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Best sex joke?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun.

Jayxxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I found out what twitter was today! Its that bit between the twat and the shitter!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

whats the difference between a high class prostitute and a crème egg,you can lick out a crème egg for 49p

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Q: What is the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

A: Clint Eastwood makes your day, but anal sex makes your hole weak.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Roy said to Hayley on her death bed, what is your dieing wish

Hayley says, to have anal one last time. To which Roy replies, you can fuck off, last time I couldnt sit down for a week !

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By *egasus NobMan  over a year ago

Wandsworth

Whats long and hard and has cum in it?

....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How do you make a hormone ?

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You don't pay her

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How do you circumsise a whale?

use four skin divers....

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By *egasus NobMan  over a year ago

Wandsworth

Cucumber

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By *urvywelshCouple  over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

"Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

And that was all the invitation I needed.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

"Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

And that was all the invitation I needed. "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute ??

One goes Cock a doodle doo...

The other goes any cock will do

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You've got to hand it to blind prostitutes...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What's the difference between:

A hormone and a bloodcell..? You can't hear a bloodcell...

An egg, and a good wank..? You can beat an egg...

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By *otlovefun42Couple  over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

I went to a disco last night.

They played the twist and I did the twist.

They played Jump and I jumped.

They played Come on Eileen.

I got kicked out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

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By *urvywelshCouple  over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby


"I went to a disco last night.

They played the twist and I did the twist.

They played Jump and I jumped.

They played Come on Eileen.

I got kicked out "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What do you call 25 lesbians stacked on top of each other?

A block of flaps!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Why do women close their eyes during sex?

They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it’s from.

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By *uby0000Woman  over a year ago

hertfordshire


"How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it’s from.

"

that reminds me of the vampires packed lunch .. a used sanitary towel

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How do you make a woman scream twice?

Shag her up the arse then wipe your cock on her curtains.

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By *rtemisiaWoman  over a year ago

Norwich

Frenchman, Irishman and an Englishman are boasting about their ability to please their wives.

Frenchman; when I make love to my wife, she feels as though she is floating five feet above the ground.

Irishman; when I make love to my wife, she feels as though she is floating ten feet above the ground.

Englishman; when I've made love to my wife, I wipe my cock on the curtains and she hits the roof!

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By *hmeohmyMan  over a year ago

UK

Man goes to the dentist,

Lies back in the chair,

Dentist says "you gave oral sex this morning didn't you ?"

Man says "yes, does my breath smell"

"No" says the dentist,

"Pubic hair ?" says the man,

"No" says the dentist

"What then ?" says the man,

Dentist says "you have shit on the end of your nose"

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By *urvywelshCouple  over a year ago

Everywhere and nowhere baby

A man bought a parrot one day and when he brought it home, he noticed something. "This parrot has no legs," he observed out loud as he set the cage down on his table. To his surprise, the parrot replied: "That is correct, sir, I hope it doesn't bother you too much."

The man asks: "Well, how do you stand on your perch?"

"Well," the parrot replied, "I wrap my little parrot dick around my perch. You can't see it because it's hidden by my feathers."

The man decided this was a good explanation and let everything be. A few weeks later he started to suspect that his wife may be cheating on him, so he devised a plan. "I need you to spy on my wife when I'm at work," he told the parrot, and the parrot agreed.

The next evening, when the man returned from work, he snuck over to the parrot's cage and asked: "Well? Anything happen today?"

The parrot replied: "I'm afraid your wife is having an affair with the mailman. You see, today, after you left, he showed up at the door, and she greeted him clad in a see-through nightgown..."

"Go on!" the man urged.

"Well," said the parrot, "he proceeded to kiss her neck while stroking her breasts. After that he took off her nightgown, revealing a bra and lacy black knickers..."

The parrot paused. "Go on!" the man hissed, desperate. "What happened after that?!"

"Fuck knows," said the parrot, "I fell off my perch!"

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