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By *uby0000 OP Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
there is a man whos wife is in a care home with Alzeimers and he has said he wants to find a woman .. he would still visit his wife and not marry until shes gone .. do you think its right?
I knew a couple who did this.. they took care of the wife till she died and she never realised they were together now they are married
so why should this man be lonely imo |
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Almeizers is a horrible illness that devastate lives....If my mother was in that situation and my dad met someone i don't think i would be angry....you can still love care and support that person....its a difficult one but i would say its ok |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
It is tricky. Personally, and experiencing this with my parents right now, I say that he should get on with his life. Alzheimer's takes so much away, not just for the person with it but for everyone around them too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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as long as he isnt forgetting her then i cant see a problem with it.
its not like he is sneaking a woman into the house while she is out shopping or whatever.
it seems it could be a little more acceptable when you get to a certain age lol |
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By *uby0000 OP Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
don't know if he has kids but how would you feel if in this situation he said he had a gf while she was still alive
I think it would make it easier when she went
I used to have abt 5 boyfriends when younger as if one went I still had the others so didn't hurt so much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i was the wife and after 30yrs of love had ended up with Alzheimers id want to set my husband free. We had our time together, he is young enough to still very much have a life and live out dreams.
Id be the physical shell of a woman who he previously loved, shared so many memories and had 3 children with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is copied from the Loose Women Facebook Page
'A man who has been married for more than 30 years to his wife (who has sadly been suffering from Alzheimer's for over two years and is now in significant decline) has, with the blessing of his three grown up children, decided that he would like to find love with someone else. The man’s wife is now in a care home and he still visits her three times as week but lives alone and believes that as he's only 52 he should move on with his life. '
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"don't know if he has kids but how would you feel if in this situation he said he had a gf while she was still alive
I think it would make it easier when she went
I used to have abt 5 boyfriends when younger as if one went I still had the others so didn't hurt so much"
5 boyfriends  thats a good idea.  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"don't know if he has kids but how would you feel if in this situation he said he had a gf while she was still alive
I think it would make it easier when she went
I used to have abt 5 boyfriends when younger as if one went I still had the others so didn't hurt so much"
I am an adult (and old) child of a father in this position. He has found a younger woman who makes him happy. Mum knows when he hasn't visited but whether it has been a day or 6 weeks doesn't register.
It is an odd feeling but he is an adult and can make his own decisions. The flak is coming from my mother's siblings and his own siblings. None of whom are here and seeing what Mum is like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks 4 that
then if his kids are ok with it there is no problem shall we tell him about fab?"
not quite sure what id want after being with someone for 30yrs
probably just a very good friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the house is probably empty without his wife.
i very much doubt his interest is sexually motivated, he probably misses having someone around.
all power to him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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quite a few of the comments on facebook from the are saying 'til death do us part.. in sickness and in health'
'how dare he abandon her'
to an extent i see that point, but if i loved something id let it go. |
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We have a friend with this problem ..early onset is awful she is in her mid 50's and is ow in a home as it became impossible to care for her at home. dangerous to herself . He does now have a girlfriend and is happy . He visits his wife who doesnt know him.
Fortunately the kids are happy with the situation , I feel the guy has a right to be happy.
I would expect this for myself or my partner especially as I now see signs in my OH  . His Mum had it and didnt remember anyone except the brother that died...
He is entitled to be happy. meeting someone else does not take away the feelings you have for the wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the house is probably empty without his wife.
i very much doubt his interest is sexually motivated, he probably misses having someone around.
all power to him"
have been married 30 years dread the thought of being on my own when my hubby pegs out, loneliness is a terible thing. |
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my ex father in law is now over 70 nad his wife has been in a carehome for quite a few yrs with this illness she is so bad my ex not even go visit her.
father in law has had lady friends that
he goes walking with and other things. even had a cpl i think . x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult situation for all involved.
This is also potentially difficult for a new partner as he wouldn't be able to fully commit to her either. If he does find someone who understands and is happy to take a back seat so-to-speak, what about when his wife dies? Does he think he could just continue with his new partner? Grief can make people do funny things and the new partner could take the brunt of the different feelings involved in grief, including guilt.
I would avoid getting myself emotionally entangled in this strange triangle. If something blossoms for this man from friendship then that's a different kettle of fish than him seeking a new potential life partner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"that's another point how would you feel as a friend KNOWING the situation with his wife could you?"
ok im far too young to actually be in that situation realistically..
however i think i would be uncomfortable with the arrangements. Id prefer just to be a very good friend who i socialized with a lot. I know deep down id ultimately be second best because if the illness wasnt there id think he's still very much be with his wife in all aspects.
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its also one of those things.
there but for the grace of god go i.
none of us can sat would we would do
until we are put in that situation
ourselves . loneliness is awful whether you are old or young.
my sister in law was widowed aged 45.x |
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By *uby0000 OP Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
not sure id like to be the woman although my friend that was looked on her as a friend too she used to keep her company read to her etc but was waiting for her to die to marry her husband |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"the house is probably empty without his wife.
i very much doubt his interest is sexually motivated, he probably misses having someone around.
all power to him"
You are normally so against anyone cheating no matter what the reasons are....does this mean you now think there are some reasons that people might cheat and it isn't so black and white? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks 4 that
then if his kids are ok with it there is no problem shall we tell him about fab?
I think we should!!"
Nah dont want Colleen Nolan knocking about on here |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I have always said to my OH if I end up with that then don't stop your life because of it. He could still visit if I was in a home.
I am not sure I could do the same if it was the other way round though. |
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