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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have to go shopping later.
Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy retail therapy and usually come away with the complete opposite of what I was meant to be buying.
However - one thing I dislike is the fuckwits you tend to come across during late night shopping trips. The dawdlers, the bargers, the pushchairs ramming into your ankles at every turn, the queues in/out of the car parks and generally the sheer numbers that are about during pre-Xmas shopping trips.
If I could I'd do it online - but I can't.
So any useful tips on how to resist the urge to strangle people this evening as I've a party tomorrow night I'm very much looking forward to and don't want to have to cancel due to being banged up !  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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or upon entering the shop of your choice, shout "shit theres a bomb"
wait for all the shoppers to leg it then make your apologies to the staff and shop shop shop  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"or upon entering the shop of your choice, shout "shit theres a bomb"
wait for all the shoppers to leg it then make your apologies to the staff and shop shop shop "
Good idea - but I'm trying to avoid the cells - not guarantee entry!  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"or upon entering the shop of your choice, shout "shit theres a bomb"
wait for all the shoppers to leg it then make your apologies to the staff and shop shop shop "
He is trying to avoid missing his night out tomorrow. He'd be better off strangling someone than shouting bomb.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no needs to be radical more radical
- I have it! Go in your onesie
no come to think of it some chavs think that's perfectly normal.
ok try this. a box on your head with two eye hole cut outs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"no needs to be radical more radical
- I have it! Go in your onesie
no come to think of it some chavs think that's perfectly normal.
ok try this. a box on your head with two eye hole cut outs."
Good plan!!!
Maybe I could nip to McD's and do a Ryan?
Then go on a huge shoplifting spree and he'd get all the blame!!!
Bwahahahahahaha!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How about you send someone else to do the said shopping ?? u could then relax in your bath and wait for it all to come home to you .......... just a thought!!!   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How about you send someone else to do the said shopping ?? u could then relax in your bath and wait for it all to come home to you .......... just a thought!!! "
If I had a flunky I could boss about like that - they sure as he'll wouldn't be shopping !! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"How about you send someone else to do the said shopping ?? u could then relax in your bath and wait for it all to come home to you .......... just a thought!!!
If I had a flunky I could boss about like that - they sure as he'll wouldn't be shopping !! "
You are correct with he'll - the shopping would get done and you can concentrate on your other flunkies.
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"I have to go shopping later.
Now don't get me wrong - I enjoy retail therapy and usually come away with the complete opposite of what I was meant to be buying.
However - one thing I dislike is the fuckwits you tend to come across during late night shopping trips. The dawdlers, the bargers, the pushchairs ramming into your ankles at every turn, the queues in/out of the car parks and generally the sheer numbers that are about during pre-Xmas shopping trips.
If I could I'd do it online - but I can't.
So any useful tips on how to resist the urge to strangle people this evening as I've a party tomorrow night I'm very much looking forward to and don't want to have to cancel due to being banged up ! "
Excellent Thursday rant!! You win  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shopping is a simple process!
1. You go to the shops to buy specific items.
2. These items will be bought from specific shops .
3 . A route around the shopping centre should be planned so that the minimum amount of time is wasted between shops ( no idle chit chat, browsing through other shop windows or calling in at costa coffee/mcdonalds required)
4 . Once in specific shop you pick goods , try on if you must, pay for them and get out.
5. Repeat item 4 above until all goods are purchased.
6 leave shopping centre as soon as possible
7 final and most important rule!- no shopping excursion should last anymore than 1 hour !
Simples  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well - the shopping could be worse!
The German market is in full flow which means beer and huge sausages!
Only downside is the shocking music and it's just started raining!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well - the shopping could be worse!
The German market is in full flow which means beer and huge sausages!
Only downside is the shocking music and it's just started raining!! "
Good thing I accidentally turned my phone off and didn't come with you then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well - the shopping could be worse!
The German market is in full flow which means beer and huge sausages!
Only downside is the shocking music and it's just started raining!!
Good thing I accidentally turned my phone off and didn't come with you then "
Oh, and bring me back a big sausage  |
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Go out shopping. Look out for a disabled person who is crippled and confined all twisted up in a wheelchair. Take a real good look at them. A really good look.
Now count your blessings, take a deep breath, summon up the biggest smile you can muster, and thank God that you are blessed with the health and personal freedom to go shopping, whenever you like, and do pretty much as you please.
Then repeat this for tomorrow, the next day, and for the rest of your life. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well - the shopping could be worse!
The German market is in full flow which means beer and huge sausages!
Only downside is the shocking music and it's just started raining!!
Good thing I accidentally turned my phone off and didn't come with you then
Oh, and bring me back a big sausage "
German? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well - the shopping could be worse!
The German market is in full flow which means beer and huge sausages!
Only downside is the shocking music and it's just started raining!!
Good thing I accidentally turned my phone off and didn't come with you then
Oh, and bring me back a big sausage
German? "
So long as it hits the right spots - i'm easy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've done all my Xmas prezzie shopping today  . But a funny story! Currently mother is on holiday in the USA. So we facetimed last night to say hi. Classic happened. Mother: I did all my shopping today for Xmas. Me: oh cool buy anything nice? Mother: oh walked around Gucci and then Tiffany&co. Me: oh wow what where they like did you buy anything? Mother: no was all too expensive. Me: oh ok fair enough but mum! Mother: yes love. Me: is that not a Tiffany&co bag behind you. Mother: oh shit!! Hahaha how I'm looking forward to boxing Christmas Day now when Santa comes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perfect the "come anywhere fucking near me and I will seriously fuck with you" look, works for me. "
That's exactly the look he will be getting if he tries getting me in the onesie he has decided to buy!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perfect the "come anywhere fucking near me and I will seriously fuck with you" look, works for me.
That's exactly the look he will be getting if he tries getting me in the onesie he has decided to buy!!! "
Baahahahahaha!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perfect the "come anywhere fucking near me and I will seriously fuck with you" look, works for me.
That's exactly the look he will be getting if he tries getting me in the onesie he has decided to buy!!! "
Not half as much fun as getting you out of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perfect the "come anywhere fucking near me and I will seriously fuck with you" look, works for me.
That's exactly the look he will be getting if he tries getting me in the onesie he has decided to buy!!!
Baahahahahaha!!! "
What do you reckon the odds of the crime scene investigators believing an actual fox killed you - if I got photographic evidence? |
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