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Infantalising young adults
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Woman's Hour is discussing that young adults are now not viewed as adults until 25. Are we infantalising our young people by keeping them coddled until 25? Should we be making them take responsibility for themselves earlier? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My sister is 21 and still treated like a baby by my parents it has left her like a wet lettuce and insecure about things such as cooking simple meals or catching a bus.
If you ask me we should be teaching them independence in their teens and while still at school, as too many haven't a clue about the real world.
I was an adult way before I was 25. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My sister is 21 and still treated like a baby by my parents it has left her like a wet lettuce and insecure about things such as cooking simple meals or catching a bus.
If you ask me we should be teaching them independence in their teens and while still at school, as too many haven't a clue about the real world.
I was an adult way before I was 25."
So many are at home longer and parents supporting them. I know it's financially hard out there but it's a lesson you have to learn too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My sister is 21 and still treated like a baby by my parents it has left her like a wet lettuce and insecure about things such as cooking simple meals or catching a bus.
If you ask me we should be teaching them independence in their teens and while still at school, as too many haven't a clue about the real world.
I was an adult way before I was 25.
So many are at home longer and parents supporting them. I know it's financially hard out there but it's a lesson you have to learn too.
"
I think it is ok to be at home due to difficulties with affording a place but think they should be paying a fair rent, doing their own food shopping etc.
My sister works part time and has a uni grant but my Mum still pays for her food etc which is a complete contrast to how I was treated. I had to buy my own food and pay rent. I have always had to look after myself as she couldn't give a shit about me....BUT I prefer my upbringing as it has given me independence and the ability to look after myself. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My sister is 21 and still treated like a baby by my parents it has left her like a wet lettuce and insecure about things such as cooking simple meals or catching a bus.
If you ask me we should be teaching them independence in their teens and while still at school, as too many haven't a clue about the real world.
I was an adult way before I was 25.
So many are at home longer and parents supporting them. I know it's financially hard out there but it's a lesson you have to learn too.
I think it is ok to be at home due to difficulties with affording a place but think they should be paying a fair rent, doing their own food shopping etc.
My sister works part time and has a uni grant but my Mum still pays for her food etc which is a complete contrast to how I was treated. I had to buy my own food and pay rent. I have always had to look after myself as she couldn't give a shit about me....BUT I prefer my upbringing as it has given me independence and the ability to look after myself. "
My mother was fair in that regard - she threw us both out when we turned 17. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think kids are a lot more spoilt than they used to be, thats one reason why young women dont make very good wives is because they have been used to being treated like they are something special and dont like it when they cant get their own way.
A lot of people dont want their kids to grow up either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left home when i was 17 and spent a year in homeless accomadation before i got my flat at 18. It has been a tough slog but ive overcame so much in those 4 years and im a stronger person for it. So yes i think i made the right decision to leave home to have my independence and stand on my own two feet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand parents not wanting to see their children struggle but are they creating a struggle later when they are not around to help anymore?
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Yes! My Mum has been very ill for the past 18 months and I have accepted that it is a surprise she is still here now, when she does go my sister will go to pieces and just won't know what to do.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I left home when i was 17 and spent a year in homeless accomadation before i got my flat at 18. It has been a tough slog but ive overcame so much in those 4 years and im a stronger person for it. So yes i think i made the right decision to leave home to have my independence and stand on my own two feet "
Good for you. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"your aim is to help your kids to grow into independent adults "
It is. At what point do you deem them to be adult enough to be independent. A friend has her 29 and 26 year old sons still at home. They don't work. She pays for everything and does everything for them still. I know others like this too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its difficult when you have an only child and they are the only granchild because they can get a bit spoilt.
my older sister decided to leave home when she was in her fifties, she used to amaze me when she complained how expensive food and everything was because i left home when i was 18 and had a baby to care for.
My parents used to do all her washing and cooking except for on her days off. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"its difficult when you have an only child and they are the only granchild because they can get a bit spoilt.
my older sister decided to leave home when she was in her fifties, she used to amaze me when she complained how expensive food and everything was because i left home when i was 18 and had a baby to care for.
My parents used to do all her washing and cooking except for on her days off."
Your sister was at home with your parents until her fifties? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its difficult when you have an only child and they are the only granchild because they can get a bit spoilt.
my older sister decided to leave home when she was in her fifties, she used to amaze me when she complained how expensive food and everything was because i left home when i was 18 and had a baby to care for.
My parents used to do all her washing and cooking except for on her days off.
Your sister was at home with your parents until her fifties?"
Yes she was, then came back to stay when they became ill. |
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
"your aim is to help your kids to grow into independent adults
It is. At what point do you deem them to be adult enough to be independent. A friend has her 29 and 26 year old sons still at home. They don't work. She pays for everything and does everything for them still. I know others like this too.
"
difficult for them nowdays lots cant afford to move away I was also looking after a baby at 18 its mums that treat them like children that annoy me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think kids are a lot more spoilt than they used to be, thats one reason why young women dont make very good wives is because they have been used to being treated like they are something special and dont like it when they cant get their own way.
A lot of people dont want their kids to grow up either."
OMG, that is so 1950s!
I will be sure not to treat my daughters special so that they make perfect wives! NOT!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"your aim is to help your kids to grow into independent adults
It is. At what point do you deem them to be adult enough to be independent. A friend has her 29 and 26 year old sons still at home. They don't work. She pays for everything and does everything for them still. I know others like this too.
"
I would say shes daft, but maybe she would be lonely without them, maybe she can leave them the house when she dies.
i still think of my son as my little boy even though hes in his thirties.
its not easy for kids these days to get or keep a job that pays enough money for their rent and bills. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our son left London to live in Glasgow just recently. He's going to Uni so he hasn't technically left home but it's as good as. Because of the distance he can't get home at weekends so he'll now have to do everything for himself.
He'll either sink or swim. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Our son left London to live in Glasgow just recently. He's going to Uni so he hasn't technically left home but it's as good as. Because of the distance he can't get home at weekends so he'll now have to do everything for himself.
He'll either sink or swim. "
I'm sure he'll swim and he if he struggles a little he will learn from it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Woman's Hour is discussing that young adults are now not viewed as adults until 25. Are we infantalising our young people by keeping them coddled until 25? Should we be making them take responsibility for themselves earlier?"
I think it's the fact that the economy is dreadful and the unemployment situation and impossibility of getting in the housing market ladder has forced young adults to live with their parents until later then they would ideally like so then the media has mixed up a storm about living at home still ...blah blah .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think kids are a lot more spoilt than they used to be, thats one reason why young women dont make very good wives is because they have been used to being treated like they are something special and dont like it when they cant get their own way.
A lot of people dont want their kids to grow up either.
OMG, that is so 1950s!
I will be sure not to treat my daughters special so that they make perfect wives! NOT!!!"
You could be doing them a favour though, 1950s or not, she wouldnt end up old and lonely like my sister.
there are advantages to being married as well. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Woman's Hour is discussing that young adults are now not viewed as adults until 25. Are we infantalising our young people by keeping them coddled until 25? Should we be making them take responsibility for themselves earlier?
I think it's the fact that the economy is dreadful and the unemployment situation and impossibility of getting in the housing market ladder has forced young adults to live with their parents until later then they would ideally like so then the media has mixed up a storm about living at home still ...blah blah ...."
I wasn't really thinking about the media storm. Children to Adult services in the NHS have been adjusting services to continue services until 25.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our son left London to live in Glasgow just recently. He's going to Uni so he hasn't technically left home but it's as good as. Because of the distance he can't get home at weekends so he'll now have to do everything for himself.
He'll either sink or swim.
I'm sure he'll swim and he if he struggles a little he will learn from it.
"
He knows we won't let him drown but because of the distance he can't just come running home at the slightest thing. We made sure he could cook for himself before he left but going by our last visit maybe we should have taught him to wash up as well. |
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
my 26 year old daughter has Aspergers I found it hard not to baby her but since she was sectioned 3 yrs ago they are helping her be independent . I am relieved now to know she will be ok in the future |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
My daughter did not leave home until she wss 22. However, she was expected from a young age to be independent. She ironed all her own stuff from age 14 and at 15 was expected to plan and cook at least one meal a week.
I taught her how to decorate, change a plug and various other things. She knew where the junction box was and which circuit breakers did what. She also knew how to bleed a radiator and where the stopcock was.
Not to mention cleaning and washing.
She would now never even consider asking for help with such things and just takes it ss normal to get on with things. Nothing is ever really a crisis for her. |
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My kids left at 18 to go to Uni .. I wasn't prepared for it thinking how young they were but they were fine and never came back. I do believe that kids need to grow up and deal with life themselves.
They are both far more adventurous than I ever was, (a very molly coddled child )  
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