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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok. Having a little bit of a rant now. No matter where I am. I seem to attract the same negative comments about myself and it started all the way through my young childhood and is still going. I am now starting to think do I attract those sort of comments as its been a while since I started having them. I have tried all sorts to stop those comments being said and it seems every opportunity someone gets. They give me a dig in the rubs so to speak.
Any help would be appreciated.
Rant over. |
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"Ok. Having a little bit of a rant now. No matter where I am. I seem to attract the same negative comments about myself and it started all the way through my young childhood and is still going. I am now starting to think do I attract those sort of comments as its been a while since I started having them. I have tried all sorts to stop those comments being said and it seems every opportunity someone gets. They give me a dig in the rubs so to speak.
Any help would be appreciated.
Rant over. "
what sort Of negative comments, perhaps they see something you don't. Next time someone says something ask them why, then if there is a problem you can address so it |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
I don't see how you can anticipate what people will say....so cannot see how you can prevent people from saying something that they may or may not say.
Advice- Hmmmm tricky one, people saying things that hurt you isn't nice, but I cannot see how lots of very different people can say the same comments throughout your life, without you doing something /or behaving in a way that they can all see- if they are negative and consistently so it can drag you down, but I would suggest maybe looking within yourself? If not tell em all bollocks.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you only notice the negative comments? One of my friends is very pessimistic and he only notices bad things. He can't see the positive in anything even if it's a compliment.
I don't mean that in a bad way...! Just to try and make you think... x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't see how you can anticipate what people will say....so cannot see how you can prevent people from saying something that they may or may not say.
Advice- Hmmmm tricky one, people saying things that hurt you isn't nice, but I cannot see how lots of very different people can say the same comments throughout your life, without you doing something /or behaving in a way that they can all see- if they are negative and consistently so it can drag you down, but I would suggest maybe looking within yourself? If not tell em all bollocks..... "
hear hear
femme for queen 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are the comments real, are they factual.. If so and you want to change... You start from there.
You may need some help & support dealing with any change.
Good luck"
To be honest. I couldn't say if they were true or not. I am a modest person whereas the people who say all this tend to think they are "it". Well I would like the comments to stop. Not necessarily change.
Do I want to change and be like them. Course I don't. People like that I hate.
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you only notice the negative comments? One of my friends is very pessimistic and he only notices bad things. He can't see the positive in anything even if it's a compliment.
I don't mean that in a bad way...! Just to try and make you think... x"
I'll admit that insults get to me more than compliments do. However I know what I hear and have a great memory for these things. I can remember the good things people have said to me, but their close mates. It hasn't stopped 99% of the people I come in contact with having a dig at various things that I can't really help  .
I did understand what you meant though x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you only notice the negative comments? One of my friends is very pessimistic and he only notices bad things. He can't see the positive in anything even if it's a compliment.
I don't mean that in a bad way...! Just to try and make you think... x
I'll admit that insults get to me more than compliments do. However I know what I hear and have a great memory for these things. I can remember the good things people have said to me, but their close mates. It hasn't stopped 99% of the people I come in contact with having a dig at various things that I can't really help .
I did understand what you meant though x"
Do you care what strangers say... or what your close mates say? They are close mates for a reason.....
Are the good things true? Are the negative things true? If someone says something that isn't true, does it really matter?
I have a daft saying that I say to the kids- if someone called you a shed you wouldn't be bothered, because you're not a shed! If someone calls you a bad name- and you know it's not true- why do you let it bother you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you only notice the negative comments? One of my friends is very pessimistic and he only notices bad things. He can't see the positive in anything even if it's a compliment.
I don't mean that in a bad way...! Just to try and make you think... x
I'll admit that insults get to me more than compliments do. However I know what I hear and have a great memory for these things. I can remember the good things people have said to me, but their close mates. It hasn't stopped 99% of the people I come in contact with having a dig at various things that I can't really help .
I did understand what you meant though x
Do you care what strangers say... or what your close mates say? They are close mates for a reason.....
Are the good things true? Are the negative things true? If someone says something that isn't true, does it really matter?
I have a daft saying that I say to the kids- if someone called you a shed you wouldn't be bothered, because you're not a shed! If someone calls you a bad name- and you know it's not true- why do you let it bother you? "
The people who say them were in the same school as me. Got a job, quit because hours were rubbish. Hours are slightly better hear, but staff have always remained the same. Despite the amount of years that have been there. Senior members of the family seem to chip in too . I do my best to avoid it, but how can you when you work with them and see them every so often. Now I just choose to socialise with everyone, but work colleagues as I can guarantee I will enjoy myself then.
I used to question the good things said, but I'll leave that for another day as its irrelevant to this. The negatives some might be true, its up for debate. However I wouldn't like to think they are true. If I know something isn't true. I will ignore it, laugh it off, etc.
I only let things bother me if its a repetitive and I don't get time to relax/socialise Inbetween each time things get to me. I normally have thick skin, but every so often things get to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you only notice the negative comments? One of my friends is very pessimistic and he only notices bad things. He can't see the positive in anything even if it's a compliment.
I don't mean that in a bad way...! Just to try and make you think... x
I'll admit that insults get to me more than compliments do. However I know what I hear and have a great memory for these things. I can remember the good things people have said to me, but their close mates. It hasn't stopped 99% of the people I come in contact with having a dig at various things that I can't really help .
I did understand what you meant though x
Do you care what strangers say... or what your close mates say? They are close mates for a reason.....
Are the good things true? Are the negative things true? If someone says something that isn't true, does it really matter?
I have a daft saying that I say to the kids- if someone called you a shed you wouldn't be bothered, because you're not a shed! If someone calls you a bad name- and you know it's not true- why do you let it bother you?
The people who say them were in the same school as me. Got a job, quit because hours were rubbish. Hours are slightly better hear, but staff have always remained the same. Despite the amount of years that have been there. Senior members of the family seem to chip in too . I do my best to avoid it, but how can you when you work with them and see them every so often. Now I just choose to socialise with everyone, but work colleagues as I can guarantee I will enjoy myself then.
I used to question the good things said, but I'll leave that for another day as its irrelevant to this. The negatives some might be true, its up for debate. However I wouldn't like to think they are true. If I know something isn't true. I will ignore it, laugh it off, etc.
I only let things bother me if its a repetitive and I don't get time to relax/socialise Inbetween each time things get to me. I normally have thick skin, but every so often things get to me. "
I'm really sorry... but it sounds like.... you're normal!
Everyone has crap days where things get to them. Your last post is a lot more positive, whether you can see it or not. Read it again tomorrow after a good sleep. Things look different in daylight.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
"
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now."
But people away from fab would know what others had said would they? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now.But people away from fab would know what others had said would they?"
Not really. One person would make a comment and an hour or so later. Another person who is miles away from him would say it and the pattern continues. I don't think they know each other has said it at that point in time. Just they all think that the comment is worth saying. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now.But people away from fab would know what others had said would they?
Not really. One person would make a comment and an hour or so later. Another person who is miles away from him would say it and the pattern continues. I don't think they know each other has said it at that point in time. Just they all think that the comment is worth saying. "
Well it obviously gets you down, have you told these people the effect they have? I am not surprised it grinds you down xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now.But people away from fab would know what others had said would they?
Not really. One person would make a comment and an hour or so later. Another person who is miles away from him would say it and the pattern continues. I don't think they know each other has said it at that point in time. Just they all think that the comment is worth saying. Well it obviously gets you down, have you told these people the effect they have? I am not surprised it grinds you down xx"
I have once. A few years back to a crowd of them and to be honest I think they are so dull as before that. I used to think it was banter and kept going out to socialise with them. Then I chose certain people in the crowd to socialise with as they seemed ok then. Now I don't bother with them outside work ours anymore. Life is too short to be miserable. So why hang around with people who only make you feel down . Since I have done that and its been 2 years. My social life has been a lot better and people close to me have realised a change. X |
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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago
Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;) |
Best advice I ever received was "act as if, be as if, become as if"
Basically act like you don't care, behaviour like you don't care, soon enough you won't!!
Leave the people who try to pull you down to there own devises. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now.But people away from fab would know what others had said would they?
Not really. One person would make a comment and an hour or so later. Another person who is miles away from him would say it and the pattern continues. I don't think they know each other has said it at that point in time. Just they all think that the comment is worth saying. Well it obviously gets you down, have you told these people the effect they have? I am not surprised it grinds you down xx
I have once. A few years back to a crowd of them and to be honest I think they are so dull as before that. I used to think it was banter and kept going out to socialise with them. Then I chose certain people in the crowd to socialise with as they seemed ok then. Now I don't bother with them outside work ours anymore. Life is too short to be miserable. So why hang around with people who only make you feel down . Since I have done that and its been 2 years. My social life has been a lot better and people close to me have realised a change. X"
Well thats good, you made a positive decision and it paid off.xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes people say mean things to get a reaction. Maybe you're providing that reaction.
True, but it still happens off other people l. Even if I don't react in the first place. Example you can say something bad about me and I ignore it. Next hour another forum member will say the same as you. After some time and many people down the line, that's when I bite back. Then I quieten down again. Time passes and it starts all over again. Sick of it to be honest. Its like they are taking apart of me now.But people away from fab would know what others had said would they?
Not really. One person would make a comment and an hour or so later. Another person who is miles away from him would say it and the pattern continues. I don't think they know each other has said it at that point in time. Just they all think that the comment is worth saying. Well it obviously gets you down, have you told these people the effect they have? I am not surprised it grinds you down xx
I have once. A few years back to a crowd of them and to be honest I think they are so dull as before that. I used to think it was banter and kept going out to socialise with them. Then I chose certain people in the crowd to socialise with as they seemed ok then. Now I don't bother with them outside work ours anymore. Life is too short to be miserable. So why hang around with people who only make you feel down . Since I have done that and its been 2 years. My social life has been a lot better and people close to me have realised a change. XWell thats good, you made a positive decision and it paid off.xx"
Since then and when i learned to stick up for myself and not be a pushover. I know who true mates are . Only bad thing though there. It took me so long to realise it. I ended up spending a fortune on socialising with them over the years   . I am even convinced that if I can either get with a girl sexually or even get a new job. It will give me enough confidence in the other area and that party will see it. Shame its not happening. |
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