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By *ottsguy44 OP   Man  over a year ago

nottinghamshire

a salesman knocks on a door and a ten year old boy answers with a lit cigar in one hand a glass of whiskey in the other hand and a copy of penthouse magazine under one arm

the salesman asks "is your mum or dad in?" the little boy answers " what do you fucking think?"

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By *ottsguy44 OP   Man  over a year ago

nottinghamshire

A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. He asked, "Honey what are you doing?" She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."

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By *ottsguy44 OP   Man  over a year ago

nottinghamshire

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

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By * Jay69Man  over a year ago

Bridgwater - Somerset

Eric got home late one night and Marilyn his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?"

Eric replies "I was getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred quid note on my privates" he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking"? She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred quid note tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred quid anytime you want."

Eric is now in The Manchester Royal Infirmary, Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors until further notice.

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