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HM Revenue & Customs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just been barking down the phone at some jobsworth of a little scrote at the Tax Office. They sent me two self assessment late return penalties for a total of £300 because I didn't send them my self assessment in 2007 and 2008, apparently.
When I explained to the dick on the phone that I didn't receive them hence why I didn't file them, he kept saying, "If we say we sent them then we sent them." So I asked him to follow this next bit very closely, which I knew would be difficult because of the 'Moron 1st Class' badge stapled to his fucking nose, "Can you open your computer up, find my name and tell me what tax I paid, through my employers, for the years in question?".
He replied, "I don't have access to that information."
I then said, "Can you put me through to someone who does?"
He said, "I only deal with late returns. If you register online you can file your returns and may not have to pay the penalties."
This is where it got interesting.
I fired up the browser, typed in the url that he gave me and tried to register while he was still sucking his thumb at the other end.
I asked him for my UTR (Unique Taxpayer Reference), he replied, "that's on your self assessment form."
"The one I never received, you mean?"
"Yes."
"I never received it."
"Well we sent it to you so you must have received it."
"What address did you send it to?"
"I don't have access to that information."
"We're not really getting anywhere are we?"
"Why don't you just pay the penalty and that would be an end to it."
"Why have I been sent these demands when I'm PAYE and my employer does all my tax etc?"
"You were selected at random for self-assessment."
"So you admit I didn't register for it?"
"I wouldn't know but it would appear that you may not have."
"So it's therefore reasonable to expect me not to have been issued with a UTR then?"
"Possibly."
"Shall I knock on my next door neighbour's front door and demand £300 from him and when he asks why he owes me it I'll just say 'You have been selected at random to cough up £300 for something you know nothing about.' - would that be ok, then I'll send it on to you?"
He spluttered for a bit, coughed, and then said, "If we sent you the self-assessment then you must have recieved it."
Just before I hung up the phone in a total rage I could have sworn I heard him say, "I am not a moron!"
Goddam fucking government!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've just popped along to our local Al-Queda Walk In Terrorist Centre and asked to join up. I had a few specific government targets in mind but they said, "Fuck off! Infidel!"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sounds like a potential employee of McDonalds there, indeed the computer never lies, my fecking arse, should have told him about the amount of mail Royal Mail lose each year, I would have (in cartoon world) reached down the phone grabbed his neck and throttled the snotty nosed bleeder!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just popped along to our local Al-Queda Walk In Terrorist Centre and asked to join up. I had a few specific government targets in mind but they said, "Fuck off! Infidel!" "
those darned racists and their jihad against the western satanists and their cohorts.....they really should share it....I'd report them to the equalities commission if I were you!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've just popped along to our local Al-Queda Walk In Terrorist Centre and asked to join up. I had a few specific government targets in mind but they said, "Fuck off! Infidel!"
those darned racists and their jihad against the western satanists and their cohorts.....they really should share it....I'd report them to the equalities commission if I were you!!"
I can't report them to the Equalities Commission coz it's run by hard left communist lesbians who just say, "Ha Ha, you cunt," in a high pitched voice before yelling across the office, "got another one, what a wanker!...that's another 10 points to me!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just been barking down the phone at some jobsworth of a little scrote at the Tax Office. They sent me two self assessment late return penalties for a total of £300 because I didn't send them my self assessment in 2007 and 2008, apparently.
When I explained to the dick on the phone that I didn't receive them hence why I didn't file them, he kept saying, "If we say we sent them then we sent them." So I asked him to follow this next bit very closely, which I knew would be difficult because of the 'Moron 1st Class' badge stapled to his fucking nose, "Can you open your computer up, find my name and tell me what tax I paid, through my employers, for the years in question?".
He replied, "I don't have access to that information."
I then said, "Can you put me through to someone who does?"
He said, "I only deal with late returns. If you register online you can file your returns and may not have to pay the penalties."
This is where it got interesting.
I fired up the browser, typed in the url that he gave me and tried to register while he was still sucking his thumb at the other end.
I asked him for my UTR (Unique Taxpayer Reference), he replied, "that's on your self assessment form."
"The one I never received, you mean?"
"Yes."
"I never received it."
"Well we sent it to you so you must have received it."
"What address did you send it to?"
"I don't have access to that information."
"We're not really getting anywhere are we?"
"Why don't you just pay the penalty and that would be an end to it."
"Why have I been sent these demands when I'm PAYE and my employer does all my tax etc?"
"You were selected at random for self-assessment."
"So you admit I didn't register for it?"
"I wouldn't know but it would appear that you may not have."
"So it's therefore reasonable to expect me not to have been issued with a UTR then?"
"Possibly."
"Shall I knock on my next door neighbour's front door and demand £300 from him and when he asks why he owes me it I'll just say 'You have been selected at random to cough up £300 for something you know nothing about.' - would that be ok, then I'll send it on to you?"
He spluttered for a bit, coughed, and then said, "If we sent you the self-assessment then you must have recieved it."
Just before I hung up the phone in a total rage I could have sworn I heard him say, "I am not a moron!"
Goddam fucking government!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR "
LOL... think you and Billy must have got the same moron!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wishy / Billy , HMRC will not just give up and go away, my advice would be to ask for a face to face meeting.
Its much much easier to get a reasonable method of dealing with HMRC face to face, its much better to get this resolved ASAP, they are OK to deal with in person, Emails and telephone calls are almost totally useless.
HMRC have tremendous power granted to them under the law, its much better to be seen to be happy to discuss any problems with them, if they feel you are trying to hide anything they can and will make your life hell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had the same issue...expect my bill was for 2000...when I asked why they had selected me I was told it was because I had claimed excessive expenses (no I am not an MP). My colleague who travels internationally/weekly and claims about 10 times the amount of expenses as i do...Think there selection criteria is about as selective as Ashley Cole, Tiger Woods and John Terry rolled into one.
Anyway after months of stress including the threat of baliffs coming to remove property, last week they sent me a check for 67 pounds...think I should ask for the interest they had kept adding each time they sent a dmeand with menaces |
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"Wishy / Billy , HMRC will not just give up and go away, my advice would be to ask for a face to face meeting.
Its much much easier to get a reasonable method of dealing with HMRC face to face, its much better to get this resolved ASAP, they are OK to deal with in person, Emails and telephone calls are almost totally useless.
HMRC have tremendous power granted to them under the law, its much better to be seen to be happy to discuss any problems with them, if they feel you are trying to hide anything they can and will make your life hell. "
Very true, after all Tax Returns are not only for wages, they are also needed for many other circumstances.
I wouldn't wait for it to go away, but would be straight onto the local tax office for an interview. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just been barking down the phone at some jobsworth of a little scrote at the Tax Office. They sent me two self assessment late return penalties for a total of £300 because I didn't send them my self assessment in 2007 and 2008, apparently.
When I explained to the dick on the phone that I didn't receive them hence why I didn't file them, he kept saying, "If we say we sent them then we sent them." So I asked him to follow this next bit very closely, which I knew would be difficult because of the 'Moron 1st Class' badge stapled to his fucking nose, "Can you open your computer up, find my name and tell me what tax I paid, through my employers, for the years in question?".
He replied, "I don't have access to that information."
I then said, "Can you put me through to someone who does?"
He said, "I only deal with late returns. If you register online you can file your returns and may not have to pay the penalties."
This is where it got interesting.
I fired up the browser, typed in the url that he gave me and tried to register while he was still sucking his thumb at the other end.
I asked him for my UTR (Unique Taxpayer Reference), he replied, "that's on your self assessment form."
"The one I never received, you mean?"
"Yes."
"I never received it."
"Well we sent it to you so you must have received it."
"What address did you send it to?"
"I don't have access to that information."
"We're not really getting anywhere are we?"
"Why don't you just pay the penalty and that would be an end to it."
"Why have I been sent these demands when I'm PAYE and my employer does all my tax etc?"
"You were selected at random for self-assessment."
"So you admit I didn't register for it?"
"I wouldn't know but it would appear that you may not have."
"So it's therefore reasonable to expect me not to have been issued with a UTR then?"
"Possibly."
"Shall I knock on my next door neighbour's front door and demand £300 from him and when he asks why he owes me it I'll just say 'You have been selected at random to cough up £300 for something you know nothing about.' - would that be ok, then I'll send it on to you?"
He spluttered for a bit, coughed, and then said, "If we sent you the self-assessment then you must have recieved it."
Just before I hung up the phone in a total rage I could have sworn I heard him say, "I am not a moron!"
Goddam fucking government!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR "
So best you hurry up and pay it  |
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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago
Blackpool |
"Wishy / Billy , HMRC will not just give up and go away, my advice would be to ask for a face to face meeting.
Its much much easier to get a reasonable method of dealing with HMRC face to face, its much better to get this resolved ASAP, they are OK to deal with in person, Emails and telephone calls are almost totally useless.
HMRC have tremendous power granted to them under the law, its much better to be seen to be happy to discuss any problems with them, if they feel you are trying to hide anything they can and will make your life hell. "
they can and its expensive to fight |
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They investigated my business a good few years ago. Found nothing wrong, but I just hadn't done a particular thing the right way. (The tax bill was the same whichever way you did it.) But because they had spent so long on it and I'm tallking well over 12 months they fined me for doing it incorrectly, was over £1000 and I am going back 20 years. I was going to appeal but my accountant advised against it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was a tax officer for the HMRC until recently and dealt with self assessment ... to my knowledge, we NEVER selected people 'at random' for self assessment. Jeezuz we had enough to deal with without generating more unecessary work! Sounds like matey on the other end of the phone didn't know his A from his E (are you 100% sure he was from the HMRC and not a scammer??). There are specific criteria for being in the self assessment system - if you dont meet them, you're taken out. Simples. Also, I can't see any reason he wouldn't have access to your electronic records ... it all sounds a bit dodgy to me.
Talking to someone face to face at your local office is good advice - they can call up your record and remove you from the SA system there and then (if you are indeed even IN the system) ... it involves the click of a button. |
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"I was a tax officer for the HMRC until recently and dealt with self assessment ... to my knowledge, we NEVER selected people 'at random' for self assessment. Jeezuz we had enough to deal with without generating more unecessary work! Sounds like matey on the other end of the phone didn't know his A from his E (are you 100% sure he was from the HMRC and not a scammer??). There are specific criteria for being in the self assessment system - if you dont meet them, you're taken out. Simples. Also, I can't see any reason he wouldn't have access to your electronic records ... it all sounds a bit dodgy to me.
Talking to someone face to face at your local office is good advice - they can call up your record and remove you from the SA system there and then (if you are indeed even IN the system) ... it involves the click of a button."
God you're brave!  |
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By *ouvakMan
over a year ago
clacton on sea |
I've been unemployed since early February 2009 and in January of 2010 i got a letter from " HMCR" saying that i hadn't paid enough tax for the period April 2009-September 2009 by the sum of £4,500.63 and would i contact the number above with details of how i was going to repay this amount.
Now being a skeptic, i didn't contact the number as asked n the letter (which i add looked perfectly genuine)i instead called the local office and arranged to meet a personal advisor, on looking at the letter the advisor asked me to be patient for a few minutes while she did a few checks on a computer in an adjoining office, 10minutes later she re-entered the room with an officer from the police fraud squad who asked where i had got this letter, to which i said through the post,it turn's out that the letter was a forgery and the number was a set up that redirected you to an international number where an operator would take your details and make arrangements for the payments to go into an account.
Yet another scam with a more than believable approach which may have already sucked in many unknowing victims.
Moral if it looks like it could be a fake then ensure you make every effort to be sure it is not or is, either way you'll have peace of mind, and even if it is your face to face with an advisor to make the needed arrangements to correct the problem.
Take care of what information you pass to anyone over the phone, you can never be sure of who they are or if they represent whom they say they represent.
Oh and as a byline the HMRC always has a reference number in the top left corner of any formal communication as well as your NI number and PAYE details all of which i might add wasn't in my letter though i didn't notice it at the time because i was so pissed at getting the letter in the first place |
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The giveaway (which you obviously missed) was the fact that the letter was posted to you from Lagos....
Your letter regarding the Nigerian lottery win you need to send a Thousand pounds to claim will be with you next wednesday |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was a tax officer for the HMRC until recently and dealt with self assessment ... to my knowledge, we NEVER selected people 'at random' for self assessment. Jeezuz we had enough to deal with without generating more unecessary work! Sounds like matey on the other end of the phone didn't know his A from his E (are you 100% sure he was from the HMRC and not a scammer??). There are specific criteria for being in the self assessment system - if you dont meet them, you're taken out. Simples. Also, I can't see any reason he wouldn't have access to your electronic records ... it all sounds a bit dodgy to me.
"
This could well be very dodgy, in the past 12-18 months HMRC's name has been used in a load of scams. |
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Without sending documents via recorded delivery they have no proof that documents were recieved and therefore can make no demands based on there being with you. Basically they don't have a leg to stand on, so it could well be a scam. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having worked at the revenue as a collector I have a slightly differing opinion. If you are responsible enough to work for yourself, you are responsible enough to save money for the taxes u owe (Self assessment is not an 18 month holiday from paying taxes).
As for the people who are PAYE and are asked to fill in SA forms, if you have benefits in addition to your wages (private healthcare or a car etc) you can be asked to complete SA Forms. If you have paid enough through PAYE you won't have to pay anything else (also your penalties will be reduced as u cannot be penalised over and above your additional tax liability).
What makes u think u have the right to speak to anyone like this, regadless of whether they are a public employee or not? If you scream and shout it is little wonder the civil servant you spoke to did nothing to help you. |
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With all due respect, if you are being repeatedly called a liar (as was this gentleman) how are you supposed to react?
It sounds to me like he was unwilling to accept the fact that there was a possibility that the forms did not arrive with him and by repeatedly using this reason for needing to pay up as a weapon, was not willing to be helpful at all.
It's very hard to stay civilised to a brick wall. |
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