FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Initiating a conversation
Initiating a conversation
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"I just like men to chat about something genuine and not just leer. " Not a Shakespeare fan then? | |||
"I just like men to chat about something genuine and not just leer. Not a Shakespeare fan then?" Alzheimer's is difficult. | |||
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"I am useless at chatting someone up. Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing. "I'm like that too. It's all just chatting to me. | |||
"Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing. "Same here, I'm the kind of guy who will be having a conversation with a girl, get asked 'so what do you have planned for the evening/doing anything at the weekend?' type questions, only to eventually be on my way and suddenly think half a mile down the road 'was she making a pass at me?'. Ok so they could just be making conversation, but still, I often wonder. | |||
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" Queuing to get into the Natural History Museum I had a chat to the family in front of about their accent, Aunt Sally " Bet they didn't understand? | |||
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"Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing.
Same here, I'm the kind of guy who will be having a conversation with a girl, get asked 'so what do you have planned for the evening/doing anything at the weekend?' type questions, only to eventually be on my way and suddenly think half a mile down the road 'was she making a pass at me?'. Ok so they could just be making conversation, but still, I often wonder."Yeah that's just like me! I forever torment myself wondering what the heck people meant. I should just ask and get it over with at the time. | |||
" Queuing to get into the Natural History Museum I had a chat to the family in front of about their accent, Aunt Sally Bet they didn't understand?" They did, that was point of the Aunt Sally conversation. He was surprised I knew about it and he used to play. | |||
"Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing.
Same here, I'm the kind of guy who will be having a conversation with a girl, get asked 'so what do you have planned for the evening/doing anything at the weekend?' type questions, only to eventually be on my way and suddenly think half a mile down the road 'was she making a pass at me?'. Ok so they could just be making conversation, but still, I often wonder.
Yeah that's just like me! I forever torment myself wondering what the heck people meant. I should just ask and get it over with at the time. "I think the best answer would be 'I don't really have anything planned?', at least that way, you let them know that you might be available, and if they ARE interested, gives them another shot at making it a bit more obvious. | |||
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"Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing.
Same here, I'm the kind of guy who will be having a conversation with a girl, get asked 'so what do you have planned for the evening/doing anything at the weekend?' type questions, only to eventually be on my way and suddenly think half a mile down the road 'was she making a pass at me?'. Ok so they could just be making conversation, but still, I often wonder.
Yeah that's just like me! I forever torment myself wondering what the heck people meant. I should just ask and get it over with at the time.
I think the best answer would be 'I don't really have anything planned?', at least that way, you let them know that you might be available, and if they ARE interested, gives them another shot at making it a bit more obvious."Good plan.  | |||
I got chatted up in Costa just before christmas,I was on my phone just as I was leaving and he said is that your husband you're texting......I said no its one of my lovers  | |||
"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband "You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face. | |||
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"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband
You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face."I have a wedding ring on its not as though im giving out signals to be chatted up,I assume that the ring has been noticed and they're just being friendly,ill be friendly back,its just banter | |||
Usually though, I'm pretty good at ascertaining whether a conversation is either going to end up in a bit of flirting or in a cul-de-sac | |||
"I am useless at chatting someone up. Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing. "Haha same here. It's only after when people ask me 'what's she say?' And i still don't know what they're on about. I'm crap. | |||
"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband
You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face.
I have a wedding ring on its not as though im giving out signals to be chatted up,I assume that the ring has been noticed and they're just being friendly,ill be friendly back,its just banter "Well ok, replace 'husband' with 'boyfriend', they don't come with a warning, and the sad thing is I often find the friendliest, most open girls are those who are already spoken for. | |||
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"In real life I chat to anyone and everyone. I think nearly 30 years customer services has helped. Online I'm not as good, you can't beat that face to face. Nette "Yep that's me as well. In fact face to face I never shut up! | |||
"Sustaining a conversation really isn't difficult so long as you have a good topic to discuss, hence why meeting through swinging eliminates so much of that awkwardness - you both know what you're there for, so its easy to back and forth about your experiences in the scene and get to know one another that way. When you've only just met someone however (say in a bar, café or street), at that point the only thing you know about them is you like the way they look, what do you even begin talking about?" Best to ask questions to find out about her. Nothing a lady likes more than a man who is actually interested in who and what she is, and then something she tells you will hopefully be interesting enough to comment on and you're off!! | |||
"Sustaining a conversation really isn't difficult so long as you have a good topic to discuss, hence why meeting through swinging eliminates so much of that awkwardness - you both know what you're there for, so its easy to back and forth about your experiences in the scene and get to know one another that way. When you've only just met someone however (say in a bar, café or street), at that point the only thing you know about them is you like the way they look, what do you even begin talking about? Best to ask questions to find out about her. Nothing a lady likes more than a man who is actually interested in who and what she is, and then something she tells you will hopefully be interesting enough to comment on and you're off!!" Unless of course, she suspects that you're only asking her these questions with the agenda of getting sexually/romantically involved with her, and so immediately throws barriers up by giving your questions one word answers (if she even answers them at all). Really, I think the best chance of winning her over will be if, as luck would have it, she just so happens to like you too, is pleased that you decided to make the first move - that's the gamble you have to be willing to make though. | |||
"Sustaining a conversation really isn't difficult so long as you have a good topic to discuss, hence why meeting through swinging eliminates so much of that awkwardness - you both know what you're there for, so its easy to back and forth about your experiences in the scene and get to know one another that way. When you've only just met someone however (say in a bar, café or street), at that point the only thing you know about them is you like the way they look, what do you even begin talking about? Best to ask questions to find out about her. Nothing a lady likes more than a man who is actually interested in who and what she is, and then something she tells you will hopefully be interesting enough to comment on and you're off!! Unless of course, she suspects that you're only asking her these questions with the agenda of getting sexually/romantically involved with her, and so immediately throws barriers up by giving your questions one word answers (if she even answers them at all). Really, I think the best chance of winning her over will be if, as luck would have it, she just so happens to like you too, is pleased that you decided to make the first move - that's the gamble you have to be willing to make though." Oh absolutely, you're on a hiding to nothing otherwise IMO!! As I said - if I like, I reciprocate and encourage. Some ladies may be shy of course, moreso if they like you, but you should be able to see them smiling and *trying*. The friend I mentioned above is astonishing - he compliments women left right and centre - big grin, looks straight at them 'Wow, I love your shoes' or 'Hey, you look great in that', or even 'Wow, you look sexy!' and yes, he's hot, but they fall over themselves to talk when he starts like that. Then he just asks if they're on facebook and gets the name, carries on at a later date at his leisure..... I took a leaf out of his book once with a really smouldering guy I dance with and one day just said 'God you are so sexy!' haha - I've never said anything like that before!! He has a gf, but every time I see him at a dance now he catches my eye and smiles, kisses me on the cheek, comes over for a chat, asks me to dance....he obviously really enjoyed being told, even if it is never acted upon, haha! Fortune favours the bold......x | |||
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"Sustaining a conversation really isn't difficult so long as you have a good topic to discuss, hence why meeting through swinging eliminates so much of that awkwardness - you both know what you're there for, so its easy to back and forth about your experiences in the scene and get to know one another that way. When you've only just met someone however (say in a bar, café or street), at that point the only thing you know about them is you like the way they look, what do you even begin talking about? Best to ask questions to find out about her. Nothing a lady likes more than a man who is actually interested in who and what she is, and then something she tells you will hopefully be interesting enough to comment on and you're off!! Unless of course, she suspects that you're only asking her these questions with the agenda of getting sexually/romantically involved with her, and so immediately throws barriers up by giving your questions one word answers (if she even answers them at all). Really, I think the best chance of winning her over will be if, as luck would have it, she just so happens to like you too, is pleased that you decided to make the first move - that's the gamble you have to be willing to make though. Oh absolutely, you're on a hiding to nothing otherwise IMO!! As I said - if I like, I reciprocate and encourage. Some ladies may be shy of course, moreso if they like you, but you should be able to see them smiling and *trying*. The friend I mentioned above is astonishing - he compliments women left right and centre - big grin, looks straight at them 'Wow, I love your shoes' or 'Hey, you look great in that', or even 'Wow, you look sexy!' and yes, he's hot, but they fall over themselves to talk when he starts like that. Then he just asks if they're on facebook and gets the name, carries on at a later date at his leisure..... I took a leaf out of his book once with a really smouldering guy I dance with and one day just said 'God you are so sexy!' haha - I've never said anything like that before!! He has a gf, but every time I see him at a dance now he catches my eye and smiles, kisses me on the cheek, comes over for a chat, asks me to dance....he obviously really enjoyed being told, even if it is never acted upon, haha! Fortune favours the bold......x" And as the saying goes 'You miss every shot you don't take' | |||
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"I don't think I have ever tired to chat anyone up as I haven't got that sort of confidence and I am also hopeless at reading the signs if someone is trying to chat me up to" Seems a lot of people feel this way, judging from the thread? | |||
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"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband
You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face.
I have a wedding ring on its not as though im giving out signals to be chatted up,I assume that the ring has been noticed and they're just being friendly,ill be friendly back,its just banter
Well ok, replace 'husband' with 'boyfriend', they don't come with a warning, and the sad thing is I often find the friendliest, most open girls are those who are already spoken for."I think the reason girls that are taken are so open and friendly is because they are mostly content and know its "safe" to chat freely without having to worry about all the things that people worry about when single and hoping that the other person fancies you as much as you fancy them,what to say or do next,who makes the first move to take it further etc | |||
"My advice is be yourself, witty, confident, non pushy, non cocky and interesting. " Hmmm... | |||
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"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband
You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face.
I have a wedding ring on its not as though im giving out signals to be chatted up,I assume that the ring has been noticed and they're just being friendly,ill be friendly back,its just banter
Well ok, replace 'husband' with 'boyfriend', they don't come with a warning, and the sad thing is I often find the friendliest, most open girls are those who are already spoken for.
I think the reason girls that are taken are so open and friendly is because they are mostly content and know its "safe" to chat freely without having to worry about all the things that people worry about when single and hoping that the other person fancies you as much as you fancy them,what to say or do next,who makes the first move to take it further etc "I was thinking along pretty much the same lines, plus the fact that they're spoken for means they always have that as a 'get out' as soon as the conversation starts to turn amorous. | |||
"I can't take being chatted up in real life seriously,It would'nt ever go any further so I just joke along with it and mention my massive husband
You see though its things like that are one reason I don't like trying to chat people up face to face.
I have a wedding ring on its not as though im giving out signals to be chatted up,I assume that the ring has been noticed and they're just being friendly,ill be friendly back,its just banter
Well ok, replace 'husband' with 'boyfriend', they don't come with a warning, and the sad thing is I often find the friendliest, most open girls are those who are already spoken for.
I think the reason girls that are taken are so open and friendly is because they are mostly content and know its "safe" to chat freely without having to worry about all the things that people worry about when single and hoping that the other person fancies you as much as you fancy them,what to say or do next,who makes the first move to take it further etc
I was thinking along pretty much the same lines, plus the fact that they're spoken for means they always have that as a 'get out' as soon as the conversation starts to turn amorous."Yes, or it could be that women who are spoken for are also more receptive to attention in a safe environment (ie they can always get away from it due to an OH) as they lack it from their regular partner and only get a few opportunities to have this sort of attention. | |||
"On here, its not particularly difficult to think of what you'd like to say to those you're messaging (getting a reply is an entirely different matter of course), and of course its never hard to tell them 'I fancy you' because, this being a swinging site, they're almost certainly expecting you to. Its different when you find someone you're attracted to in person though, you can never be sure if they're spoken for, what sort of day they're having, if they'd be offended by the notion of a guy simply looking for sex. Personally, I find it much easier to talk to people about such things if I've had the chance to get to know them a little more slowly, so what I want to know is, how do others go about say, approaching a person with the idea of making a such a pass at them (and honestly, how successful are you?), and ladies, what sort of approach do you prefer?" I think its more common than you realise. People not being confident about their approach to the opposite sex, and same sex for that matter, in the case of gay people. I (Rick) have never been able to read the signs and my chat up skills are non existent. I was at a new year eve party a few years ago, and the following day, the friends who hosted the party, were telling me that a certain lady had an enormous crush on me, and had been following me about all night, just waiting and hoping to steal a kiss at midnight. It went right over my head. | |||
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"On here, its not particularly difficult to think of what you'd like to say to those you're messaging (getting a reply is an entirely different matter of course), and of course its never hard to tell them 'I fancy you' because, this being a swinging site, they're almost certainly expecting you to. Its different when you find someone you're attracted to in person though, you can never be sure if they're spoken for, what sort of day they're having, if they'd be offended by the notion of a guy simply looking for sex. Personally, I find it much easier to talk to people about such things if I've had the chance to get to know them a little more slowly, so what I want to know is, how do others go about say, approaching a person with the idea of making a such a pass at them (and honestly, how successful are you?), and ladies, what sort of approach do you prefer? I think its more common than you realise. People not being confident about their approach to the opposite sex, and same sex for that matter, in the case of gay people. I (Rick) have never been able to read the signs and my chat up skills are non existent. I was at a new year eve party a few years ago, and the following day, the friends who hosted the party, were telling me that a certain lady had an enormous crush on me, and had been following me about all night, just waiting and hoping to steal a kiss at midnight. It went right over my head." This is why women need to speak out more often. Tell someone if you fancy them. Give them a compliment, everyone likes a compliment, and if it goes no further at least you put a smile on someone's face. | |||
"I am useless at chatting someone up. Also useless at being chatted up because I don't realise that's what they are doing. "Me too ... and oh how.  | |||
"On here, its not particularly difficult to think of what you'd like to say to those you're messaging (getting a reply is an entirely different matter of course), and of course its never hard to tell them 'I fancy you' because, this being a swinging site, they're almost certainly expecting you to. Its different when you find someone you're attracted to in person though, you can never be sure if they're spoken for, what sort of day they're having, if they'd be offended by the notion of a guy simply looking for sex. Personally, I find it much easier to talk to people about such things if I've had the chance to get to know them a little more slowly, so what I want to know is, how do others go about say, approaching a person with the idea of making a such a pass at them (and honestly, how successful are you?), and ladies, what sort of approach do you prefer? I think its more common than you realise. People not being confident about their approach to the opposite sex, and same sex for that matter, in the case of gay people. I (Rick) have never been able to read the signs and my chat up skills are non existent. I was at a new year eve party a few years ago, and the following day, the friends who hosted the party, were telling me that a certain lady had an enormous crush on me, and had been following me about all night, just waiting and hoping to steal a kiss at midnight. It went right over my head. This is why women need to speak out more often. Tell someone if you fancy them. Give them a compliment, everyone likes a compliment, and if it goes no further at least you put a smile on someone's face." I think beautiful women tend to be pursued by males so often, especially on here, that they simply forget how to directly express an attraction toward men THEY like. | |||
