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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i went to the doctors cos i had put a lot of weight on . he said dont eat anything fatty i said do you mean like burgers n stuff he said no just dont eat anything FATTY lol |
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2 beagles escaped from the laboratory, for a week they went mad, eating out of dustbins, shagging loads of bitches and generally causing mayhem but having lots of fun.
then one day, one of the beagles said to the other "i want to go back to the laboratory" second beagle says "why?? all the fun food and sex you can have while your out, go back and you'll just be locked in a cage, on your own, food rationed and bored again"
first beagle says " yeah i know.... but i'm dying for a smoke"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter bollocks.I gave up my mates, my motorbike, drinking, drugs, gambling...All she gave up was fucking sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone who says marriage is an equal partnership is talking utter bollocks.I gave up my mates, my motorbike, drinking, drugs, gambling...All she gave up was fucking sex."
Story of my life. lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Vampire bar, one of them goes in, gets in a stool and asks the bartender.
- Hi, can I have a cup with hot water please?
Bartender looks at him as does everyone else in the bar and says.
- You must be taking the piss. You know damn well the only thing we sell is blood.
Unfazed the guy asks again.
-Can you get me a cup with hot water or not?
Against his will the bartender goes and gets what the costumer asked for.
With all eyes on him the guy opens his jacket gets a tampon out of his pocket, turns around
And says:
-Can't a guy have a tea anymore? |
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Paddy says to Murphy 'My mate came off his motorbike today'. 'Oh really?' Says Murphy 'Yes' Paddy answers 'He has brain damage, 2 broken arms and is blind in one eye!' Murphy says ' Fuckin Hell, no wonder he came off!' |
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