FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Worry

Worry

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Someone from here who I've been writing with for many months, and have met once, has gone AWOL.

He travels a lot for work (US etc).

He hasn't been online here for 5 weeks now, and his Skype account, which he uses for work as well, has been quiet, too.

He's single.

I try not to worry, but cannot help worrying. After our meet, we kept writing very frequently, and he was going to come again, very soon.

And now suddenly total radio silence.

No phone number.

I endorse the NSA principle, and am not in love. But we are friends, discussed lots of personal topics.

Any suggestions?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

He maybe busy or aboard etc.....

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"He maybe busy or aboard etc..."

Maybe. Five weeks is a heck of a long time, and he always told me when he was going abroad.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I don't know maybe he has met someone...who knows. I would not worry I'm sure he is fine and if he wants to contact he will xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

very odd he hasnt used either.if it were my mate,i too would worry a bit.but theres just nothing you can do,but wait hun.xxx

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

i would be surprised if he didnt have work colleagues, neighbours, family members, friends etc who would collectively abandon him if there was a genuine problem so i would try not to worry too much

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone from here who I've been writing with for many months, and have met once, has gone AWOL.

He travels a lot for work (US etc).

He hasn't been online here for 5 weeks now, and his Skype account, which he uses for work as well, has been quiet, too.

He's single.

I try not to worry, but cannot help worrying. After our meet, we kept writing very frequently, and he was going to come again, very soon.

And now suddenly total radio silence.

No phone number.

I endorse the NSA principle, and am not in love. But we are friends, discussed lots of personal topics.

Any suggestions?

Move on....it happens

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

all you can do is wait

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would be just the same if i didnt hear anything off my long standing"friend" too....

Because it would be unlike him not to contact....

I know its daft to say "dont worry" because until he contacts you,......you will.

I hope its not to long before he does and hope it turns out ok.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd be a little concerned especially if there was no indication he would end contact, could be a number of reasons but if you built a friendship I could imagine he would let you know if he could.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I know there's fuck all I can do.

It's just that over the years several online friends have disappeared into the sunset. Two of them had died. One of them I had visited the week before he died, so his friends knew to notify me. The other I found out by accident. The others - I will keep guessing.

This man - if he had met somebody he would have told me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know there's fuck all I can do.

This man - if he had met somebody he would have told me."

Yet you didn't have a phone number? I'm guessing wife found out....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OMG! Sounds really bad! Have you tried searching him on facebook? Or the phone book so you can drive by his house? Maybe track down his family and ask them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone from here who I've been writing with for many months, and have met once, has gone AWOL.

He travels a lot for work (US etc).

He hasn't been online here for 5 weeks now, and his Skype account, which he uses for work as well, has been quiet, too.

He's single.

I try not to worry, but cannot help worrying. After our meet, we kept writing very frequently, and he was going to come again, very soon.

And now suddenly total radio silence.

No phone number.

I endorse the NSA principle, and am not in love. But we are friends, discussed lots of personal topics.

Any suggestions?

Do you know his full real name, if not not a lot you can do except wait

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know there's fuck all I can do.

This man - if he had met somebody he would have told me."

Its nice to know that despite it being NSA you still have a heart and aren't cold. xx

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I know there's fuck all I can do.

This man - if he had met somebody he would have told me.

Yet you didn't have a phone number? I'm guessing wife found out...."

I have to say scarlet has a point...in regards to the phone number not being given...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I know there's fuck all I can do.

This man - if he had met somebody he would have told me.

Yet you didn't have a phone number? I'm guessing wife found out....

I have to say scarlet has a point...in regards to the phone number not being given..."

No! No! No! A dishonest man on a swinging site!! Simply not possible! Maybe the police could help if you have real concern?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

He is divorced. I don't know his surname. It was never necessary to know that.

Nor did I insist on having his phone number, as we frequently chatted via Skype.

His account here is still alive, and not used for as many weeks as I haven't heard from him.

There is one veri, who I could contact, but I cannot possibly do that. That would be entirely unethical.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Doesn't sound like there is a lot you can do apart from wait and see what happens

Maybe leave an offline message on skype and if he has it linked to his email account he may get a notification of a message left ??

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its nice to know that despite it being NSA you still have a heart and aren't cold. xx"

I care about each of my regular friends to some degree; some more than others.

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

[Removed by poster at 07/12/13 21:27:06]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He is divorced. I don't know his surname. It was never necessary to know that.

Nor did I insist on having his phone number, as we frequently chatted via Skype.

His account here is still alive, and not used for as many weeks as I haven't heard from him.

There is one veri, who I could contact, but I cannot possibly do that. That would be entirely unethical. "

Find someone else to fuck is my suggestion!......or have a wank!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its nice to know that despite it being NSA you still have a heart and aren't cold. xx

I care about each of my regular friends to some degree; some more than others.

Thats the way I feel about my regular friends,

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

similar thing happened on a different site I was on they were worried on the forum and after several weeks decided two of the forumites would go to her address they were worried .. she was livid

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

if a guy didnt give me any means to contact him without me responding to his contact ..then i would conclude that he didnt want me contacting him

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

I'd be worried if one of my long standing friends disappeared of the face of the earth without telling me as well

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"He is divorced. I don't know his surname. It was never necessary to know that.

Nor did I insist on having his phone number, as we frequently chatted via Skype.

His account here is still alive, and not used for as many weeks as I haven't heard from him.

There is one veri, who I could contact, but I cannot possibly do that. That would be entirely unethical.

Find someone else to fuck is my suggestion!......or have a wank!"

I am deeply touched by your empathy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Someone from here who I've been writing with for many months, and have met once, has gone AWOL.

He travels a lot for work (US etc).

He hasn't been online here for 5 weeks now, and his Skype account, which he uses for work as well, has been quiet, too.

He's single.

I try not to worry, but cannot help worrying. After our meet, we kept writing very frequently, and he was going to come again, very soon.

And now suddenly total radio silence.

No phone number.

I endorse the NSA principle, and am not in love. But we are friends, discussed lots of personal topics.

Any suggestions?

Move on....it happens"

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"if a guy didnt give me any means to contact him without me responding to his contact ..then i would conclude that he didnt want me contacting him"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

lets hope he contacts you soon even if its just to let you know hes ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe he has met someone and gone off the scene? I doubt it's anything worth worrying over. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?"

As I said, he'd have told me. He tells me when he goes abroad for work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He is divorced. I don't know his surname. It was never necessary to know that.

Nor did I insist on having his phone number, as we frequently chatted via Skype.

His account here is still alive, and not used for as many weeks as I haven't heard from him.

There is one veri, who I could contact, but I cannot possibly do that. That would be entirely unethical.

Find someone else to fuck is my suggestion!......or have a wank!

I am deeply touched by your empathy."

If it's any help I do feel VERY sorry for you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be honest you met him once thats all perhaps you are readinginto the friendship more than he is could be wrong.

As for contacting the veri as you say its unethical to me if someone i hardly knew on here under same situation as you are i would be concerned i am being stalked.

If the account here is live dont worry too much he will contact as and when he chooses.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seriously though this is not a dating site, yes you make friendships but they aren't the be all and end all. If someone disappears they don't have to announce it to everyone. You may have felt you were special but to me that's what dating is about. You claim to know what nsa is but you are not displaying that here. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that's pretty much how it seems to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Seriously though this is not a dating site, yes you make friendships but they aren't the be all and end all. If someone disappears they don't have to announce it to everyone. You may have felt you were special but to me that's what dating is about. You claim to know what nsa is but you are not displaying that here. Sorry if that sounds harsh but that's pretty much how it seems to me."

If feelings of friendship develop off meets, then lots of folk on this site will sin against the NSA ethos.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its nice to know that despite it being NSA you still have a heart and aren't cold. xx

I care about each of my regular friends to some degree; some more than others.

Hope you find him. x

Clearly other people are mindless heartless robots.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If feelings of friendship develop off meets, then lots of folk on this site will sin against the NSA ethos."

Nsa is exactly that.....no strings attached......none.....nothing....as soon as feelings involved that is no longer nsa. Simple as that.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?

As I said, he'd have told me. He tells me when he goes abroad for work."

With respect, this is the internet, people can tell you what you want to hear when you want to hear it.

If a man we spoke to disappeared from the radar we would take it he doesn't want to speak again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?

As I said, he'd have told me. He tells me when he goes abroad for work."

would he? If he was that into you knowing every bit of his life you would have known his phone number and address too. . . . .

I have seen it happen, people who I have considered friends, up and go. It happens. You move onto the next.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?

As I said, he'd have told me. He tells me when he goes abroad for work.

would he? If he was that into you knowing every bit of his life you would have known his phone number and address too. . . . .

I have seen it happen, people who I have considered friends, up and go. It happens. You move onto the next. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If feelings of friendship develop off meets, then lots of folk on this site will sin against the NSA ethos.

Nsa is exactly that.....no strings attached......none.....nothing....as soon as feelings involved that is no longer nsa. Simple as that."

In that case - mea culpa. Maxima. I value friendship, no matter where I find it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess this is why it's hard for singles to be swingers. Too much baggage. Too many emotions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

O p need a reality check to be honest remember ultimately this is a site where in most cases its about sex could be he just got lucky.

Only going off what you posted but you seem a bit o t t over something as trivial as him not telling you his every move.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If feelings of friendship develop off meets, then lots of folk on this site will sin against the NSA ethos.

Nsa is exactly that.....no strings attached......none.....nothing....as soon as feelings involved that is no longer nsa. Simple as that.

In that case - mea culpa. Maxima. I value friendship, no matter where I find it."

Then its not nsa

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One of the first guys we met and knew over around 6 years did something like this.

We had arranged last year for him to come and play at ours. We got ready as usual, he had texted not long before he was due to arrive - say 40mins but then he didn't show up. He didn't take any calls and his profile off here disappeared within days. We never heard anything again. He'd never let us down before and the whole thing was a mystery and yes, I worried something awful might have happened. I hope it didn't and I hope he's well.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If feelings of friendship develop off meets, then lots of folk on this site will sin against the NSA ethos.

Nsa is exactly that.....no strings attached......none.....nothing....as soon as feelings involved that is no longer nsa. Simple as that.

In that case - mea culpa. Maxima. I value friendship, no matter where I find it.

Then its not nsa"

Your power of deduction is breathtaking.

I already said , "Mea culpa".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human. "

Yes some of us are human enough to know not to believe all everyone tells us.

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

[Removed by poster at 07/12/13 21:56:44]

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

we have had long term contact with a few guys off here ..some lasting years ..some guys even moved in with us however we always respected the fact that they are 'single guys' and if they wake up tomorrow ..bump into a girl in a coffee shop and decide ..this is it ..then we will be dropped ...if they dont contact us we dont assume they are dead ..just found something else

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human. "

Some of us are realistic, sometimes people like to be avoided.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human.

Some of us are realistic, sometimes people like to be avoided.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To the o p some of this may seem uncaring etc but its about keeping it real and in perspective.

I have some real good friends on here who i meet regular but if i dont hear from them for a while i asume real life events going on for them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To the o p some of this may seem uncaring etc but its about keeping it real and in perspective.

I have some real good friends on here who i meet regular but if i dont hear from them for a while i asume real life events going on for them

Fair point and I do agree with that.

But I just think if someone disappeared off the face of the earth it would be really sad if no-one gave a shit!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I do see things in perspective. I lay no claims. Everybody is entitled to live their lives as they deem fit. But when something out of character occurs, then I cannot help but be concerned.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Swingers. Friendly? Caring?

Hmmmmmmmmm

Thank fuck some people are human.

Some of us are realistic, sometimes people like to be avoided.

Exactly this. I have guys that I chat to every day and have met numerous times.....not just once, but I still understand that they have lives even that they maybe might not want to share with me. Thats fine. I don't really want to know. All I know us that we can chat and have a laugh and have fantastic sex when we meet and then go back to our lives. To me that is nsa.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well, not meaning to be cruel, but seeing as you are just someone he knows through a sex site, maybe he just didn't feel the need to inform you when he decided to go offline for whatever reason? Like i said, maybe he met someone, and his first thought wasn't "best log on fab to tell someone I fucked that I'm not going to be around"? At the end of the day, that is what happens sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He is divorced. I don't know his surname. It was never necessary to know that.

Nor did I insist on having his phone number, as we frequently chatted via Skype.

His account here is still alive, and not used for as many weeks as I haven't heard from him.

There is one veri, who I could contact, but I cannot possibly do that. That would be entirely unethical. "

How are you so sure he is divorced?

I was seeing someone for three months before o found out he wasn't single.

Sorry but I'm with the others and I think his wife/partner has found out.

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

I have some real good friends on here who i meet regular but if i dont hear from them for a while i asume real life events going on for them

Fair point and I do agree with that.

But I just think if someone disappeared off the face of the earth it would be really sad if no-one gave a shit!"

unless he is some kind of extreme hermit ..why do you reckon neighbours, guys down the pub, family,friends, wirk colleagues etc wouldnt intervene ...you reckon a fuck buddy off a swingers site would be their lifeline ?

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I don't know maybe he has met someone...who knows. I would not worry I'm sure he is fine and if he wants to contact he will xx"

^^^^^This!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To the o p some of this may seem uncaring etc but its about keeping it real and in perspective.

I have some real good friends on here who i meet regular but if i dont hear from them for a while i asume real life events going on for them

Fair point and I do agree with that.

But I just think if someone disappeared off the face of the earth it would be really sad if no-one gave a shit!"

I'd put people on a swingers site to the bottom if the pile of people I thought would be concerned if I disappeared. I'd like to think real life people would notice way before!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?"

I did think this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My God some of you are SO cynical on here! The OP is concerned about someone she's not heard from in weeks, what's wrong with that? You can still show concern for someone no matter what the nature of this site is!

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By *ames blackMan over a year ago

Middlesbrough

I had a brief fling with a married lady I had known from a distance for some years. She got my phone number from a friend & txt me non-stop for 2 days. One day she called & said could I meet her urgently as she was upset. I did & we ended up cuddling. Over the next few weeks she txt me numerous times every day & we had a couple of evenings out at concerts. Then I got a txt saying her husband had told her to get out. Never heard from her for 3 weeks. She didn’t answer phone or reply to txts. I was worried sick about her. Then I bumped into her at a concert & asked how she was. She accused me of stalking her! I replied she instigated every meet & conversation we had & have avoided her ever since. Not all are as they seem!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My God some of you are SO cynical on here! The OP is concerned about someone she's not heard from in weeks, what's wrong with that? You can still show concern for someone no matter what the nature of this site is!

But that is the point...it is the nature of the site....

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By *reelove1969Couple over a year ago

bristol

but the guy gave her no means of contacting him after a seemingly long time of contact which suggests they were not actually friends but aquaintences...and he has chosen to move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but the guy gave her no means of contacting him after a seemingly long time of contact which suggests they were not actually friends but aquaintences...and he has chosen to move on"

That's as may be but what is so wrong with showing concern? I'm not disputing the fact that she has no way of contacting him and will have to wait till or if he appears again.

The point I'm making is that the poor woman has been criticized for showing concern. Surely there's nothing wrong with that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe they just took a break without having to start a "look at me I'm leaving" thread?

As I said, he'd have told me. He tells me when he goes abroad for work.

With respect, this is the internet, people can tell you what you want to hear when you want to hear it.

If a man we spoke to disappeared from the radar we would take it he doesn't want to speak again."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but the guy gave her no means of contacting him after a seemingly long time of contact which suggests they were not actually friends but aquaintences...and he has chosen to move on

That's as may be but what is so wrong with showing concern? I'm not disputing the fact that she has no way of contacting him and will have to wait till or if he appears again.

The point I'm making is that the poor woman has been criticized for showing concern. Surely there's nothing wrong with that? "

No there's nothing wrong with it, just wasted effort!

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Cynical isn't the right word I don't think....I think more realistic, the man obviously doesn't want to be in touch.

I would worry if I was a single male meeting single women on here, if this is anything to go by men are being watched even when possibly just getting on with their life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but the guy gave her no means of contacting him after a seemingly long time of contact which suggests they were not actually friends but aquaintences...and he has chosen to move on"

this!

I know how to contact my 'friend's'. I have good friends I have met off here. I have their numbers, I know where they live. However, I also go weeks without feeling the need to contact them or them to contact me. One of my best mates disappeared for 7 months because he changed his number and I got into a relationship, so he assumed I wouldn't want to be contacted by him.

I do feel if he regarded you in the same regard as you regard him, you would have had other ways of being able to contact him. He is busy, he has moved on, he maybe thought you were being clingy? Who knows. The point is, nothing you can do. So just move on. If he contacts you, great. If not, you just got to move on.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

but the guy gave her no means of contacting him after a seemingly long time of contact which suggests they were not actually friends but aquaintences...and he has chosen to move on

That's as may be but what is so wrong with showing concern? "

Nothing if thats what she wants to do....but she asked people for suggestions, and many gave the one of " do nothing"

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I have people off here that text me everyday once in a while we might not text for a couple of days...I tend not to overly worry if my texting is anything to go by as I often see text messages that I've not responded to because I have forgotten to and text a few days later..of course we are all different there are quite a few people in my life that of course if I had not heard from in a few weeks I would get worried....worry is a human reaction however people work in mysterious ways in life

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'd put people on a swingers site to the bottom if the pile of people I thought would be concerned if I disappeared. I'd like to think real life people would notice way before!"

People on a swingers site ARE real life people. You just meet them on a different premise. The fact that I enjoy sex with my friends here in stead of singing in a church choir* doesn't make our contact less. Just different.

* although one doesn't exclude the other

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd put people on a swingers site to the bottom if the pile of people I thought would be concerned if I disappeared. I'd like to think real life people would notice way before!

* although one doesn't exclude the other

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd put people on a swingers site to the bottom if the pile of people I thought would be concerned if I disappeared. I'd like to think real life people would notice way before!

* although one doesn't exclude the other

bless your heart

did you meet him very many times?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd put people on a swingers site to the bottom if the pile of people I thought would be concerned if I disappeared. I'd like to think real life people would notice way before!

* although one doesn't exclude the other

No the people I meet on here are not my real life. Yes I like them. Yes we have fun, but they are nothing to do with my real life. Some I may count as friends but only those I've met many times....not once.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

OP, you are worried, I understand that. Last year during the floods one of my friends stopped contacting and I couldn't get hold of him to check he was safe. He did contact eventually (many weeks later) but he didn't feel it was a priority and just thought my message was sweet for caring. I was worried but you get on with things, especially if there is nothing you can do.

Another friend I had been seeing for some time stopped contacting. It turned out he had met someone and felt it would be wrong to contact me during that time. When it ended he sent me a text.

On the other hand, when I was first on here in a couple and we broke up it was sudden and I instructed him to delete our profile. My friends from here all sent me text messages or called. They are still my friends now.

NSA doesn't mean not caring but it does mean accepting that when you care about the wellbeing of someone they may not care back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you had his phone number and that was off I would be more concerned. The fact you never had it suggests to me he wanted to keep things at a distance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"No the people I meet on here are not my real life. Yes I like them. Yes we have fun, but they are nothing to do with my real life. Some I may count as friends but only those I've met many times....not once."

I respect your standards, but do not share them. Do not judge mine or regard them as less valid. I do not have to justify my perception of friendship to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I respect your standards, but do not share them. Do not judge mine or regard them as less valid. I do not have to justify my perception of friendship to you."

Just saying I know the numbers of those I class friends thats all

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By *ussyGalore and Mr OCouple over a year ago

A House

Bless you for caring but you need to let it go and move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well I am with the op on this one .. I have a fb who also happens to be my best friend . If she did not contact me for weeks . I would be very concerned . X

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By *eepsouthCouple over a year ago

Bournemouth

OMG I'm so bored, can't read anymore messages zzzzzzzzzzzzz

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I respect your standards, but do not share them. Do not judge mine or regard them as less valid. I do not have to justify my perception of friendship to you."

I know exactly what you mean and I would be the same, if I get to know people over a period of months talking online and like them I would be concerned too - you are actually the one having a normal human response here!! God I hope my heart never becomes so hardened that I cease to care!

Sadly there is nothing really you can or should do - in this case you have to leave that to others and hope he lets you know one day. I would try to assume some interesting and absorbing new departure in his life, and assume he just does not realise you might be concerned.

And as for the suggestion that people we meet on here are not real life - I think it's ludicrous!! It doesn't GET much more real than having sex with someone, there's no avoiding it - this IS cold, hard reality!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Frisky Mare's and others' reactions and PMs done me good. Although sad, it does help that I am not the only one this happened to. I can only hope that I learn the answer one day. xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some of you are missing the point and I think are jumping to conclusions that those of us that don't get involved with everyone we meet are heartless. IF the OP was talking about a regular FB then I think she would have cause for concern, and yes I'd be worried or think it odd, but this is someone who hadn't given his phone number and she's met him once. So in that situation I would take it at face value and assume for whatever reason he doesn't want to have any more contact, and I'd move on. There is a big difference.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Some of you are missing the point and I think are jumping to conclusions that those of us that don't get involved with everyone we meet are heartless. IF the OP was talking about a regular FB then I think she would have cause for concern, and yes I'd be worried or think it odd, but this is someone who hadn't given his phone number and she's met him once. So in that situation I would take it at face value and assume for whatever reason he doesn't want to have any more contact, and I'd move on. There is a big difference."

If meeting once, with hardly any contact before that and no further contact after - yes, of course. And there are more ingredients that I wrote upthread that can't make me shake off this feel of unease.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

Exactly my point of view too. I had a regular playmate who was due to go into hospital for some tests. At that point we'd been seeing each other for years, speaking every day.

I didn't hear from him, phoned, went to voice mail, emailed went unanswered. Two weeks later he got in touch. He'd had a cancer scare and gone away for a break. When I had mine he was one of the first people I told.

The reality is I thought we were friends and all that entailed, he didn't think it necessary to tell me: I wasn't important.

Fact is people don't always see us the same way we see them and going ott after a brief association is a little worrying I think.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Exactly my point of view too. I had a regular playmate who was due to go into hospital for some tests. At that point we'd been seeing each other for years, speaking every day.

The reality is I thought we were friends and all that entailed, he didn't think it necessary to tell me: I wasn't important.

Fact is people don't always see us the same way we see them and going ott after a brief association is a little worrying I think.

But the poster is not going OTT - she is merely expressing concern for someone she has been talking to for months!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Poor u. Hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The suggestion that people who understand, enjoy and accept true nsa are heartless or cold leaves me questioning the emotional maturity of some.

Caring is not exclusive to deep friendships.

I care about everyone I've ever had nsa contact with and wish them well, but I don't need to hear from any of them regularly, rarely or ever again! I don't have any strings on them and I don't particularly want them to have any strings on me......or it wouldn't be nsa.

'Cold or heartless' can often be the mantra of the needy. Nsa for me is neither.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"The suggestion that people who understand, enjoy and accept true nsa are heartless or cold leaves me questioning the emotional maturity of some.

Caring is not exclusive to deep friendships.

'Cold or heartless' can often be the mantra of the needy. Nsa for me is neither.

But that's not what the OP is talking about - she is not talking about 'someone I fucked once' she is talking about someone she became a friend with over a period of months, different kettle of fish entirely, whether she met them or not.

I have a guy I met on a site I've been talking to on an off for 10 months now. We've spoken on the phone once, never quite managed to meet because of distance, but I am sure we will one day, and I am sure it will be hot as hell when we do. Yes, we talk about sex a lot of the time. But we also talk about the wildlife we rescue, he shares pic with me of things he sees on his long cycle rides etc, or messages me to relieve the boredom on a long train ride when he goes away for business.

There are no strings imposed, but if either hasn't heard from the other in a week or so there is genuine concern, one of us writes saying 'Hey, are you OK??'. If I didn't hear back damn straight I'd have concern for the guy!! This is normal caring and very adult human behaviour when FRIENDSHIP occurs!

I can and do have a real fun evening with someone I have no need to hear from or contact ever again, but to be honest, that is a far less mature behaviour in my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can and do have a real fun evening with someone I have no need to hear from or contact ever again, but to be honest, that is a far less mature behaviour in my opinion."

Your post appears to infere that people who meet nsa only ever converse about sex, that is clearly not the case and certainly not my experience.

Mature friendship isn't measured by some sort of 'contact strategy', true friends don't require a weekly touching of base to affirm the bond they have. I agree that some people 'need' that, but to suggest it's a base requirement of mature friendship is in my opinion wide of the mark.

As for the Op, I appreciate her concern and in no way wish to belittle it. But she has asked the forum for advice or it's view. The nature of this site but more importantly the fact that she doesn't even have this chaps phone number.....maybe he is seeing things differently. Doesn't make him cold or heartless if he is though.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Your post appears to infere that people who meet nsa only ever converse about sex, that is clearly not the case and certainly not my experience.

Ah no, that's not what I was implying at all, I was commenting on some of the views expressed on this site, not the guy in question!!

And no, I was not inferring people who meet for nsa only talk about sex either, merely saying that if two people choose to talk online for months I call that a friendship, albeit tenuous. It may be a friendship without obligation, but it is one nontheless, and the less they have actually met for nsa sex in those months, the more about friendship it appears in my opinion.

I am not saying friendships necessarily need 'contact strategy' either, we all have great friends we don't talk to from one year to the next. I was saying repeated contact implies friendship, and friendship naturally gives rise to mutual concern if someone appears to be offline. Shit happens.

You can care without applying strings. I am saying that in my opinion maturity and wholeness come with more caring about other people, not less. Oh I am aware that nsa requires a lot of people to engage in active self protection - the 'block the bastard' mentality. I am challenging the assumption that that is a more desirable state of affairs than someone who feels concern for someone they connected with over a period of time.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I don't think it is wrong to care. I care about some I have met more than others. I care about some I have as virtual friends more than others. Concern is natural.

The issue is that what we feel about someone is not what they feel about us.

Those that are recipients of me caring for them know they will get way too many messages. I don't take offence if they don't respond. I will worry but that is my problem, not theirs. Some even worry about me and that is nice or annoying depending how I feel about them.

Keep a warm heart.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im sat wondering why this turned into any kind of debate

I hope hes ok

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I find the thread proved very educational.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I find the thread proved very educational.

I believe you are correct

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

The issue is that what we feel about someone is not what they feel about us.

That is possible of course. Or it may be simply a difference in handling the situation too, like the friend who had a cancer scare someone mentioned. I never got to say goodbye to a friend of mine because she didn't want anyone to see her towards the end, she told us all the tumour had shrank........

I once spoke to a young guy who dated a Philipino girl he liked very much. He slept with her on second meeting and was thrilled, but liked her SO much he felt he had to break it off because if it got really serious and they ended up together, he could not bear the thought of having 'children that looked different from me'. He was so ashamed of this he thought it 'kinder' to simply sever all contact for her sake.

Altruistic? Selfish? Cowardly? Maybe all three. I thought he should let her know, but there you go, I don't think he did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think it is wrong to care. I care about some I have met more than others. I care about some I have as virtual friends more than others. Concern is natural.

The issue is that what we feel about someone is not what they feel about us.

Keep a warm heart."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if you've been speaking via skype does it not say whether messages are being read/if he's logged on there?

in all likelihood though he's met someone, and he knows it will be easier if it fails to come back with "oh im so sorry i got sent X at short notice" or "there were some problems i had to sort out in real life" than "yeah i sacked you off for someone else, fancy a shag?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Please READ. I said that we've been communicating via Skype for a long time. Yes, all is still stored. But his account hasn't been 'alive' for as many weeks as the silence exists.

I never claimed any entitlement, just expressed my uneasiness if not worry about the silence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A friend of mine did the same to me and I worried too. I understand where your coming from BUT there really isn't anything you can do except wait.. Hope he pops up soon and everything is ok X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It could have happened now. Yesterday I went in anaphylactic shock after developing sudden allergy to penicillin in antibiotics that had been OK till then.

Was airlifted to Carlisle hospital. It was a close call. Am OK now.

I could have disappeared from this forum without any of you ever knowing the reason (or noticing). No means to trace me. What I am trying to say is, that NSA goes to that extreme, too. And when others care, the never knowing will be and remain painful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its so true!! Glad your ok x

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Glad you're ok, Yohohohohohoni

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I totaly agree with you. Glad you're ok x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Glad you're ok. xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks, all. Still a bit shaky. But managed a few hours' kip.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks, all. Still a bit shaky. But managed a few hours' kip. "

Hope you are fully recovered very soon

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Yoni, I would notice you have gone and would care to know whether you are ok but the reality is that I wouldn't and couldn't know. If I found out some time later I would be sad for a moment, it's human. Being down here and you up there I could do nothing to help you, yesterday, today, tomorrow.

I am glad you are ok and take it easy today.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

To finish this thread off - my friend has resurfaced. He had a medical emergency and was incommunicado and in a bad place for a while.

I am so pleased to have been proved right.

Whoever of you still has to live with similar question marks - you have my sympathy and I hope one day you will find out.

Lickety - thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To finish this thread off - my friend has resurfaced. He had a medical emergency and was incommunicado and in a bad place for a while.

I am so pleased to have been proved right.

Whoever of you still has to live with similar question marks - you have my sympathy and I hope one day you will find out.

Lickety - thank you

Great news.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Innit just, SH? xx

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

I am glad you and your friend are now ok.. maybe he will give you some way of getting in touch now .

Does make me wonder how people can be alerted if you single and alone tho.. xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men some even when you think you know them here you don't . Some will say working overseas as don't wish to see you and its easier to say that . Some are married and play the single and some have long term girlfriends some come here to escape normal life ..... and some will lie tell people all things like jackal and hide you never really know them and when you find others who thay have done the same thing too you think how could I have been a mug and trusted this person after knowing them for months and meeting truth is some you will never know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you heard from him yet?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I am glad you and your friend are now ok.. maybe he will give you some way of getting in touch now .

Does make me wonder how people can be alerted if you single and alone tho.. xx"

The truth is that there is no answer to that. If I hadn't been able to alert the emergency services a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be here now.

Nobody would have known for days.

It's not a new problem. Read the papers.

Phone circles only work to a certain extent.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Men some even when you think you know them here you don't . Some will say working overseas as don't wish to see you and its easier to say that . Some are married and play the single and some have long term girlfriends some come here to escape normal life ..... and some will lie tell people all things like jackal and hide you never really know them and when you find others who thay have done the same thing too you think how could I have been a mug and trusted this person after knowing them for months and meeting truth is some you will never know."

True. But still now I have been able to trust my gut feeling, and rarely have been wrong. But I'm only human, so...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its normal, when I meet someone who lived local within 1mile, we chated for ages but when we met and fucked, suddenly she stopped contacting me lol.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Have you heard from him yet? "

Yes. He contacted me as soon as he was in the right frame of mind.

Of course he feels lousy about me worrying, but somethings cannot be forced. Again - I am happy he's getting well, and reciprocates the feeling of friendship.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Am so pleased for you that your friend is ok xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

True. But still now I have been able to trust my gut feeling, and rarely have been wrong. But I'm only human, so...

"
I had never been let down with a gut feeling about a person but I was and I felt very hurt .. as trusted this man and let him into my life .And that's what hurt me more . After years reading people well .... I could not him.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

True. But still now I have been able to trust my gut feeling, and rarely have been wrong. But I'm only human, so...

I had never been let down with a gut feeling about a person but I was and I felt very hurt .. as trusted this man and let him into my life .And that's what hurt me more . After years reading people well .... I could not him."

That's indeed the risk you take when letting people in. You become vulnerable, whether you like it or not.

Past experiences an only toughen you up so much.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

True. But still now I have been able to trust my gut feeling, and rarely have been wrong. But I'm only human, so...

Don't feel bad, some people just can't be 'read'. They are experts at hiding from reality. xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

True. But still now I have been able to trust my gut feeling, and rarely have been wrong. But I'm only human, so...

That's indeed the risk you take when letting people in. You become vulnerable, whether you like it or not.

Past experiences an only toughen you up so much. "
yes you live a lean I did ... BIG TIME . X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i can only think of one phrase that sums it up for me and that is get a grip and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i can only think of one phrase that sums it up for me and that is get a grip and move on."
Yes you do get a grip and see what strange people are out there. And some just get u think today I am going to be ..... who ever just not the boring person I really am. Superman maybe. lol x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To finish this thread off - my friend has resurfaced. He had a medical emergency and was incommunicado and in a bad place for a while.

I am so pleased to have been proved right.

Whoever of you still has to live with similar question marks - you have my sympathy and I hope one day you will find out.

Lickety - thank you

Im pleased it all turned out ok for you and your friend....and he knows you care enough to worry..which is lovely

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To finish this thread off - my friend has resurfaced. He had a medical emergency and was incommunicado and in a bad place for a while.

I am so pleased to have been proved right.

Whoever of you still has to live with similar question marks - you have my sympathy and I hope one day you will find out.

Lickety - thank you

call me cynical but that is so "Just broke up with the girl i was seeing".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Have you heard from him yet?

Yes. He contacted me as soon as he was in the right frame of mind.

Of course he feels lousy about me worrying, but somethings cannot be forced. Again - I am happy he's getting well, and reciprocates the feeling of friendship."

Who would have thought???.......glad he's ok though

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To finish this thread off - my friend has resurfaced. He had a medical emergency and was incommunicado and in a bad place for a while.

I am so pleased to have been proved right.

Whoever of you still has to live with similar question marks - you have my sympathy and I hope one day you will find out.

Lickety - thank you

call me cynical but that is so "Just broke up with the girl i was seeing".

It is cynical indeed. Believe what you want. I am happy he's going to be OK.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Have you heard from him yet?

Yes. He contacted me as soon as he was in the right frame of mind.

Of course he feels lousy about me worrying, but somethings cannot be forced. Again - I am happy he's getting well, and reciprocates the feeling of friendship.

Who would have thought???.......glad he's ok though"

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Hey, glad he's OK and 'Bah humbug' to the cynics!!

You just never know when people are going to disappear and resurface, I've had two or three suddenly reappear after months in the last few weeks! They may tell all, they may not - but I like surprises so what the heck!

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I like being a cynic on the web....and even after the explanation I am still cynical.

As long as you are happy with it though thats all that matters.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I like being a cynic on the web....and even after the explanation I am still cynical.

As long as you are happy with it though thats all that matters."

Occam's Razor applies.

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By *anny PepperoniMan over a year ago