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The EU comission plans to screw us all!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know this is a looooooong piece of legal jargon but if you can read it all you will really start worrying about how far this country is going down the pipe!!!!
To give you a rough idea of how bad this is, if the proposed acts are put in to place and enforced you will need a sexual license to have single sex with people and you will have to pay. If you get caught out you can be put in jail and fined 300euros for a basic human pleasure...read on to know exactly what will be allowed and what wont!!!
Once you have read it please pass this info. on!!!... unless you agree with the idea of paying for pleasure, having it limited and being spied on in which case move to iraq.
THE COUNCIL OF THE EUROPEAN UNION: Sexual Practices.
Having regard to the Treaty establishing the European Community, and in particular Article 62(2)(a) thereof,
Having regard to the proposal from the Commission [1],
Having regard to the opinion of the European Parliament [2],
Whereas:
(1) The European Council of Thessaloniki, on 19 and 20 June 2008, confirmed that a coherent approach is needed in the European Union for the sexual practices of single persons therein.
(2) Minimum and maximum practices shall come into force as soon as reasonably possible in the EU states.
(3) The harmonisation of single persons who consent to sexual practices with other single persons within their own area should be made to sign up for the sexual freedom act.
(4) This Regulation is to the harmonisation of safe and reasonable sex acts performed within any juristiction in the EU member states making it illegal to perform any such sexual acts without the proper license from their local council offices and is a matter of national legislation, subject to any relevant provisions of Community law, European Union law or international agreements.
(5) This Regulation should lay down only such specifications that are not secret. These specifications need to be supplemented by specifications which may remain secret in order to prevent the risk of counterfeiting and falsifications of special licenses. Such additional technical specifications should be adopted in accordance with Council Decision 2009/468/EC of 28 January 2009 laying down the procedures for the exercise of implementing powers conferred on the Commission.
(6) The Commission should be assisted by the Committee established by Article 6 of Council Regulation (EC) No 1683/95 of 29 December 2008 laying down a special license if required for any sexual perfomance art.
(7) In order to ensure that the information referred to is not made available to more persons than necessary, special officers will be employed to make sure enforcements can be made with Member States remaining free to change the body, if need be. For security reasons, each Member State should communicate the name of the competent bodies and councils to the Commission and the other Member States.
(8) With regard to the personal data to be processed in each special order, it should be made clear that any sexual practice performed must be written down and completed in said written order. All sexual acts must be adhered to without exception. Any act performed without special permissions will be noted and the full statement should be read out to the competent body in each local sexual act court. Special licenses will normally be required for 2 single consenting persons of the same sex engaging in same sex situations. More than 2 persons engaging in sexual activities at the same time will only be allowed with all special documentation prepared and presented with at least 1 months notice to the relevant council. Any person/s found not to have all relevant documentation and with the minimum notice required, shall be removed from such premises and taken to the local sexual act court forthwith. A minimum of 6 months custody and a minimum fine of 5000 euro's shall be imposed to each offender.
Directive 08/46/EC of the European Parliament and of the Council of 24 October 2008 on the protection of individuals with regard to the processing of any personal data held within any special license given to any single person or persons engaged within any special sexual acts. All sexual acts between any single person engaging with others must have their special license endorsed and duly stamped. EU agents can and will, if required, force entry to any single persons domicile or place of stay to make sure that said license is being strictly adhered to. Offenders will be liable to prosecution by their own local state, for not adhering to any special conditions laid out by local law. Both BDSM and S&M and other such variants will be allowed to continue for the foreseeable future, provided that strict guidlines are adhered to, to be outlined as soon as reasonably possible.
Directive 08/47/EC of the European Parliament and of the Council of 24 November 2008 makes the following sexual acts between 2 single persons common law:
Cunnilingus can only be perfomed by 2 single persons of the opposite sex. This will not be tolerated between 2 persons of the same sex unless a special license has been taken out and filed in advance.
Soixant -neuf: Can only be allowed between 2 single persons of the opposite sex unless a special license has been taken in advance. No exceptions will be allowed.
Anilingus: Must be stopped and no special license will be allowed for this practice.
Intergluteal sex: Will be allowed if all other papers are in order and adhered to therein.
Mammory intercourse: Only allowed between 2 single persons of the opposite sex only.
Fellatio: Will only be allowed between 2 single persons of the opposite sex unless a special license has been completed in advance and duly filed. No exceptions.
Intercrural sex: Will be allowed in all cases as long as non penetrative sex is the norm.
Tribadism: Only allowed with special permit and with all other relevant papers completed and signed.
Sumata: Only allowed with special permit and in regulated places where a special license is required.
Axillary intercourse: Allowed under special circumstances and in regulated places of sexual performance art.
Frottage: Allowed in all cases with special undertakings not to lead into other practices.
Independant sex: Allowed in all cases and no license will be required.
All other sexual acts will be deemed as unsafe and not to be executed in any shape or form. Failure to adhere to any special guidelines or special consenting orders will be used in evidence to the full use of the law. Any such acts shown before the special sexual acts courts, that are proven, shall be liable for a minimum of 3 months imprisonment for each such case. Fines can also be imposed with a recommendation of 300 euro's per proven case. It is thus hoped that after a reasonable time elapsed that cases of sexually transmitted diseases will diminish throughout the Member States of the EU.
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LOL seems a bit too simple for authentic eurolaw speak ..but i hope they do bring it in ...as we can all then decide to kick these unelected numpties into the bin where they belong
will be funny with em trying to enforce it pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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you would want them to make people register themselves as single and then have to fill out really intrusive forms just so they can have intimate contact with others? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shit, is this a wind up?
I read through the OP and realised a career change could be in the offing. I'd police THAT policy any fookin day of the week!
SO (Sex Officer): What's going on here then?
SA (Sexually Accused): Er... nothing, really, we were just necking!
SO: Can I see your licence please?
SA: Um, left it at home, sorry.
SO: Do you realise it is an offence to be 'necking' without a licence?
SA: Well yes, but I didn't think I'd have to carry it with me all the time.
SO: Are you saying that you don't preplan your sexual escapades? We require at least one month's notice before you put your John Thomas anywhere.
SA: Does that include sticking in the jam roly poly before the devil-in-law comes round on Sundays?
SO: That's a serious misdemeanor young man and carries a €5,000 fine.
SA: Ah what the fuck, it's worth it. Haven't you got anything better to do?
SO: Of course not, why do you think I took this job!
SA: Coz ur a perv?
SO: Under the new European Commission Working Practices Guidelines For Sexual Enforcement Officers 2009 (revised), it is a criminal offence to refer to any SO in a manner likely to offend.
SA: I just lost my hard on now you twat!
SO: Would you mind breathing into this, Sir.
SA: Fuck off, I just flung it out! Urgh!
SO: I'm afraid I'm going to have to take down your particulars.
SA: They're already taken down. Are you blind?
SO: Can you accompany me to the station please.
SA: Why? Are you lost? Don't you know where it is? Can I see your badge please, I reckon your a bent copper.
SO: But I have a licence.
SA: Let me see it.
SO: No
SA: Why not?
SO: Because it's at home.
SA: Quid pro quo, now fuck off.
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