FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > how do you say no
how do you say no
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"I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to."
Me too, this and the other thread make me feel sad.
We have said no to people after a social and people have said no to us all politely and amicably. We left a party because we felt uncomfortable again all very amicable.
People, please have the self respect to say no politely and without fear and the self worth to not have sex with someone because you feel guilty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treat everyone as you would like them to treat you.
Unfortunately some people think because its a sex site you must deliver everytime.
Life isnt like that, so why expect this side of it to be any different. |
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"I really think it is scary that people can't say 'sorry, no thanks' and end up having sex with someone they don't want to."
If you can't say 'no' your carer shouldn't let you on here.
I appreciate honesty, it gives me an opportunity to learn from my mistakes. If a girl uses the 'something came up' excuse they're just perpetuating the problem for someone else. If you're on here you should by now have realised that we live in a diverse and complex world. Nobody wants to offend anyone but at the same time nobody should feel obliged do something they don't want to do.
Be honest, agree boundaries and communicate constantly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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some people do find it difficult to say no because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Tell this to the person you're meeting before you meet them. Suggest you give each other feedback once you've slept on it. That way neither of you are influenced by the blood flow to the groin  . |
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when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable). |
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"when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable)."
Yes, I prefer that, apart from anything else you cannot be sure how they are going to react. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do you handle a scenario upon meeting a couple in a pub rather than starbucks you know that the pictures you have are old and that is no attraction on the singletons part. You buy a round of drinks talk politely but allude to the fact that the threesum is not going to happened because that chemistry is not there. The male of the couple becomes aggressive accuses the single guy of being a time waster and demand his diesel costs.............FAB in all its glory!! |
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By *am123Man
over a year ago
essex chelmsford |
"when you arrange a social make it clear that you will not be making a decision there and then but like to go home and give it some thought, you can then compose a nice message saying thanks but no thanks without having to say it to their face if you find it difficult (and that's understandable)."
this  |
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"How do you handle a scenario upon meeting a couple in a pub rather than starbucks you know that the pictures you have are old and that is no attraction on the singletons part. You buy a round of drinks talk politely but allude to the fact that the threesum is not going to happened because that chemistry is not there. The male of the couple becomes aggressive accuses the single guy of being a time waster and demand his diesel costs.............FAB in all its glory!!"
Blimey! Goes to show that men need to be just as careful as women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"
Don't say anything, just throw hot coffee in their face and run.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"
could I have a fiver towards my petrol, you have me here by false pretences, and if you don't I will report you for being a time waster, you did say your strawberry blonde, your not your a ginger!
oh note, this was a specific case.
generally I just say no, because ......enter the reason here. |
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Might have been said already but surely thats the whole point of a 1st meet coffee isn't it. I no iv said thanks but no thanks before now an had it said to me. The way ppl an myself included probably come across on here an how they are in the real can be 2 very different thing. Having said that there's always a way of doing it for instance no matter what I thought id never say feck right off ya minger or no way are you the age you say. A little tack gos a long way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."
I just tell them I will be in touch... and then I normally tell them that but via messages  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just tell them politely. You don't owe them a long winded explanation. It isn't going to be the end of the world....and if it was, you have had a lucky escape. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the past when I would meet socially for a drink/meal first, I would just tell the gent, sorry, however, I am not going to take this any further, and wished him luck.
 |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty."
Harsh?  |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.
Harsh? "
Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.
Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other"
She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well my advice would be to let them down gently. Last meet I had the woman made eyes with a guy at another table, told me to fuck off then started chatting to him. |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.
Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other
She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?"
Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I had a really nice time n was a pleasure meeting you, I ll be in touch...
Followed by a polite...I didn t feel a click today, but was good to meet you, hope you find what your looking for "
That's what I call gentle drop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.
Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other
She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?
Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag "
Read the post above yours. Now that's harsh!  |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty.
Harsh? Yes. But at least honest. So no is no. Just say it one way or other
She was complimenting you so how on earth is that harsh?
Compliment????? She didn't even offer me the chance to have a second meet or a shag
Read the post above yours. Now that's harsh! "
Hahahahahahaah I saw it.....gentle drop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if you meet, then the person look at you was speechless then text you later to say that you are not in the same league. I still remember that text . It was : sorry I cant see you as I may fall in love. You look too good to me and I am sure you can get plenty of girls any time. That was a harsh honesty."
You're even worse than Ryan - at least he sees the light when someone sits on his face (the Gospel according to Ryan) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Abuse the post, never the poster.
.
Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.  "
The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Abuse the post, never the poster.
.
Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.
The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely."
.
That's your opinion, does not mean anyone else have to agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Abuse the post, never the poster.
.
Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.
The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely.
.
That's your opinion, does not mean anyone else have to agree. "
If the poster does not write the post then who does? I don't see how its a matter of opinion. A person presses the keys, the words appear on the screen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""Noel Coward was a charmer......."
...as a writer he was drama...
Its a sorry sight when a man is the only one who comments on his own post..."
Judging the way this thread turned, it would be the only way to have a decent conversation.
Ba-dum-tsssh.
Thank you, I'm here all night (I'm not really, I'm going back to bed). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow this escalated quickly
quick duck theres stray bullets every where
I have my tin hat on !!!!
im hard me bring it on feckers............fuck me is that my blood......faint "
hold it up above your head ... that'll give u a chance |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Politely say "Thanks...but no thanks " before shouting "Watch out!" And pointing jabbedly behind him.
By the time he's picked himself off the floor and dusted down you've darted out the bar with nothing but a swinging door to remind him you were ever there.
No need to thank me, I'm already smug with satisfaction from helping a lady in need.
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"if you meet for coffee and they are just not for you do you say you wont see them again .. what do you say?"
The truth....
We will usually say something like it was nice to meet you but we don't we want to take things further.
Would much rather others were honest with us if don't want to see us again. |
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I have a policy of saying it to theirished face. Since my first meets are in a public place that means the conversation is had somewhere where a scene is unlikely.
I say something like "I've really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not feeling any lust so I don't want to take things further". This way if they want to ask why or discuss it we can have the chat face to face and part on good terms - no online whinging!
And, as long as they are accurate in their profile (no fake pics or lying about age) and they were pleasant to meet I always write a veri too. I may be a bitch but I save it for when it's called for! 
People sometimes forget that this is a community, you never know where you might bump into that guy again or who may be his friend. Unless lines have been crossed keep it friendly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a policy of saying it to theirished face. Since my first meets are in a public place that means the conversation is had somewhere where a scene is unlikely.
I say something like "I've really enjoyed meeting you but I'm not feeling any lust so I don't want to take things further". This way if they want to ask why or discuss it we can have the chat face to face and part on good terms - no online whinging!
And, as long as they are accurate in their profile (no fake pics or lying about age) and they were pleasant to meet I always write a veri too. I may be a bitch but I save it for when it's called for!
People sometimes forget that this is a community, you never know where you might bump into that guy again or who may be his friend. Unless lines have been crossed keep it friendly."
We had an experience like this. We met a couple for drinks, who looked much older in the flesh, and did not look at all like their pics and there was no 'click' at all. We just said we were not feeling and connection, apologised and left. Which they were fine with.
A week later we were at a club and bumped in to them. We were so glad we left on pleasant terms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Abuse the post, never the poster.
.
Sadly some do not know how to differentiate the two.
The poster writes the post...the two are linked indefinitely."
Not when you get time out/temporary ban for abusing the poster, but you don't for abusing the post. |
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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago
Rockford |
I don't find it easy or simple either. I have been rejected and no matter what the hardened people say its not nice. I do what Cali does. I make polite excuses and then in a message as gently as I can I say no thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Give them a consolation knuckle shuffle under the table then part ways amicably before they regain the use of their limbs again ;p"
I'm going to spank you with that paddle u brought me  |
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"I don't find it easy or simple either. I have been rejected and no matter what the hardened people say its not nice. I do what Cali does. I make polite excuses and then in a message as gently as I can I say no thank you. "
I found that if I waited till I got home they would already have sent a message telling me how much they were looking forward to playing.
Letting them down then often led to being accused of leading them on. Which is why I do it face to face.
The first time I told someone I was really nervous but the honesty is appreciated as is the opportunity to ask why or discuss it a little without sounding whingy (as messages asking why often do). I do pick my words carefully and try not to give insult and we generally part on good terms with no hard feelings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make it clear that I make my decision after the social is over and I will contact them here to let them know. Unless there is an immediate spark, then I let them know right away. "
I do this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I used to go on vanilla dates and for a coffee, if I did'nt fancy them I would just drop in the conversation I was a swinger..watching their faces drop and the their very quick exist saved me from saying "No thanks" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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only happened to us once and it was her not liking us - the chat didnt exactly flow so we expected it - she messaged us to say no thanks later that day - not offended at all - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I usually tell them i'll go think about it and then mail them as soon as I get home to say I've decided not to meet them again, I find it really hard to say n o to someone's face |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its just a shag, do it once then leave lol."
I did that once, when I first started, I met a guy and I didn't like him at all but he had travelled a long way and I felt obligated to play with him, I felt horrible after, I went home and felt like crying, it put me off meeting for a long time but when I started again I swore i'd never out myself down like that again, I still find it hard to say no face to face which is why I do it on here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its just a shag, do it once then leave lol.
I did that once, when I first started, I met a guy and I didn't like him at all but he had travelled a long way and I felt obligated to play with him, I felt horrible after, I went home and felt like crying, it put me off meeting for a long time but when I started again I swore i'd never out myself down like that again, I still find it hard to say no face to face which is why I do it on here"
yes thats good as it was along way to travel if it was local it would be abit easier to dump them lol. |
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By *ndykayMan
over a year ago
Falkirk |
"How about the truth....thanks for a lovely meet but your not my type/ what I'm looking for, good luck."
I like this one the best
If they don't float your boat, just say so. End of story. If they take offence then they're on the wrong site  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x
tend to send a message after x
This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea "
I do all my meets on a social only basis
though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on |
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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago
In Your Bush |
"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x
tend to send a message after x
This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea
I do all my meets on a social only basis
though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on "
Do you mean, until you are climbing on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never been brave enough to say it to anyone's face x
tend to send a message after x
This is fine too. It's a very good reason why a social meet first is a good idea
I do all my meets on a social only basis
though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on
Do you mean, until you are climbing on "
well not quite
I wouldn't make it obvious to a guy I liked him till I got a sigh he felt the same way, if they reach in for a quick kiss while still having a drink and I feel the same then I jump on |
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"
I do all my meets on a social only basis
though I am more than happy to play on a first meet, infact I prefer to, I don't tell them that till after we have met and I feel we are getting on "
This but I make it clear beforethat it isa social meet and either of us have the right to say no. I did it once to a guy who haddriven 50 miles but his pics were 10 years old |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I kinda say it was lovely meeting you but I don't think we click... Messages I say similar but guys often argue the toss. That makes me even more determined to not meet them!x |
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