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Singles that wouldn't swing if attached
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A comment on another thread made me think of this. It was along the lines of- a husband wasn't happy that a single guy wouldn't swing with a partner if he had one.
I've seen this comment quite a few times, couples (not sure if it's a male or female posting) that get really quite annoyed at singles that wouldn't share.
Why? If the couple is happy for one- or both of them- to have sex with other people, what difference does it make if the other person wouldn't swing with a partner? Surely then just swing with other couples and not singles..?
It makes me feel like there's some sort of 'transaction' in their eyes- "you can only shag my wife if I can shag yours".
I don't mean to offend anyone, just genuinely interested in understanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's one of life's major problems that everyone judges everybody else by their own standards with little or no thought for any personal/cultural differences.
They also expect others to put their own personal beliefs aside to accommodate them. Especially when visiting foreign climes |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
I do get a little irritated when I see posts from single people saying they wouldn't swap, but only when they have explained it in a way of, I wouldn't have to as I would keep my partner satisfied so we wouldn't have to swing, or I wouldn't let my wife as I would have too much respect for her etc, in all honesty I have only seen this written a handful of times.
I don't think I'm explaining what I mean very well but in my head I know what I'm rambling about lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've seen it... I don't think I could ever be monogamous.. even though I now only play with my play partner present. But that is to do with me getting more from play when it's shared.
However I love to see someone I'm with pleasured.. I love to give, so I see someone else pleasuring them as an extension of me doing so..
I do understand both sides... And only bothers me when people suggest that the couple's don't love each other enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know what you mean, but it seems that someone singles aren't into swinging or sharing their partners. But the ones that baffle me is the man or women in the relationship saying, yeh I want to shag other men but you can't shag other women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do get a little irritated when I see posts from single people saying they wouldn't swap, but only when they have explained it in a way of, I wouldn't have to as I would keep my partner satisfied so we wouldn't have to swing, or I wouldn't let my wife as I would have too much respect for her etc, in all honesty I have only seen this written a handful of times.
I don't think I'm explaining what I mean very well but in my head I know what I'm rambling about lol
"
This!
They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"I do get a little irritated when I see posts from single people saying they wouldn't swap, but only when they have explained it in a way of, I wouldn't have to as I would keep my partner satisfied so we wouldn't have to swing, or I wouldn't let my wife as I would have too much respect for her etc, in all honesty I have only seen this written a handful of times.
I don't think I'm explaining what I mean very well but in my head I know what I'm rambling about lol
This!
They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
"
Ah well done Julie you worded it much better than me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm good post ! And maybe just thinking that one of them will never be enough on there own ....... But that is a diffrent post ??"
Absolutely is not a question of one being enough, as yes in essence in a loving relationship of course they are as you have chosen to be with that person.
It is about exploring sexual fantasies and boundaries together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do get a little irritated when I see posts from single people saying they wouldn't swap, but only when they have explained it in a way of, I wouldn't have to as I would keep my partner satisfied so we wouldn't have to swing, or I wouldn't let my wife as I would have too much respect for her etc, in all honesty I have only seen this written a handful of times.
I don't think I'm explaining what I mean very well but in my head I know what I'm rambling about lol
This!
They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
"
I think for me it shows disregard for what it means to the couple when they suggest that couples swing because they can't do it for each other.. even as just a play couple that is not the case here... And that's without the depths that loving emotion can add to sex with your own partner.
I don't mind if they won't share.. just not assume it's because something is lacking.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do get a little irritated when I see posts from single people saying they wouldn't swap, but only when they have explained it in a way of, I wouldn't have to as I would keep my partner satisfied so we wouldn't have to swing, or I wouldn't let my wife as I would have too much respect for her etc, in all honesty I have only seen this written a handful of times.
I don't think I'm explaining what I mean very well but in my head I know what I'm rambling about lol
This!
They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
Ah well done Julie you worded it much better than me x"
It does also annoy me, and no man/meet could ever make love to me!
It is an entirely different thing.
xx
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In our case it's because we want to associate with like minded people.
We actually had a guy in a club say, when I asked him why he didn't bring his wife along, "because she's not a slut"
He probably wondered why the atmosphere went a bit frosty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive said this so many times on these types of threads now
If I could date - I wouldn't be on here to meet. "
Ditto 
Right now, fun is all I am capable of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In our case it's because we want to associate with like minded people.
We actually had a guy in a club say, when I asked him why he didn't bring his wife along, "because she's not a slut"
He probably wondered why the atmosphere went a bit frosty."
That made me laugh, I can just imagine!
Women often get branded with the term slag or slut yet is is ok for men to sleep around  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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However I'd love to feel secure enough in myself and my looks to be able to swing with a partner if I had one as I love the openess of it all and it seems to make couples stronger.
BUT I have been lied to, abused and cheated on too often to be comfortable with it at the moment, but then that is also one of the reasons I joined here. I can't date
I am getting rather hooked on the buzz of meeting new people though  |
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"In our case it's because we want to associate with like minded people.
We actually had a guy in a club say, when I asked him why he didn't bring his wife along, "because she's not a slut"
He probably wondered why the atmosphere went a bit frosty.
That made me laugh, I can just imagine!
Women often get branded with the term slag or slut yet is is ok for men to sleep around "
Right up to that point he'd pressed all the right buttons but that's not the first (or last) time a single guy has talked himself out of a bit of fun. Another was one that said "If I don't get laid soon I don't think I'll bother coming here again" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
"
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that |
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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago
London |
"I am interested to know what the average relationship length of a swinging couple is and the average length of a non swinging couple"
Longest relationship I have ever had in my life by some margin |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In our case it's because we want to associate with like minded people.
We actually had a guy in a club say, when I asked him why he didn't bring his wife along, "because she's not a slut"
He probably wondered why the atmosphere went a bit frosty.
That made me laugh, I can just imagine!
Women often get branded with the term slag or slut yet is is ok for men to sleep around
Right up to that point he'd pressed all the right buttons but that's not the first (or last) time a single guy has talked himself out of a bit of fun. Another was one that said "If I don't get laid soon I don't think I'll bother coming here again""
Couples talk themselves out of fun too, it's just that few guys share this fact on these forums. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In our case it's because we want to associate with like minded people.
We actually had a guy in a club say, when I asked him why he didn't bring his wife along, "because she's not a slut"
He probably wondered why the atmosphere went a bit frosty."
Good grief! Think I would have slapped him. 
I think that is the answer to my question. It's the thought that if someone wouldn't swap, then they think people that do swap are sluts/ bad etc. Some singles may indeed think like that but not all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont think its anything to do with a transaction of share and share alike, well maybe in a minority, but its more about not understanding the dynamics of a swinging couple and having an understanding of why they do this.
Many people have the delusional _iew that something is lacking in a couples relationship and this is the reason why they swing. Men believe that the husband cant satisfy the wife, women believe that the husband finds them more sexually attractive than his wife.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that"
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I dont think its anything to do with a transaction of share and share alike, well maybe in a minority, but its more about not understanding the dynamics of a swinging couple and having an understanding of why they do this.
Many people have the delusional _iew that something is lacking in a couples relationship and this is the reason why they swing. Men believe that the husband cant satisfy the wife, women believe that the husband finds them more sexually attractive than his wife.
"
I understand that now. Not all singles think that way. But I understand why a couple/ person would avoid meeting someone that thought that.
I've learned something again. I love these forums.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together."
Exactly, I don't know why that is so hard for people to understand. I think a lot of people on here don't say how they feel in case it reduces there chances of meeting people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together."
My comments still stand regardless.
It's not something that bothers me at all, I tried like hell to get my Ex to swing.
She wouldn't have it point blank. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together.
My comments still stand regardless.
It's not something that bothers me at all, I tried like hell to get my Ex to swing.
She wouldn't have it point blank."
Like I said, I know where your coming from, but its just not for me. Each to there own and all that jazz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together.
My comments still stand regardless.
It's not something that bothers me at all, I tried like hell to get my Ex to swing.
She wouldn't have it point blank.
Like I said, I know where your coming from, but its just not for me. Each to there own and all that jazz"
Let's have a fight about it muha! 
Kudos Bro!  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
it is an interesting topic because we have seen singles here proclaim "off because I now have a partner, no she is all mine, I dont her to play with anyone else... thanks for being a stopgap" type posts......
only to see them slink back in after a few weeks when it doesn't work.....
I think it is an understanding of what the singles think a couple gets out of swinging...
it is not because something is lacking...
it is not because someone is inadequate...
the successful singles in swinging will understand a dynamic of how couples are and what makes their loving relationship tick......
could I stop swinging tomorrow if the right one came along and she didn't want to... absolutely
would I still be here socially and still go to social events because of the great friends I have made... you bloody bet ya!!!! |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
As I don't meet couples I guess I'm not strictly a swinger. But my simple rule for myself is; single and promiscuous, attached and monogamous. How others conduct their lives is their business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
"
Couldn't figure out what it was about the comment in the other discussion that I didn't like. This comments on here have helped make better sense and the quote above sums it up I think - it's the lack of understanding/consideration for why couples choose to do it.
And that people are only here for an easy lay until they meet somebody - which is fair enough I suppose as we like an easy lay sometimes too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
Couldn't figure out what it was about the comment in the other discussion that I didn't like. This comments on here have helped make better sense and the quote above sums it up I think - it's the lack of understanding/consideration for why couples choose to do it.
And that people are only here for an easy lay until they meet somebody - which is fair enough I suppose as we like an easy lay sometimes too!"
There's no such thing as an easy lay for a single male on this site . Beside, you have one night stands out of fab till you meet someone, same thing really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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True - and couples are just as guilty at using singles for their own selfish pleasure sometimes. Well we have - not that they complained at the time.
There must be a few easy lays on here though as I've had offers and I'm really not trying! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont think its anything to do with a transaction of share and share alike, well maybe in a minority, but its more about not understanding the dynamics of a swinging couple and having an understanding of why they do this.
Many people have the delusional _iew that something is lacking in a couples relationship and this is the reason why they swing. Men believe that the husband cant satisfy the wife, women believe that the husband finds them more sexually attractive than his wife.
I understand that now. Not all singles think that way. But I understand why a couple/ person would avoid meeting someone that thought that.
I've learned something again. I love these forums. "
And equally on the other side of the coin, how do singles feel if couples admit they only want them as a 'plaything', an extra cock, a female to indulge the long term fantasy of a husband with two women. Does that both singles? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And equally on the other side of the coin, how do singles feel if couples admit they only want them as a 'plaything', an extra cock, a female to indulge the long term fantasy of a husband with two women. Does that both singles?"
It bothered my wife when she played alone with couples. She doesn't anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont think its anything to do with a transaction of share and share alike, well maybe in a minority, but its more about not understanding the dynamics of a swinging couple and having an understanding of why they do this.
Many people have the delusional _iew that something is lacking in a couples relationship and this is the reason why they swing. Men believe that the husband cant satisfy the wife, women believe that the husband finds them more sexually attractive than his wife.
I understand that now. Not all singles think that way. But I understand why a couple/ person would avoid meeting someone that thought that.
I've learned something again. I love these forums.
And equally on the other side of the coin, how do singles feel if couples admit they only want them as a 'plaything', an extra cock, a female to indulge the long term fantasy of a husband with two women. Does that bother singles?"
Why would it? I thought that would be a given |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think the reasons that couples swing vary. But whatever the reason, there's a lot of thought, trust and care between partners involved and I love that.
But I'm sure swinging relationships have pitfall just like monogamous relationships. Some of the posts here make it sound all sweetness and light! |
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"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
"
When you're promiscuous it's easy to assume people who aren't have issues. Making statements that couples that don't have sex with others are jealous/insecure is ridiculous! Not everyone needs the thrill of others to enjoy themselves sexually.
Personally I'm promiscuous because it suits me now, I was a 20 year old virgin when I married: one man until the age of 45.
I have to admit I'd have problems sharing my partner with someone who would find the thought of sharing their partner with me abhorrent.
I have a feeling there are quite a few with that mindset though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
When you're promiscuous it's easy to assume people who aren't have issues. Making statements that couples that don't have sex with others are jealous/insecure is ridiculous! Not everyone needs the thrill of others to enjoy themselves sexually.
Personally I'm promiscuous because it suits me now, I was a 20 year old virgin when I married: one man until the age of 45.
I have to admit I'd have problems sharing my partner with someone who would find the thought of sharing their partner with me abhorrent.
I have a feeling there are quite a few with that mindset though. "
This is exactly what I wanted to say, but I dont think too good and couldn't write it down  |
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Not a problem for us if thats the guys opinion, however the ones that really annoy us are the ones that say they would never allow anyone to play with their wife/gf if they had one thats just wrong etc etc... but want to play with Mrs fun.
That just feels wrong to us, and no if they were in a couple we wouldn't meet anyway as we only meet single guys. But its the attitude that some have who really do frown on anyone who allows other guys to fuck their wife, they don't get it and say its wrong... yet they want to meet to do exactly that with mrs fun... NO !!!
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"it is an interesting topic because we have seen singles here proclaim "off because I now have a partner, no she is all mine, I dont her to play with anyone else... thanks for being a stopgap" type posts......
only to see them slink back in after a few weeks when it doesn't work.....
I think it is an understanding of what the singles think a couple gets out of swinging...
it is not because something is lacking...
it is not because someone is inadequate...
the successful singles in swinging will understand a dynamic of how couples are and what makes their loving relationship tick......
could I stop swinging tomorrow if the right one came along and she didn't want to... absolutely
would I still be here socially and still go to social events because of the great friends I have made... you bloody bet ya!!!!"
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"As I don't meet couples I guess I'm not strictly a swinger. But my simple rule for myself is; single and promiscuous, attached and monogamous. How others conduct their lives is their business. "
For me too! |
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"As I don't meet couples I guess I'm not strictly a swinger. But my simple rule for myself is; single and promiscuous, attached and monogamous. How others conduct their lives is their business. "
For me too! |
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"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
When you're promiscuous it's easy to assume people who aren't have issues. Making statements that couples that don't have sex with others are jealous/insecure is ridiculous! Not everyone needs the thrill of others to enjoy themselves sexually.
Personally I'm promiscuous because it suits me now, I was a 20 year old virgin when I married: one man until the age of 45.
I have to admit I'd have problems sharing my partner with someone who would find the thought of sharing their partner with me abhorrent.
I have a feeling there are quite a few with that mindset though.
This is exactly what I wanted to say, but I dont think too good and couldn't write it down "
Aah bless  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe its a case of feeling the person that wont play with a partner is looking down their nose at the couple for doing what they do.
almost like 'i wouldnt let any woman i was with into a place like this' type ideas. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I dont think its anything to do with a transaction of share and share alike, well maybe in a minority, but its more about not understanding the dynamics of a swinging couple and having an understanding of why they do this.
Many people have the delusional _iew that something is lacking in a couples relationship and this is the reason why they swing. Men believe that the husband cant satisfy the wife, women believe that the husband finds them more sexually attractive than his wife.
I understand that now. Not all singles think that way. But I understand why a couple/ person would avoid meeting someone that thought that.
I've learned something again. I love these forums.
And equally on the other side of the coin, how do singles feel if couples admit they only want them as a 'plaything', an extra cock, a female to indulge the long term fantasy of a husband with two women. Does that bother singles?"
Why else would a couple want to play with a single? The single is only ever going to be a plaything for them. Same as another couple will only ever be playthings. They may be friends too and enjoy the social side, but it's not a relationship. The other people will always be playthings- surely? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"my insecurities would appear if I saw my partner being intimate with someone else id think I wasn't satisfying him
"
I can't ever be everything that my partner wants. I'm not a tall blonde or a voluptuous brunette. But he comes back to me... I love watching him with other people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why else would a couple want to play with a single? The single is only ever going to be a plaything for them. Same as another couple will only ever be playthings. They may be friends too and enjoy the social side, but it's not a relationship. The other people will always be playthings- surely? "
It's the difference between intending to have a good time for everyone and being interested in what everybody wants from getting what you want and quickly dismissing the 'plaything'.
Some blokes probably don't care either way but I know that for my wife she'd enjoyed playing with couples until one at which she felt she'd been used only for the blokes fantasy - no interest in her or his partner.
I've only experienced one meet with a couple where it felt we were their plaything (actually his again). We haven't met them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".........
When you're promiscuous it's easy to assume people who aren't have issues. Making statements that couples that don't have sex with others are jealous/insecure is ridiculous! Not everyone needs the thrill of others to enjoy themselves sexually.
Personally I'm promiscuous because it suits me now, I was a 20 year old virgin when I married: one man until the age of 45.
I have to admit I'd have problems sharing my partner with someone who would find the thought of sharing their partner with me abhorrent.
I have a feeling there are quite a few with that mindset though. "
Wise words |
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By *RYBBWCouple
over a year ago
Leeds. |
"Hmmm good post ! And maybe just thinking that one of them will never be enough on there own ....... But that is a diffrent post ??
Absolutely is not a question of one being enough, as yes in essence in a loving relationship of course they are as you have chosen to be with that person.
It is about exploring sexual fantasies and boundaries together.
"
Absolutely agree. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why else would a couple want to play with a single? The single is only ever going to be a plaything for them. Same as another couple will only ever be playthings. They may be friends too and enjoy the social side, but it's not a relationship. The other people will always be playthings- surely?
It's the difference between intending to have a good time for everyone and being interested in what everybody wants from getting what you want and quickly dismissing the 'plaything'.
Some blokes probably don't care either way but I know that for my wife she'd enjoyed playing with couples until one at which she felt she'd been used only for the blokes fantasy - no interest in her or his partner.
I've only experienced one meet with a couple where it felt we were their plaything (actually his again). We haven't met them again."
Brilliant, thanks. I'd never thought of it like that before. That's actually answered another question I had. |
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"Yes I would and nope I wouldn't have an issue with sharing a partner at all (as long as it was a mutual agreement).
In fact before I joined the site I was in a relationship and I actually suggested swinging to her, she wouldn't entertain the idea at all. Cow ha!
THIS IS NOT AIMED AT ANYONE:
In my opinion anybody who wouldn't have either insecurity issues and/or jealousy issues.
I've never been the jealous sort.
In fact my ex was an outrageous flirt!
And when asked by obe of my best mates how I deal with it...my exact words were "deal with what? She's coming home with me at the end of the night".
Sex is just that..sex. love is deeper and it's that connection that renders and im paraphrasing here:
"Seeing ones partner being fucked" a total non issue.
Ben
I see where your coming from, but it's still not for me, if I'm with someone then I want to be with them and not others, not because I'm insecure or jealous, its just not for me, its not a fantasy I have and it wouldn't mean we have a weaker bond or we wouldn't be as strong and open as other couples who do swing.
If it was a fuck buddy who wanted to have a threesome or wanted me to watch her get fucked then that's fine I wouldn't have a problem with that
I like yours and Ben's comments. I understand that too. It makes sense. Especially the bit where you say it doesn't do it for you. If you wouldn't enjoy seeing your partner with someone else, you wouldn't swing together.
Exactly, I don't know why that is so hard for people to understand. I think a lot of people on here don't say how they feel in case it reduces there chances of meeting people"
Do you mean a lot of people who use the forums, a minority.... or a lot of people on this site who don't use the forums..a large majority?
If the latter it would be interesting to know how you arrived at that conclusion, and if the former it would be even more interesting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Singles owe couples nothing other than respect. Couples owe singles exactly the same.
This is 'no strings attached'.....or supposed to be.
This subject always becomes overcomplicated because some people seem to believe they are entitled to more.
Of course a single is a couples plaything in order for them to explore their fantasies, but a couple is also a singles plaything for exactly the same reason.
Why would a married couple want a proper relationship with a single? They'd no longer be a couple, they'd be a triple!
It really isn't complicated if people remember it's nsa and their not entitled to anything other than respect.
What a single chooses to do in the future when they find a partner is their business and nobody elses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it's nothing to do with having relationships - I have that.
But there is an issue of attitude and as others have said an understanding of why people in a relationship would choose to have sex with others. If somebody has an "I wouldn't ever do that with my partner" attitude I struggle to understand why they'd want to play with couples or people in a committed relationship. Or to be blunt I'd question if they were emotionally mature enough to do so and that is something we've had experience of - follow up pestering calls and messages etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
Couldn't figure out what it was about the comment in the other discussion that I didn't like. This comments on here have helped make better sense and the quote above sums it up I think - it's the lack of understanding/consideration for why couples choose to do it.
And that people are only here for an easy lay until they meet somebody - which is fair enough I suppose as we like an easy lay sometimes too!"
Not entirely sure what point you are making in reference to my post?
I am not an easy lay nor do I _iew anyone we have met as one, it is consensual mutual fun.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where did I say you were?
I quoted something I was in agreement with!"
See below or above The last paragraph I am referring to.
"They do not understand the dynamics behind a loving & trusting relationship.
It is a way to explore fantasies, together.
Couldn't figure out what it was about the comment in the other discussion that I didn't like. This comments on here have helped make better sense and the quote above sums it up I think - it's the lack of understanding/consideration for why couples choose to do it.
And that people are only here for an easy lay until they meet somebody - which is fair enough I suppose as we like an easy lay sometimes too!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me it's nothing to do with having relationships - I have that.
But there is an issue of attitude and as others have said an understanding of why people in a relationship would choose to have sex with others. If somebody has an "I wouldn't ever do that with my partner" attitude I struggle to understand why they'd want to play with couples or people in a committed relationship. Or to be blunt I'd question if they were emotionally mature enough to do so and that is something we've had experience of - follow up pestering calls and messages etc."
Would it make you feel better if I said I wasn't interested in playing with a couple? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't follow what you're asking sorry.
I said I couldn't make sense of why it didn't sit right with me that somebody would engage in swinging but refuse to on principle if they were to enter into a relationship.
The quote I used clarified for me that it was the lack of understanding they had for why couples would choose to do it which bothered me.
The easy lay was reference to people looking for such opposed to seeking to play with like minded people - with a concession that we're guilty of looking for the same occasionally too.
Nowhere does it suggest anything of you - it quotes a thought as part of a discussion which then continued. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am interested to know what the average relationship length of a swinging couple is and the average length of a non swinging couple"
We have been together for 38 year and married for 32. We have been swinging for over ten years and still swing with some of the couples we started with.
We meet single guys (and gals) and the ones that 'want to show me how to satisfy the wife'etc, get nowhere(we can spot them and ' them out' these days).
Everyone is one here for there own reasons. so long as they are openabout why, then no problem. Personally We are keen on the ones that try to use swinging as a dating site.
There are a lot of people on swingers site that arn't realy swinger, they are just wanting company (nowt wrong in that if they say!).
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would it make you feel better if I said I wasn't interested in playing with a couple?"
You personally? In your words "I couldn't care less", so no.
But if you mean does it make sense to me that un-attached singles meeting un-attached singles would do so and then stop doing so when entering into a relationship - yes but that's 'normal' life isn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me it's nothing to do with having relationships - I have that.
But there is an issue of attitude and as others have said an understanding of why people in a relationship would choose to have sex with others. If somebody has an "I wouldn't ever do that with my partner" attitude I struggle to understand why they'd want to play with couples or people in a committed relationship. Or to be blunt I'd question if they were emotionally mature enough to do so and that is something we've had experience of - follow up pestering calls and messages etc."
I'm not sure what you're struggling to understand. Is it difficult for you to accept that a single may have a fantasy to play with a couple without any need for a future agenda or some kind of warped moral contract that they should want to have the couples fantasy to play with a single when they become a couple?
To question someones 'emotional maturity' based on their fantasies or sexual preferences edges towards the ridiculous to me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ok so it's got to the part of the day where people pick out the bits they can take offence at!
Try reading all the previous responses I'd hope it was clear enough from the few thousand words explaining it. If not read it again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok so it's got to the part of the day where people pick out the bits they can take offence at!
Try reading all the previous responses I'd hope it was clear enough from the few thousand words explaining it. If not read it again."
I'm not sure if you're referring to me in this 'catch all', I assure you that nothing you've said has offended me, I just believe your argument is flawed.
I have read the thread and I'm clear on the points most people are making, it doesn't change my opinion that yours is flawed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i was attached and she wanted to play, we'd play.
If i was attached and she didn't want to but didn't mind me playing, i'd play.
If i was attached and she didn't want me to play, i wouldn't play. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
If i was attached and she wanted to play, we'd play.
If i was attached and she didn't want to but didn't mind me playing, i'd play.
If i was attached and she didn't want me to play, i wouldn't play. "
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