of violence and harassment by the ex partner towards Claire....previous to Claire getting together with him he had a previous conviction for harassment and violence towards an ex partner, Claire knew nothing about this conviction. Claire law has been piloted since 2012 and to date has saved 100 lives by disclosing information to victims regarding their partner.....you cannot just go in and request information police have to be sure that there is a genuine risk to safety. Im not sure how people assume its one sided....You dont know what you would do if you were in a situation. my ex had previous convictions for fire arms i knew nothing about this and i was subjected to domestic violence and threats to life with a fire arm.....I am really not sure why some of you don't get the need for it but i really hope you are never subject to violence at the hands of a partner....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Claire law was brought in after Claire wood was stabbed to death then burned by her ex partner in 2009. There was a history of violence and harassment by the ex partner towards Claire....previous to Claire getting together with him he had a previous conviction for harassment and violence towards an ex partner, Claire knew nothing about this conviction. Claire law has been piloted since 2012 and to date has saved 100 lives by disclosing information to victims regarding their partner.....you cannot just go in and request information police have to be sure that there is a genuine risk to safety. Im not sure how people assume its one sided....You dont know what you would do if you were in a situation. my ex had previous convictions for fire arms i knew nothing about this and i was subjected to domestic violence and threats to life with a fire arm.....I am really not sure why some of you don't get the need for it but i really hope you are never subject to violence at the hands of a partner...."

What worries me the amount of delusuionable fucked up people what will do this for attenton

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Police are not stupid.....There has to be a reason to believe and while there maybe referrals sought as you so nicely put from fucked up people....the police will look at that and if needed take action against those that make fraudant claims....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Police are not stupid.....There has to be a reason to believe and while there maybe referrals sought as you so nicely put from fucked up people....the police will look at that and if needed take action against those that make fraudant claims...."

u really think the police aren't stupid !!!!!

Fucked up people i mean stalkers bunny in the boilers and so to speak,

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In theory its good but as like another poster who was male i went through similar even had knife up against my throat reported to cops only at point when i had to barricade myself in kitchen did they come to house.

If cops take blokes reporting as well as females then good do i believe they will not for one minute.

If anyone wants to check up on partner etc without any comeback on those who are thought to be doing it just for sake it then its useless as these people should get same sentence as those who do commit violence otherwise no deterrant.

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

I'm not so sure that's how it'll work in practice. The cops will be so wary of accusations of having done nothing that they'll probably err on the overkill side.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

Yeah let's just worry about how it can be abused. Sod the women/ men who's lives would be saved. It's only other people that matter. No false accusations occur for anything else in life...

I'm not 'all emotional' about anything. Some people will always screw with the law.

If laws were stopped just because some people abuse them and take the piss.... there would be no laws at all.

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

Currently if an offender of DV or violence to women discloses a relationshop to their offender manager, the offender manager involves the victim support team, and they go round to the new woman and inform her of the criminal charge that was brought against her new partner.

Of course this only works if the offender is still under supervision. I don't know if it works the same way with female offenders as I don't work with them.

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"i guess there wont be any women who abuse this law. A jealous vindictive one who maliciously reports a guy for things he hasnt done ?

As i understand it no charges ever need to be brought or am i wrong about that ?

Seems to me that it makes the police judge, jury, and executioner. And I for one find that very disturbing.

Yeah let's just worry about how it can be abused. Sod the women/ men who's lives would be saved. It's only other people that matter. No false accusations occur for anything else in life...

I'm not 'all emotional' about anything. Some people will always screw with the law.

If laws were stopped just because some people abuse them and take the piss.... there would be no laws at all."

people can screw with the law but then they have to back that up on oath in a court of law and a jury decides. This so called law circumvents that process.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

No, god forbid I did need to.... the other person would be cut from my life without blinking.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

The thing I have been wondering about is..... I wonder how it would feel to find out your new partner had nipped down the station and been digging into your past.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"The thing I have been wondering about is..... I wonder how it would feel to find out your new partner had nipped down the station and been digging into your past.

and any nugget of information is magnified to suit someone's agenda, if they ever fall out what Facebook will be showing in their updates.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So if I walked into the local police station and said I am in a relationship with Carol Shufflebunny would they tell me if she had been convicted of a violent crime?

How do you prove your in a relationship with someone?

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"The thing I have been wondering about is..... I wonder how it would feel to find out your new partner had nipped down the station and been digging into your past.

probably similar to having them look in your phone which some would regard as a form of abuse.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

There is a document that greater Manchester police did regarding Clare's law...it's worth reading

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is this just for checks against males or is it all fair & square and works both ways ?

After all domestic abuse aint specific to one sex and that's for sure sure sure.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Is this just for checks against males or is it all fair & square and works both ways ?

After all domestic abuse aint specific to one sex and that's for sure sure sure."

Both men and women can request information

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is this just for checks against males or is it all fair & square and works both ways ?

After all domestic abuse aint specific to one sex and that's for sure sure sure.

Both men and women can request information "

Cheers for the heads up x. I despise DA/DV in anyway shape or form but sadly it is a life norm for some alongside a few other traits.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So, it's official, people find out from police if their partner has a history of domestic violence.

Is it something you'll be using?"

Kinda good and bad really but what if that partner has never been charged with anything in the past ? Then it won't come up on the history check .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you have a good reason to suspect them then surely that is the moment to run for the hills?

If I felt the need to use it I wouldn't want to be in that relationship at all."

It could be a situation like, you think the guy is great but his ex girlfriend or someone has told you he is violent. You may think it is lies but to be sure just check anyway

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Taken from the BBC website.

During the year long pilot:

Greater Manchester Police: 90 applications for a disclosure made. Police granted 53 disclosures.

Gwent Police: 39 applications for a disclosure made. Police granted 8 disclosures.

Nottinghamshire Police: 53 applications for disclosure made. Police granted 5 disclosures.

Wiltshire Police: 102 applications for disclosure made. Police granted 15 disclosures.

Greater Manchester Police said 65 people had applied for a disclosure about a boyfriend or an individual who was in a relationship with someone they knew.

A further 25 applications were submitted by agencies where it was felt someone might be at risk.

Do these figures seem high or low?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And what if a malicious woman makes up that she has run up a check, and proceeds to spread/gossip this to members of the local community....the guy has no recourse to deny this.."

Well I suppose if a woman was going to do this then she could spread rumors anyway. Before claires law came to be, my hubby's ex told me and God knows who else that he had hit her. I just couldn't see that happening. So I stuck with him and I am still with him and fourteen years on he has barely shouted at me, let alone hit me.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

[Removed by poster at 10/03/14 20:00:29]

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

DV is on the rise so to be honest the figures shown don't shock me tbf.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Taken from the BBC website.

During the year long pilot:

Greater Manchester Police: 90 applications for a disclosure made. Police granted 53 disclosures.

Gwent Police: 39 applications for a disclosure made. Police granted 8 disclosures.

Nottinghamshire Police: 53 applications for disclosure made. Police granted 5 disclosures.

Wiltshire Police: 102 applications for disclosure made. Police granted 15 disclosures.

Greater Manchester Police said 65 people had applied for a disclosure about a boyfriend or an individual who was in a relationship with someone they knew.

A further 25 applications were submitted by agencies where it was felt someone might be at risk.

Do these figures seem high or low?

They seem about right for the first year....

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I thought the number of requests was quite low.

And the bit which interested me most..... "or an individual who was in a relationship with someone they knew"

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I thought the number of requests was quite low.

And the bit which interested me most..... "or an individual who was in a relationship with someone they knew""

Yes third parties can make a request such as parents or friends etc if they have a concern regarding their relative or friend...

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

oh what happened to innocent until proven guilty ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"oh what happened to innocent until proven guilty ? "

What do you mean. I thought these people were guilty.

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"oh what happened to innocent until proven guilty ?

What do you mean. I thought these people were guilty.

X"
no they dont have to be charged with an offense or found guilty in a court of law as already stated in the thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"oh what happened to innocent until proven guilty ?

What do you mean. I thought these people were guilty.

X no they dont have to be charged with an offense or found guilty in a court of law as already stated in the thread."

Was it stated. Sorry I over looked it. It's quite a long thread. I suppose it's best to know if there had been allegations and how many, because then you can make your own mind up. I would rather have a clue and then I can keep my eye on things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A woman who was strangled and set on fire by a violent and obsessive ex-boyfriend was not given enough police protection, an inquest has heard.

Clare Wood had made several complaints to police about George Appleton before her death in Salford in 2009."

That was a quote from a bbc news report, so surely from that the obvious problem seemed to of been lack of police activity when she made a complaint not that she didn't know who this guy was.

The police didn't/couldn't do enough to help her so the response is to make a law that doesn't remove the barrier that was preventing them helping Clare wood in the first place (what ever the reason was why they didn't help her), but instead puts the weight back on the woman. Instead of telling women to run a back ground check on potential partners why not do more to help the ones that actually make a complaint.

#justathought

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

""A woman who was strangled and set on fire by a violent and obsessive ex-boyfriend was not given enough police protection, an inquest has heard.

Clare Wood had made several complaints to police about George Appleton before her death in Salford in 2009."

That was a quote from a bbc news report, so surely from that the obvious problem seemed to of been lack of police activity when she made a complaint not that she didn't know who this guy was.

#justathought

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

That's a curious response, given the subject matter.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

Sad but true!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thanks for posting this and the information above. When one looks at DV history - its often very easy to spot a " real one " that shows a propensity of violence to partners as opposed to the one off allegation that went no where because it was made with other " intentions" ie to get someone removed from the house out of spite etc

Many posters above are approaching this with a " rational mind" that being - well if I felt the need to check I would walk away. Many genuine DV victims - men and women are so undermined and groomed by these offenders they cannot apply rational thought.

Look at this scenario. Mum sees changes in daughter after she meets man. The odd bruise, no longer wearing make up - loss of confidence. Daughter denies anything is wrong but mum just "knows" it isnt right. Mum checks data and police reveal he has been in prison for assault or was accused numerous times of assault - mum can tell daughter to " get the fuck out before he kills you"

Many genuine DV offenders repeat the pattern of offending in new relationships - this law will help those unable to properly think for themselves as they are convinced " its all their fault " that it isnt and he has done it before.

I always always find it amazing and has been clearly displayed on this thread how many people believe the victim of crime is somehow " at fault" and brought it on themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always always find it amazing and has been clearly displayed on this thread how many people believe the victim of crime is somehow " at fault" and brought it on themselves. "

Great post.

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

My fathers mother used to beat-up my father as a child, my father used to beat up my mother, my mother used to beat me up (up to the age of 15), I used to beat my two younger brothers up. My ex wife abused me (psychologically), her mother did the same to her father. Its called a circle of violence, and it is very common.

Except for what happened to me and what I did to my brothers as children I and my mother were as much to blame for what happened to us as my father and ex wife were for what they did. Sad fact is we allowed our abusers to abuse us, it does not matter what excuses we made for our behavior we chose to remain in abusive relationships.

What I find mind-boggling is the idea that anyone who has such serious trust issues that they would ask the police about a potential partners DV history would be considering any sort relationship with anyone. Or that anyone would be hanging around if a new BF/GF conduct was setting off DV alarms to a point that one would make enquirers of the police.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

Sad but true!"

Not at all true. I used to council victims of dv and never once did I hear any woman say this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My fathers mother used to beat-up my father as a child, my father used to beat up my mother, my mother used to beat me up (up to the age of 15), I used to beat my two younger brothers up. My ex wife abused me (psychologically), her mother did the same to her father. Its called a circle of violence, and it is very common.

You have said a terrible thing by stating that people have the right to leave if they wish. You are making out that if they stay then it's their own fault for being abused. I knew a woman with three under fives whose husband beat her. He gave her no money and he always took her and her kids shoes and coats when he went out as well as locking the door. She had no friends and family. I would like to know how she could have left. I myself was told by my ex that if I left him he would kill me. I tried and he strangled me until I passed out. After that I was too terrified to leave as I thought he would actualy kill me. It's so easy for people to say you can leave. But it's not that simple.

On your last point. What if you got with a great guy but his ex told you he beat her. I think you would be a fool not to check. We have a right to check. So stop making out we are wierd if we want to check. It is our right and we are doing nothing wrong by checking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think Claire's law is a great idea but like most people are saying if you feel the need to check then you run for hills

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's a curious response, given the subject matter.

"
obviously something wrong there to laugh

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Don't you have to have good reason to suspect them to use it?

I'm sure I read something like that

If you had good reason to suspect them, would you be going out with them?I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

Sad but true!

Not at all true. I used to council victims of dv and never once did I hear any woman say this. "

In my limited experience it generally is. Not just for domestic violence but cheating etc. "Oh his wife doesn't understand him, I do, he won't cheat on me". Or "he'd never lay a finger on me those others were exaggerating"...yeah...right.

For the life of me I struggle to understand why anyone would choose to embark on any kind of relationship with someone they had reservations with they would use Clare's Law.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"I find this to be very one sided, i was in an abusive relationship for many years but felt i couldn't leave cos of the children! Everything i rang the police i got told that it was only a domestic and to sleep on it and report it in the morning. Then one night i had a pan over the head i pushed her and the police were there in seconds to arrest me and hate me with DV. So the true story isn't always kept on file."

Thank you for saying this, Karma1, - it's good to see that some of us (including others who've posted here) recognise that it's not just men who are violent. Also that abuse can take many forms - it isn't always just physical.

I, too, know what it's like to be in a relationship with an abusive woman but yet still have to stay put simply to protect the kids from her. If I left, I shudder to think what might happen. There have been times when I've had to stay put despite the fear that I might be killed in my bed at any moment when she was in one of her moods... I'm not speaking figuratively, either. It's not something people talk about, and I've been accused of being a misogynist before just for daring to mention it.

"As others have already said, if their with someone who they feel needs to be checked out then why are they still with them."

To protect the kids, for one reason - others will no doubt have their own reasons. They may have been raised by an abusive father and so think that kind of relationship is "normal", or simple a codependent fear of the unknown if they leave... I dare say every case is different.

"And what if a malicious woman makes up that she has run up a check, and proceeds to spread/gossip this to members of the local community....the guy has no recourse to deny this.."

Indeed, this could be a problem - though anyone can do that already as things stand - but then we get into the sphere of slander and libel law, surely.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

That's also possibly why I don't react well to pushy women on here who won't take "no" for an answer.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It just goes to show how much misunderstanding and stigma still surround this serious issue, and how much more protection and help victims need.

In some matters our society does maintain a tendency to blame the victim. She was asking for it by wearing a short skirt. He should have just left if she was abusing him. It can't be true because I/they would have (insert action here). It's their fault for being stupid.

Some may doubt this will work or believe it will be abused, or they may think they have a better idea. I see it as a positive step to protect highly vulnerable people from violence and potentially, ultimately, death.

Practically every system has people who abuse it. That doesn't make the system worthless or a bad idea.

On the surface, it seems bizarre that victims of abuse can be some of the strongest objectors to something like this. However, they are unlikely to be seeing the system rationally as a result of the psychological damage and conditioning they experienced.

Trials of this system seem to have given positive results.

If it is implemented and run well, I'm all for it.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Thank you for saying this, Karma1, - it's good to see that some of us (including others who've posted here) recognise that it's not just men who are violent. Also that abuse can take many forms - it isn't always just physical."

Yes, men can also be victims of DV. However, this law recognises that and allows everyone, male or female, to request information on their partner.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"That's also possibly why I don't react well to pushy women on here who won't take "no" for an answer."

I'd suggest it's the subtle, manipulative ones who are more likely to be potential abusers.

It's rather a leap to infer that people whose approach you don't like are abusers of men. In fact I'd say that enters the realm of false accusations.

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By *riendly foeWoman over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

"I think you will find many women are of the attitude that they will be the ones to change them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My abusive ex threatened to kill himself if I left. He went through with it after I left but didn't die. If he had it would have been on my conscience forever

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"That's also possibly why I don't react well to pushy women on here who won't take "no" for an answer.

I'd suggest it's the subtle, manipulative ones who are more likely to be potential abusers."

Yes and no - I'd say each abusive individual will have their own little ways, but I'd agree a propensity for manipulating situations and twisting the words of others are somewhat characteristic.

"It's rather a leap to infer that people whose approach you don't like are abusers of men. In fact I'd say that enters the realm of false accusations."

I think you're convoluting my point somewhat and I'm unclear as to whom you think I'm directing a false accusation. I'm just presenting the situation, and my response to it, as I see it. If it bothers you that I express this then, whilst I might normally be tempted to apologise as a natural response, I see no reason to.

I don't mind being approached - in fact, I like it very much as long as folks aren't pushy with me. I'm sure you feel the same. It's when I say "no" and then get harassed that bothers me... and, yes, there's an element of domineering behaviour (albeit mush lesser) that I recognise when that happens - if only inasmuch as it is the unwelcome subjugation of one person by another.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"It's rather a leap to infer that people whose approach you don't like are abusers of men. In fact I'd say that enters the realm of false accusations.

Linking DV and pushy women on here seems perfectly reasonable to you? Oooookay.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"Linking DV and pushy women on here seems perfectly reasonable to you? Oooookay."

In some cases, yes - just as it would be if a woman were to be harassed by a pushy man here. It stems from the unwelcome subjugation of one person by another.

I'm only speaking from my experience, and in the light of the communications I've received ... to which I had no idea you had sufficient access to judge.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Linking DV and pushy women on here seems perfectly reasonable to you? Oooookay.

In some cases, yes - just as it would be if a woman were to be harassed by a pushy man here. It stems from the unwelcome subjugation of one person by another.

I'm only speaking from my experience, and in the light of the communications I've received ... to which I had no idea you had sufficient access to judge."

I don't think, in general, victims of DV would thank you for likening their situation to that of experiencing pushy people on an internet site.

Still if you think trivialising DV to that extent is legitimate then that is your opinion.

Since this thread is about Clare's Law, how do you think the authorities would react to a request for background information on someone on a swingers site who is behaving in a pushy manner?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is a good idea and when my daughters grow up into adults i will make sure they will check before they and any kind of relationship .

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"Linking DV and pushy women on here seems perfectly reasonable to you? Oooookay.

In some cases, yes - just as it would be if a woman were to be harassed by a pushy man here. It stems from the unwelcome subjugation of one person by another.

I'm only speaking from my experience, and in the light of the communications I've received ... to which I had no idea you had sufficient access to judge.

I don't think, in general, victims of DV would thank you for likening their situation to that of experiencing pushy people on an internet site.

Still if you think trivialising DV to that extent is legitimate then that is your opinion.

Since this thread is about Clare's Law, how do you think the authorities would react to a request for background information on someone on a swingers site who is behaving in a pushy manner?"

Odd that you don't count me among those who have been abused, given my previous posts in which I briefly touched upon my experience of it - perhaps you should go back and reread before accusing me of trivialising the issue.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Linking DV and pushy women on here seems perfectly reasonable to you? Oooookay.

In some cases, yes - just as it would be if a woman were to be harassed by a pushy man here. It stems from the unwelcome subjugation of one person by another.

I'm only speaking from my experience, and in the light of the communications I've received ... to which I had no idea you had sufficient access to judge.

I don't think, in general, victims of DV would thank you for likening their situation to that of experiencing pushy people on an internet site.

Still if you think trivialising DV to that extent is legitimate then that is your opinion.

Since this thread is about Clare's Law, how do you think the authorities would react to a request for background information on someone on a swingers site who is behaving in a pushy manner?

I did read your post. You, as a victim, cannot speak for other victims.

This thread is about Clare's Law. Do you think pushy people on an internet site, whom you have the option to block, are really relevant to a discussion on a law to protect people from real-life harm and potentially death from their partners?

If you can't see why that is trivialising the matter and why suggesting pushy people are abusers subjugating others is both unreasonable and irrelevant, I'm genuinely astonished.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"I did read your post. You, as a victim, cannot speak for other victims."

But I'm not speaking for other victims - I'm just speaking for myself... I think I've made that clear three times now.

"This thread is about Clare's Law. Do you think pushy people on an internet site, whom you have the option to block, are really relevant to a discussion on a law to protect people from real-life harm and potentially death from their partners?"

I'm discussing it with the context of a setting in which one person subjegates another - just because there may be a physical barrier to the effects of that subjegation (ie. internet) doesn't mean that the "pushy" person is not displaying the kinds of personality traits (albeit to a lesser degree) which are also displayed by a more violent abuser in a domestic setting.

"If you can't see why that is trivialising the matter and why suggesting pushy people are abusers subjugating others is both unreasonable and irrelevant, I'm genuinely astonished."

If you can't see why that is oversimplifying the matter and why suggesting people who harass or threaten are not abusers subjugating others is both unreasonable and irrelevant, I'm genuinely astonished that you cannot see the connection.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Wow. Just wow.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

It's a subject I take very seriously indeed, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss my experience and resultant considered _iew as mere trivia.... just wow indeed.

There are numerous other posts in this thread far more deserving of that judgment.

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By *ctaviusStuntMan over a year ago

plymouth

"It's a subject I take very seriously indeed, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss my experience and resultant considered _iew as mere trivia.... just wow indeed.

There are numerous other posts in this thread far more deserving of that judgment.

m8 some peeps just like to push other peoples buttons, in itself that is a form of abuse in my opinion. Its best just to block and ignore than try to reason with un reasonable people.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"It's a subject I take very seriously indeed, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss my experience and resultant considered _iew as mere trivia.... just wow indeed.

There are numerous other posts in this thread far more deserving of that judgment.

m8 some peeps just like to push other peoples buttons, in itself that is a form of abuse in my opinion. Its best just to block and ignore than try to reason with un reasonable people.

Says the man who thought grinning about the issue was appropriate earlier in the thread.

It just goes to show just how trivial some people consider DV to be.

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"m8 some peeps just like to push other peoples buttons, in itself that is a form of abuse in my opinion. Its best just to block and ignore than try to reason with un reasonable people.

Yes indeed - I'm beginning to realise that.

There's just no point in trying to have a sensible conversation with someone who can't see past their own opinion or recognize the validity of a _iew that doesn't accord with their own... regrettably, it's an attitude with which I've become all too familiar.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"oh what happened to innocent until proven guilty ?

What do you mean. I thought these people were guilty.

Nope this covers all accusations reports and notes.

So you can break up with your ex they report you beat them nut don't take it further you will never even be told the the report was made any future people who check will be told you have no charges but there was a report from a previous partner of domestic abuse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's a subject I take very seriously indeed, and I don't think it's fair to dismiss my experience and resultant considered _iew as mere trivia.... just wow indeed.

There are numerous other posts in this thread far more deserving of that judgment.

I think I know what you're saying. I think you're saying that you have the issue with pushy people, it's not them that have the problem. It makes you feel uneasy when they are pushy, so you then avoid them. I don't think you are accusing them of anything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I see. And is only Women who suffer from domestic violence?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I (he) suffered a violent and emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. I eventually saw my exit route with the kids and after two more years finally was awarded custody.

I'm pretty sure if I looked her up with the police I wouldn't know even now how dangerous she is.

She moves a lot and changes her name. I told the police countless times what she was doing. They never made a note of it. It won't be on a record. At best you might see the harassment conditional discharge she was given.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I see. And is only Women who suffer from domestic violence?"

Wtf? What you quoted refers to "women and men" twice.

Ye Goddess

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

At the risk of side tracking the discussion.

It's all very well providing a system which informs (mostly) women that their relationship is possibly not the safest place for them.

If, as if often the case, it's the man who moves in with the woman +/- her kids, where does the woman go to escape the risk of violence?

Women's Aid hostels and Refuges are few and far between and often already full.

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By *irginlover564Man over a year ago

cardiff

this is where the whole thing breaks down surely soon as the woman suspects the man has a violent streak get the hell out of there why stay say nothing untill years later then make out it's the mans fault for you staying with him for god sake fems get real rad the man youir with get out if he is violent if you stay you made your bed lie in it

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"At the risk of side tracking the discussion.

It's all very well providing a system which informs (mostly) women that their relationship is possibly not the safest place for them.

If, as if often the case, it's the man who moves in with the woman +/- her kids, where does the woman go to escape the risk of violence?

Women's Aid hostels and Refuges are few and far between and often already full."

This would indicate a need for more help and more refuges for both male and female sufferers of DV, no?

Refuges and support organisations work with the local authorities and various charities to find homes for these people and help them start over.

There are a few people on here who work in various aspects of this.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

[Removed by poster at 11/03/14 15:29:49]

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"[Removed by poster at 11/03/14 15:29:49]"

Probably just as well given how gratuitous and inappropriate it was - as you said so yourself earlier, this is not a topic to joke about.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"[Removed by poster at 11/03/14 15:29:49]

Probably just as well given how gratuitous and inappropriate it was - as you said so yourself earlier, this is not a topic to joke about.

I deleted it accidentally but the post it referenced has been removed now anyway.

No, it's not a topic to treat lightly which is why comparing pushy people on here to perpetrators of DV is inappropriate.

I doubt many other victims of DV and their families and friends would see it that way. It's trivialising what they face.

As I've pointed out, this thread is about Clare's Law. It relates to DV in relationships. The behaviour of strangers you will never meet on a no-strings social site has nothing at all to do with Clare's Law.

Yes pushy people can be annoying. Click block and move on. It's not in the same league as actual DV and as a victim yourself, you must be able to see that.

Do you really want people who know little about DV to get the idea it's just about some pushy people? Does that really represent the fear, the injuries, the threats, the mind games?

I was willing to let your comments go and leave you to your beliefs but if you persist in picking at my posts, I will respond.

Now, we can agree to disagree and ignore one another or we can carry on arguing our respective points. It's up to you.

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By *ezebelWoman over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

I suggest the 'ignore each other' option...

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By *ezebelWoman over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

"I suggest the 'ignore each other' option..."

Obviously some people find that impossible...

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