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is it the end
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hi
just a question when your partner of over 2 and a half years asks for a break for a month
and then cheats within 24hrs of leaving you
should you cut all ties or wait out the month
please just need some unbiased opinons
so lost and confused
says he still loves me but.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are the only one who can decide what to do
You will get lots of differing opinions but I know one thing - if it had happened to me the last thing I would do is come on here
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"You are the only one who can decide what to do
You will get lots of differing opinions but I know one thing - if it had happened to me the last thing I would do is come on here
"
im just looking for some advice from ppl in the scene
as we met on here in first place |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You are the only one who can decide what to do
You will get lots of differing opinions but I know one thing - if it had happened to me the last thing I would do is come on here
"
Deal with your upset yes as leaving undealt with will leave emotional scars but not on a public forum. |
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"You are the only one who can decide what to do
You will get lots of differing opinions but I know one thing - if it had happened to me the last thing I would do is come on here
Deal with your upset yes as leaving undealt with will leave emotional scars but not on a public forum."
sorry i just didnt know what else to do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have an open relationship this works two ways. just you go and meet someone else for a drink etc and see what reaction you get from them. depending on that you will be able to go forward constructively, but instinct tells me that you are the wronged person , so move on and lick your wounds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what does that mean"
She means the opinions your going to get may not be what you want to hear from here.
Some (not all) here can be hugely judgmental at best.
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"If you have an open relationship this works two ways. just you go and meet someone else for a drink etc and see what reaction you get from them. depending on that you will be able to go forward constructively, but instinct tells me that you are the wronged person , so move on and lick your wounds. "
no we didnt have a open reationship this came as a complete shock we were living together and everything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you have an open relationship this works two ways. just you go and meet someone else for a drink etc and see what reaction you get from them. depending on that you will be able to go forward constructively, but instinct tells me that you are the wronged person , so move on and lick your wounds.
no we didnt have a open reationship this came as a complete shock we were living together and everything"
But you've been a member for 11 months ?
I'm sure its very hurtful but I'm not sure this site is conducive to the type of relationship you want ? |
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"If you have an open relationship this works two ways. just you go and meet someone else for a drink etc and see what reaction you get from them. depending on that you will be able to go forward constructively, but instinct tells me that you are the wronged person , so move on and lick your wounds.
no we didnt have a open reationship this came as a complete shock we were living together and everything
But you've been a member for 11 months ?
I'm sure its very hurtful but I'm not sure this site is conducive to the type of relationship you want ?"
ok well all i wanted to know was should i wait this out or cut all ties not be judged
could an admin close this thread down please |
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"we both have single profiles on here
and yes its cheating when the only thing i asked was not to go with other women
"
I'm confused... You have a singles profile asking for meets with all the available options except tv/ts and you say he has a singles profile but you asked him not to meet women. Does his profile ask to meet up with men &/or tv/ts? |
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If you are on a break he and you can do what you wish with others....you need to give him breathing space and you need breathing space there is a reason he asked for the break and he needs time to think....or he has no intention of getting back with you and is trying to save your feelings... |
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"we both have single profiles on here
and yes its cheating when the only thing i asked was not to go with other women
I'm confused... You have a singles profile asking for meets with all the available options except tv/ts and you say he has a singles profile but you asked him not to meet women. Does his profile ask to meet up with men &/or tv/ts?"
i have never meet anyone using this profile i only chat and read forums sorry to have caused so much trouble
how can i close this thread no one knows the full story execpt me and him |
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By *eareenaCouple
over a year ago
Rockford |
Don't be so harsh people. The lady is clearly hurting! Big hugs Hun. Try and keep your eyes and mind clear when someone shows their true colours. It's always going to be painful but it's better to know the truth of what your dealing with. Chin up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pot kettle im afraid. Have your cake and eat and now he wants a nibble your gutted. Two options accept poly and go with flow see as many partners as want
Or leave fab and find a guy for a 'normal' relationship |
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Threads only get closed if the mods deem them to have got out of hand ie: too many instances of forum rules broken.
This does not apply here. If you are not happy with the replies you have received then leave the thread, don't open it again and certainly don't reply. But once you start the ball rolling you cannot predict or control the direction it will go. |
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"If you have an open relationship this works two ways. just you go and meet someone else for a drink etc and see what reaction you get from them. depending on that you will be able to go forward constructively, but instinct tells me that you are the wronged person , so move on and lick your wounds.
no we didnt have a open reationship this came as a complete shock we were living together and everything
But you've been a member for 11 months ?
I'm sure its very hurtful but I'm not sure this site is conducive to the type of relationship you want ?
ok well all i wanted to know was should i wait this out or cut all ties not be judged
could an admin close this thread down please"
i doubt that this thread will be closed...its the nature of the beast when posting on a public forum you are going to get those with different opinions to you... |
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By *ickndomCouple
over a year ago
Wimborne |
It always amazies me how many relationships live or die as a result of sex, your clearly both swingers so whats the big deal.
I wonder are you truely worried about his unfaithfullness or are you really worried he may leave you for another, you say he wanted the break, I assume you didn't.
As so many have said its your life your decision, consider your relationship as a whole, is it all about sex or are you sole mates that share everything that life throws at you, together and as a unit.
I wonder how many relationships fail because of an insecurity strangling a relationship, and that suffercation leads to unhappiness and then unfaithfullness, guess the old adage of if you love someone set them free is appt here.
Leave him to do his thing and you do yours, if you end up back together then your right for each other, if not you have your answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wait the month then sit down and talk everything through with him. Only you know how you truly feel and them feelings can change over time. What you may feel now may not be how you feel at the end of the month. But I suggest not to make decisions when you feel hurt or upset as these are the ones people can normally regret when the dust settles.
Good luck |
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By *ike74Man
over a year ago
newport |
Leave him to little time in life to wait on a maybe.
Deep down you know how the chips will fall but you don't want this so probably fighting it.
I hope all works out for you one way or the other x |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You are the only one who can decide what to do
You will get lots of differing opinions but I know one thing - if it had happened to me the last thing I would do is come on here
Deal with your upset yes as leaving undealt with will leave emotional scars but not on a public forum.
sorry i just didnt know what else to do"
Don't apologise..we all deal with things differently and if you want to ask advice on a forum then do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hi
just a question when your partner of over 2 and a half years asks for a break for a month
and then cheats within 24hrs of leaving you
should you cut all ties or wait out the month
please just need some unbiased opinons
so lost and confused
says he still loves me but...."
You don't have any choice, he has made the decision for you, you cant fix a broken cup, but if it makes you feel better, waiting a month is neither here nor there. just do what feels right. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Wow, some harsh replies , I hope none of you ever need advice.
To the OP...obviously not knowing the full story but if you had an agreement to have some space for a month to clear your heads and not to shag other people then I would be upset that he shagged someone else the next day too wether we were on a Swinging site or not.
Only you can decide wether it is best to split for good now or not so sorry I have bo advice for that one, but good luck anyway |
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May be you should take that month break and decide what you want Hun. Sometimes in life we have to make tough decisions and many times not always the right one but only you know how you feel deep inside...im a sucker and i would forgive because i know i wouldn't be able to walk away from someone i love so much. I hope it all works out just how you want  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If in doubt wait it out.
The perception of time is different to men and women (in my experience). If you love him and want that talk at the end of the month, fill your time with something, anything to semi distract you from that pain. Visit family and friends you haven't seen in a while. Decorate a room. Start a hobby... anything.
As for the overload of emotions right now, perhaps express them (to yourself) in written form. Another idea is to write to him but don't give it to him. As your thoughts become clearer you can change what is in this letter. Learn to express what you feel and why you feel it without blame (such as your interpretations of his actions has caused you to feel xyz).
Good luck. |
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By *ickndomCouple
over a year ago
Wimborne |
"If in doubt wait it out.
The perception of time is different to men and women (in my experience). If you love him and want that talk at the end of the month, fill your time with something, anything to semi distract you from that pain. Visit family and friends you haven't seen in a while. Decorate a room. Start a hobby... anything.
As for the overload of emotions right now, perhaps express them (to yourself) in written form. Another idea is to write to him but don't give it to him. As your thoughts become clearer you can change what is in this letter. Learn to express what you feel and why you feel it without blame (such as your interpretations of his actions has caused you to feel xyz).
Good luck. "
So sweet and equally right
As a man I know we think with our balls until we're 40 something, this is not an excuse more a fact, a fact that must be a constant irratation to you women.
sadly theres no cream for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel for you. Take the time and work out what you truly want. But if something doesnt feel right or you have any doubts about him, trust your instincts and walk away. Its a lesson I wish I'd learned a long time ago. Walk away instead of put up with months/years of heartache, having your feelings disregarded. Xx |
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By *G LanaTV/TS
over a year ago
Gosport |
Firstly I hope you find a solution which works well for you. I am afraid that I suspect whatever happens the shortterm is going to be unpleasantly emotional.
Having been through something similar I suspect that as your already hurting from this it will be hard, but not imposible to get back to a similar place in the relationship that you were in and you will either need to redefine the boundaries or possibly it is time to move on. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I know this is difficult to do but try and use the month to work out what you want, expect, need and not on monitoring his activities. Whatever he does will feel like a slap in the face unless you feel he is sitting in miserable contemplation on his own desperately missing you.
I really do know it hurts and I am sorry you are hurting right now. |
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Going purely off of your side of the story: If you asked him not to sleep with other women and he did so within 24hrs, it kind of says a lot about his level of respect for you...
Having a break is one thing, it gives you time to suss out what you want and to also see whether you're better together or apart - but it does obviously mean that breaking up is a possibility there. But to do the one thing you've asked him not to is hurtful and to me would be the end of that relationship there and then.
As has been said before, find a new hobby, keep busy and don't do anything (i.e revenge sex) while you're hurting that you could regret.
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Erm really torn on this one but will put my cynicism to one side for the time being.
You have taken a break from a relationship for a month so must be a reason why.I can only assume this would have been spoken about at the time and doubt any advice could be give. Without knowing the facts.
Again it's up to you to stay or go and only you know your true feelings |
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"Erm really torn on this one but will put my cynicism to one side for the time being.
You have taken a break from a relationship for a month so must be a reason why.I can only assume this would have been spoken about at the time and doubt any advice could be give. Without knowing the facts.
Again it's up to you to stay or go and only you know your true feelings "
he just came in from work and said he wants a break and is moving out because he is stressed i agreed and all i asked was that he didnt sleep with other people during this month apart then on sunday he rang me and told me what he had done as he wanted to be honest and begged me to come to his new place so i did all was fine and happy then tuesday nyt he came home and said he didnt want me but then late on he said he did and this morning before he went to work he said he loves me and wants to be with me
lots of mind games |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Erm really torn on this one but will put my cynicism to one side for the time being.
You have taken a break from a relationship for a month so must be a reason why.I can only assume this would have been spoken about at the time and doubt any advice could be give. Without knowing the facts.
Again it's up to you to stay or go and only you know your true feelings
he just came in from work and said he wants a break and is moving out because he is stressed i agreed and all i asked was that he didnt sleep with other people during this month apart then on sunday he rang me and told me what he had done as he wanted to be honest and begged me to come to his new place so i did all was fine and happy then tuesday nyt he came home and said he didnt want me but then late on he said he did and this morning before he went to work he said he loves me and wants to be with me
lots of mind games"
I feel for you as it's not a nice situation to be in. It does seem that he doesn't know what he wants at all. He does need time to decide what that is. However, if he slept with someone else within twenty four hours after you specifically asked him not to then it would be me making that decision for him. He'd be gone. |
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"I feel for you. Take the time and work out what you truly want. But if something doesnt feel right or you have any doubts about him, trust your instincts and walk away. Its a lesson I wish I'd learned a long time ago. Walk away instead of put up with months/years of heartache, having your feelings disregarded. Xx"
Have to agree with you entirely... I walked away after 24 years and the hardest decision i ever had to make but by god the best or i wouldn't have met one amazing man ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hi
just a question when your partner of over 2 and a half years asks for a break for a month
and then cheats within 24hrs of leaving you
should you cut all ties or wait out the month
please just need some unbiased opinons
so lost and confused
says he still loves me but...."
I would say he had every intention of having sex with this other woman and the only reason he asked you to go on a break is so he could have sex with her and feel like he hasn't cheated
If I had been with someone for 2 and a half years and he asked to go on a months break and fucked someone else within 24 hours that would be it for us, going on a break and spending time to think things out is one thing but being that disbothered about our relationship and where its going to the point he's shagging about within a day would to me mean he's don't care and its over
|
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"Erm really torn on this one but will put my cynicism to one side for the time being.
You have taken a break from a relationship for a month so must be a reason why.I can only assume this would have been spoken about at the time and doubt any advice could be give. Without knowing the facts.
Again it's up to you to stay or go and only you know your true feelings
he just came in from work and said he wants a break and is moving out because he is stressed i agreed and all i asked was that he didnt sleep with other people during this month apart then on sunday he rang me and told me what he had done as he wanted to be honest and begged me to come to his new place so i did all was fine and happy then tuesday nyt he came home and said he didnt want me but then late on he said he did and this morning before he went to work he said he loves me and wants to be with me
lots of mind games
I feel for you as it's not a nice situation to be in. It does seem that he doesn't know what he wants at all. He does need time to decide what that is. However, if he slept with someone else within twenty four hours after you specifically asked him not to then it would be me making that decision for him. He'd be gone."
he went to a party with people off here so it was more than one person e says he cant control it ive forgivin him in past for cheating when we wernt on here and i know he can control it because he has done for over 2 yrs |
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If you can't bring yourself to walk away (as, to be frank, he may very well be confused but these mixed messages are not fair on YOU), perhaps this "break" should also extend to your conversation/interaction until he or you knows what you want?
It'll be much easier to think without hope blowing hot and cold in your face, plus you might just find that YOU'RE happier without him and YOU don't want him back.x |
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"If you can't bring yourself to walk away (as, to be frank, he may very well be confused but these mixed messages are not fair on YOU), perhaps this "break" should also extend to your conversation/interaction until he or you knows what you want?
It'll be much easier to think without hope blowing hot and cold in your face, plus you might just find that YOU'RE happier without him and YOU don't want him back.x"
Yup, I agree with that - the situation sounds totally messed up to me. But to me it also sounds like 'Once a swinger always a swinger'. He didn't rush to some unspecified 'other woman', he went to a party and let rip. Sounds to me like he wants to be a swinger and you don't - and you have to choose hun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hi
just a question when your partner of over 2 and a half years asks for a break for a month
and then cheats within 24hrs of leaving you
should you cut all ties or wait out the month
please just need some unbiased opinons
so lost and confused
says he still loves me but...."
Cut it & run Honey. I did. He can't have his cake & eat someone else's. how would he feel if it was reversed. On a break is an excuse so he sees it as not cheating.
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with NaughtyNymphos that he had every intention of having sex with someone else and suggested the break in order to do this and not be accused of cheating ie the 'we were on a break when it happened'.
I am a cynic but all this 'I love you but let's leave it a month to sort out heads out' sounds like he wants to keep you on the side as a fallback. He's not doing much thinking about the state of your relationship if he's shagging within 24 hours is he.
It's a difficult time OP and I agree it's very hurtful, do what you feel is the best thing for you but try and keep realistic about him. Hope you feel better soon x |
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