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Things to say....(go for it guys)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.
I said "you look better with make up on"
My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.
I said "you look better with make up on"
My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it. Most women do though.  "
I know...exactly.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To my ex-girlfriend before a night out after she was getting ready for hours -
"You look like you've brushed your hair with a toffee apple"
Went down a storm  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not saying a word. 
Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!
What did I say can't remember? ..
I say all sorts sorry "
I'm not repeating it   |
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"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.
I said "you look better with make up on"
My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it. Most women do though.
I know...exactly. "
But that's the point of it lol   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She lay back on the bed , legs apart and said "what do you think"
Just couldn't help myself. "Comb your hair and put your teeth in" i retorted.
My nuts are still swollen even now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not saying a word.
Stick to what you said to me the other day. It made me smile!
What did I say can't remember? ..
I say all sorts sorry
I'm not repeating it "
I seriously can't remember  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This girl i know said to me how come men can sleep around and there a legend and i sleep with two guys within a year iam a slut Well i said if 1 key opens loads of locks its a master key but if loads of keys can open 1 lock ITS A SHIT LOCK |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This girl in the club pinched my arse i turned round she looked like a right pig she said oi oi sexy can i get your number i said have u got a pen she said yes well fuck off back to it before the farmer notices your missing lol |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I once genuinely said this to a woman I know.
I said "you look better with make up on"
My mates pissed themselves and I didn't have a clue, I genuinely said it. "
I can believe that after your first sight of me. Do you remember what you said? |
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The best was one I heard in the early 90s in Cyprus on BFBS Radio when one of the DJs asked why one of the Married Quarters areas in Dhekelia was called "Slim Village" when a sizeable proportion of the wives there were clearly not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Stella rating.
1 pint = Stunning
2 pints = Gorgeous
3 pints = A good night ahead
4 pints = Might need to squint a bit
5 pints = Lights off
6 pints = Gonna regret it in the morning
7 pints = Pray she uses paper bags for her shopping
8 pints = RUN !!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When i slept with my ex after we bumped into eachother on a night out, next morning she was planning how we were getting back together etc... When i said no she asked why i slept with her and my simple reply was
" it was easier then a wank "
Went down a treat as Im sûre You can imagine |
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I've always liked the subtle approach:
Oh you should wear the black dress, you look so much slimmer in that.
It's ok you look great, I love your curves
Do you want me to get you a salad with that?
I've booked you a waxing session dear (I actually did this for my ex once, lol)
The less subtle is always funny to though:
Your legs have better stubble than my face.
Are you growing your body hair to keep warm?
I got you this leaflet on breast enhancements/liposuction (whatever term you want really)
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I said to my ex once infront of her family and mine when she was banging on about a boob job, (one of those others in the back of The News Of The Worlds free magazine, just before the Mystic Meg horoscopes).
Why dont you go and get some toilet roll and furiously rub it between your tits?
Puzzled looks 
Its seems to have done the trick on your arse.
Thankfully it went down really well and we had a great engagement party |
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Slightly off piste here but I just thought of a time when I totally embarrassed my ex in front of her Dad when I met him for the first time when I neatly dropped out "oh she makes a great breakfast" the look on his face. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was stood behind a fat ugly bird in a que at tescos this morning. She had 2 kids with her. I said are they twins?,
Clearly not she said one is 5 and the others 12!. Oh apologies I said, I just can't believe you've been shagged twice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lets have some balance here..things to destroy a womans ego...
Have you put weight on?/Are you pregnant?/Your arse looks huge but not just in that!
All good fun.....gentlemen....go!!!!
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You said you have been single for a few months, I can see why .
To a ginger girl with a landing strip , is that a fish finger on your vagina
You lean forward to kiss her and then say oh my god is that a wart on your nose
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was temping at a restaurant and a big lady was acting smart and said something as i was sweeping up some rice from the floor.
i told her," i think you might break the floor if you fall"  |
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