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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Would like peoples opinions on Open Marriages !
Has anyone experienced or are any of you living in an open marriage ... I don't mean a swinging one ... I mean one where .. You have fallen out of love and there is no intimacy in your relationship, but you get on ok.. More like flat mates, but because of finances and kids you stay in the same house, have separate rooms but still live as a family, both having your own personal life. What do you think, can this work or is it to hard for the kids to get there head around? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In theory sounds ok but if there are children in the household I'd say be very careful about what kind of messages this may send to them. Otherwise, it's worth a try! Z"
Thank you xx they are teens not really young... But this is my worry ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard for everyone to get their heads round. Kids are not stupid or blind however I'm sure most kids would prefer having both parents under one roof, albeit not sleeping together. As long as you are not at each others throats constantly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would like peoples opinions on Open Marriages !
Has anyone experienced or are any of you living in an open marriage ... I don't mean a swinging one ... I mean one where .. You have fallen out of love and there is no intimacy in your relationship, but you get on ok.. More like flat mates, but because of finances and kids you stay in the same house, have separate rooms but still live as a family, both having your own personal life. What do you think, can this work or is it to hard for the kids to get there head around? "
Is this an open marriage? I always thought it was where either party were still in a relationship but could see other people on their own with the others approval but not participation |
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"Would like peoples opinions on Open Marriages !
Has anyone experienced or are any of you living in an open marriage ... I don't mean a swinging one ... I mean one where .. You have fallen out of love and there is no intimacy in your relationship, but you get on ok.. More like flat mates, but because of finances and kids you stay in the same house, have separate rooms but still live as a family, both having your own personal life. What do you think, can this work or is it to hard for the kids to get there head around? "
I was the third person as it were in an open marriage. His wife knew all about me, it was her idea to have that type of marriage. There were kids on both sides but all adults so not around. Still, had there been younger children I think it would have been much more difficult! I finished it after eight years  |
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Hmm sounds like us in all ways except if you are talking about sex being the open part of a marriage.
we havent spoken about sex in 20 plus years only go out together to visit the kids. We do have separate interests and friends.
If we were able to talk about it I would love to give him the chance and be given the chance to meet other people. Unfortunately its not happened up to now and doubt it will.
The problem of course is I dont want to swing I would prefer a more regular someone. Then the chance is that feelings may take over,if they do the marriage would be over properly I wouldnt want to live with someone I disliked. pretty much catch 22 really.
I do read profiles of some married people here it seems to work for. No way could I have men visit if he was here. I spose I think that disrespectful as it would be the other way round.
Guess I will just stick to Forums and perve quietly.  |
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"Would like peoples opinions on Open Marriages !
Has anyone experienced or are any of you living in an open marriage ... I don't mean a swinging one ... I mean one where .. You have fallen out of love and there is no intimacy in your relationship, but you get on ok.. More like flat mates, but because of finances and kids you stay in the same house, have separate rooms but still live as a family, both having your own personal life. What do you think, can this work or is it to hard for the kids to get there head around?
Is this an open marriage? I always thought it was where either party were still in a relationship but could see other people on their own with the others approval but not participation "
My thoughts exactly. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok so what I have called it is irrelevant really ! My mistake ! What I want to know is has anyone tried this and regretted it ? Or can it work?
Neither of us would bring others into the house ... Just not ask where and who we were out with. And kids are late teens... And all talks are frank and honest |
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By *adyA01Woman
over a year ago
Wellington |
My situation was exactly that OP when my hubby and I decided to separate. We had separate rooms and lived our own lives, kids thought I slept in another room due to dads snoring. We both saw other people but didn't bring anyone back. We I'd this for a year and then he moved out. We are now getting divorced |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hm. Tricky one. I'd have thought even this approach would lose its shine after you start living increasingly separate lives, surely you'd want your own space... *shrug * at the end of the day.. Whatever works best.. You guys are the experts in your own relationship!
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well, not quite the same, but I have permission to play from my wife. We are still in love (13 years, 11 married) and have a good sex life.
About 5 years ago, your situation could have been us. We did manage to work things out. We then tried swinging as a couple, we met couples socially, visited some clubs, we never played with anyone though.
She decided it wasn't for her which I had to accept. She then suggested that I play on my own. To cut a long story short, she's happy for me to go anywhere as long as she knows where I'm going (security, she worries bless).
I have known a couple to try what your suggesting though & it wasn't the best. Both were quite bitter towards each other most of the time.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hm. Tricky one. I'd have thought even this approach would lose its shine after you start living increasingly separate lives, surely you'd want your own space... *shrug * at the end of the day.. Whatever works best.. You guys are the experts in your own relationship!
Good luck! "
I would love my own space ... But I am the one who would have the kids ... He would have to lodge somewhere and leave everything ! He said he would rather sleep in the shed than leave !!! I would have so much guilt! Making him go! He would carry on as we are if he could !! But I need more !! He has had a year to change !!! But nothing ! He has never taken me out in the 25 years we have been together! There is no affection ! When my kids were small it was ok I did not need it ! But I have changed ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I would love my own space ... But I am the one who would have the kids ... He would have to lodge somewhere and leave everything ! He said he would rather sleep in the shed than leave !!! I would have so much guilt! Making him go! He would carry on as we are if he could !! But I need more !! He has had a year to change !!! But nothing ! He has never taken me out in the 25 years we have been together! There is no affection ! When my kids were small it was ok I did not need it ! But I have changed ! "
Well, ultimately you both need to do what is in the long term best interests for each of you. If those interests are completely different then sticking together as a "default" option while easier in some ways, would logically result in you wondering "what if.." later down the line, I'd have thought.
Maybe it's helpful to pose the problem ss "what's more expensive.. Doing nothing and maintaining status quo, or to invoke change and handle the upheaval that brings"
Not looking to over simplify what you've said, but this is something I use to work out what the problem I'm trying to solve actually is. Maybe it's useful to you too?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Would like peoples opinions on Open Marriages !
Has anyone experienced or are any of you living in an open marriage ... I don't mean a swinging one ... I mean one where .. You have fallen out of love and there is no intimacy in your relationship, but you get on ok.. More like flat mates, but because of finances and kids you stay in the same house, have separate rooms but still live as a family, both having your own personal life. What do you think, can this work or is it to hard for the kids to get there head around? "
it may be easy, but may stop you moving on and finding happiness, It would be difficult for anyone new coming in, for either of you. You cant fix a broken cup. let go, move on. |
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