FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > talking the wife round
talking the wife round
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one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is how it worked for us!
I sat Luke down and told him a few of my kinky fantasies... He told me a few of his! WE discussed turning fantasies into realities... We both agreed and created this profile together! The rest as they say is history!
You've asked your wife and she has said no... You should just respect her choice and not try to convince her otherwise.
Not everyone wants to swing |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
"
and i am so tempted to say "just show her your profile!"....
hate so be stating the obvious... but wouldn't be the best time to have asked and sorted this out like have been BEFORE you started meeting people....
can I ask a brutally honest question... if she say yes, are you ever going to tell her about this profile? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you ever watch a bit of porn together you could try
A swingers party in San Francisco. Part 1 might get her mind thinking...
Google it."
That worked for us!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is how it worked for us!
I sat Luke down and told him a few of my kinky fantasies... He told me a few of his! WE discussed turning fantasies into realities... We both agreed and created this profile together! The rest as they say is history!
You've asked your wife and she has said no... You should just respect her choice and not try to convince her otherwise.
Not everyone wants to swing "
Wise words |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
No means no. That's a fundamental tenet in swinging and in life. If you can't respect a "no" then maybe you shouldn't be swinging anyway.
You need to decide how important extra-curricular fun is to you and what you are willing to risk for it.
If your wife doesn't want to swing then it's her choice and you should respect it. Swinging isn't for everyone. |
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but keep on asking , 3 years ago mindy said 'NOT OVER MY DEAD BODY'
2 years later and she's the one trying to drag me of to clubs and then theres a gentleman she saw at the social on sat and apparently its up to me to get things moving
so no does mean no but it also can change to a yes
but thats wimen for you  |
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"one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
"
My answer to you would be delete your profile and concentrate in building a mutually satisfying sex life with your wife. You might like to consider your breathtaking lack of respect for your partner, address that and start from there. |
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"
You've asked your wife and she has said no... You should just respect her choice and not try to convince her otherwise.
Not everyone wants to swing "
this..
would add that she may well in her own time have a change of heart and raise the issue, who knows..
would think that pressure or pestering her is not advisable.. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
this..
would add that she may well in her own time have a change of heart and raise the issue, who knows..
would think that pressure or pestering her is not advisable.. "
She may well do....and if she goes to him after she has thought about it then they have a better chance than trying to talk her into it I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i agree that no does mean no but it does not mean it will always be a no
we have been together since we were 17 and 18 so we developed a lot of our sexual identities together this made us very open with discussing things about what we liked and things that we found horny and we talked and talked about many different fantasies one of which was my hubbies to see me fucking other guys, being so young i just felt this was being unfaithful even though i had his permission i just couldn't get my head round it so i insisted it would always remain a fantasy no matter how many times he tried telling me he wanted to try it
this went on until we hit our mid 20s when i started to agree to the idea but was too nervous to see it through but it gave us many horny shags talking about it
then as we were knocking on 30s door we went out for the night but it ended earlier than anticipated so i suggested that as we had a babysitter for a few more hours lets go somewhere and shag in the car so i suggested a carpark we would go to for walks n daylight as it was secluded and i knew it would be deserted, how wrong was i, the place was busier then i had ever seen t during the day which pricked my curiosity so i made hubby pull up so i could see what was going on
after watching for a while hubby suddenly declares "omg i've read about this in the sport, its called dogging there are signals n stuff" well now if it wasn't for the fact it was 100% my suggestion to go there then i would of been suspicious, we stayed a while and watchednot much happened but the thought of what might happen made me horny so after a while we left and once home fucked like crazy as it had me so damn horny
every time we went for a night out after that we would make sure we escaped early so we could go be nosey for a little while and eventually i started getting brave and putting on a show then after a while i well away and then one night at thetford around 10 years ago now we met a guy that told us about this site so we joined here and others like it and before we knew it we were arranging meets and doing clubs
now everything is mainly led by me the one that said no no no for years so yes i agree no does mean no ut t certainly doesn't mean the end to it t just means lots and lots of discussion to help interpret that no better
is it a no i'm not confident
is it a no i'm not turned on by it
is it a no i'm worried you will think less of me
is it a no i'm worried i will think less of me
is it a no i'm scared
or is it a no no way no how not on your life
you'll only discover which by talking lots
make the mood right though not just out the blue try n the after glow of a good session as she will be more inclined to be more open about whats really on her mind sex wise if its over dinner other stuff can play a part in what mood she is in and she may not be receptive to that kind of conversation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i agree that no does mean no but it does not mean it will always be a no
we have been together since we were 17 and 18 so we developed a lot of our sexual identities together this made us very open with discussing things about what we liked and things that we found horny and we talked and talked about many different fantasies one of which was my hubbies to see me fucking other guys, being so young i just felt this was being unfaithful even though i had his permission i just couldn't get my head round it so i insisted it would always remain a fantasy no matter how many times he tried telling me he wanted to try it
this went on until we hit our mid 20s when i started to agree to the idea but was too nervous to see it through but it gave us many horny shags talking about it
then as we were knocking on 30s door we went out for the night but it ended earlier than anticipated so i suggested that as we had a babysitter for a few more hours lets go somewhere and shag in the car so i suggested a carpark we would go to for walks n daylight as it was secluded and i knew it would be deserted, how wrong was i, the place was busier then i had ever seen t during the day which pricked my curiosity so i made hubby pull up so i could see what was going on
after watching for a while hubby suddenly declares "omg i've read about this in the sport, its called dogging there are signals n stuff" well now if it wasn't for the fact it was 100% my suggestion to go there then i would of been suspicious, we stayed a while and watchednot much happened but the thought of what might happen made me horny so after a while we left and once home fucked like crazy as it had me so damn horny
every time we went for a night out after that we would make sure we escaped early so we could go be nosey for a little while and eventually i started getting brave and putting on a show then after a while i well away and then one night at thetford around 10 years ago now we met a guy that told us about this site so we joined here and others like it and before we knew it we were arranging meets and doing clubs
now everything is mainly led by me the one that said no no no for years so yes i agree no does mean no ut t certainly doesn't mean the end to it t just means lots and lots of discussion to help interpret that no better
is it a no i'm not confident
is it a no i'm not turned on by it
is it a no i'm worried you will think less of me
is it a no i'm worried i will think less of me
is it a no i'm scared
or is it a no no way no how not on your life
you'll only discover which by talking lots
make the mood right though not just out the blue try n the after glow of a good session as she will be more inclined to be more open about whats really on her mind sex wise if its over dinner other stuff can play a part in what mood she is in and she may not be receptive to that kind of conversation"
Great advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i agree that no does mean no but it does not mean it will always be a no
we have been together since we were 17 and 18 so we developed a lot of our sexual identities together this made us very open with discussing things about what we liked and things that we found horny and we talked and talked about many different fantasies one of which was my hubbies to see me fucking other guys, being so young i just felt this was being unfaithful even though i had his permission i just couldn't get my head round it so i insisted it would always remain a fantasy no matter how many times he tried telling me he wanted to try it
this went on until we hit our mid 20s when i started to agree to the idea but was too nervous to see it through but it gave us many horny shags talking about it
then as we were knocking on 30s door we went out for the night but it ended earlier than anticipated so i suggested that as we had a babysitter for a few more hours lets go somewhere and shag in the car so i suggested a carpark we would go to for walks n daylight as it was secluded and i knew it would be deserted, how wrong was i, the place was busier then i had ever seen t during the day which pricked my curiosity so i made hubby pull up so i could see what was going on
after watching for a while hubby suddenly declares "omg i've read about this in the sport, its called dogging there are signals n stuff" well now if it wasn't for the fact it was 100% my suggestion to go there then i would of been suspicious, we stayed a while and watchednot much happened but the thought of what might happen made me horny so after a while we left and once home fucked like crazy as it had me so damn horny
every time we went for a night out after that we would make sure we escaped early so we could go be nosey for a little while and eventually i started getting brave and putting on a show then after a while i well away and then one night at thetford around 10 years ago now we met a guy that told us about this site so we joined here and others like it and before we knew it we were arranging meets and doing clubs
now everything is mainly led by me the one that said no no no for years so yes i agree no does mean no ut t certainly doesn't mean the end to it t just means lots and lots of discussion to help interpret that no better
is it a no i'm not confident
is it a no i'm not turned on by it
is it a no i'm worried you will think less of me
is it a no i'm worried i will think less of me
is it a no i'm scared
or is it a no no way no how not on your life
you'll only discover which by talking lots
make the mood right though not just out the blue try n the after glow of a good session as she will be more inclined to be more open about whats really on her mind sex wise if its over dinner other stuff can play a part in what mood she is in and she may not be receptive to that kind of conversation
Great advice "
i have my moments rare but they do happen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i agree that no does mean no but it does not mean it will always be a no
we have been together since we were 17 and 18 so we developed a lot of our sexual identities together this made us very open with discussing things about what we liked and things that we found horny and we talked and talked about many different fantasies one of which was my hubbies to see me fucking other guys, being so young i just felt this was being unfaithful even though i had his permission i just couldn't get my head round it so i insisted it would always remain a fantasy no matter how many times he tried telling me he wanted to try it
this went on until we hit our mid 20s when i started to agree to the idea but was too nervous to see it through but it gave us many horny shags talking about it
then as we were knocking on 30s door we went out for the night but it ended earlier than anticipated so i suggested that as we had a babysitter for a few more hours lets go somewhere and shag in the car so i suggested a carpark we would go to for walks n daylight as it was secluded and i knew it would be deserted, how wrong was i, the place was busier then i had ever seen t during the day which pricked my curiosity so i made hubby pull up so i could see what was going on
after watching for a while hubby suddenly declares "omg i've read about this in the sport, its called dogging there are signals n stuff" well now if it wasn't for the fact it was 100% my suggestion to go there then i would of been suspicious, we stayed a while and watchednot much happened but the thought of what might happen made me horny so after a while we left and once home fucked like crazy as it had me so damn horny
every time we went for a night out after that we would make sure we escaped early so we could go be nosey for a little while and eventually i started getting brave and putting on a show then after a while i well away and then one night at thetford around 10 years ago now we met a guy that told us about this site so we joined here and others like it and before we knew it we were arranging meets and doing clubs
now everything is mainly led by me the one that said no no no for years so yes i agree no does mean no ut t certainly doesn't mean the end to it t just means lots and lots of discussion to help interpret that no better
is it a no i'm not confident
is it a no i'm not turned on by it
is it a no i'm worried you will think less of me
is it a no i'm worried i will think less of me
is it a no i'm scared
or is it a no no way no how not on your life
you'll only discover which by talking lots
make the mood right though not just out the blue try n the after glow of a good session as she will be more inclined to be more open about whats really on her mind sex wise if its over dinner other stuff can play a part in what mood she is in and she may not be receptive to that kind of conversation
Great advice "
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Couples generally start swinging because they want to do it together.... to share the experience.... to add a bit 'extra' to what they already share. This does not seem to be your primary motivation... hence you being here now without her... lying and cheating (not a moral judgement - just stating a fact).
So really even if you did talk her around... you're not really off to a good start.
Swinging relationships need trust, openness and honesty... second bad start.
Tip: If your wife isn't enjoying fantastic sex with you, why would she want more of the same with an audience.
Focus on your wife's needs. Blow her mind. Explore her fantasies. Focus on her needs rather than your own.
When your wife is up there on a sex high, it's a better time to talk about what she could get from swinging and what the two of you could get from swinging.
However my personal opinion based on your behaviour so far is... you're probably too selfish and impatient to see it through. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couples generally start swinging because they want to do it together.... to share the experience.... to add a bit 'extra' to what they already share. This does not seem to be your primary motivation... hence you being here now without her... lying and cheating (not a moral judgement - just stating a fact).
So really even if you did talk her around... you're not really off to a good start.
Swinging relationships need trust, openness and honesty... second bad start.
Tip: If your wife isn't enjoying fantastic sex with you, why would she want more of the same with an audience.
Focus on your wife's needs. Blow her mind. Explore her fantasies. Focus on her needs rather than your own.
When your wife is up there on a sex high, it's a better time to talk about what she could get from swinging and what the two of you could get from swinging.
However my personal opinion based on your behaviour so far is... you're probably too selfish and impatient to see it through."
oooo ello trecle was only asking after you the other day
listen to polo she is the wise one ere |
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thanks for all the comments, i new there would be alot questioning our relationship and knocking me for being on here but thought i would throw it out there.
i didnt go into detail about us and i wont on here but the "no" isnt a no i hate the idea, its other reason like confidence ect . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not going to knock you for being on here alone, thats your choice and good luck to you in your endeavours BUT.
If you keep broaching the subject your good Lady may just start thinking to herself hmmm i wonder what hes getting up to if his so into the idea,And then she may start digging 
Sigmund Freud  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all the comments, i new there would be alot questioning our relationship and knocking me for being on here but thought i would throw it out there.
i didnt go into detail about us and i wont on here but the "no" isnt a no i hate the idea, its other reason like confidence ect ."
It's still a NO though. Surely you're not suggesting you try and force somebody into something they don't want to do? No doesnt mean 'maybe try and talk me round.' See it from her perspective instead of your simply what you want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all the comments, i new there would be alot questioning our relationship and knocking me for being on here but thought i would throw it out there.
i didnt go into detail about us and i wont on here but the "no" isnt a no i hate the idea, its other reason like confidence ect .
It's still a NO though. Surely you're not suggesting you try and force somebody into something they don't want to do? No doesnt mean 'maybe try and talk me round.' See it from her perspective instead of your simply what you want."
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i never said "how can i force my wife into it"
if it was a firm NO then fair enough but dont think it is thats my point i think deep down she might want to try it. i dont push her into anything but swinging is a controversial subject and its easy to say the wrong thing and if the other person doesnt get it they could easily feel unloved which if not the point at all |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
The "confidence" thing could be the excuse she needs to say no.
Only you know your wife and how the conversation went, but I would still now sit back and wait to see if she brings the subject up again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe its her lack of confidence you both ought to be exploring and trying to address rather than exploring sex with others.
I can't imagine that knowing you may want to have sex with other women is the biggest boost to her already low confidence? |
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"i agree that no does mean no but it does not mean it will always be a no
we have been together since we were 17 and 18 so we developed a lot of our sexual identities together this made us very open with discussing things about what we liked and things that we found horny and we talked and talked about many different fantasies one of which was my hubbies to see me fucking other guys, being so young i just felt this was being unfaithful even though i had his permission i just couldn't get my head round it so i insisted it would always remain a fantasy no matter how many times he tried telling me he wanted to try it
this went on until we hit our mid 20s when i started to agree to the idea but was too nervous to see it through but it gave us many horny shags talking about it
then as we were knocking on 30s door we went out for the night but it ended earlier than anticipated so i suggested that as we had a babysitter for a few more hours lets go somewhere and shag in the car so i suggested a carpark we would go to for walks n daylight as it was secluded and i knew it would be deserted, how wrong was i, the place was busier then i had ever seen t during the day which pricked my curiosity so i made hubby pull up so i could see what was going on
after watching for a while hubby suddenly declares "omg i've read about this in the sport, its called dogging there are signals n stuff" well now if it wasn't for the fact it was 100% my suggestion to go there then i would of been suspicious, we stayed a while and watchednot much happened but the thought of what might happen made me horny so after a while we left and once home fucked like crazy as it had me so damn horny
every time we went for a night out after that we would make sure we escaped early so we could go be nosey for a little while and eventually i started getting brave and putting on a show then after a while i well away and then one night at thetford around 10 years ago now we met a guy that told us about this site so we joined here and others like it and before we knew it we were arranging meets and doing clubs
now everything is mainly led by me the one that said no no no for years so yes i agree no does mean no ut t certainly doesn't mean the end to it t just means lots and lots of discussion to help interpret that no better
is it a no i'm not confident
is it a no i'm not turned on by it
is it a no i'm worried you will think less of me
is it a no i'm worried i will think less of me
is it a no i'm scared
or is it a no no way no how not on your life
you'll only discover which by talking lots
make the mood right though not just out the blue try n the after glow of a good session as she will be more inclined to be more open about whats really on her mind sex wise if its over dinner other stuff can play a part in what mood she is in and she may not be receptive to that kind of conversation
Great advice
i have my moments rare but they do happen "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all the comments, i new there would be alot questioning our relationship and knocking me for being on here but thought i would throw it out there.
i didnt go into detail about us and i wont on here but the "no" isnt a no i hate the idea, its other reason like confidence ect .
It's still a NO though. Surely you're not suggesting you try and force somebody into something they don't want to do? No doesnt mean 'maybe try and talk me round.' See it from her perspective instead of your simply what you want."
As I posted above mine was a no. No way no how but after years of talking and it was talking not persuading I got more and more turned on by the idea
The OP knows his wife better than any of us so he is the only one that can judge if it was an absolute No or if it was a wavering no
He wasn't being asked to be judged just wanted to get ideas of how others got into it, I'm fairly sure that lots of couples when discussing for the first ever time would of had one half more reluctant than the other it would in my opinion be a rare couple that both jumped up yelling "oh yes please" in unison when subject was first broached |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
"
The only way is to talk with her and let her know what you want and find out if its something she would like to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as sex on the beach said, we discussed fantasies and decided to look for ways of living them.
you have been told its a firm no, so maybe you should concentrate on making your relationship the best it can be so you dont need to look elsewhere for anything.
oh, and what your doing aint swinging. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Personally I never even approached the subject i realised that inside every vanilla person there is not a swinger trying to get out! "
This
Sometimes you just know that the question wouldn't be welcome no matter how many people say " just ask " |
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horse and door springs to mind on this touchy subject . Asking out right kind of prevents any slow bringing round of the subject . you could sit on your hands for say 6 months and try again but what happens if you bump into some one who you have met already and out it slips . Think she will feel very cheated and your on the way to splitsville
Sorry . |
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"one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
"
It's YOUR wife. No one here knows how much she does or doesn't want to.
If ten people say go for it - Will you?
If eleven people say leave it - will you?
Only you can know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one person had to bring up the topic of swinging for a couple to start so my question is this - what and how did you approach it? i want my wife to join me on here but iv ask her out right and the answer was no.
Am i wasting my time asking ? or shall i go at it another way so to speak?
and no , she doesnt know im on here on my own. please lets not talk about morals.
"
The first few times I suggested things to Sandra, she said no. But then knowing her as I do, I can usually tell if its a no with, I will think about it, at the back of her mind. If you know that a no means no, in your case, then leave well alone. |
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"thanks for all the comments, i new there would be alot questioning our relationship and knocking me for being on here but thought i would throw it out there.
i didnt go into detail about us and i wont on here but the "no" isnt a no i hate the idea, its other reason like confidence ect .
It's still a NO though. Surely you're not suggesting you try and force somebody into something they don't want to do? No doesnt mean 'maybe try and talk me round.' See it from her perspective instead of your simply what you want.
As I posted above mine was a no. No way no how but after years of talking and it was talking not persuading I got more and more turned on by the idea
The OP knows his wife better than any of us so he is the only one that can judge if it was an absolute No or if it was a wavering no
He wasn't being asked to be judged just wanted to get ideas of how others got into it, I'm fairly sure that lots of couples when discussing for the first ever time would of had one half more reluctant than the other it would in my opinion be a rare couple that both jumped up yelling "oh yes please" in unison when subject was first broached "
He didn't just want ideas of how others got into it, he asked us to make judgements about whether or not he should try and "talk the wife round" and ways he could do it. My first response was no too and I would have been beyond angry if my partner had then asked a bunch of random strangers the same questions that have been asked about this lady. What this and my previous post is trying to say is that sometimes people get a skewed idea of what's important in their life and what they are entitled to in their sex life and risk an awful lot of good stuff in the pursuit of fantasies. Concentrate on making what you have good before you try to get more. |
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By *FlackoxCouple
over a year ago
London |
"If you ever watch a bit of porn together you could try
A swingers party in San Francisco. Part 1 might get her mind thinking...
Google it."
hahahaha i thought me and hubby were one of the few ones who loves that video lol....x |
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Just tell her, what I did was sent her a message and told her to read the whole thing then sit and think. At first she went nuts but after a few role plays and chats she loves it, besides it says something that you want her involved instead of sneaking off and doing it behind her back which is what loads of guys just do. |
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"Just tell her, what I did was sent her a message and told her to read the whole thing then sit and think. At first she went nuts but after a few role plays and chats she loves it, besides it says something that you want her involved instead of sneaking off and doing it behind her back which is what loads of guys just do. "
He is doing it behind her back. |
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Nette