FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Doms, age and experience.
Doms, age and experience.
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
I think it's possible to know you have dominant tendancies at that age but I'd very strongly doubt you'd have the knowledge and experience to understand the emotional needs of the sub, to know enough about safety and the rest that comes with time and experience.
Everyone has to start somewhere but anyone proclaiming themselves a Dom so young would make me doubtful. The best they could do, in my opinion, would be to acknowledge their inexperience and look for a sub for a mutual learning relationship. Getting out to clubs and munches, reading and researching are important in becoming skilled, in my opinion.
I've never encountered a good Dom under 30-something although there may be exceptions.
A good Dom should never bluster and try to claim they know it all.
Born into the lifestyle? Poppycock. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Too young,need experience to do it.
Someone asked to dom nik in front of me,while I watched helplessly.
I pointed out I'm 16 stone 6-3" and he was 5-8 and like a pencil.said are you for real? Never heard back |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it's possible to know you have dominant tendancies at that age but I'd very strongly doubt you'd have the knowledge and experience to understand the emotional needs of the sub, to know enough about safety and the rest that comes with time and experience.
Everyone has to start somewhere but anyone proclaiming themselves a Dom so young would make me doubtful. The best they could do, in my opinion, would be to acknowledge their inexperience and look for a sub for a mutual learning relationship. Getting out to clubs and munches, reading and researching are important in becoming skilled, in my opinion.
I've never encountered a good Dom under 30-something although there may be exceptions.
A good Dom should never bluster and try to claim they know it all.
Born into the lifestyle? Poppycock. "
That's what I thought. He said he's been playing since the age of 14/15. Maybe he saw his mum watching 9 1/2 weeks... Although that film does a lot for me... Maaaaaaan Mr Rourke. Swit swoo. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Too young,need experience to do it.
Someone asked to dom nik in front of me,while I watched helplessly.
I pointed out I'm 16 stone 6-3" and he was 5-8 and like a pencil.said are you for real? Never heard back "
You've grown an inch. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have been married for over 20 years I'm now 43 and had submisive fantasies for the last 20 years ,sub Dom relationships are all built out of trust and honesty ,it's only been the last two years where my wife and I have been in a sub Dom relationship although she paid the bills etc I never thought she would be into it ,it is a lot about mind control and imagination and not about beating it can be gentle and romantic although that side is fun it's also about humilation to the sub ,I also haven't read 50 shades but have looked at the naughty bits ,at 19 can you really trust someone not to tie you up and sod off for the day or beat 50 shades off .... Out off you ,?i think it comes with age |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
born into the lifestyle smacks of dysfunctional family to me, as with all sexual activities experience is everything..saying that i cant see any reason why a younger lady cant class her/yourself as a Submissive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yeah I put 6-2 in profile as don't want to appear a over tall freak.bet there not many who put shorter than actual size lol"
There are not many honest about height, age or size! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Age and experience beat youth and enthusiasm all the time 
Cling on to that...
well seeing as I havn't got youth on my side I will have to  "
It's all relative.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?"
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it's possible to know you have dominant tendancies at that age but I'd very strongly doubt you'd have the knowledge and experience to understand the emotional needs of the sub."
As you know, I got bitten badly by someone who didn't understand the emotional needs of me or notice I had submitted to him.
I've only dabbled in it and quickly realised it isn't black and white. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets."
Right because a submissive just lies there and does as told?! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets."
everyone is responsible for their own safety! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
Right because a submissive just lies there and does as told?! "
Don't put words in my mouth. I did not say that.
In fact, stating that both roles have a skillset demonstrates acknowledgement that subs certainly don't lay there and do as they are told.
Taking responsibility for someone else requires knowledge, experience and maturity. That is why it is possible to be a good sub at a younger age than a good Dom. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets."
I always make sure letsbe is happy and comfortable with what we have done during our Dom/sub play. Is that not looking after his emotional well being? Its important for him to know I am happy with it too so again my reassurance is looking after his emotional well being. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
Right because a submissive just lies there and does as told?! "
It is entirely different for a sub and a Dom though. I have to agree. There are elements of self restraint on both sides, BUT there are more elements for the Dom to learn and think about. Physically and emotionally. You have another persons life in your own hands. That's a lot of responsibility and power. I wasn't saying you can't be born a Dom/sub whatever. What I'm saying, and I believe others were saying, at 19 it's hard to imagine that person being a true proper Dom, not just somebody with dominant tendencies.
I couldn't build my trust a 19 year old. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!"
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
Right because a submissive just lies there and does as told?!
It is entirely different for a sub and a Dom though. I have to agree. There are elements of self restraint on both sides, BUT there are more elements for the Dom to learn and think about. Physically and emotionally. You have another persons life in your own hands. That's a lot of responsibility and power. I wasn't saying you can't be born a Dom/sub whatever. What I'm saying, and I believe others were saying, at 19 it's hard to imagine that person being a true proper Dom, not just somebody with dominant tendencies.
I couldn't build my trust a 19 year old. "
You might not but perhaps an 18 year old could, as perhaps could somebody submissive in a particular way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them? "
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you're going to question the age of a Dom then I would a sub. Young people may have sub/Dom tendencies but maturity/experience is somewhat important.
Twenty years ago there is no way I was mentally strong enough to be submissive to a man. Now I have the understanding I have the ultimate control and have the sensibility to lend that to someone with emotional maturity.
Nowadays I would intimidate the hell out of a wannabe because of my inner strength. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?"
the submissive can be as clear and honest as they like but in the end they will be the one restrained so yes the key words are Responsibility and TRUST. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
I always make sure letsbe is happy and comfortable with what we have done during our Dom/sub play. Is that not looking after his emotional well being? Its important for him to know I am happy with it too so again my reassurance is looking after his emotional well being. "
Yes and I accept your point. I do see a difference in the emotional care aspects of Domming and subbing though. I don't think I can put it into words, at least not right now.
Letsbe needs to be able to read you and know how to communicate with you effectively during play so as not to push you too far. Subs can call a halt but sometimes they're too far gone to do so. Doms can just stop or change what they're doing if something isn't going right. That's really badly explained but it's why I see the Dom as having far more responsibility. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In my very humble opinion,
There is a bit of confusion about a domineering man/woman and a Dom/Domme.
One has no respect for the person and just likes to boss them around and use them. The other has a mind set of control (of themselves) and their submissive. The gift of submission should be respected and acknowledged for the trust it involves to allow someone complete control over your will.
With age does come experience, but each submissive may want to submit in a different way. Some prefer BDSM others subtle mind and sensual body submission.
The Dom/Domme needs to learn and grow with the sub and this takes time.
A 19 year old may have dominant tendencies and might just need some coaching, he should have enough humility to accept the experience of the sub but be confident enough in himself and the submission from the sub to learn from them.
Each D/s relationship takes time. No "Dom" should ever expect you to submit with out spending time together, discussing limits and rules.
Best of luck in your search and always listen to your voice in your head.. if you feel threatened (in a bad way) get out of there!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them? "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my very humble opinion,
There is a bit of confusion about a domineering man/woman and a Dom/Domme.
One has no respect for the person and just likes to boss them around and use them. The other has a mind set of control (of themselves) and their submissive. The gift of submission should be respected and acknowledged for the trust it involves to allow someone complete control over your will.
With age does come experience, but each submissive may want to submit in a different way. Some prefer BDSM others subtle mind and sensual body submission.
The Dom/Domme needs to learn and grow with the sub and this takes time.
A 19 year old may have dominant tendencies and might just need some coaching, he should have enough humility to accept the experience of the sub but be confident enough in himself and the submission from the sub to learn from them.
Each D/s relationship takes time. No "Dom" should ever expect you to submit with out spending time together, discussing limits and rules.
Best of luck in your search and always listen to your voice in your head.. if you feel threatened (in a bad way) get out of there!
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"the submissive can be as clear and honest as they like but in the end they will be the one restrained so yes the key words are Responsibility and TRUST."
No shit. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
the submissive can be as clear and honest as they like but in the end they will be the one restrained so yes the key words are Responsibility and TRUST."
Trust takes time to develop in a relationship. That's irrelevant to the age of people involved.
Of course bondage can be dabbled in before trust is attained. I have handcuffs with strong clips that the restrained person can get out of if the need arises  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?"
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The flipside to suggesting that you can be too young to be a dom/domme is that when you rwach a certain age you are automatically mature and knowledgeable enough to be a good dom/domme. And that is a ridiculous idea.
It all comes down to mindset, maturity and a willingness to learn and non of those are age specific |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my very humble opinion,
There is a bit of confusion about a domineering man/woman and a Dom/Domme.
One has no respect for the person and just likes to boss them around and use them. The other has a mind set of control (of themselves) and their submissive. The gift of submission should be respected and acknowledged for the trust it involves to allow someone complete control over your will.
With age does come experience, but each submissive may want to submit in a different way. Some prefer BDSM others subtle mind and sensual body submission.
The Dom/Domme needs to learn and grow with the sub and this takes time.
A 19 year old may have dominant tendencies and might just need some coaching, he should have enough humility to accept the experience of the sub but be confident enough in himself and the submission from the sub to learn from them.
Each D/s relationship takes time. No "Dom" should ever expect you to submit with out spending time together, discussing limits and rules.
Best of luck in your search and always listen to your voice in your head.. if you feel threatened (in a bad way) get out of there!
"
Agree. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?"
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"the submissive can be as clear and honest as they like but in the end they will be the one restrained so yes the key words are Responsibility and TRUST.
No shit."
Nahh no shit Sherlock |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate.."
So you're now in agreement that a good Dom needs experience and maturity?
Then exactly what are you disagreeing with?
Experience and maturity come with age. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The flipside to suggesting that you can be too young to be a dom/domme is that when you rwach a certain age you are automatically mature and knowledgeable enough to be a good dom/domme. And that is a ridiculous idea.
It all comes down to mindset, maturity and a willingness to learn and non of those are age specific"
Age and maturity are two different things (since some older people seem incapable of maturity, and some young ones are incredible mature). However, generally people get to know themselves better as they age. With a sub I see this as important for then she isn't simply manipulated into the lifestyle. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
By using "true" sub and "true" Dom I just mean people who are heavily into the scene and live it rather than enjoy it every now and again. No need to be facetious. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In my very humble opinion,
There is a bit of confusion about a domineering man/woman and a Dom/Domme.
One has no respect for the person and just likes to boss them around and use them. The other has a mind set of control (of themselves) and their submissive. The gift of submission should be respected and acknowledged for the trust it involves to allow someone complete control over your will.
With age does come experience, but each submissive may want to submit in a different way. Some prefer BDSM others subtle mind and sensual body submission.
The Dom/Domme needs to learn and grow with the sub and this takes time.
A 19 year old may have dominant tendencies and might just need some coaching, he should have enough humility to accept the experience of the sub but be confident enough in himself and the submission from the sub to learn from them.
Each D/s relationship takes time. No "Dom" should ever expect you to submit with out spending time together, discussing limits and rules.
Best of luck in your search and always listen to your voice in your head.. if you feel threatened (in a bad way) get out of there!
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Mmmm I don't know what would be an age for a Dom to develop, I suspect I have always had Dom tendencies sexually and it wasn't that long ago I cognitively became aware of them.
My concern in all this is some people, I suspect, believe they can become a Dom just from reading a book - I wish it was true, if you can gain skill levels in this way I'd be a concert pianist next week.
To me there are a number of elements you have to cognitively master before it becomes anywhere near becoming a skill, don't think age is an issue, but mental maturity is. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago
Rockford |
"I think it's possible to know you have dominant tendancies at that age but I'd very strongly doubt you'd have the knowledge and experience to understand the emotional needs of the sub.
As you know, I got bitten badly by someone who didn't understand the emotional needs of me or notice I had submitted to him.
I've only dabbled in it and quickly realised it isn't black and white. "
Totally concur. The labels and books have led to some bad thinking in my opinion. I don't advertise my sub nature on my profile for this reason. I am lucky at the moment because I have found a playmate that pushes all the right buttons for me but it all developed naturally and I trusted him before I let him dominate me. I like the comment about learning together but trust is the key element. If you don't trust a younger man for whatever reason it's probably not going to work for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have only been a sub about 18 months..apparently can take years to learn all..i think if my thinking was that way at 19 i could of given it a go..but proberly with an older dom..nette |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think there are too many definitions for Dom and sub, I'm sure there are subs who are not satisfied unless they can still feel the pain of a whipping days after, and subs who feel that physical pain is just going too far, I myself once considered myself a Dom but as I looked into it what I deemed to be dominance to some was just taking control, and to some masogany there can only be a true master sub relationship if its just that a relationship otherwise it's not going to be fulfilling to either party, I have my own view of what I want and expect in a sub/Dom scenario but that is just my view might be tame for some, but extreme for others, there is no clear definition |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think there are too many definitions for Dom and sub, I'm sure there are subs who are not satisfied unless they can still feel the pain of a whipping days after, and subs who feel that physical pain is just going too far, I myself once considered myself a Dom but as I looked into it what I deemed to be dominance to some was just taking control, and to some masogany there can only be a true master sub relationship if its just that a relationship otherwise it's not going to be fulfilling to either party, I have my own view of what I want and expect in a sub/Dom scenario but that is just my view might be tame for some, but extreme for others, there is no clear definition"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think there are too many definitions for Dom and sub, I'm sure there are subs who are not satisfied unless they can still feel the pain of a whipping days after, and subs who feel that physical pain is just going too far, I myself once considered myself a Dom but as I looked into it what I deemed to be dominance to some was just taking control, and to some masogany there can only be a true master sub relationship if its just that a relationship otherwise it's not going to be fulfilling to either party, I have my own view of what I want and expect in a sub/Dom scenario but that is just my view might be tame for some, but extreme for others, there is no clear definition"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think there are too many definitions for Dom and sub, I'm sure there are subs who are not satisfied unless they can still feel the pain of a whipping days after, and subs who feel that physical pain is just going too far, I myself once considered myself a Dom but as I looked into it what I deemed to be dominance to some was just taking control, and to some masogany there can only be a true master sub relationship if its just that a relationship otherwise it's not going to be fulfilling to either party, I have my own view of what I want and expect in a sub/Dom scenario but that is just my view might be tame for some, but extreme for others, there is no clear definition"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think there are too many definitions for Dom and sub, I'm sure there are subs who are not satisfied unless they can still feel the pain of a whipping days after, and subs who feel that physical pain is just going too far, I myself once considered myself a Dom but as I looked into it what I deemed to be dominance to some was just taking control, and to some masogany there can only be a true master sub relationship if its just that a relationship otherwise it's not going to be fulfilling to either party, I have my own view of what I want and expect in a sub/Dom scenario but that is just my view might be tame for some, but extreme for others, there is no clear definition"
I met a "Dom" from a dating site. Well he had clear expectations of how a woman would fall into his way of thinking... I walked! Relationships are about give and take no matter the dynamics. To me this guy smacked of wanting to mould himself a girlfriend. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Age is no factor for abusive men.
I have known a few women seduced by the lifestyle of BDSM and thier respective Doms.
Although I would agree that at 19 you dont know a thing about sex, but at 40 if you have had no experience or you have in fact just grown to dislike women - for the woman it's just the arse end of wannabe play times imo. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
to me, I can't imagine meeting someone on here and being completely dominated straight away, as others have said trust and building up to limits is important. It's a journey.
I already have a Dom so whilst we might meet/play with others, I belong to him and ultimately it's our bond/dynamic that surpasses anything else.
I knew he was a Dom before I met him but equally he knew i'd never been a sub and so has been patient and generous in his approach with me. I'm still learning and like any kind of relationship it's unique to us and has to work for both of us.
To the original poster, I would be nervous about someone of 19 but base your decision on the individual I guess - some men i wouldn't trust at any age! As long as they're understanding and communicate then that's a good starting point I guess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate..
So you're now in agreement that a good Dom needs experience and maturity?
Then exactly what are you disagreeing with?
Experience and maturity come with age."
Not in this context it doesn't. Sexual maturity comes from experience and exposure, not age.
There are plenty older than 19 that are sexually immature. There are plenty older and ignorant to their own inexperience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate..
So you're now in agreement that a good Dom needs experience and maturity?
Then exactly what are you disagreeing with?
Experience and maturity come with age.
Not in this context it doesn't. Sexual maturity comes from experience and exposure, not age.
There are plenty older than 19 that are sexually immature. There are plenty older and ignorant to their own inexperience."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate..
So you're now in agreement that a good Dom needs experience and maturity?
Then exactly what are you disagreeing with?
Experience and maturity come with age.
Not in this context it doesn't. Sexual maturity comes from experience and exposure, not age.
There are plenty older than 19 that are sexually immature. There are plenty older and ignorant to their own inexperience."
Yes, I accept that. I've reconsidered my statement and it's flawed.
However, I'm not claiming that everyone older would make a good Dom. I just don't think someone of 19 could be experienced enough to know what it truly means to be a Dom. Therefore it's reasonable, IMO, for them to say they are inclined that way and interested in learning more but not to claim to be a Dom.
Someone older could have the experience and maturity. Someone of 19 could perhaps have the maturity but is very unlikely to have the experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think I have always had submissive feelings, well since I can remember anyway. I would fantasise about being in situations where I was used etc from a very young age. I never knew that those feelings were "sub" so to speak until I learnt more sexually. So I think it is possible to have feelings etc at a young age but experience makes a Dom or sub  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets.
everyone is responsible for their own safety!
In that subs should trust their Doms, yes. Doesn't change the fact that by taking control of another person you accept, or should accept, responsibility for their wellbeing.
How is a heavily restrained sub going to ensure they are safe, other than by having a safeword (if they choose to) and by trusting their Dom to take care of them?
By being able to be clear and honest about expectations and boundaries beforehand?
And if the Dominant doesn't understand due to lack of experience? Or decides to push the boundaries because "that's what Doms do"? Or simply decides to ignore the limits because they are having fun and they are immature and see the sub as their entertainment?
An experienced/mature one would recognise when it was time to walk away. Much like walking away when somebody chats shit for the sake of argument rather than debate..
So you're now in agreement that a good Dom needs experience and maturity?
Then exactly what are you disagreeing with?
Experience and maturity come with age.
Not in this context it doesn't. Sexual maturity comes from experience and exposure, not age.
There are plenty older than 19 that are sexually immature. There are plenty older and ignorant to their own inexperience.
Yes, I accept that. I've reconsidered my statement and it's flawed.
However, I'm not claiming that everyone older would make a good Dom. I just don't think someone of 19 could be experienced enough to know what it truly means to be a Dom. Therefore it's reasonable, IMO, for them to say they are inclined that way and interested in learning more but not to claim to be a Dom.
Someone older could have the experience and maturity. Someone of 19 could perhaps have the maturity but is very unlikely to have the experience. "
I'm 26, I'm not particularly well built but i consider myself to be quite dominant. That's mainly because women have told me I am.
I don't throw women around and all that and issue commands. I also don't like tying up and all that.
I simply say what I'm thinking and take the lead when the woman seems to he waiting for me to do so. I also get a little bit rough. I like to hold them down, grip, etc - show mildly who is boss. Show confidence and just do what I feel is right at the time. Ofcourse, if the woman shows signs that she's a bit delicate, then I go a bit softer.
From what I gather, men who go to dominant, are trying to prove something based on their insecurities... And women can sense this straight away.
The key seems to be total confidence.
xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a sub. Well and truly. Every other day or so ill have a message from someone who claims to be a Dom, but with some scratching it usually turns out they just like to throw women about and tell them what to do. For me it's more about the mind control, which usually baffles them. "Is calling me master not enough?" Etc.
Just had a weird message which prompted this post. A couple got in touch, both 19, and the male who messaged claimed to be a Dom. (Upon further investigation it appears he is just a single male and his parter is now an ex partner. It doesn't say that on "their" profile either. Just says the F isn't playing ATM. Also when asked about how he's a Dom at such a young age, apparently he was born into the background... Which seemed bizarre to me!)
Anyway, this all leads me to this... How old should a Dom be. Can a Dom be a true Dom at 19 years of age? Can a sub be a true sub at 20-my own age. I'd always assumed that a good Dom would be at least older than i am now. With age comes experience and all that. What do you think? I am I being entirely dismissive of this guy for the wrong reasons? "
Oh, forgot to mention; personally I don't believe a true Dom would want you to call him 'master' and all that. He wouldn't need that reassurance.
A dom man already knows his position and he wouldn't be arsed about that. Infact, if a woman called me master I'd tell her not to! To me it suggests that my dominance is theatrical and put on... Fake.
Xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Authority is a key word in dominance. A gentleman who has that power naturally, flicks a switch in my brain and I AM submissive. I have had this said to me by a guy who would have never have claimed to be dominant.
Otherwise I laugh and end up the dominating one. I love being feisty but the right man quashes that in such a natural and erotic way . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I
Oh, forgot to mention; personally I don't believe a true Dom would want you to call him 'master' and all that. He wouldn't need that reassurance.
A dom man already knows his position and he wouldn't be arsed about that. Infact, if a woman called me master I'd tell her not to! To me it suggests that my dominance is theatrical and put on... Fake.
Xxx"
I cannot do the Master scenario either but I can say Sir. Be careful though cos I can patronise . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
"
50 shades is a mummy book
Plus to many men have seen squirting porn , now they think that every woman can squirt pfttttt |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
50 shades is a mummy book
Plus to many men have seen squirting porn , now they think that every woman can squirt pfttttt"
What like a 'How to be a good mummy' book  haha
What you mean you can't squirt I thought everyone could...I mean I can...um wait  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
50 shades is a mummy book
Plus to many men have seen squirting porn , now they think that every woman can squirt pfttttt
What like a 'How to be a good mummy' book haha
What you mean you can't squirt I thought everyone could...I mean I can...um wait "
Your just begging for one |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
50 shades is a mummy book
Plus to many men have seen squirting porn , now they think that every woman can squirt pfttttt
What like a 'How to be a good mummy' book haha
What you mean you can't squirt I thought everyone could...I mean I can...um wait
Your just begging for one "
Might be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a sub. Well and truly. Every other day or so ill have a message from someone who claims to be a Dom, but with some scratching it usually turns out they just like to throw women about and tell them what to do. For me it's more about the mind control, which usually baffles them. "Is calling me master not enough?" Etc.
Just had a weird message which prompted this post. A couple got in touch, both 19, and the male who messaged claimed to be a Dom. (Upon further investigation it appears he is just a single male and his parter is now an ex partner. It doesn't say that on "their" profile either. Just says the F isn't playing ATM. Also when asked about how he's a Dom at such a young age, apparently he was born into the background... Which seemed bizarre to me!)
Anyway, this all leads me to this... How old should a Dom be. Can a Dom be a true Dom at 19 years of age? Can a sub be a true sub at 20-my own age. I'd always assumed that a good Dom would be at least older than i am now. With age comes experience and all that. What do you think? I am I being entirely dismissive of this guy for the wrong reasons?
Oh, forgot to mention; personally I don't believe a true Dom would want you to call him 'master' and all that. He wouldn't need that reassurance.
A dom man already knows his position and he wouldn't be arsed about that. Infact, if a woman called me master I'd tell her not to! To me it suggests that my dominance is theatrical and put on... Fake.
Xxx"
So when our whore addressee us as Mistressor Master it is fake? No, it shows to us that you don't understand the D/s dynamics.
Our whore called us by these titles when we put our collar around her neck. To her the use of these titles are important, there is nothing theatrical or fake about it.
Before people judge, we collared our whore over three years ago, longer than a lot of marriages. She prefers to be addressed as 'whore'.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I love to call my Dom Master don't know why to be honest just makes me feel more submissive. I guess its like calling a teacher Sir or Miss it reinforces the dominance. "
It is important to the individual and is valid in their relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Oh, forgot to mention; personally I don't believe a true Dom would want you to call him 'master' and all that. He wouldn't need that reassurance.
A dom man already knows his position and he wouldn't be arsed about that. Infact, if a woman called me master I'd tell her not to! To me it suggests that my dominance is theatrical and put on... Fake.
Xxx
So when our whore addressee us as Mistressor Master it is fake? No, it shows to us that you don't understand the D/s dynamics.
Our whore called us by these titles when we put our collar around her neck. To her the use of these titles are important, there is nothing theatrical or fake about it.
Before people judge, we collared our whore over three years ago, longer than a lot of marriages. She prefers to be addressed as 'whore'.
"
I think he is just expressing his preferences. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Experience comes with age - its as simple as that as far as I'm concerned.
But that doesn't mean I want a 60 year old Dominant (before I get the messages!)
For me, a good D/s relationship is one where both people are allowed to develop in their roles.
Experience grows every day we are alive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Whilst there is something in the age/experience argument it doesn't stand to reason that every older Dom knows what he is doing.
Often you get messages from older men who have perhaps just found some bdsm porn or have become recently divorced and want to try something new etc. They're just as bad as young wannabe doms, maybe worse in my eyes because some subs may blindly give more to them thinking that because they are older they know what they are doing.
At the end of the day you need to look after yourself. I personally would never entertain someone who starts out from the off spouting about how they are going to own me etc. That comes with trust which comes in time and contact and meeting them and a gut feeling. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Experience comes with age - its as simple as that as far as I'm concerned.
But that doesn't mean I want a 60 year old Dominant (before I get the messages!)
For me, a good D/s relationship is one where both people are allowed to develop in their roles.
Experience grows every day we are alive."
For some that's experience of watching daytime TV, eating shit and talking more shit. Experience may come with age but experience of what?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Experience comes with age - its as simple as that as far as I'm concerned.
But that doesn't mean I want a 60 year old Dominant (before I get the messages!)
For me, a good D/s relationship is one where both people are allowed to develop in their roles.
Experience grows every day we are alive.
For some that's experience of watching daytime TV, eating shit and talking more shit. Experience may come with age but experience of what?
"
I think many subs will have met mature 'experienced' Dom (mes) who are a. Dangerous b. Haven't a clue how to consider the subs needs c. Get violent when things go wrong in a scene d. Can't control their play. In short dickheads. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have a friend who realised that he was dominant when he was younger, he decided to take on the submissive role so that he could understand where they are coming from, what it feels like and he lead that life for many years before then learning the dominant role more in depth |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is a 'true' sub? Is there a certificate you can get??? "
Someone who lives the D/S lifestyle as opposed to someone like me who likes to be submissive in the bedroom for fun rather than a way of life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
From talking with my friend Doctor Nasty; he rarely Tops anyone below the age of 30 and he has only ever met a couple of really good Tops in their 30's; lots of wannabes but few with the knowledge, experience and equipment.
A pair of fluffy handcuffs and a whip from a sex shop do not turn someone into a 'Dom' nor, as previously stated, does reading twattery like '50 Shades of Sh*te'.
His electrostim equipment, alone, is probably worth more than most people would spend on a small car. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
OK then 'true' Doms, all this bs about what is and is not considered being 'true' is ridiculous. Fact is some live it as a lifestyle (always dom, slave is literally treated like that 24/7) and others it is a bedroom kink (I am the latter). It may be drama, it may be theater, it may be fundemental to your very exoistence but who on earth gave anyone the right to be the Dom police?
I enjoy my kink, my theater, my fun with whosoever wants to enjoy it with me and I am damned if I am gonna let anyone tell me it is less valid because they have decided on a definitive description. As with anything D/s encapsulates and includes many levels. degrees, extremes, whatever of behaviour both in and out of the bedroom. Live and let live ffs just don't foist your own particular brand on anyone who doesn't want it or try to claim someone is not something just because it differs from your precise interpretation.
Ask yourself this all you 'true' Doms, in the lifestyle what is the one and only command or instruction which MUST be obeyed come what may for your behaviour to function? THE SAFEWORD.
So, and I say this as a Dom, who is really in control in a 'true' D/s relationship?
Have fun, be happy, be consensual and stop trying to feel superior by running down others, doms are supposed to be secure ya know!
Master |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"From talking with my friend Doctor Nasty; he rarely Tops anyone below the age of 30 and he has only ever met a couple of really good Tops in their 30's; lots of wannabes but few with the knowledge, experience and equipment.
A pair of fluffy handcuffs and a whip from a sex shop do not turn someone into a 'Dom' nor, as previously stated, does reading twattery like '50 Shades of Sh*te'.
His electrostim equipment, alone, is probably worth more than most people would spend on a small car."
Being a good Dominant does not depend on having lots of expensive toys. Sure toys can help and add to the fun and the right kit is essential to some scenes - a rigger without rope would struggle for example!
Dominance is a mindset and does not depend on a well stocked toy cupboard. And I say that as someone with a reasonable toy cupboard. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Im not hat you would call a Dom but have always liked to be in control during sex (as username suggests!) - euer since my teens. When I was younger this was mainly with inexperienced women but as I gained experience I found I could turn on even the most outgoing, demanding experienced ones too! In my mid 30s now I love playing with and teasing women of all ages n experiences! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OK then 'true' Doms, all this bs about what is and is not considered being 'true' is ridiculous. Fact is some live it as a lifestyle (always dom, slave is literally treated like that 24/7) and others it is a bedroom kink (I am the latter). It may be drama, it may be theater, it may be fundemental to your very exoistence but who on earth gave anyone the right to be the Dom police?
I enjoy my kink, my theater, my fun with whosoever wants to enjoy it with me and I am damned if I am gonna let anyone tell me it is less valid because they have decided on a definitive description. As with anything D/s encapsulates and includes many levels. degrees, extremes, whatever of behaviour both in and out of the bedroom. Live and let live ffs just don't foist your own particular brand on anyone who doesn't want it or try to claim someone is not something just because it differs from your precise interpretation.
Ask yourself this all you 'true' Doms, in the lifestyle what is the one and only command or instruction which MUST be obeyed come what may for your behaviour to function? THE SAFEWORD.
So, and I say this as a Dom, who is really in control in a 'true' D/s relationship?
Have fun, be happy, be consensual and stop trying to feel superior by running down others, doms are supposed to be secure ya know!
Master"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OK then 'true' Doms, all this bs about what is and is not considered being 'true' is ridiculous. Fact is some live it as a lifestyle (always dom, slave is literally treated like that 24/7) and others it is a bedroom kink (I am the latter). It may be drama, it may be theater, it may be fundemental to your very exoistence but who on earth gave anyone the right to be the Dom police?
I enjoy my kink, my theater, my fun with whosoever wants to enjoy it with me and I am damned if I am gonna let anyone tell me it is less valid because they have decided on a definitive description. As with anything D/s encapsulates and includes many levels. degrees, extremes, whatever of behaviour both in and out of the bedroom. Live and let live ffs just don't foist your own particular brand on anyone who doesn't want it or try to claim someone is not something just because it differs from your precise interpretation.
Ask yourself this all you 'true' Doms, in the lifestyle what is the one and only command or instruction which MUST be obeyed come what may for your behaviour to function? THE SAFEWORD.
So, and I say this as a Dom, who is really in control in a 'true' D/s relationship?
Have fun, be happy, be consensual and stop trying to feel superior by running down others, doms are supposed to be secure ya know!
Master"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
"
I've seen profiles from 18 year olds claiming to be Dom and I think, if you say so!
That said an inexperienced Dom of any age can be dangerous: you truly need to trust the person you're giving yourself to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
I've seen profiles from 18 year olds claiming to be Dom and I think, if you say so!
That said an inexperienced Dom of any age can be dangerous: you truly need to trust the person you're giving yourself to. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does sound a little young, I've never truely been into the D/s scene but have dabbled and the true Doms have always been late 30's upwards.
Too many men have read 50 shades and think that by playing mind games and being a bit rough makes them a Dom.
I've seen profiles from 18 year olds claiming to be Dom and I think, if you say so!
That said an inexperienced Dom of any age can be dangerous: you truly need to trust the person you're giving yourself to. "
An inexperienced Dom of any age is very dangerous and so is an inexperienced sub who may be influenced by him. However even an experienced Dom isn't always right for every sub. I've had a bad experience of both and the lessons learnt lie with me. It's up to me as a sub to choose the right Dom and set the right rules and limits from the start. D/s is not a game as both parties can end up very hurt.
Those just having play are choosing their own path so should be respected for that as much as anyone else.
Unfortunately after 50 shades their are too many wannabe Doms and subs on the scene. I hope they decide what it is they want in a SSC way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
I subscribe to the saying
You can talk about hunting Bison, you can dream about hunting bison (you can read about hunting bison) but until you've been hunting Bison......
It an attitude through knowledge, not knowledge through attitude
Ian |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For everyone who is of the opinion "it can be taught"..
Are you a true dom or domme if you have to learn it?
I would say, it's something you either have the "inherent", yup in inverted commas, capacity for or you don't.
some could never do it, they don't have the "mental" state full stop. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For everyone who is of the opinion "it can be taught"..
Are you a true dom or domme if you have to learn it?
I would say, it's something you either have the "inherent", yup in inverted commas, capacity for or you don't.
some could never do it, they don't have the "mental" state full stop."
Although I do not think it can be learned, I do believe it can be "acquired". My point is that our personalities are ever evolving and therefore a person in their twenties may not have an authoritative bone in their body, but with life's experiences they may have had a character overhaul.
Example: I was manipulated as a young woman but there's not a cat in hell's chance of a repeat . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"For everyone who is of the opinion "it can be taught"..
Are you a true dom or domme if you have to learn it?
I would say, it's something you either have the "inherent", yup in inverted commas, capacity for or you don't.
some could never do it, they don't have the "mental" state full stop.
Although I do not think it can be learned, I do believe it can be "acquired". My point is that our personalities are ever evolving and therefore a person in their twenties may not have an authoritative bone in their body, but with life's experiences they may have had a character overhaul.
Example: I was manipulated as a young woman but there's not a cat in hell's chance of a repeat ."
I reckon the attitude and aptitude can't be taught but the skills and techniques and how to do stuff safely can.
Nobody is born knowing where it is safe to wrap ropes round people and where may cause nerve damage. Knowing that canes and flexible striking toys can wrap is not something anyone will automatically know. How to safely use e-stim has to be learnt.
Some of it can be learnt by reading. Trial and error, however, can result in some very undesirable errors. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a sub. Well and truly. Every other day or so ill have a message from someone who claims to be a Dom, but with some scratching it usually turns out they just like to throw women about and tell them what to do. For me it's more about the mind control, which usually baffles them. "Is calling me master not enough?" Etc.
Just had a weird message which prompted this post. A couple got in touch, both 19, and the male who messaged claimed to be a Dom. (Upon further investigation it appears he is just a single male and his parter is now an ex partner. It doesn't say that on "their" profile either. Just says the F isn't playing ATM. Also when asked about how he's a Dom at such a young age, apparently he was born into the background... Which seemed bizarre to me!)
Anyway, this all leads me to this... How old should a Dom be. Can a Dom be a true Dom at 19 years of age? Can a sub be a true sub at 20-my own age. I'd always assumed that a good Dom would be at least older than i am now. With age comes experience and all that. What do you think? I am I being entirely dismissive of this guy for the wrong reasons?
Oh, forgot to mention; personally I don't believe a true Dom would want you to call him 'master' and all that. He wouldn't need that reassurance.
A dom man already knows his position and he wouldn't be arsed about that. Infact, if a woman called me master I'd tell her not to! To me it suggests that my dominance is theatrical and put on... Fake.
Xxx
So when our whore addressee us as Mistressor Master it is fake? No, it shows to us that you don't understand the D/s dynamics.
Our whore called us by these titles when we put our collar around her neck. To her the use of these titles are important, there is nothing theatrical or fake about it.
Before people judge, we collared our whore over three years ago, longer than a lot of marriages. She prefers to be addressed as 'whore'.
"
Well she probably addresses you as that because you tell her to. Or maybe because that's how you act out the roles?
Whether you think I understand the 'dynamics' or doesn't matter as far as I'm concerned.
And to her, the titles may well be important. I'm not arguing with that. Whether its theatrical or fake as I put it, depends very much on you. I'd certainly hope that if you put a dog collar on her, that it is theatrical and fake. I wouldn't like to think that sort of thing is subjected to anyone without them knowing it is not real. Though ofcourse, each to their own.
And also, whether she likes to be addressed as a whore, that's her personal choice! I'm just saying that me personally - I don't find it necessary to do these things to let a woman know how dominant I am. It seems to show through being assertive/firm.
Ofcourse though, I didn't say that in order to attack you. People have different opinions don't they. My opinions may very well be out of line, but they are afterall... Just my opinions. Not to be taught as fact!
Xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you can be born a submissive but not dominant?
Not that you could just be an inexperienced dominant?
A submissive is not responsible for the safety and emotional and physical wellbeing of the Dom. Two very different roles with very different required skillsets."
A submissive should always take responsibility for their own safety also, hence the use of things like safe words. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
