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Can you learn how to be a dom?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can learn to top someone (the physical act of dominating but without the emotional side of it) whether you can learn to be a Dominant (and have the emotional side of looking after a submissive as well as the physical side) I'm not sure. You can certainly be Dominant curious and look to be mentored by someone in who's a Dominant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can learn anything if you are motivated enough, being a dom or dominatrix is a state of mind, its about creating an atmosphere, getting into someones head, first, Then you need knowledge to play safely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can learn anything if you are motivated enough, being a dom or dominatrix is a state of mind, its about creating an atmosphere, getting into someones head, first, Then you need knowledge to play safely."
You got that the wrong way round - the safety bit is much more important than the state of mind thing. I wouldn't let a man dominate or top me if he didn't understand about safety. |
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I'd say being dominant is down to natural pre-disposition. Being any good at being a submissive's Dominant is another matter and has to be learned, and of course, you have to find someone who is submissive and wants you to be their Dominant.
You could learn how to be a Top in a roleplay, but that's not quite the same thing.
There are plenty of on-line resources, forums and meetings to get you started
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By *adkatWoman
over a year ago
Alfreton |
I have a friend who trains doms she's quite a popular mistress in her area of expertise, so I guess you can learn, but for me a real dom would be some with a natural ability to be in charge of me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can learn anything if you are motivated enough, being a dom or dominatrix is a state of mind, its about creating an atmosphere, getting into someones head, first, Then you need knowledge to play safely.
You got that the wrong way round - the safety bit is much more important than the state of mind thing. I wouldn't let a man dominate or top me if he didn't understand about safety."
not at all, being dominated doesn't require force, violence or pain, that's why I suggested, from years of experience using your brain first, before taking it any further, not everyone is suited to being a dom,it would be a waste of time learning to be a dom , if you are not suited. just my 2 cents worth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can learn anything if you are motivated enough, being a dom or dominatrix is a state of mind, its about creating an atmosphere, getting into someones head, first, Then you need knowledge to play safely.
You got that the wrong way round - the safety bit is much more important than the state of mind thing. I wouldn't let a man dominate or top me if he didn't understand about safety.
not at all, being dominated doesn't require force, violence or pain, that's why I suggested, from years of experience using your brain first, before taking it any further, not everyone is suited to being a dom,it would be a waste of time learning to be a dom , if you are not suited. just my 2 cents worth"
But safety has to come first. Being dominated doesn't require any of that I agree, but a Dominant must understand what he/she is doing to the submissive. For example if the Dominant is leaving the submissive after a play session they must understand subdrop. That is all part of safety. You can be a Dominant and submissive without having a D/s partner. |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"A Dominant's first and overriding responsibility is the the safety and well being of His submissive
 This
Or hers btw"
I disagree, its the second, the first is making sure they are with it enough, to maintain the second. |
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"A Dominant's first and overriding responsibility is the the safety and well being of His submissive
This
Or hers btw"
This is very true.
Also you can't 'learn to be Dominant'. You can learn to be a top or learn to be a better Dominant.
To be a Dominant you first have to have a Dominant's nature and that, you are born with.
Speak, communicate, seek out a mentor, socialise in the right circles, read, go on forums. Every source of information you can find and believe me there is A LOT!
Then decide what you think is appropriate for you and if you are one of the luckiest people alive, your submissive and grow.
To be a good Dominant is one of the hardest undertakings anyone can take on in my opinion. It's also one of the most rewarding... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A Dominant's first and overriding responsibility is the the safety and well being of His submissive
This
Or hers btw
This is very true.
Also you can't 'learn to be Dominant'. You can learn to be a top or learn to be a better Dominant.
To be a Dominant you first have to have a Dominant's nature and that, you are born with.
Speak, communicate, seek out a mentor, socialise in the right circles, read, go on forums. Every source of information you can find and believe me there is A LOT!
Then decide what you think is appropriate for you and if you are one of the luckiest people alive, your submissive and grow.
To be a good Dominant is one of the hardest undertakings anyone can take on in my opinion. It's also one of the most rewarding..."
Surely if you claim its something that comes naturally and can't be learnt then it wouldn't be a hard undertaking. Or are you just equating it to the bedroom role-play and not the real thing? |
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"A Dominant's first and overriding responsibility is the the safety and well being of His submissive
This
Or hers btw
This is very true.
Also you can't 'learn to be Dominant'. You can learn to be a top or learn to be a better Dominant.
To be a Dominant you first have to have a Dominant's nature and that, you are born with.
Speak, communicate, seek out a mentor, socialise in the right circles, read, go on forums. Every source of information you can find and believe me there is A LOT!
Then decide what you think is appropriate for you and if you are one of the luckiest people alive, your submissive and grow.
To be a good Dominant is one of the hardest undertakings anyone can take on in my opinion. It's also one of the most rewarding...
Surely if you claim its something that comes naturally and can't be learnt then it wouldn't be a hard undertaking. Or are you just equating it to the bedroom role-play and not the real thing?"
You can have a Dominant nature without ever having a clue what it is. You can live with a submissive without ever knowing they are submissive.
It is only when someone choose to look farther and try to understand that you take that intial Dominant or submissive nature and develope it.
A natural nature to lead, make the hard choice or use tough love or do what you think is best for someone when maybe they don't, but they have trusted you to choose is never really easy. Even if you have a Dominant nature you are not infalable you are still concerned you have made the right choice or delt with something the right way.
To be a good Dominant is a huge amount of pressure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A Dominant's first and overriding responsibility is the the safety and well being of His submissive
This
Or hers btw
This is very true.
Also you can't 'learn to be Dominant'. You can learn to be a top or learn to be a better Dominant.
To be a Dominant you first have to have a Dominant's nature and that, you are born with.
Speak, communicate, seek out a mentor, socialise in the right circles, read, go on forums. Every source of information you can find and believe me there is A LOT!
Then decide what you think is appropriate for you and if you are one of the luckiest people alive, your submissive and grow.
To be a good Dominant is one of the hardest undertakings anyone can take on in my opinion. It's also one of the most rewarding...
Surely if you claim its something that comes naturally and can't be learnt then it wouldn't be a hard undertaking. Or are you just equating it to the bedroom role-play and not the real thing?
You can have a Dominant nature without ever having a clue what it is. You can live with a submissive without ever knowing they are submissive.
It is only when someone choose to look farther and try to understand that you take that intial Dominant or submissive nature and develope it."
That's not true though there are many people who's natural dominance comes out in everyday life without a submissive in sight. The Military have used dominant men to marshal troops for decades and that's just a single example there are many more. A true dominant lives the life, its natural to them it comes out in many situations not just in bedroom roleplay its a shame so many confuse themselves over this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every sub is treated differently with me.
Safety and been on a level where, the sub trusts me and for me are as equal.
Everyone is different and to be treated as.
I say give it a try, do your homework and start small and see if its for you or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every sub is treated differently with me.
Safety and been on a level where, the sub trusts me and for me are as equal.
Everyone is different and to be treated as.
I say give it a try, do your homework and start small and see if its for you or not.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am a sub and my Master says being Dom is so much more challenging than being a sub. It takes a lot of effort, and commitment x
And responsibility, trust and self awareness."
Well trust is one of the biggys. And it needs to be both ways.... Sub trusting Dom, Dom trusting sub.
I couldn't be dominant if I tried. Lol. As someone said.... Some people are naturally dominant. I'm naturally submissive.
I also agree that it is so much more than physical acts. A Dom does need to get inside the head of their sub. I only have to say one sentence now, and mine automatically seems to know where I am headed with the conversation lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a blogger I'm following who is in a D/s relationship. He often posts links to very thoughtful information on the subject. I am not interested to get active in that world, but find the psychology fascinating. Am I allowed to name that blogger? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lets be clear ...
There is a huge difference between being a dominant personality and dominance play in the BDSM scene.
Seriously worries me that there are too many wannabe Doms filling the gaps of 50 shades that think it is just "stuff you do" or an excuse for abuse.
It must always be "safe, sane and consensual"
D/s is a serious head game. Don't do it if you don't understand the "sub-drop" or appreciate the sub is always ultimately in control.
A safe word isn't clever it's one you still remember when in distress, panicking or at risk. |
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