Right here goes. Let's try out an 'lie about the one above' thing. The rules are that the lie must be ridiculous, funny & in no way personal. For example 'he once wet the bed in a Bulgarian hotel room & got chased naked down the street by the maid'
Go! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He once got caught having sex with a pigmy goat
She's secretly got a huge crush on me and isn't really straight!  
That's not a lie though  "
She likes the guy below her. In every sense of the word  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I knew a lass that wanted a boob job but couldn't afford it so her husband said try rubbing toilet roll in between them she said does it work he said it has on your arse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When decorating and making his own paste. He uses his own pre prepared cum as not only does it do the job, but it saves him money as he can have more paste to decorate with in the future. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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once met him down aback alleyway in Germany, where he was snorting off the back of a homosexual koala bear, whilst a rhino pierced his butt cheeks together to limit the size of his excretion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"once done an anal splashback video
Is perfectly sane, and hates sex "
Accidentally went into swingers "cinema room" with popcorn - ready to watch the Hobbit and had the audacity to tell everyone to "BE QUIET!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She pissed in a pilots hat on a long haul flight to Hong Kong "
Once drank and orange coloured liquid from a pilots hat thinking it was an oriental custom; as informed by one of the passengers!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once did a review of a new packet of crisps, which were cum flavoured. He gave it high praise and recommended that the local shop sold them nationwide. Then when they started doing this. He asked the shopkeeper where was the source and to his dismay. It was his parents |
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"He lives in Lincolnshire and enjoys testing Mountain Bikes, his parents are glad when they receive an SOS call, but only because he has a puncture and a grazed knee "
has a nice hat but is really old
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's gifted at oral sex because he's had all his teeth removed due to gingervitis."
Once gave gingivitis to a guy who proceeded to lose his teeth; thereby making him the best at oral - ever!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A chased man he likes to keep his private and public life separate. He is one of the few profession horse fluffers and travels around the world as the toast of the equine world. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
iPhoenix - he isn't really from Mansfield, he only pretends to be, because he doesn't want to admit he is from Pleasley. Nor is he sadly an iPhoenix - he is an analogue Phoenix and cannot burst into flames on the net.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh what a tale of woe is tinas story. One a leading light in john majors cabinet until an incident with a cocker spaniel so only now uses her powers for good. She was last seen on benny hill in matching bakini and cycling helmet. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Straussy - is a member of a Samba band. They play the beat on his bum cheeks with big paddles, leaving him red raw and glowing but with a massive smile on his face. He is also banned from every KFC in Hants, but no one knows why. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"iPhoenix - he isn't really from Mansfield, he only pretends to be, because he doesn't want to admit he is from Pleasley. Nor is he sadly an iPhoenix - he is an analogue Phoenix and cannot burst into flames on the net. "
Ha ha... Love it |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
SuperRamFan - has a razor brimmed fedora which he uses to mow down the OAPs in the queue when he goes to the Post Office. To this day the sight of someone counting out £2.58 in small change from a tiny leather wallet to send a letter to a cousin in Alberta sends him into a berserk fit of rage. He is also partially indestructible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once an assistant and lover of Gunther von Hagens he developed an unique approach to removing the flesh off the genital areas of the cadavers after casting. He can now often be found around the reduced isle in tescos where he only buys the cured deli meats which are on the turn. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Tempting Devil - she is a karaoke loving dentist who can't resist breaking off extractions in order to do a rendition of 'Look on the Brightside of life.' When not singing or prodding teeth she enjoys building mechanical fleshlights out of bricks and mortar in her shed. |
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"Tempting Devil - she is a karaoke loving dentist who can't resist breaking off extractions in order to do a rendition of 'Look on the Brightside of life.' When not singing or prodding teeth she enjoys building mechanical fleshlights out of bricks and mortar in her shed. "
Which Tina only knows because she's on my mail order list and orders one of each new model I bring out - next one will be a tribute to the walls around great estates and have broken glass mortared onto the edges, want one Tina? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Old twinkle toes is back! Once the ballroom champion of ireland he retired after a fake tan accident to concentrate on his love of penile crouchet and pop socks. Can often be found 'helping out' in Bruceys changing room. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once attempted to take over the world using an explosive chocolate pudding, but upon discovering that Brian Blessed had already copywrited the design, alleviated his frustrations by dressing as an ostrich and dancing the bolero. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For diversity
Once a member of a very well known dance act but took too may weird photos and posted them online.A spokesperson for the group said:"We dont mind anyone within the act using social media but come on please put away the iron and iron board before uploading your photo online" |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
DoubleTroubleGalway - it has recently been revealed under the 30 year rule that this man is actually Arthur Scargill, living under a false name, false age and in a different country. He is however, an expert at making a bowl of Frosties look like Tony the Tiger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Founder of the militant wing of the salvation army, this soldier of god has redefined their motto as "conquering the world through Guinness, line dancing, and Mrs Brown" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Known as 'the lethargic pebble thief of Upper Macclesfield' he's an ambiguous character who is rumoured to have once slain the entire staff of Cadbury World by pelting them with stale marshmallows dipped in last Sundays left over gravy, but many scoff at this ridiculous tale as it came straight from the lips of an untrustworthy Marmoset called Keith. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this canny chap is known as the Janet Leigh of scotland. He can often be found hanging around the shower areas of major airport and train stations waiting to be stabbed by any passing cross dressing mother figures. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was once laughed out of Suffolk catering school when she vocalised her outlandish theories on combining breakfast and dinner into a single meal known as 'brinner'. In spite of overwhelming odds, she somehow managed to achieve the impossible when she accidentally knocked an open tin of baked beans into her cornflakes, the school refused to apologise though because the head teacher was a twat. |
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Dressed to impress, he goes to his local karaoke bar and limbers up the bar with a few cheesy chat up lines. After singing a faultless rendition of "Barbie Girl" he orders another Babycham from the bar.
Every Sunday he goes to feed the ducks at his local pond. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
SexyBrain - takes all of his avatar pics in Game, apart from the one with the PS3 control, which was actually taken whilst he was in court judging a very boring case. He is also often mistaken for Mike Oldfield, due to his tubular bell end. |
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A closet Plymouth Argyle fan who has a secret shrine to Peter Shilton in his cellar. Has been known to live on a diet consisting entirely of liver & onion sandwiches for well over a month. World record holder for consuming a tin of beans using only a toothpick. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
EbbandFlow - they are international smugglers of fine spirits, hiding said spirits in J's bosom. One of her boobs has a nipple that serves smuggled neat whisky. The other serves up a fine quality poltergeist from Italy that infests people's homes, criticising their choice of décor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"EbbandFlow - they are international smugglers of fine spirits, hiding said spirits in J's bosom. One of her boobs has a nipple that serves smuggled neat whisky. The other serves up a fine quality poltergeist from Italy that infests people's homes, criticising their choice of décor. "
She's completely flat chested and hates breasts in general!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When clearing out her wardrobe to make some room for storage as she won't know what to keep and want to get rid of. She will model them all for me to help her make her decision. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
KeenFucktographer - once tried to corner the fruit salad and black jack market by a nefarious deal involving far eastern betting syndicates and the board of Partick Thistle. Luckily this dire plot came to naught as he got caught up watching Lisa Riley doing You've been framed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"KeenFucktographer - once tried to corner the fruit salad and black jack market by a nefarious deal involving far eastern betting syndicates and the board of Partick Thistle. Luckily this dire plot came to naught as he got caught up watching Lisa Riley doing You've been framed. "
TT
Couldn't stop a pig in a passage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This man has an unnatural ability of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nicknamed the mothman, he is a portend of impending disaster. He has been photographed at every calamity and natural disaster in the past half century. He was photographed smoking a cigarette on the grassy knoll, buying a footlong with pickles at the twin towers, speed dating at a bathhouse during the san francisco earthquake, eating matchmakers at the 2013 x-factor final and is now hoping to make an appearance in the 2014 avatar challenge. You have been warned! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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was once in a love triangle with russ abbott and bella emburg until he caught the eyes of the roly polies and this is what brought an early end to the career of les dawson. they just werent the same after he fucked every member bandy and they could no longer dance properly |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
Venus and Hercules - it is a total fib that they are a Roman Goddess and a Greek Demi-God. They are actually members of the A Team and are wanted for a crime they didn't commit after breaking out of a military stockade. If no one else wants to meet and you can find them, maybe you too can meet Venus and Hercules. Warning, they don't fly unless Hercules has a glass of 'milk' beforehand and never lock them up in bondage gear as they will construct a tank out of your Ikea wardrobe that uses your Yfront elastic to fire high velocity socks at you. Also, be very careful when they cum, as both cum everywhere, but never ever hit anyone with it. Everything else is fair game. After the meet, expect a very confused docker to turn up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aside from having a penchant for scatology he also frequents London Zoo to indulge his necrophiliac zoophile tendencies when the opportunity arises!"
once part of a secret society to ensure cats eyes always faced the correct way, they went rogue and started doing other thing such as bending street lights so they face the road, and ensuring the bulbs in highway signs are always working. they work in the dead of night and always dress up as aqua man and wonderwoman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Known as the bonny and clyde of the westmiddlands, these two started their nefarious careers as the warm up act for the crankies. They soon progressed to even greater crimes against humanity, including the les dennis laughter show and later as a swinging couple on the sundrenched multiaward winning docusoap Elderado. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Venus and Hercules - it is a total fib that they are a Roman Goddess and a Greek Demi-God. They are actually members of the A Team and are wanted for a crime they didn't commit after breaking out of a military stockade. If no one else wants to meet and you can find them, maybe you too can meet Venus and Hercules. Warning, they don't fly unless Hercules has a glass of 'milk' beforehand and never lock them up in bondage gear as they will construct a tank out of your Ikea wardrobe that uses your Yfront elastic to fire high velocity socks at you. Also, be very careful when they cum, as both cum everywhere, but never ever hit anyone with it. Everything else is fair game. After the meet, expect a very confused docker to turn up. "
tina has an alter ego, veronica. a mild mannered secretary, that cant make tea for shite, but does things with paperclips and alphabetti spaghetti that would make your toes curl. on a night out she can be found down a back alley, harvesting the organs of local clergymen, that have fallen on hard times, and selling them on the haddock suffering with mild schitzophrenia.
once back in the guise of tina, however, she is revelrous and a total party animal, making balloon animals from used condoms and placing them on unsuspecting childrens heads, giving mommy a spunky kiss. this lady needs to be avoided at all costs, unless you have the appropriate insurances |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Known as the bonny and clyde of the westmiddlands, these two started their nefarious careers as the warm up act for the crankies. They soon progressed to even greater crimes against humanity, including the les dennis laughter show and later as a swinging couple on the sundrenched multiaward winning docusoap Elderado."
having been raised by mandarins he grew up thinking he was a fruit, but finally found his real calling by moving in with a family of biscuits.
just as he was entering adulthood, he decided his future lay elsewhere and moved on, crumbling his new families hearts, but he was unperturbed.
he now makes a living selling mattresses to one armed doctors wives killing ex cops, but business is slow, having only had 1 customer ever, an is now considering diversifying into brasso for terminators |
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Both grew up with just one aim in life, this urge became uncontrollable and by their early 20's they could hold out no more and they finally became Redcoats at Bognor Regis.
Having met they soon memorised every episode of Hi-de-Hi and named their consequent children Ted, Gladys, Spike, Fred, Peggy, Yvonne, Sylvia, Stanley & Bruce. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Both grew up with just one aim in life, this urge became uncontrollable and by their early 20's they could hold out no more and they finally became Redcoats at Bognor Regis.
Having met they soon memorised every episode of Hi-de-Hi and named their consequent children Ted, Gladys, Spike, Fred, Peggy, Yvonne, Sylvia, Stanley & Bruce."
He could no longer resist the urge walking past that charity shop to Gregg's for his second helping of a jumbo sausage roll. He strolled in a average Joe and left feeling like a princess in his prize cowboy hat and vintage Furr coat! A steal for just £3.50 he took out of the collection at Church. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He could no longer resist the urge walking past that charity shop to Gregg's for his second helping of a jumbo sausage roll. He strolled in a average Joe and left feeling like a princess in his prize cowboy hat and vintage Furr coat! A steal for just £3.50 he took out of the collection at Church."
travelled to the moon and set up a shop selling battenberg cake to alien travellers.
he is on course to make his first million, only needing to make 999,994 more sales.
chin up, kid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He could no longer resist the urge walking past that charity shop to Gregg's for his second helping of a jumbo sausage roll. He strolled in a average Joe and left feeling like a princess in his prize cowboy hat and vintage Furr coat! A steal for just £3.50 he took out of the collection at Church.
travelled to the moon and set up a shop selling battenberg cake to alien travellers.
he is on course to make his first million, only needing to make 999,994 more sales.
chin up, kid."
Having made their fortune inventing the worlds first glass hammer! This smart cutting edge couple decided to heavily invest in the stock market! Little did they know that the investment of bubblegum condoms was a bad idea and soon lost their capital. They can now be found selling RAC cover at any reputable Tesco. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once took his family heirlooms onto antiques roadshow and had them appraised by Michael Aspel who told him they were worth fifty quid. On the way home he sold the heirlooms for three magic beans . The beans were planted that evening but have yet to sprout. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
CaptainSC - runs a fish and chip shop in Hartlepool after becoming a huge fan of their local team. All rumours about the actual contents of the Monkey Pies are gross exaggerations. He does sometimes claim to be from a different part of the N/E, but this is just a blatant attempt to avoid the wrath of the guy who sells him mushy peas. |
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Tina has a habit of sleep eating and will regularly scoff several chocolate oranges in one night. On her return to bed she dreams of the Milk Tray man. In the morning there is a sheet dangling from her open window.
Breakfast consists of 4 bowls of Coco Pops before she goes to her job as tester in the chocolate willy factory. |
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Both are previous winners of the national Beard of the Year prize. He in 1998, 1999, 2002 & 2005, her in 2000, 2003, 2004 & shared an unprecedented joint win in 2001. However, he was later stripped of his titles when it was revealed he had constructed fake beards from materials gathered during 2am bin raids at the local barbers.
Now separated, they meet once a year outside the local newsagent for his annual Plea For Forgiveness at which time he makes his plea in the style of a Michael Jackson hit single.
Her luscious beardiness has become somewhat of a curse & even now she is stopped in the street at least 4 times a day by passersby wishing to touch her beard for good luck. As a result, she plans to move to a small village in the hills to live our her days as a local blacksmiths assistant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was the man responsible for buying the prizes for 80's favourite Bullseye. Due to the high production costs (aka Jim Bowens wig) they realised that being a true scot he could stretch the budget just that little bit further. Armed with a steely eye, a couple of quid, and a few shots of Teachers with iron brew chaser he would rampage around the indoor markets leaving no table unturned in his hunt for the ultimate bargain. Unfortunately this high spiritedness backfired after Bullys special prize winners were impaled on the dodgy spring mechanism of a beautiful gingham 3 seater sofa. He now lives in disgrace as a hermit amidst the brambles on Lulu's Scottish country estate. |
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As captain of the local pub darts team, he applied to go on Bullseye but due to a mix up in the sorting office he ended up on 3-2-1. Several years of trying to emulate Ted Rogers' signature hand symbol left him with claw like hands.
Has a statue of Mr Bean in his front garden and is now considering a career in the Salvation Army Band. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Infamous as the Midlands most active hat thief, SuperRamFan makes a point of posing for photos with each of his new acquisitions and posts them on the Internet to goad rightful owners of the purloined headwear.
In one particularly horrific incident outside the Sagrada Família in Barcelona, SRF, upon spying a Catalan gentleman sporting a barretina, decided the cap would make a fantastic addition to his "hats of the world" collection. After his attempts to wrest the cap from the owner were met with opposition, he beheaded the man and made off with both head and hat in his rucksack.
It's a little known fact that he changed his username from the original SoupOrRumFun, after his sugarcane distillation and broth-based sexual proclivities became the scourge of Fabswingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once a shy and retiring fellow, this guy learned fast on the inside to become one of the most feared 'queen of the presses' in the infamous correctional institution housed in cell bloch H of Wentworth detention centre. Known for his particulary brutal ironing technique, he would often do 4 shirts and 3 sets of cami knickers at the same time. This along with his eternal battle with arch nemesis and butch screw, 'vinegar' (Tina)Titz, led to him to being discovered by the producers of Pebble Mill At One show. Upon his release he gained a slot on the show where his motherly advice and a stern piecing stare gained a large 'daytime lesbian' audience. |
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After becoming the most prolific courgette salesman in his hamlet, he endeavoured to become a multi-national corporation single handedly. This was doomed to failure as he had his great grandmother Doris, and Donald his pet turtle as partners in this hair brained scheme.
You can now catch him counting how many Pickled Onions there are in every jar at M&S. Security soon move him on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a stand in for Michael Jackson on the smooth criminal orgasm scene, it was later discovered that he had fathered several illegitimate children with a passion for dance. Fearing that his vast fortune of Michael Jackson merchandise would be confiscated by the courts he fled to the UK where he co-founded pineapple dance studios. Much in fighting with masculine side of the management, Louis Spence, led to him breaking away and setting up orange productions. The epitome of sophistication he then began his new career as the Del Monty man and had a long term secret fling with Judith Charmers. As you can imagine, the man from Del Monty never says "No" and he soon worked his way to the top, finally becoming the Magicam operator on Timmy Mallets Wide awake club. This success was to be short lived however as he ended up strangling poor Magic the cockatiel after a tussle over some honey coated millet. This led to several years inside before his eventual release on parole. He can now be found doing the rounds as Willy Wonker with his illegitimate children dressed as Umpa Lumpa for the local flea pit Christmas panto. |
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