FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > From A Single Males Point of View

From A Single Males Point of View

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well firstly let me introduce myself, i am Tom, im a genuine guy completely new to all of this, i have joined this site as i would like to find out more about this way of life and also to make new friends with open minded sexually liberated people.

So this post although a little long is designed to give you all a little insight into my experiences over my first.

This little post isn't a rant or anything to offend anyone is purely my opinions, if you don't agree with them please feel free to give me your side of the argument.

ok once joined as a free member i was offered a membership via a text which i think is a great idea as you don't have to worry about credit card details going astray in the under-net. I was offered the basic membership or the advanced one, i chose the advanced one not because i needed the extra features but because i like to give a little to web based communities that i join.

Once a premium member my little adventure started. I have always been led to believe that the swinging community in general is a friendly one, where liberated peeps talk, chat, make friends and at times have sex. To be honest most of my information has been from documentaries on tv so no doubt the info is tainted and only the _iews of a producer who wants people to watch their documentary.

In general i found that about 98% of messages sent were ignore and even a few that were replied to were down right offensive messages.

These were from long term members who in my opinion should know better.

I have never been disrespectful or indeed even hinted at the idea of getting into anyone's pants, in fact the complete opposite, I am new to this lifestyle and a little shy. However i have still found myself the victim of hate emails and been made to feel like an idiot.

I understand that i am a single male, i dont find it hard getting women or having sex, i am not begging for peeps to sleep with me im just being plain old me. Fair enough people may not want to chat, that isn't a problem.

I understand i sound like in ranting, i dont mean it to come across that way, what i can say is i have got chatting to two single women who have been very nice and a female part of a couple local to me who has also been really nice, they have stated that they are victims of malicious single men who cant take rejection and "psycho out" in them.

In conclusion, i feel that the genuine blokes are over shadowed by idiots who join this site for kicks and people on this site tar everyone with the same brush... This may be necessary i understand that...

But after all we are still people and have feeling.

If you think im talking rubbish, i am sorry for wasting 5 minutes if your life, if you have a comment i would genuinely like to hear it.....

Not bad for my first post.... Hehehe. Ive been itching to join your forum

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Welcome and I hope you enjoy your swinging time.

All the best

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

And never take no replies to heart..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi and welcome.

First off you will learn men and women can be rude.

From my point of _iew as a single female, I used to try and reply to every message however more often than not I would get abuse so I do not reply to messages where I am not interested in progressing things with the sender....harsh but it's how I've had to come.

You will find there are some great people on this site though so keep positive.

You are one of 100s if not 1000s

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks, in glad people have actually read my post. Ive got a titanium skin lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Welcome aboard the Skylark.

It takes time, you need a thick skin and you need patience.

Read the other threads and you will see this comes up a lot. Search for threads with advice for newbies in the title, or just newbie, and the wisdom (

) of the forum is available there. As it's not directed to your post it might be easier to read than thinking people are attacking you.

Join in, get to socials and good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I love the idea of the forum, i think admin have totally git it right, i just hope you all dont get sick of me lol im not a whine i promise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes, having looked at your profile I wholeheartedly agree that the only reason for your lack of replies is the behaviour of other single males.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Hello

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Yes, having looked at your profile I wholeheartedly agree that the only reason for your lack of replies is the behaviour of other single males.

appreciate that

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hello

"
hi

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

1 week ... you've been on 1 week

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"1 week ... you've been on 1 week"

This is why I reply before reading a profile, otherwise I would reply with "you've only been here a week" type comments.

OP, read the older threads.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi Tom, welcome to the site.

I know that on here it is considered normal to just delete even nicely worded messages and expect the author to accept that this means 'no thank you I am not interested' - not something I endorse.

The messages I delete are oneliners, or the ones that make it bleedingly obvious my profile has not been read at all, and is not referred to. If however someone has made the effort to craft a decent messages based on my profile, then I will always reply, whether taking it further or kindly declining.

As a man you do need a thick skin here. And stamina.

I like your prose. Your profile reads very well. One suggestion - post at least a body shot so the target group has at least an idea.

Good luck

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

whoooossshhh !!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"1 week ... you've been on 1 week"
i have been on here a lot longer, i'm not rude to anyone and i don't get many messages or replies just deletes??? I am always polite

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"1 week ... you've been on 1 week"
we all have to start somewhere, no doubt you once had a 1 week old account, didn't change who you are.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hi Tom, welcome to the site.

I know that on here it is considered normal to just delete even nicely worded messages and expect the author to accept that this means 'no thank you I am not interested' - not something I endorse.

As a man you do need a thick skin here. And stamina.

I like your prose. Your profile reads very well. One suggestion - post at least a body shot so the target group has at least an idea.

Good luck

"
thanks for that, ill get the cam out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"1 week ... you've been on 1 week we all have to start somewhere, no doubt you once had a 1 week old account, didn't change who you are."

You don't have the patience to last a week before moaning, I don't have the patience to explain to you why you should be patient.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Welcome!

Top tip - get yourself a onesie

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"1 week ... you've been on 1 week we all have to start somewhere, no doubt you once had a 1 week old account, didn't change who you are.

You don't have the patience to last a week before moaning, I don't have the patience to explain to you why you should be patient."

if you read my post correctly, i was not moaning, i have a thick skin it goes further than that, i was trying to understand why peeps are tarred withe the same brush. I stated quite clearly i have met three lovely people. I also clearly do not yet understand the etiquette.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Welcome!

Top tip - get yourself a onesie

"
lol a fate worse than death hehehe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

'I have a girlfriend who may be interested in swinging in the future but she says i can do what i want as long as i am safe and don't fall for anyone.... No danger of that.'

Really??

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'I have a girlfriend who may be interested in swinging in the future but she says i can do what i want as long as i am safe and don't fall for anyone.... No danger of that.'

Really??"
yes, i could lie and say i do have a gf but id rather be straight up. She has toyed with the idea but is not brave enough to explore as yet. To be honest i dont know if im brave enough for a meet, but i like the idea of chatting and making some friends and learning how it all works before making any decisions.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"'I have a girlfriend who may be interested in swinging in the future but she says i can do what i want as long as i am safe and don't fall for anyone.... No danger of that.'

Really?? yes, i could lie and say i do have a gf but id rather be straight up. She has toyed with the idea but is not brave enough to explore as yet. To be honest i dont know if im brave enough for a meet, but i like the idea of chatting and making some friends and learning how it all works before making any decisions. "

Having a partner in the wings will put people off and they may be rude to you about it.

Exploration is fine but people are also wary of Telegraph, Mail and Wales Online reporters coming on the site to get to know people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"'I have a girlfriend who may be interested in swinging in the future but she says i can do what i want as long as i am safe and don't fall for anyone.... No danger of that.'

Having a partner in the wings will put people off and they may be rude to you about it.

Exploration is fine but people are also wary of Telegraph, Mail and Wales Online reporters coming on the site to get to know people.

"
right, i didn't even think of that, told you i was naive.... its nice having everyone's constructive points of _iew.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You have a girlfriend who knows but you can't accommodate and are too shy to have a pic... People will be wary of this, like I say nothing to do with other's behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You have a girlfriend who knows but you can't accommodate and are too shy to have a pic... People will be wary of this, like I say nothing to do with other's behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" i dont know if im brave enough for a meet, but i like the idea of chatting and making some friends and learning how it all works before making any decisions. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" i dont know if im brave enough for a meet, but i like the idea of chatting and making some friends and learning how it all works before making any decisions.

The problem is most people don't want to just chat if it's not going to lead anywhere. There are exceptions such as via the forums where friendships form but most women are inundated with messages and can't reply to them all. If you just want to chat the forums are a better bet."
thanks for that, i am nervous about a meet bit i do not rule it out, i think the forum is a good idea, yes maybe my profile needs a little work too. I hope i havnt ruffled to many feathers

that was not my intention.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You were doing well until you used the word Genuine, and now I think you deserve all you get.

I fucking hate that word on here.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You were doing well until you used the word Genuine, and now I think you deserve all you get.

I fucking hate that word on here."

It's the twelfth word in, J0die.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You were doing well until you used the word Genuine, and now I think you deserve all you get.

I fucking hate that word on here.

It's the twelfth word in, J0die.

"
lol... Ermm.. I do t know what, to say to that.. Erm.. "tom is lost for words"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You were doing well until you used the word Genuine, and now I think you deserve all you get.

I fucking hate that word on here.

It's the twelfth word in, J0die.

What can I say, the first 11 words gripped me and I was warming to him. Then the twelfth made me loathe him!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You have completely lost me.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"You have completely lost me."

Genuine is a very over-used word on Fab. And, J0die is very funny. Not much to understand really.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok ill button it then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm another who didn't read your profile before replying.

You say you are thick skinned however this is a bit of a moan/rant.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Ok ill button it then."

It's your thread, do what you like within the rules.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I've spoken to people who have stated they are genuine.....turns out they were the most false fuckers I've met.....

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I've spoken to people who have stated they are genuine.....turns out they were the most false fuckers I've met....."

False fucking is just wrong - you might as well use a dildo.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You say it's not a moan or a rant!

I read part of the op, and to me it's just another rant

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say it's not a moan or a rant!

I read part of the op, and to me it's just another rant

Exactly

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I've spoken to people who have stated they are genuine.....turns out they were the most false fuckers I've met.....

False fucking is just wrong - you might as well use a dildo.

Gives me less hassle lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say it's not a moan or a rant!

I read part of the op, and to me it's just another rant

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Maybe i didn't word it as well as i was aiming to m, its not intended to be a rant more of a summary.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I try to always reply to people and do especially when they send more than a how are you and especially if they send a pic. I have been guilty of not replying but this is down to the amount of mail received. I have over 800 unread messages as girls generally get bombarded with mail in here. But I've never been rude and cannot understand people that are there is no need and obviously these people have manners. So welcome and hope your experience gets better!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You say it's not a moan or a rant!

I read part of the op, and to me it's just another rant

I thought the same and gave up reading a third of the way down. It always amuses me when people type out long posts that are twice as long as their profiles, pointing out how rude others on this site are!"
i guess this is where all the negativity starts. Ill leave you to it. Ive had so.e good advice and some nice comments its amazing how things can turn sour so quickly. This is exactly the thing i am on about. People are so quick to judge, rip people apart and for what?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I try to always reply to people and do especially when they send more than a how are you and especially if they send a pic. I have been guilty of not replying but this is down to the amount of mail received. I have over 800 unread messages as girls generally get bombarded with mail in here. But I've never been rude and cannot understand people that are there is no need and obviously these people have manners. So welcome and hope your experience gets better! "
thank you, i appreciate your kind words.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say it's not a moan or a rant!

I read part of the op, and to me it's just another rant

I thought the same and gave up reading a third of the way down. It always amuses me when people type out long posts that are twice as long as their profiles, pointing out how rude others on this site are! i guess this is where all the negativity starts. Ill leave you to it. Ive had so.e good advice and some nice comments its amazing how things can turn sour so quickly. This is exactly the thing i am on about. People are so quick to judge, rip people apart and for what?"

I can't see any judgement!! But isn't it the same as your status?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yea your right, its just negativity winds me up, i stand corrected and should respect their _iews.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Hi, problem is you've said what loads of guys say and complain about. So you can't blame people for thinking 'here's another single male thinking joining fab will bring him non stop sex with no effort on his part'.

It seems you might not be like that and inadvertently moaned just by expressing your opinion. One big thing to remember is it's a cross section of life on here and there will be lovely people you meet/talk to, rude people, people you don't click with and a few nutters

Another way to talk with people to learn more & get advice is the chat rooms. Be sure to read the rules first though

Single guys can get tarred with the same brush but, on the other hand, decent guys stand out

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By *r Mahogany70Man over a year ago

Leicester

A single male with no pics whatsoever? Better be a damn good first message.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi, problem is you've said what loads of guys say and complain about. So you can't blame people for thinking 'here's another single male thinking joining fab will bring him non stop sex with no effort on his part'.

Another way to talk with people to learn more & get advice is the chat rooms. Be sure to read the rules first though

Single guys can get tarred with the same brush but, on the other hand, decent guys stand out

Well said

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

that's probably a pretty good judgement of the situation. I appreciate you actually thinking about what i was intending to say even though it was poorly worded by me in the first place.

Another way to talk with people to learn more & get advice is the chat rooms. Be sure to read the rules first though

Single guys can get tarred with the same brush but, on the other hand, decent guys stand out

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Well said, having a few problems with my phone couldn't quote and reply, i think your pretty much bang on....

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Plus negative status messages don't help. Always be positive

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We always try to reply, politely, sometimes we are inundated with emails if they aren't especially interesting we just delete them :/

But we appreciate it must be hard for the single men & we are never rude to them??

Good luck

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I reply to all messages, even if just to say "it us not polite to message someone without reading their profile first"

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

* it is

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I've spoken to people who have stated they are genuine.....turns out they were the most false fuckers I've met....."

Ha, ditto!

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Exploration is fine but people are also wary of Telegraph, Mail and Wales Online reporters coming on the site to get to know people.

AND:

You have a girlfriend who knows but you can't accommodate and are too shy to have a pic... People will be wary of this, like I say nothing to do with other's behaviour.

And you might not meet and you write very well. Uh-oh - are you in fact a researching journalist??

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By *aucy3Couple over a year ago

glasgow

Tom stop feeling sorry for yourself,and man up.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/12/13 06:26:16]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Tom stop feeling sorry for yourself,and man up.

"
removed the last one due to a typo sorry, i do not feel sorry for myself, why should i? I have not done anything wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Exploration is fine but people are also wary of Telegraph, Mail and Wales Online reporters coming on the site to get to know people.

AND:

You have a girlfriend who knows but you can't accommodate and are too shy to have a pic... People will be wary of this, like I say nothing to do with other's behaviour.

And you might not meet and you write very well. Uh-oh - are you in fact a researching journalist??"

just because i am mot prepared to host and because i am educated does not make me a reporter. That Is a little cloak and dagger. I was not aware that you have so much pressure applied from the press, are they really that bothered?

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

I can see the headline now......

"The campaign against people having fun (started by Your Super Soaraway Daily Fail) is working as Swingers admit the pressure is getting to them"

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

Have you read the hints and tips that admin have provided to help you get the most from the site?

The hints and tips which advise that no reply is a reply and that it's not people being rude it's simply people using the site.

There are women and couples who receive large amounts of mail every day and not having time to respond to all they prioritize and only reply to those they're interested in.

Women also often read the profile first and if you don't match their preferences will often delete the message totally unread. These preferences can be for looks or for someone with pics available or for someone who can accommodate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you know what you want then why bother messaging to something you don't want?

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By *ezebelWoman over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Ive removed some posts. Its all getting a bit personal now so Im closing the thread sorry.

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