FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > THE MONDAY DEBATE: Are Swinging partners 'Lovers'?
THE MONDAY DEBATE: Are Swinging partners 'Lovers'?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Interested in everyone's _iews on this.
Do you regard the people you meet, for sex as a Swinger, as 'Lovers'..???
Not going into what has prompted the question, or my _iews on it yet, but I am genuinely interested on what you all think.
Over to all of you...
ted. |
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"Interested in everyone's _iews on this.
Do you regard the people you meet, for sex as a Swinger, as 'Lovers'..???
Not going into what has prompted the question, or my _iews on it yet, but I am genuinely interested on what you all think.
Over to all of you...
ted."
Lovers, to me, implies some sort of relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interested in everyone's _iews on this.
Do you regard the people you meet, for sex as a Swinger, as 'Lovers'..???
Not going into what has prompted the question, or my _iews on it yet, but I am genuinely interested on what you all think.
Over to all of you...
ted.
Lovers, to me, implies some sort of relationship."
In what sense...??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no i dont think they are they are fb or fwb's. just friends really.
lovers are 2 people that have a loving all in emotionally involved relationship.
but then there will always be some people in the middle who are going from friends to lovers or vise versa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thinking depends on what happens on meets. If it's just sex the no but if it's meals and doing stuff around the house etc or if they are your only meet then yes I'd say lovers. "
I think I agree with this... But I don't think being lovers has anything to do with romantic love... |
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How about:
FB - a physical thing, scratching each others itch, having fun together, seeing each other brings a warm, and wet feeling.
Lover - the above plus there's a heart connection.
GF/BF/Couple Friends - can be either of the above, plus meeting more regularly, and even all enjoying some kind of exclusiveness.
FUB (Fucked up buddy) - when you stress when they haven't called you, feel pissed off when they've seen someone else, stalk them on FAB forums, "hey, guess what, I'm pregnant, we'll be so happy darling!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thinking depends on what happens on meets. If it's just sex the no but if it's meals and doing stuff around the house etc or if they are your only meet then yes I'd say lovers.
I think I agree with this... But I don't think being lovers has anything to do with romantic love..."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that if you meet someone on a near regular basis, maybe 6/7 or more times a year depending on how far away they live.
It's not the romantic implications that come into it, it's the fact that sex it becomes different, what i mean is that after a time you both get to know each others bodies and instead of straight sex becomes making love on a much slower and sensual way whether we see it that way or not.
If you see the word lover written in a veri this will be more the case and not because you have fallen head over heels in love, or marry or even wash their smalls!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Okay, time to chip in with my _iew... I learned a rather bitter lesson years ago about not mistaking loving 'behaviour' with someone actually being a 'lover'.
Waaaaay back, I was lucky enough to be taken on holiday (villa in the South of France no less!) by the wife of a couple I used to bump into on the party scene. I was 27 and she was 40-42ish, very good looking and any guy who was with her felt 'special'. The week we were there, we were like a 'couple' in every respect - and VERY nice it was too...
Then, we came back to Gatwick ... and reality. We were still fooling around like a couple of teenagers in baggage reclaim. Then we walked out into the arrivals hall where her husband was waiting. She ran straight to him, flung her arms around his neck, snogged his face off... and they walked off... She looked round once and just said 'Bye!' and that was that. Gutted? You bet I was. But what did I learn from that? A few things:- first, she and her hubby had a rock-solid relationship and NOTHING - not even the young fit and handsome (okay I can kid myself!) me was going to come between them. Second, it was ME who had got it wrong by mistaking loving 'behaviour' for being 'lovers' all that week I was away with her. I read signs wrong, got an unrealistic impression of the situation in my mind and - in short - I made a complete prat of myself.
But.... I also learned the difference between Recreational Sex and Loving Sex.
Those of you who have loyally followed ones comments in these forums (LARF!!) will know I use the term Recreational Sex frequently. That is what I have with people I swing with.
That does NOT mean that I treat them like a piece of meat however. I treat everyone with respect, give them attention, make them feel special (hopefully!) and make sure we BOTH have a good time. You might call that loving 'behaviour'. BUT... I know where the line is, and have found out what can happen when you step over that line - or just don't see it in the first place.
If I met someone through swinging who I developed feelings for, then that is a whole different ball game. To me, they would cease to be a swinging partner - they will have become a Lover. Beyond that, anyone either me or my then Lover met through swinging would be a Meet, and no more - and sex with those outside of us as lovers would be only recreational.
For me, I couldn't just _iew someone who is a regular/frequent meet as a 'lover' - there is a whole load more to it than just the number of times I have sex with them - feelings, emotions and loving sex rather than recreational being just a few of them.. |
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That's an interesting question - when is 'loving bahaviour' an expression of a true affection for a particular person rather than just a need to express a certain kind of behaviour within an nsa context. I do find it bizarre at times, hard to interpret - there are so many more types of 'relationship'(for want of a better word) possible and I am new to many. |
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And some people use such behaviour deliberately to deceive, I have experienced that recently. Luckily I felt the person was unsuitable for me so I was not drawn in, but I was still annoyed at being deceived. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And some people use such behaviour deliberately to deceive, I have experienced that recently. Luckily I felt the person was unsuitable for me so I was not drawn in, but I was still annoyed at being deceived."
In the example which happened to me, which I described above, the lady concerned did NOT set out to deceive me. I read the signs completely wrong - I mistook what was loving behaviour (or acting, if you prefer) for being the real thing, and it was a lesson I have never forgotten. |
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"And some people use such behaviour deliberately to deceive, I have experienced that recently. Luckily I felt the person was unsuitable for me so I was not drawn in, but I was still annoyed at being deceived.
In the example which happened to me, which I described above, the lady concerned did NOT set out to deceive me. I read the signs completely wrong - I mistook what was loving behaviour (or acting, if you prefer) for being the real thing, and it was a lesson I have never forgotten. "
OK, well, here's a contentious thought - do some seasoned swingers learn this kind of 'dis-associated loving behaviour' as a kind of swinging style? I think maybe they do from what I have experienced. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And some people use such behaviour deliberately to deceive, I have experienced that recently. Luckily I felt the person was unsuitable for me so I was not drawn in, but I was still annoyed at being deceived.
In the example which happened to me, which I described above, the lady concerned did NOT set out to deceive me. I read the signs completely wrong - I mistook what was loving behaviour (or acting, if you prefer) for being the real thing, and it was a lesson I have never forgotten.
OK, well, here's a contentious thought - do some seasoned swingers learn this kind of 'dis-associated loving behaviour' as a kind of swinging style? I think maybe they do from what I have experienced."
Yes, and I have seen it quite often. To some extent, I think I may do the same. It's very black and white for me, the line between fun, recreational sex and loving sex with an element (small or large) of exclusivity. |
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Yes, and I have seen it quite often. To some extent, I think I may do the same. It's very black and white for me, the line between fun, recreational sex and loving sex with an element (small or large) of exclusivity."
But I wonder how it can ever be black and white when there are so many shades of feeling between two people? Sometimes you only have to fancy someone for rewarding nsa, but if you find them very likeable too, then the edges start to blur for me.
I find it a fascinating subject, firstly because I am very into relational psychology as an intellectual pursuit, and secondly because I am exploring new (to me) forms of relationship. |
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For instance, being a naturally affectionate person expressing considerate kindness is behaving with integrity to me, but when does innocent 'play acting' eg 'like teenagers' become a form of acting that lacks integrity? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For instance, being a naturally affectionate person expressing considerate kindness is behaving with integrity to me, but when does innocent 'play acting' eg 'like teenagers' become a form of acting that lacks integrity?"
I think when it is done deliberately to deceive.. or is so false as to make the person on the receiving end question why they are spending time on or with 'the actor'.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And some people use such behaviour deliberately to deceive, I have experienced that recently. Luckily I felt the person was unsuitable for me so I was not drawn in, but I was still annoyed at being deceived."
I was drawn in, due to my own nievete and vulnerability at the time. Still recovering from the emotional fallout. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With my regular 'friend' is there a difference in saying: 'when we meet the love making is amazing' and 'we have amazing NSA sex'? Both are true and it's certainly NSA. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interested in everyone's _iews on this.
Do you regard the people you meet, for sex as a Swinger, as 'Lovers'..???
Not going into what has prompted the question, or my _iews on it yet, but I am genuinely interested on what you all think.
Over to all of you...
ted."
I suppose so yes
To me lover means someone your having a sexual relationship with but not in a relationship ie if your having an affair the person your seeing on the side is your lover, so I suppose someone you meet from a swinging site for sex would be your lover
Not sure if that's right that's just how I _iew a lover |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Interested in everyone's _iews on this.
Do you regard the people you meet, for sex as a Swinger, as 'Lovers'..???
Not going into what has prompted the question, or my _iews on it yet, but I am genuinely interested on what you all think.
Over to all of you...
ted.
I suppose so yes
To me lover means someone your having a sexual relationship with but not in a relationship ie if your having an affair the person your seeing on the side is your lover, so I suppose someone you meet from a swinging site for sex would be your lover
Not sure if that's right that's just how I _iew a lover "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Strange how lover means different things to people . To my a lover is more than a fb. as a fb I can have some feelings for them but not in the same way as a lover because the feelings would be stronger and could lead to more in time .....sounded better in my head lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Strange how lover means different things to people . To my a lover is more than a fb. as a fb I can have some feelings for them but not in the same way as a lover because the feelings would be stronger and could lead to more in time .....sounded better in my head lol "
To me, a lover is more than an FB, more than a FWB... but one down from a partner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For us there is a big difference between "Lovers" (whom you love) and "sex partners" (whom you don't). We recognise it is possible to go from sex partner to lover but it does not happen immediately.  |
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"To me "lovers" implies more than just a good fuck a few times.
Strong word to use imho."
Actually I think to me it implies more passion than love. In the old fashioned sense of one 'having an affair' or 'taking a lover' There may be infatuation and heady passion, and on a regular basis I would call such a person a lover without being truly 'in love' with them or even loving them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Which ever way it is looked at, it will always give you grief in the end.. So maybe it's a word that should never be used in swinging and only between two people that do not swing !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Which ever way it is looked at, it will always give you grief in the end.. So maybe it's a word that should never be used in swinging and only between two people that do not swing !!"
We don't swing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Which ever way it is looked at, it will always give you grief in the end.. So maybe it's a word that should never be used in swinging and only between two people that do not swing !!
We don't swing "
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
A very interesting thread - and I have been thinking about it since I saw it a few hours ago.
I think it may be possible to connect with somebody at physical and cerebral, even emotional level and this may feel as if the connection is one of making love rather than having sex.
That said I am perfectly capable of having just sex with somebody and having a wonderful time, becoming friends and even have social encounters... and yet I still would not call them lovers.
I guess it depends on each of our own unique experience of sex, friendships, relationships as well as our definition of sex and love. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That said I am perfectly capable of having just sex with somebody and having a wonderful time, becoming friends and even have social encounters... and yet I still would not call them lovers. "
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This thread came along at just the right time, I was wondering what relationship status to put on myself & mistress - would have posted from our couples profile but its not been on for 168 hrs yet haha - as its a new one to me. I thought maybe lovers, then I saw this thread & it kinda confirmed it for me. We are very good friends, we care a lot about each other, we do more than just fuck & the 'L' word has been tentatively used. We are not however - as far as we are concerned - in a relationship. So I'm thinking lovers. Any thoughts? |
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"This thread came along at just the right time, I was wondering what relationship status to put on myself & mistress - would have posted from our couples profile but its not been on for 168 hrs yet haha - as its a new one to me. I thought maybe lovers, then I saw this thread & it kinda confirmed it for me. We are very good friends, we care a lot about each other, we do more than just fuck & the 'L' word has been tentatively used. We are not however - as far as we are concerned - in a relationship. So I'm thinking lovers. Any thoughts? "
I would call that a relationship for sure, even FB's are a relationship of a kind, anything regular is by definition.
God what a pandoras box this one has turned out to be haha!! Thinking about it I never actually used the word lover about anyone - I've had boyfriends, fuckbuddys, one husband, and 'auditions' for all three, but never anyone I called a lover.
Now making love, that's easier I think - that just implies my emotional engagement. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Strange how lover means different things to people . To my a lover is more than a fb. as a fb I can have some feelings for them but not in the same way as a lover because the feelings would be stronger and could lead to more in time .....sounded better in my head lol
To me, a lover is more than an FB, more than a FWB... but one down from a partner"
I find all these gradients difficult to get my head around. I'll stick to just having sex with people I find interesting and friendly.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange how lover means different things to people . To my a lover is more than a fb. as a fb I can have some feelings for them but not in the same way as a lover because the feelings would be stronger and could lead to more in time .....sounded better in my head lol
To me, a lover is more than an FB, more than a FWB... but one down from a partner
I find all these gradients difficult to get my head around. I'll stick to just having sex with people I find interesting and friendly.
"
I agree. Why complicate such matters.  |
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