FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > FORUM INSURANCE premium guide
FORUM INSURANCE premium guide
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"What's the premium for starting a thread that isn't about BBWs vs Skinny Minnies but is bound to end up that way? I need to know before deciding whether to post or not." Do you have protected no claims ? It may work on this occasion? | |||
 
I still like the word cunt though. | |||
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I still like the word cunt though."Whoaaaa yellow card ! | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !"What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.  | |||
I do believe I owe you several smiles and a few good laughs. | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !"Are you Tina's loss adjuster? | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !
Are you Tina's loss adjuster?
"I'm an impartial sort who probably needs to adjust lots ! | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !
What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one. "This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you  | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !
What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.
This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you "Ooh, are you now competing with Tina as a purveyor of forum insurance? | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !
Are you Tina's loss adjuster?
"Tina can adjust her own. I've got mine to worry about! | |||
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I still like the word cunt though.Whoaaaa yellow card !
What? Just for saying cunt? What's wrong with the word cunt? I do, after all, have one.
This is true....ill review the policy and let you move on if its valid otherwise I'm towing you
Ooh, are you now competing with Tina as a purveyor of forum insurance? "Nah I think I'd lose out.. I'm simply enforcing the law under the Random Thread Act 1988 which states you must produce your insurance if you are stopped for commiting a moving thread offence. Your insurance is valid. Have a nice day | |||
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I still like the word cunt (Michael Gove) though.". Covered | |||
"Fuck I owe you about 2000 grand. "Ill under cut her, give me a grand | |||
Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?  | |||
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"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?
Oh - and do you get a free meerkat? "It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs? | |||
"I want the Oleg! "I want the middle leg. | |||
"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?
Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?
It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs?
"Good point! | |||
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"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on "Your guide will be along shortly and can direct you to the correct product. | |||
"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on "one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ? | |||
"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ?"Never forget!!! Where there's blame - there's a claim!!  | |||
"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on one in 20 Thread users are uninsured. Do you want to take the risk ?
Never forget!!!
Where there's blame - there's a claim!! " where there's blame there's a pack of blood thirsty forumites ! Insurance may just save you. | |||
"How long does it take to build up a good NCB, and can you guarantee it against a momentary lapse of reason caused by a sudden desire to 'virtually strangle' another poster?
Oh - and do you get a free meerkat?
It's Tina Titz insurance. Why would you get a meerkat and not some boobs?
"Yes, little Tina Dolls with big squidgy boobs that squeak!!!!???  | |||
NCD is built up by pleasant, witty, interesting posting.
You have a choice of cuddly toy. You get one of me like Frisky suggests, or one of a Meerkat that looks vaguely like a more famous insurer, but has been imported via an unregulated Far Eastern manufacturer | |||
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"What's the penalty for mentioning what kind of car you own?" Can it be doubled when the car name is also their username? | |||
"What's the penalty for mentioning what kind of car you own? Can it be doubled when the car name is also their username? " Ooh - now there's a gap in the market!!!
'Username Insurance' !! | |||
"Well I am truly and honestly lost with this one not got a clue what's going on "Does a woman figure in this ? | |||
There's so many that want to destroy my socks. Is it protected by fire and theft?
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"Is there a free pen with every enquiry??" No, but you do get your choice of free penis from some of the single male enquiries. We also do not send you any spam. Just a single mail. | |||
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" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please. " You have lions? | |||
" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please. You have lions?" Ha ha I only just got that....you big pussy Onny | |||
"Is there a free pen with every enquiry?? No, but you do get your choice of free penis from some of the single male enquiries. We also do not send you any spam. Just a single mail. "I'm quite partial to a single mail... | |||
" I would like to insure my pride against a possible mauling in the forum. Quote please. " I was unaware that you were the owner of Pride Park - I'm afraid we offer no cover for buildings | |||
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"Result! Who? Where? When? How? What do i sign? "Tina's boobs at the social! | |||
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"Result! Who? Where? When? How? What do i sign?
Tina's boobs at the social! "I may have to bring my specs then to find the dotted line. | |||
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"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too? If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet. " PMSL
Next thing you know there'll be free on-site grief counselling for anyone who gets a 'pass' instead of a kiss or a fuck! | |||
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"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too? If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet. PMSL
Next thing you know there'll be free on-site grief counselling for anyone who gets a 'pass' instead of a kiss or a fuck! "You know I already offer drop in counselling sessions so it could be another product offer. | |||
" You know I already offer drop in counselling sessions so it could be another product offer. " I once tried counselling, but they needed even more after seeing me.  | |||
"What if I choose to disregard the FORUM INSURANCE and joyride in the fast lanes of the fora spurting inane babble thus increasing everyone's rates! " I think that has been calculated in already, there's always gonna be one......... | |||
"Tina, do you have a TIMEWASTER INSURANCE scheme too? If not I might launch this new product. For every one saying they have had their time wasted they will receive compensation in the form of a single male saying they can't get a meet. " Hahaha, excellent idea - collecting us in the 'complimentary car', with a bunch of flowers already in hand...... | |||
"Can we opt into a moronic webcam selfie penalty please. "
*guilty* | |||
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"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol "Just no!!
*Tina - have you considered 'Minxie Insurance' for the forum itself? | |||
"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol "You, dear lady, are an uninsurable peril in your own right  | |||
"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol
Just no!!
*Tina - have you considered 'Minxie Insurance' for the forum itself? "ohhhhhh ooooops | |||
"Do I get insurance????? (well someone had to ask?!!!!!) lol
You, dear lady, are an uninsurable peril in your own right "is that a good or bad thing? lol | |||
"Is there a policy available to provide compensation to women who turn up to a meet and find their companies 'portion' is smaller than promised? Like some kind of 'price match' guarantee - where an alternative guy is made available by the insurer? And can the BDSM folk pay more for a 'collision damage waiver'? "Would portion relate to size, length of time spent or how much attention is paid to the meet? What if the portion is greater than advertised? (See 'whale' comments.) | |||
"Basically, I'll assume we are all familiar with FORUM INSURANCE (and yes, it does deserve capitals, or at least Constantinople and Istanbul), but if not here is what it is: http://www.fabswingers.com/forum/lounge/224206 However, the scale of premiums were never explained. Posting a topic of doom that gets 176 posts in 10 minutes, some of which require chapter headings and AT LEAST two people on temp bans for losing their cool, your premium goes up by 5%, regardless of your innocent enquiry about whether Romanian 'birds are fit'. The following subjects all result in your premium rising by 5% Any use of the words: slag, sluts, gash, cunt, Yolo, Michael Gove (exception to this is if cunt is used as an adjective for Michael Gove) Starting a post with the following phrases: Basically, No offence but, It's my/our/his/her preference and, At the end of the day Ending a post with: I'm entitled to, If you don't like this then don't read it, Now jog on Starting your second Is my profile... post without having taken on-board any advice from your first. 10% increases in premiums are incurred by: Starting more than one look, suck, fuck, duck, cuck, luvaduck, post at the same time. This doubles if you do it in more than one room. Playing Fab Top Trumps with too many who had the biggest, widest, longest, heaviest, dangliest, furthest shooting parts of their anatomy Any topic involving requests to cam, KIK, snapchat, Skype, phone, exchange racy telegrams - 2% reduction if it involves a piss funny thread about cleaning behind ears and squeezing a duck. Bareback, Immigration, immigrants doing it bareback, Bi guys pretending to be straight, Immigrants all being bi and barebacking, Michael Gove doing it bareback with an immigrant Any post stating you are horny and would anyone like to help you sort it out. Unless it is because you are wearing some Viking style horns on a helmet and it is a above par look at me thread. A really boring look at me thread. 50% increases can be gained by posting anything along the lines of 'How hot am I?' Everyone in the forum is contractually obliged to tell you to put less coal on the fire. Gender modifiers: there are certain modifiers based on gender. Genuine single females get a 50% reduction on premium increases, couples 25%, single guys who contribute on the forum get a 10% reduction (apart from Popeye if he has a beard as he gets 15%), total strangers their premiums go up by an additional 10% until they are established. TG - theirs is done on an individual basis determined by their taste in footwear and no correspondence will be entered into. Some people are uninsurable. Once you get to a surcharge of 100%, then you are in trouble. Anyone daft enough to get into a battle of wits with Jodie automatically voids any cover, including life cover. Now Jog on "one question... is this a rant?... | |||
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"is that a good or bad thing? lol "Only we can decide what is good or bad | |||
"Is there a policy available to provide compensation to women who turn up to a meet and find their companies 'portion' is smaller than promised? Like some kind of 'price match' guarantee - where an alternative guy is made available by the insurer? " OR, single guys could get a 10% reduction in their premium on production of a valid AA inspection certificate? | |||
"Is there a policy available to provide compensation to women who turn up to a meet and find their companies 'portion' is smaller than promised? Like some kind of 'price match' guarantee - where an alternative guy is made available by the insurer? OR, single guys could get a 10% reduction in their premium on production of a valid AA inspection certificate? "An alcoholic is hardly going to take an accurate measurement now are they!  | |||
" one question... is this a rant?..." Oh no, I'd subcontract a rant to J0die, she reaches heights of eloquence that I can only dream of | |||
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"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium?" Correct | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct "S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor) | |||
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"Regarding an outfit - you comply with the Fallen Madonna clause - you have big boobies so anything you choose to come in will automatically get a thumbs up" Unconvinced. Very unconvinced! | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct
S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor) "I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this? | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct
S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)
I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?"as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums? they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service | |||
" I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?" Nevermind dissing me dress! I like this outfit. The leopard print matches the ducks on my wall. Your premium is 7 gratuitous compliments to people you wouldn't generally compliment | |||
" I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this? Nevermind dissing me dress! I like this outfit. The leopard print matches the ducks on my wall. Your premium is 7 gratuitous compliments to people you wouldn't generally compliment "Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them? | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct
S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)
I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?
as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?
they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service"Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll? | |||
" Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them?" Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct
S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)
I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?
as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?
they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service
Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll?"think its a blow up cock or penguin | |||
" Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them? Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes "I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign? | |||
"Did I read it correctly and I get 2% off my premium? Correct
S bearing that in mind what would be the full cost? Monthly please (I'm very poor)
I'm still waiting for my quote, what kind of shonky outfit is this?
as a backup, have you tried forumsupermarket or comparetheforums?
they both offer good forum insurance, just without the personal service
Are they offering a meerkat toy or a blow up Tinatitz doll?
think its a blow up cock or penguin"I've decided to go with TinaTitz Triffic Indemnifications, I think that's the name anyway | |||
" Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them? Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes
I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign?"I've already done it for you to save you the trouble. I did it before Christmas when I was writing my cards and had my pen out | |||
" Is that 7 gratuitous compliments monthly or annually? How long do I have to pay? Do I have to mean them? Can I cross my fingers when I say them? Monthly, hun - you have to mean them and be totally sincere, but you can cross your fingers and toes
I accept your terms and conditions, where do I sign?
I've already done it for you to save you the trouble. I did it before Christmas when I was writing my cards and had my pen out "Such foresight must be invaluable in the indemnification biz! | |||
