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Helping out....or Not
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I thought I would throw this out there as it has been bothering us and not sure what to do. If anything.
There is an old guy lives down the road from us. We have noticed over the last 18 months he has been appearing to struggle a bit. A couple of weeks ago one of our cats lost its GPS tag (Yes really lol) and obviously being a GPS tag we knew roughly where it was.
It was in this Gents back garden. We knocked on the door and asked him if we could go and look for it and he said he would look. About an hour later he knocked on the door and said he couldn't find it but had to go out and had left the back gate open.
He then started to get quite upset and said be careful it is a real mess. After a minute or two L asked him if he was Ok and did he need any help with anything. He didn't really answer but confided that he had been having mental health problems and just couldn't keep on top of things.
Anyway...We went round into the garden and it was about 6 feet deep. This is a guy who has always been so proud of his garden. We found the tag and that was that.
He is quite an independent minded chap and he never has any family or friends come apart from once a year around xmas
We have been worrying about this and thinking maybe we should offer to clear the garden for him before the winter. But on the other hand we are worried he would see it as an intrusion.
I know for a fact that if I spoke to a couple of the neighbours and just said he was a bit under the weather and would they give me a hand we could have it cleared in a day for him.
What would you do?
xx |
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"I thought I would throw this out there as it has been bothering us and not sure what to do. If anything.
There is an old guy lives down the road from us. We have noticed over the last 18 months he has been appearing to struggle a bit. A couple of weeks ago one of our cats lost its GPS tag (Yes really lol) and obviously being a GPS tag we knew roughly where it was.
It was in this Gents back garden. We knocked on the door and asked him if we could go and look for it and he said he would look. About an hour later he knocked on the door and said he couldn't find it but had to go out and had left the back gate open.
He then started to get quite upset and said be careful it is a real mess. After a minute or two L asked him if he was Ok and did he need any help with anything. He didn't really answer but confided that he had been having mental health problems and just couldn't keep on top of things.
Anyway...We went round into the garden and it was about 6 feet deep. This is a guy who has always been so proud of his garden. We found the tag and that was that.
He is quite an independent minded chap and he never has any family or friends come apart from once a year around xmas
We have been worrying about this and thinking maybe we should offer to clear the garden for him before the winter. But on the other hand we are worried he would see it as an intrusion.
I know for a fact that if I spoke to a couple of the neighbours and just said he was a bit under the weather and would they give me a hand we could have it cleared in a day for him.
What would you do?
xx "
Definitely offer - too few people will nowadays, and I know what it is like to need help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he has had mental heath problems, chances are his GP knows about it. Try to get him to contact his local Health Centre. Offer to go along with him for an appointment. There are plenty of things that can be done for him to make daily life more manageable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I cannot imagine WHY u are even bothering to post up here asking for opinions! 
Of course u should offer help if u can commit the time AND get neighbours involved
Whatever happened to the sense of 'community' ????  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Might help...
For more information on any of the initiatives mentioned above and more about the Council’s role in supporting older people, please contact the Senior Youth and Older Persons’ Officer on 01403 215137 or email community.development@horsham.gov.uk |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"Perhaps contact some local agency that support older people or mental health. Usually the council/ housing association or Age Concern..."
That would be an intrusion! What do you think they are going to do....its a garden!
Offer to help OP, maybe say you have some time on your hands etc....if he refuses then fair enough.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I cannot imagine WHY u are even bothering to post up here asking for opinions!
Of course u should offer help if u can commit the time AND get neighbours involved
Whatever happened to the sense of 'community' ???? "
The only reason is because, as I said, he is what I would call "Independently Minded". And I think there is a risk of offending him or make him feel like we are intruding. Normally we would just offer outright.
But it seems most would offer to help out so if he pops out today I will ask him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd offer to help to. Is his house in a bad way as well? Because he might be struggling there too and need some proper help. X "
Yes,to be honest it is  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it a private house or council? The reason I ask is my mums next door neighbour was in the same position and because it was council they now come in once a month to clear it for him as it's a huge garden. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I cannot imagine WHY u are even bothering to post up here asking for opinions!
Of course u should offer help if u can commit the time AND get neighbours involved
Whatever happened to the sense of 'community' ????
The only reason is because, as I said, he is what I would call "Independently Minded". And I think there is a risk of offending him or make him feel like we are intruding. Normally we would just offer outright.
But it seems most would offer to help out so if he pops out today I will ask him. "
I have just spent everyday of the last four months 'overseeing' the life of a physically active 89 years old female neighbour who has Alzheimer's
Luckily being virtually retired I was able to commit the time but it involved spending alot of that time with her n sorting her daily diary for outings (social n hospital) her finances, her hairdresser visits n lots of outings to historic buildings etc etc. No one else was doing anything except saying ' poor Peggy she's losing it '
I just waded in and she was so grateful someone took over!
Regrettably two weeks ago the Alzheimer's became so severe she has had to go in2 a care home BUT for the previous 4 months (hopefully) I was able to enrich her life n give her lots of enjoyable times
So PLEASE help your neighbour if u can - these things can happen to ANY of us  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" So PLEASE help your neighbour if u can - these things can happen to ANY of us "
If we can we will but it is more of a question of will he want the help. I am just going to offer and see what he says and hopefully he takes it the right way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know what it is like to live with someone with mental health although my daughter is only 14 I still get asked by friends and close neighbours if I would like a night out to recharge... Fortunatlly I have elder children that will do it. But I am always very grateful for those that ask!!
You could always do a makeover, maybe ask the council to see if there is a lunch club or something that he could be invited too.... When he goes there's your chance to make a big difference to the garden. If he dosn't then just ask........I would, go for it you have nothing to lose! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just turn up with your tools, and say " we have come to clear your garden" most people are too proud to ask for help, don't make a fuss, just do it, he will be soo happy that someone is helping and talking to him, as you get to know him, you can see if more help is needed, its called being a good neighbour x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone.
Just to feedback. I have just seen him and not only was he very grateful he asked if we could help with a couple of other bits too 
"
Well done that's so good to hear and I bet that will lift him for ages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone.
Just to feedback. I have just seen him and not only was he very grateful he asked if we could help with a couple of other bits too
"
Oh I'm so pleased to hear that as the poor chap is obviously struggling along. Hope all goes well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds from the way you describe that he needs help, its sounds like he may want or at least knows he needs it but is too proud or scared to ask,
Go over only one person and put it to him you will be happy to help. If you can get a dialogue you can check the house and any support he may be receiving or not receiving
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