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By *o-j OP Couple
over a year ago
Outskirts of Notts |
A man rings the RSPCA and said " I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and 4 cubs "
" Thats terrible " she replies " are they moving ? "
" I'm not sure to be honest , but that would explain the suitcase " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two women were bemoaning the state of the Health Service. One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman. "What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. "It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, 'Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'"
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By *obbygggMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Two women were bemoaning the state of the Health Service. One said, "Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?"
"That's appalling," said the other woman. "What a terrible way to treat someone of that age."
"I know," said the first woman. "It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, 'Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'"
"
Classic. Thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?""
Lol brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man rings the RSPCA and said " I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and 4 cubs "
" Thats terrible " she replies " are they moving ? "
" I'm not sure to be honest , but that would explain the suitcase ""
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an lawyer and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring." As the Lawyer was drinking his Martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet." As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"  |
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An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "? |
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So after invading Iraq to find non-existent weapons of mass destruction, then Afghanistan to find a terrorist that was at home in Pakistan all along... we are now planning to invade Syria to stop them using the weapons we sold them...
Sounds about right actually. I don't get what oil the fuss is about. |
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