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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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... the cork in the top of the wine bottle snaps as you're trying to twist it back out for your 5th glass of wine and then you stub your little toe on the kitchen door jamb looking for the proper corkscrew, you know, the Dumb Waiter one with the metal handle and the curly thing that looks like a pig's cock (don't ask) and the swivel thing that you have to turn down to engage the rim of the bottle so that it let's you pull the cork out ... phew! I'm kanckered ... not that 6lb contraption you got conned into buying at the Wine Fayre three years ago and have relied on ever since coz it's pretty good but doesn't come with a 'What to do if you are totally wankered' adendum to the stoooooopid instructions, that we lost anyway.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...and then!!... and then!! ffs!!... you go to the toilet and piss all over your new slippers that you got for Xmas but they're brown anyway (and the fookin lining has come undone already - what is it with new slippers, haven't they heard of GLUE ffs?) ... but it matches the new dressing gown you got for Xmas too that shrunk in the wash on December 30th and now it is a short sleeved dressing gown that Aussies wear on a bad day (like M&S weren't aware of that! Cunts!) and you have to revert back to the tatty old blue dressing gown you had for years and your new wife hates it enough to say, "Sorry babe, it got fucked in the wash!" ...
..Tip: Don't drink! |
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