FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > In Manchester and I am so fucking bored with the scene.
In Manchester and I am so fucking bored with the scene.
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Note, this is not just an moan at this site but also an moan about... OVER THERE.
I am smart, cute (confident) and most importantly... Polite.
However as hinted at, I am high functioning autistic. I have asperger's syndrome. Meaning I struggle in social situations and I am known to say or/and do things that is considered 'inappropriate' in that moment. No one is perfect.
I try to be myself as much as possible. I try to be as polite as possible when meeting or speaking to new people. And I either get ignored or blocked by people. I try honest on my profile... Over there... I mention my aspeger's and another I shall not mention on here that I struggle with. Nothing. I hide it... Nothing. Even on an 'kink-friendly dating site' the son of venus, no less. I can't meet anyone.
Hmmm, that seems more an personal complaint... Okay, lemmie check this;
It seems like in both sides of kink there are tribes and those people in the tribe who lead and others are happy to follow but not challenge. If an new person decides to challenge, it is an gamble and could be black balled all together.
Closing rant comment; If you think outside of the box, you are seemingly awarded with loneliness and odd looks. Rudeness and out and out cunty behaviour seems to be encouraged in both sides of kink, swing and BDSM.
I am who I am; An aspegeric (if that's an word), confident, trans-friendly* poly polite single self employed male wearing an Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt. Take me or as most seem to be doing, leave me but I've had enough of playing by the rules.
If you are interested in having an drink with me, I'm looking for people to celebrate my self employment with by going into Manchester, watching the Haye/Fury fight and then getting wankered. If you are interested in joining me, drop me an line.
Or is it also frowded upon to get wankered on an vanilla social? I'm just asking. Because when I went-
* microphone faded down and cut off. I tap the mic to check if it does actually work. It doesn't. I then sit up and angryly shout and point into the camera facing me.
The screen goes black** *
*And that's another thing. Why am I considered bi-sexual for playing with transgender women! The clue is in the name!! WOMEN!! Why are people so afraid of change?!
**If you get the reference... You get cake, next week.
#pipebomb |
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"no offense but honestly not got a clue what that's about
I got same i.q. as a house brick but can dig a big hole fast  "
None taken. It's really what I'm kinda talking about. I'm passionate and honest but I don't get a look in next to rude people on here it seems. And both scenes (Swing + BDSM) seem to me very clicky... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It seems like in both sides of kink there are tribes and those people in the tribe who lead and others are happy to follow but not challenge. If an new person decides to challenge, it is an gamble and could be black balled all together.
"
Expand.... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"no offense but honestly not got a clue what that's about
I got same i.q. as a house brick but can dig a big hole fast "
not quite as big a hole as i am guessing he has just dug for himself...
the thing we say to everyone is patience, patience, patience... I'm sorry... this kind of rant after only 7 weeks doesn't show a great deal of patience.....
no one is owed anything just for being here..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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V's son has aspergers and i love him for it.
he is so straight forward, has no compassion, doesnt understand people caring about things, yet wont let us throw his pokemon of yu-gi-ho crap out from when he was a kid (infact, still gets the pokemon games now, and he is 21 next year.)
made me laugh when, last year, he got a taste of how annoyingly frank he can be. one of V#'s friends came round with her autistic child and the kid went exploring.
he walked into V's sons room, crossed his arms, looked at all the 'hello kitty' things he has collected, and said
'well, what do we have here? the room of an 8 year old girl?'
lol.
we all just looked at him for his reaction.
he told us to get the kid out of his fcuking room lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"no offense but honestly not got a clue what that's about
I got same i.q. as a house brick but can dig a big hole fast
not quite as big a hole as i am guessing he has just dug for himself...
I
the thing we say to everyone is patience, patience, patience... I'm sorry... this kind of rant after only 7 weeks doesn't show a great deal of patience.....
no one is owed anything just for being here..... "
Fabio bro...cut him some slack on this one.
Autism and aspergers are at best ...difficult things to live with. |
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I think you would be an extremely interesting person to talk to, so feel free to pm me. If your social skills think 'no fuck off', allow your autism to think 'what's in it for me?' and send the message. |
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"
not quite as big a hole as i am guessing he has just dug for himself...
"
Then I'm prepared to sit in it. This is an pipebomb like post. And it isn't really about the site, it's about those I have observed in the site.
"the thing we say to everyone is patience, patience, patience... I'm sorry... this kind of rant after only 7 weeks doesn't show a great deal of patience.....
no one is owed anything just for being here..... "
As mentioned I'm not just talking about here. I'm talking about the OTHER site and both scenes. I feel like because I am an break from the norm, I'm almost automatically bastardized. I'm not going to sit here anymore and pretend to hide my world views. And I shall not be ignored either.
NO ONE OWES ME NOTHING. I WANT TO DEMAND PEOPLE'S ATTENTION. WANTING IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING OWNED SOMETHING. |
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"V's son has aspergers and i love him for it.
he is so straight forward, has no compassion, doesnt understand people caring about things, yet wont let us throw his pokemon of yu-gi-ho crap out from when he was a kid (infact, still gets the pokemon games now, and he is 21 next year.)
made me laugh when, last year, he got a taste of how annoyingly frank he can be. one of V#'s friends came round with her autistic child and the kid went exploring.
he walked into V's sons room, crossed his arms, looked at all the 'hello kitty' things he has collected, and said
'well, what do we have here? the room of an 8 year old girl?'
lol.
we all just looked at him for his reaction.
he told us to get the kid out of his fcuking room lol"
Give that man an high five and also tell him my story is looking to sell toys, books and video games for such markets... I don't want this to be deleted so I won't go into detail. |
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"I took a deep breath and read your profile and have to say I found it both aggressive and contradictory. For instance you say you are straight and yet both your verifications are from tv's.
"
I'm not being funny but for goodness sake, TV/TG doesn't mean they are men; THEY ARE WOMEN.
You are not disrespecting me but those who are transgender who want to be known AS women.
Exactly what I was talking about before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
not quite as big a hole as i am guessing he has just dug for himself...
Then I'm prepared to sit in it. This is an pipebomb like post. And it isn't really about the site, it's about those I have observed in the site.
the thing we say to everyone is patience, patience, patience... I'm sorry... this kind of rant after only 7 weeks doesn't show a great deal of patience.....
no one is owed anything just for being here.....
As mentioned I'm not just talking about here. I'm talking about the OTHER site and both scenes. I feel like because I am an break from the norm, I'm almost automatically bastardized. I'm not going to sit here anymore and pretend to hide my world views. And I shall not be ignored either.
NO ONE OWES ME NOTHING. I WANT TO DEMAND PEOPLE'S ATTENTION. WANTING IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING OWNED SOMETHING."
Why do you want to demand people's attention ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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tony, i know how hard aspergers can be, but you really need to calm down and take stock of what you are typing.
maybe read each post through a couple of times and see if it conveys your message properly.
|
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The thing is, Token, that you're stuck in a world where most people are neuro-typical and you're one of the odd ones out. You know you should conform and I bet you can when you need too. You don't see why you should, because quite rightly, you want to be you and why the hell should you conform? Reason is, if you don't fit in, you will stand out and away. There's a difference between wanting to be alone and being lonely. Consider this: you could get what you want by being more subtle about it. Your profile will scare people off, even though you write it as an extension to your personality. As your personality and character might be considered 'over the top'; as too is your profile. And it's profiles that attract on the Internet and fab, not the real you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wish more and more people understood Aspergers and autism rather than keep asking the poor bloke questions.
It's something we all need to be aware of. Thankfully, my understanding of it has increased since my 5 year-old nephew was diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can tell you are keen to interact and feel isolated maybe? I bit different and have come across some folk that don't care to understand even on a human level.
Like others have said, just take it easy, have a little patience and things will pick up when others start getting to know you and you them.
I'm fairly new and very self-conscious in new situations so I can empathise slightly.
You'll get there buddy. I'm sure.
As Frank Zappa sang,
"You are what you is
You is what you am
(A cow don't make ham . . . )
You ain't what you're not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An' that's all it 'tis " |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
no one is owed anything just for being here.....
Fabio bro...cut him some slack on this one.
Autism and aspergers are at best ...difficult things to live with. "
they may well be difficult things to live with, but sometimes it is something as simple as just taking 5 seconds out to think before time to hit the send button....
it may be an inpediment and yes it may make things harder.... but it doesn't give a person impunity...
I would have said the same thing to anyone.. which is patience... if a person doesn't have patience then I would suggest this place will do more harm than good regardless of who they are..... |
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"Why do you want to demand people's attention ?"
Why do YOU want people's attention? To be noticed. To stand out from the crowd. Who wouldn't want that?
"tony, i know how hard aspergers can be, but you really need to calm down and take stock of what you are typing.
maybe read each post through a couple of times and see if it conveys your message properly."
Tony... Never gets old. I was kinda calm but I'm mostly fed up. I'm used to being an outsider looking in and commenting when need be however the scenes kind of makes me feel worst than an outsider.
It's kind of linked to what I was saying that the kink socials: after befriending people at an few earlier socials, why can't I get d*unk with them? I can't be the only person on the scene with an-teenager-on-street-corner-with-2-litres-of-cider persona in either scenes.
"And it's profiles that attract on the Internet and fab, not the real you."
Agreed. And there are winks and nudges to the 'real me'. However I'm decreasingly becoming less of an fan of social networks respresenting the actual person. I think it's one of the few places in the world where Oscar Wilde IS WRONG.
'Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.'
And even if that profile is truthful, it's shun upon for being too personal or honest. I guess it's trying to find that balance.
Side note, I am becoming an non-conformist. Hence getting wankered and watching the fight for self employment, next week.
"I wish more and more people understood Aspergers and autism rather than keep asking the poor bloke questions."
Thank you. I only saw the one question and I did answer it. But thank you for understanding.
"I can tell you are keen to interact and feel isolated maybe? I bit different and have come across some folk that don't care to understand even on a human level."
I am indeed, my friend. I have on a few occassions (not just on here) tried to reach out and interact in pursuits you may not be able to shut me up about such as Battle Royale, video games and performing arts. But the connections I make don't last long.
Another problem with asperger's is the longer an friendship goes on, the harder it is for me to keep it.
Plus with other personal struggles (anxiety is common in asperger's people) I tend to commicate better in forums, in online gaming and similar sites where the above could be spoken about.
Make no mistake, I am generally frustrated meeting like minded people.
However where has with other social parties if I fuck up, I can hang out with others (university for example), if you fuck up in KINK/BDSM you are seemingly black balled. No one wants to talk to you, let alone play with you. To an guy like me the sex scenes can be EXTREMELY cruel and unforgiving.
"they may well be difficult things to live with, but sometimes it is something as simple as just taking 5 seconds out to think before time to hit the send button.... which is patience... if a person doesn't have patience then I would suggest this place will do more harm than good regardless of who they are....."
I feel you are missing the point. I've been in the kink scene since last year and swinging scene for indeed 7 weeks. And I have never felt as alienated as either scenes make me feel. Regardless of where I look. |
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"And if you don't have patience, you won't make a very good doctor.
BAZINGA!   "
Interesting point: I have only ever seen ONE episode of BBT. Oddly I can't feel myself getting into it. I'm quite baffed How I Met Your Mother has lasted so long. HE ironically strikes me as needy. I'm 30 plus and I've never been married. I don't believe in marriage. No offense to those married. How many times should I type the word married?
Married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well, i only called you tony due to your username, if incorrect then i apologise.
that said, if these kinds of places are making you feel worse about yourself, then all i would suggest is you kick them to the kerb.
its extremely difficult for people to get their personalities across at the best of times, but when you have difficulty in person doing just that, then on forums and social media, it can be almost impossible.
V's son has chosen not to put himself in these situations.
he is not on facebook or twitter
the only things he goes on the internet for is he has an interest in japanese art, and he watches those dreadful reality programs.
so take yourself out of the situations that cause you stress or harm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And if you don't have patience, you won't make a very good doctor.
BAZINGA!
Interesting point: I have only ever seen ONE episode of BBT. Oddly I can't feel myself getting into it. I'm quite baffed How I Met Your Mother has lasted so long. HE ironically strikes me as needy. I'm 30 plus and I've never been married. I don't believe in marriage. No offense to those married. How many times should I type the word married?
Married."
funny you should mention BBT because we reckon Sheldon IS V's son.
all the same personality traits, everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you considered that these scenes, or at least the socials that you are so critical of simply aren't for you? They aren't for everyone, clubs aren't for everyone. If you are going to events, not enjoying them and they are leaving you feeling angry, isolated and upset then is it really worth it?
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By *un_JuiceCouple
over a year ago
Nr Chester |
Token, you are you and we,d imagine you would be great company on a night out if you were able to chill, laugh at things including yourself. The world doesn't centre around you or your condition as hard as that may seem at any certain time. In terms of playing with people you would need to try and realise not to give a running commentary on what you were doing. This experience of aspergers we have seen with someone we have witnessed. If we,re wrong, apologies due. Just trying to understand and give a little help if we may. |
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"Have you considered that these scenes, or at least the socials that you are so critical of simply aren't for you? They aren't for everyone, clubs aren't for everyone. If you are going to events, not enjoying them and they are leaving you feeling angry, isolated and upset then is it really worth it?
"
I don't go to as many as I used to. I'll go once in an blue moon if people go who KNOW ME and hang out with them.
The events themself don't make me angry, sometimes the clickies makes me who really made an effect to go to such events feel like an total outsider. No naming and shaming but looking back at an recent event it was difficult to chat to some. More so as it was my first swing munch, so to speak.
It's not like in normal KINK munches where you can feel like you can chat to anyone... These are people's spouts. And some can be extremely protective of them if an invader approaches. I ended up on an table with other single people afraid to mingle.
It wasn't till I noticed someone from the fab chat room that I relaxed an little but my point is still the same. If not more tricky than 'normal' events. |
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"Token, you are you and we,d imagine you would be great company on a night out if you were able to chill, laugh at things including yourself. The world doesn't centre around you or your condition as hard as that may seem at any certain time. In terms of playing with people you would need to try and realise not to give a running commentary on what you were doing. This experience of aspergers we have seen with someone we have witnessed. If we,re wrong, apologies due. Just trying to understand and give a little help if we may."
In my vanilla life I'd like to think I get paid to laugh at myself.
Admittedly I knew I was opening an can of worms for being so honest. I know that. But on my profile, you can't see my face (apart from in the chatroom), you don't know my real name and other than I live in manchester, I don't feel like I'm exposing an huge part of myself here.
Salvador Dali said he is drugs... Think of me as Blue Magic. And you all just got another free sample. |
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I don't like cliques either, it's social ineptitude in my opinion - either unable or unwilling to include others, so don't try to join them. Closing off the opportunity to explore in whatever way it might be is anathema to me. |
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"But on my profile, you can't see my face (apart from in the chatroom)
You'd best check that "
You can see half my face and my whole face with me wearing sunglasses. The eyes are the window into an soul, my friend...
My cock pictures are in private! :p |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you'll find that in most respects the kink and swingers scene are pretty much the same, only the way sex is conducted differs. This probably means that most sites are dominated by the numbers of single men looking to get laid one way or another.
This is why you're having trouble, you're yet another single guy. It has little to do with your syndrome. You're not owed anything as Fabio said, you have to work for it and suffer rejection as we all do.
And many people will see you as big for sleeping with TS/TV, me for one if you're sleeping with them because you like the fact they have a dick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But on my profile, you can't see my face (apart from in the chatroom)
You'd best check that
You can see half my face and my whole face with me wearing sunglasses. The eyes are the window into an soul, my friend...
My cock pictures are in private! :p"
It's nice to see a-soul kept private for a change |
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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago
North of The Wall - youll need your vest |
"
This is why you're having trouble, you're yet another single guy. It has little to do with your syndrome.
"
Have to say thats was one of my thoughts too.
OP your description of feeling excluded at socials is one we see on here regularly. Might not actually be anything to do with you specifically.
But I also agree with the poster who said that if you find that certain situations (socials etc) are frustrating you then maybe they are not the right situations to put yourself in.
Good luck finding something that works for you x |
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